nono Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 In Heather's thread, she mentioned that one of her friends commented on FB that at least she had a vacation. The commenter was experiencing bad financial straits. So, my dh was laid off last month. We're cutting our budget to the bone right now. Why should this have an effect on any of our friends' spending? Just because we're experiencing the problem, why should others not go on living and spending as much as they can comfortably afford? I'm very :confused: at this notion. It seems like a call for a mass financial suicide, which doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun. :001_huh: Can someone explain this thinking to me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Well, I think comments like that come from a place of pain. I didn't share for a long time about our lives because of comments like that, but then I realized they had little to do with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 I can see and understand that in a forum like this, where everyone doesn't know each other, but a genuine, IRL friend? I guess that's the part I don't get. Everyone has their tough times. I would think that the commenter would be close enough to know some of his/her friend's trials and tribulations. I bet that's what's throwing me off here. Maybe the person is in such pain they have forgotten the friend's life is not perfect either? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I can see and understand that in a forum like this, where everyone doesn't know each other, but a genuine, IRL friend? I guess that's the part I don't get. Everyone has their tough times. I would think that the commenter would be close enough to know some of his/her friend's trials and tribulations. I bet that's what's throwing me off here. Maybe the person is in such pain they have forgotten the friend's life is not perfect either? I think people do forget that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Honestly? I feel guilty. I feel guilty that, though we have been there, we have come out ahead. I feel guilty that we can afford nice things when so many others are struggling. I got a new (to us) car in April. I didn't tell people because I didn't want to look like I was bragging. I grew up without money. My Dad was laid off more times than I can count. I get it. I also know how I felt when it seemed like everyone around me was prospering. I would hate, HATE, to make anyone feel like I have felt. So I don't share much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Honestly? I feel guilty. I feel guilty that, though we have been there, we have come out ahead. I feel guilty that we can afford nice things when so many others are struggling. I got a new (to us) car in April. I didn't tell people because I didn't want to look like I was bragging. I grew up without money. My Dad was laid off more times than I can count. I get it. I also know how I felt when it seemed like everyone around me was prospering. I would hate, HATE, to make anyone feel like I have felt. So I don't share much. I feel guilty, too. And I get sick of feeling guilty because I really have nothing to feel guilty about. I was raised in a pigeon coop of a house and when I was a kid I hated how I felt when others prospered, too, but I realized that was MY problem, not theirs. Good luck with the car! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I don't think that that was the problem. I think that it sounded to that friend as if Heather was complaining about her vacation being too short, and her friend was mad because she has such worse problems than that. And I do get that. It's the whole "Oh that is such a First World Problem" syndrome. I hope to always be the kind of friend who is happy for my friends' good fortunes, but it's not always easy if someone with good fortune is always complaining. Heather doesn't do that, but some people do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 In Heather's thread, she mentioned that one of her friends commented on FB that at least she had a vacation. The commenter was experiencing bad financial straits. So, my dh was laid off last month. We're cutting our budget to the bone right now. Why should this have an effect on any of our friends' spending? Just because we're experiencing the problem, why should others not go on living and spending as much as they can comfortably afford? I'm very :confused: at this notion. It seems like a call for a mass financial suicide, which doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun. :001_huh: Can someone explain this thinking to me? I don't think anyone thinks that others shouldn't spend what they can/like to. I don't think that has anything to do with it. I shared my own experience on that in the thread here: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3019675#poststop Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I don't think that that was the problem. I think that it sounded to that friend as if Heather was complaining about her vacation being too short, and her friend was mad because she has such worse problems than that. And I do get that. It's the whole "Oh that is such a First World Problem" syndrome. Maybe the person was trying to point out priorities and that we can get upset about things while forgetting the good and being grateful for what we do have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Maybe the person was trying to point out priorities and that we can get upset about things while forgetting the good and being grateful for what we do have. Ahuh. Are you suggesting being patronizing would be an improvement?:001_huh: Pretty much anyone on this board complaining about finances could then rightly be told the same compared to over half the world's population. But I wouldn't do that either. Bc being happy or sad or frustrated is not necessarily a reflection of lacking appreciation for what they have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Ahuh. Bc being happy or sad or frustrated is not necessarily a reflection of lacking appreciation for what they have. You know, thanks for saying that. I have to remind myself of that. I'm the type of person who always tries to remind myself to be grateful for what I do have and that things could be worse. I do it to try and make myself feel better. Doesn't always work. Maybe I need to realize that it's ok to feel upset at times. You have an excellent point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) I don't think that that was the problem. I think that it sounded to that friend as if Heather was complaining about her vacation being too short, and her friend was mad because she has such worse problems than that. Ah. See, I didn't take it literally that she really was complaining about it being too short. I thought it was simply an expression of how much fun the family had, that they didn't want it to end. That's a common way of talking around here. And so yeah, if it was literal, then that could feel like salt in a wound. P.S. I was also very tired while reading it, so take everything with a grain of salt. When I get tired, clearly my blood stops going to my brain first! Edited August 9, 2011 by nono Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I can see and understand that in a forum like this, where everyone doesn't know each other, but a genuine, IRL friend? I guess that's the part I don't get. Everyone has their tough times. I would think that the commenter would be close enough to know some of his/her friend's trials and tribulations. I bet that's what's throwing me off here. Maybe the person is in such pain they have forgotten the friend's life is not perfect either? I think it's a FB thing. People get stupid online and assume the online aspect means they can say things on FB they would never dream of saying IRL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmulcahy Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 You know, thanks for saying that. I have to remind myself of that. I'm the type of person who always tries to remind myself to be grateful for what I do have and that things could be worse. I do it to try and make myself feel better. Doesn't always work. Maybe I need to realize that it's ok to feel upset at times. You have an excellent point. What a humble way to accept the other point of view....so cool. I have a friend who is WAY better off than me financially. Her latest issue is that the very extensive remodel on her gorgeous home is stressful. I have heard others make sarcastic comments about how they would love to have her problems. That makes me sad for her. She is a great lady. I am happy for her financial status...maybe a little jealous...but not angry jealous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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