Workplace Rudeness

[8circles]

Why can't you just ask the HR person like an adult talks to another adult when they aren't clear on the rules? Hey HR person, last week when we were at the meeting it seemed like nobody was allowed to order additional food & I know that I've done that in the past. Is that not allowed anymore? Then the HR person will answer you & you say thanks.

[Stacy in NJ]

being offended and being offended can be so satisfying. :001_smile:

 

Why can't you just ask the HR person like an adult talks to another adult when they aren't clear on the rules? Hey HR person, last week when we were at the meeting it seemed like nobody was allowed to order additional food & I know that I've done that in the past. Is that not allowed anymore? Then the HR person will answer you & you say thanks.

[asta]

being offended and being offended can be so satisfying. :001_smile:

 

: snort :

[Aelwydd]

Why can't you just ask the HR person like an adult talks to another adult when they aren't clear on the rules? Hey HR person, last week when we were at the meeting it seemed like nobody was allowed to order additional food & I know that I've done that in the past. Is that not allowed anymore? Then the HR person will answer you & you say thanks.

 

Because, as I've tried to explain before, it wasn't between me and the HR manager, so I didn't feel comfortable saying something that might bounce back on my friend in a negative way.

[8circles]

Because, as I've tried to explain before, it wasn't between me and the HR manager, so I didn't feel comfortable saying something that might bounce back on my friend in a negative way.

 

My point is that this doesn't even have to be a "thing". How is asking an honest question about acceptable food ordering during the meetings anything controversial? How in the world would asking about that bounce back as a negative on your friend? You need not mention your friend, you need not mention any special diet, you need not mention any head-shaking. If there is a proper procedure or proper ettiquette at this company (new, old, or otherwise) regarding food at meetings then this is relevant to all employees, not just your friend.

[Aelwydd]

Didn't your first post ask if people thought the manager was being rude? I see it's been edited now, but I thought that was part of your original question.

 

No, it wasn't. As I've stated multiple times now on this thread. I edited it out two words in my OP, and that's it. Which did nothing to alter or change what I asked for.

 

I think it's bordering on comical that you are so perturbed about this perceived slight to your friend that you're going to speak to management on her behalf.[/Quote]I do find it comical that I'm being chastised on one hand for not going to say something, and on the other, for getting involved.

 

In any case, I'm not sure whose posts you were reading, because I've said like four or five times at least, that I didn't feel comfortable confronting the HR manager. Maybe you could quote the post where I said I had planned to speak to management on her behalf?

 

What I wouldn't do, is make a fuss at the table, gripe about my manager with co-workers afterward, or expect others to solve my issues for me.

I did not make any comment at all at the table. I talked with my friend about what happened, in private, afterward. I came here to ask for advice about how to handle it.

 

But, thank you for your kind comments. I definitely don't plan to ask anymore advice here, since whatever questions I ask will likely be ignored, in favor of people telling me a, what I saw, b, why I shared it, c, why I am wrong to share or vent about it here.

 

I have seen countless posts on WTM by others venting and asking advice. I'm not sure why mine is not allowed, but I agree with you that it was mostly a waste of time to share.

 

As for the new question in the edited post, how to deal with the manager, my advice is to stop giving her the evil eye and pretend all this ridiculousness never happened.

That's not a problem anymore, since yesterday afternoon my department manager approached me, and asked me about a certain meeting. I told him what I saw, and asked him if Z had spoken up. He told me that he'd spoken with Z already, but no, she wasn't the one who brought it up. Another employee in the meeting had complained. My manager apologized for what happened, and said that what happened was absolutely unacceptable, and that it would be addressed in a meeting later yesterday between the HR person and the other managers.

 

This morning, I found out the HR manager is on a 2 day leave of absence from the office (probably unpaid, I didn't ask). I'm guessing she's on probationary status, though I don't know for sure.

 

I'm really glad that the complaint came from another employee who wasn't Z, or myself (since I'm her friend, and would seem biased). I don't know who for sure spoke up, but if I find out, I'm going to thank them.

[Aelwydd]

My point is that this doesn't even have to be a "thing". How is asking an honest question about acceptable food ordering during the meetings anything controversial? How in the world would asking about that bounce back as a negative on your friend? You need not mention your friend, you need not mention any special diet, you need not mention any head-shaking. If there is a proper procedure or proper ettiquette at this company (new, old, or otherwise) regarding food at meetings then this is relevant to all employees, not just your friend.

 

Well, as I just shared an update in my last post, this is fairly irrelevant now anyway. But, I didn't bring it up because to have asked that question, would have meant to invite the manager to inquire why I asked in the first place.

 

Which seemed to me just a passive aggressive way to insert myself into the situation and possibly cause Z problems. I don't know that that's what would have happened, but that was my concern anyway.

Edited October 7, 2011 by Aelwydd

[Aelwydd]

being offended and being offended can be so satisfying. :001_smile:

 

I don't find being offended, or anything, about this situation satisfying. I find it stressful and upsetting.

[kitten18]

 

That's not a problem anymore, since yesterday afternoon my department manager approached me, and asked me about a certain meeting. I told him what I saw, and asked him if Z had spoken up. He told me that he'd spoken with Z already, but no, she wasn't the one who brought it up. Another employee in the meeting had complained. My manager apologized for what happened, and said that what happened was absolutely unacceptable, and that it would be addressed in a meeting later yesterday between the HR person and the other managers.

 

This morning, I found out the HR manager is on a 2 day leave of absence from the office (probably unpaid, I didn't ask). I'm guessing she's on probationary status, though I don't know for sure.

 

I'm really glad that the complaint came from another employee who wasn't Z, or myself (since I'm her friend, and would seem biased). I don't know who for sure spoke up, but if I find out, I'm going to thank them.

That's great! I agree with you, the whole thing sounded really screwed up.

[5of5]

This morning, I found out the HR manager is on a 2 day leave of absence from the office (probably unpaid, I didn't ask).

 

Thanks for the update. I'm glad that something was done.

[elegantlion]

No, it wasn't. As I've stated multiple times now on this thread. I edited it out two words in my OP, and that's it. Which did nothing to alter or change what I asked for.

 

I do find it comical that I'm being chastised on one hand for not going to say something, and on the other, for getting involved.

 

In any case, I'm not sure whose posts you were reading, because I've said like four or five times at least, that I didn't feel comfortable confronting the HR manager. Maybe you could quote the post where I said I had planned to speak to management on her behalf?

 

I did not make any comment at all at the table. I talked with my friend about what happened, in private, afterward. I came here to ask for advice about how to handle it.

 

But, thank you for your kind comments. I definitely don't plan to ask anymore advice here, since whatever questions I ask will likely be ignored, in favor of people telling me a, what I saw, b, why I shared it, c, why I am wrong to share or vent about it here.

 

I have seen countless posts on WTM by others venting and asking advice. I'm not sure why mine is not allowed, but I agree with you that it was mostly a waste of time to share.

 

That's not a problem anymore, since yesterday afternoon my department manager approached me, and asked me about a certain meeting. I told him what I saw, and asked him if Z had spoken up. He told me that he'd spoken with Z already, but no, she wasn't the one who brought it up. Another employee in the meeting had complained. My manager apologized for what happened, and said that what happened was absolutely unacceptable, and that it would be addressed in a meeting later yesterday between the HR person and the other managers.

 

This morning, I found out the HR manager is on a 2 day leave of absence from the office (probably unpaid, I didn't ask). I'm guessing she's on probationary status, though I don't know for sure.

 

I'm really glad that the complaint came from another employee who wasn't Z, or myself (since I'm her friend, and would seem biased). I don't know who for sure spoke up, but if I find out, I'm going to thank them.

 

Thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear they took the concern seriously.

[lexi]

ETA: I've seen and heard of people doing a lot worse for people with life threatening food allergies.

 

:iagree: While I do think it was insensitive to not try to accommodate her dietary needs, I can speak with some experience, as the parent of an extremely food allergic child, and tell you that people are EXTREMELY insensitive. Many do not take it seriously and do not even attempt to make allowances for the allergic individual. Others are simply so ignorant regarding food and allergies they wouldn't even know what to do. We deal with this type situation every day and it is annoying! :glare:

 

That being said, it is impossible to try to accommodate every person's dietary needs all the time. I really don't expect people to do too much for us other than simply be understanding.

 

So, we run in to this attitude every where we go but I try to be gracious. I don't think it would be out of place to have a talk with someone in the HR about how to handle these situations in the future. But, if it didn't bother your friend I might just let her be the one to speak up if she feels like she needs to. And we've learned that we ALWAYS bring our own food even if prior arrangements have been made because you just never know....

[asta]

No, it wasn't. As I've stated multiple times now on this thread. I edited it out two words in my OP, and that's it. Which did nothing to alter or change what I asked for.

 

I do find it comical that I'm being chastised on one hand for not going to say something, and on the other, for getting involved.

 

[...]

 

But, thank you for your kind comments. I definitely don't plan to ask anymore advice here, since whatever questions I ask will likely be ignored, in favor of people telling me a, what I saw, b, why I shared it, c, why I am wrong to share or vent about it here.

 

I have seen countless posts on WTM by others venting and asking advice. I'm not sure why mine is not allowed, but I agree with you that it was mostly a waste of time to share.

 

 

In my experience on other boards, people don't generally respond negatively to people sharing events / asking for advice / venting.

 

They respond negatively to posters eeking out information over a series of posts within a thread and / or requiring several posts to 'clarify' their original position in order for readers to understand the situation.

 

As internet chat boards do not have inflection (as does speech), it is, by design, an imperfect medium for communication.

 

 

asta

[Cheryl in NM]

So please help me :chillpill: and figure out a way to deal with this woman without showing how much I dislike her.

 

Maybe you could quote the post where I said I had planned to speak to management on her behalf?

 

I did not make any comment at all at the table. I talked with my friend about what happened, in private, afterward. I came here to ask for advice about how to handle it.

 

In your own words...

 

But, thank you for your kind comments. I definitely don't plan to ask anymore advice here, since whatever questions I ask will likely be ignored, in favor of people telling me a, what I saw, b, why I shared it, c, why I am wrong to share or vent about it here.

 

I have seen countless posts on WTM by others venting and asking advice. I'm not sure why mine is not allowed, but I agree with you that it was mostly a waste of time to share.

 

No one said yours wasn't allowed. Posters just were offering alternative explanations for the situation you presented as well as their opinion. Based on the above, I am not sure really what you wanted from us except jawm. Then you were mad when we didn't.