newsong Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 What are your if/then consequences for your teens when they talk disrespectfully to you or they are mean to younger sibs? Needing more on-the-spot consistency in my response and wanting some fresh ideas as I re-boot and purpose to follow through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 :bigear: I don't have teens yet, but my 11yo is acting up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 :bigear: I don't have teens yet, but my 11yo is acting up. Same here! :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Family members are often a bit looser with one another than people would be with others. However, the simple solution is to be direct about setting and keeping boundaries. So really, responding to your 16yr old isn't much different than responding to your sister. "I don't like to be spoken to that way" or "You may not use that tone with me" or "Please come talk when you can be respectful." Assuming you have taught them, probably when they were 2, 5, 8yrs old how to broach issues appropriately, it is fine to simply walk away with a short saying about the boundary. If you neglected to do the teaching, you might give them a month or so of direct teaching such as restating them correctly and having them repeat or saying something like "try again," "do over," or "take two (as in seconds" so they can try restating correctly. Most teens are capable of figuring it out; but I wouldn't have any issue treating them as if they were three if they were acting three and I felt they needed a reminder on how to state themselves. Mean to siblings has a logical consequence. First, I would require they either say, "I was wrong for...." or "I'm sorry for..." - whichever is true. Second, they can make amends. Third, they can do something extra nice for their siblings. If they are having a real issue with this, I would suggest requiring them to "bless" their sibling daily. They can come up with something nice to do with or for them. Teens can come up with some great ideas to make this work :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhudson Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Mine lose the privilege of spending time with their friends. If they can't be kind to the family then they obviously need to spend time with us, cause we are great. Losing computer/tv time is also an acceptable discipline. I have also have had them go to bed early since they clearly need more sleep as they are grumpy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livingnlearning Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 "bring me the xbox controller" is my typical response. then he goes to his room until I'm willing to deal with him again. I keep the controller as long as I want, no rules or presets on how long or short. Keep it simple. We had a blow out here a few weeks ago where he was being really really bad to his younger sister and I pulled ALL of his fun stuff and assigned him extra chores for a week. I made him go to his room when the rest of the family watched tv. He missed everything. But he was a peach the whole time, took it on the chin and changed his evil ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Mostly it never gets to the consequences stage. Every single time there is something disrespectful coming out of his mouth I will look at him in shock and will say "What did you say?" He starts back-peddling immediately. If he didn't then he would be doing extra chores. I do hear some snark and meanness toward his sister at times and again I stop it right away. Mostly it is by saying, "You may not talk to your sister like that." Again, the expectation is that the behavior will stop immediately. If it doesn't then he is helping me (tomato staking). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newsong Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Thanks for the thoughts and ideas. What I don't want to do is waffle any more. We got off track and my inconsistency has made it worse. So I need to come back, have those if/thens in place, follow through each and every time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessed3x Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 This is an excellent book. I highly recommend it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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