cottonmama Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 My sister's in-laws are Korean, and they are thankfully 100% on-board with homeschooling. BUT because they are totally on-board, they also want to be super-involved, and her FIL periodically sends her his curriculum discoveries... and they're usually not very classical/CM friendly. Those of you with Asian family know that contradicting your elders has to be done with a certain amount of care. Have any of you dealt with this? How do you give concerned "tiger grandparents" confidence in something that is so different from traditional school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Wow, tell them you like Asian Math :) Ask what they have in that area. Show them the Ancient History that you're going to study (or do?) and ask if they have specific Korean History that they'd like to share. Customs and such are fun! ;) We had a Korean family at our group last year, and they did some presentations for us. Perhaps some exploring of what they know, instead of just the curriculum. For curriculum, I would just say "Thanks" and go from there. I would start to show them all the catalogues that you have about homeschooling :) All the books that they might want to read with you. Perhaps by offering to "share" you'll alleviate their concern that it's hard to find materials :) Especially send the catalogues with toys that are education for your children ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Move a few hundred miles away....:auto: Seriously, I'm just assertive (but kind) and blame it on my American individualism (if she can do it, so can I :tongue_smilie:) and where it's too dangerous to be assertive, I send dh to do the dirty work...it's his parent's. But really, my IL's have (mostly) healthy boundaries, and it hasn't been a problem yet (on the HS front). I would thank them for the materials/advice, and (maybe) try some of it, and go on about doing what you do.;) ETA: brag on what you are doing well...fill up the conversation time with those things in order to prevent the conversation going the other way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Send them a copy of TWTM so they can understand where you're coming from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 How about, "I would love if you could point me towards some materials to help my children understand your culture and family history. Could you take some time to gather some pictures and stories for them? I want to include family heritage in our schooling." I don't homeschool, but I do have Asian in-laws. They really just want to make sure their culture is included in my children's lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Use the items as enrichment? I don't really see a big problem here. Just a big hearty THANK YOU. It truly is a blessing to have ILs on one's side. Maybe this will help your dsis. I write my MIL a report at the end of each school session to let her know how things are going. She never requested it. I just did it, because I know she'd be interested. She was tickled pink. She loves to be able to go on with her friends about how her grandchildren are doing, and my little summary gives her concrete things about which to talk. :) And yes, my ILs are Chinese. In fact, my dh, dd and ds were all foreign-born too. So we're like super-foreign. ;) (It's actually scary that I'm the only one in my family able to become president). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I just tell my Filipino ILs thank you for everything and then use/don't use things at my own discretion. As to materials, my ILs are mainly concerned about rigor. My classical curriculum meets that standard. As first generation immigrants they are also concerned about their kids and grandkids being able to pursue the American dream. That was their biggest fear - this American DIL messing up their grandkids' chance at the American dream. Part of that American Dream is being "hyper American" in dress, culture etc. Sorry - that's not a dream but a nightmare to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cottonmama Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 I forgot to say this earlier, but my sister is not yet homeschooling (my niece is still 2yo), so the discussions are "what you should use" rather than "can you add this in." My sister is planning to write a series of blog posts about their homeschool plans, with FIL in mind. I'm mostly posting here because I know some of you have BTDT experience on working with enthusiastic -- but also insistent -- in-laws. The problem is that her FIL tends to be interested in "school-in-a-box" type curricula. And more than that, I think the in-laws are expecting homeschool to look like "school at home" (or, rather, "a Korean school at home"). I really think they could be AMAZING hs grandparents, but right now they're pulling towards the only thing they know, and away from the kind of excellent education I know my sister will give. I'm sure they'll love it once they see it in action, but they're not quite there yet. :-) Anyway, thanks for all your ideas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I'm married to a Korean man. You could write a Country-Western song about all the things we've been thru in our bi-racial marriage. ;) You're right, they DO like public-school-at-home homeschooling. My in-laws actually thought that a ps teacher came to our house once a week to make sure we were doing what we were supposed to do. My in-laws don't know what classical schooling is...or who Charlotte Mason was...etc. So, there's no way I could have a conversation with my in-laws at that depth. Not only do they just not know what it is, but there's a huge language barrier (in our family). My in-laws also don't know how to use a computer/internet, etc. Maybe once your sister starts homeschooling, her in-laws will relax. All I can say to your sister is Cheers! :cheers2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Send them a copy of TWTM so they can understand where you're coming from? :iagree: This was my first thought. Share what your philosophy and goals are and ask for their help specifically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I just tell my Filipino ILs thank you for everything and then use/don't use things at my own discretion. As to materials, my ILs are mainly concerned about rigor. My classical curriculum meets that standard. As first generation immigrants they are also concerned about their kids and grandkids being able to pursue the American dream. That was their biggest fear - this American DIL messing up their grandkids' chance at the American dream. Part of that American Dream is being "hyper American" in dress, culture etc. Sorry - that's not a dream but a nightmare to me! This is also how my Filipino SIL handles everything. She smiles, pretends it's the greatest thing in the world, nods her head, and then stashes it somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 This is also how my Filipino SIL handles everything. She smiles, pretends it's the greatest thing in the world, nods her head, and then stashes it somewhere. To do otherwise would just invite all sorts of grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest twentyoneeight Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 My mother-in-law was Korean (she passed away several years ago from breast cancer), but I know what you mean by hyper-involved. I am not a confrontational person but I had to confront her on a few things when my husband and I had children. She would not have liked my decision to homeschool and I'm not sure she liked many of my decisions, but I learned, out of respect, to ask her opinion and then do what I needed to do for my family. If there was a problem I usually let my husband talk to her about it, and let her know that we had made this decision together and were very confident in what we were doing whether she agreed or not. She got to where she would let us know her opinion and whether she believed our decisions were good or not she left us alone after that. I think the best thing to do is just be firm about the decisions you make about curriculum and then just take the advice and involvement that is good and be appreciative and (I hate to put it this way) ignore the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I forgot to say this earlier, but my sister is not yet homeschooling (my niece is still 2yo), so the discussions are "what you should use" rather than "can you add this in." My sister is planning to write a series of blog posts about their homeschool plans, with FIL in mind. I'm mostly posting here because I know some of you have BTDT experience on working with enthusiastic -- but also insistent -- in-laws. The problem is that her FIL tends to be interested in "school-in-a-box" type curricula. And more than that, I think the in-laws are expecting homeschool to look like "school at home" (or, rather, "a Korean school at home"). I really think they could be AMAZING hs grandparents, but right now they're pulling towards the only thing they know, and away from the kind of excellent education I know my sister will give. I'm sure they'll love it once they see it in action, but they're not quite there yet. :-) Anyway, thanks for all your ideas! I see 2 issues to address here. #1 - The boundary between parent/grandparent needs to be drawn...gently. No one in that family is going to be happy unless this happens. #2 - Send a copy of TWTM.:iagree: Don't tell FIL that this is what we are doing. Ask him what he thinks of SWB's thoughts on writing and history...start a conversation. (He will either provide a good place to bounce ideas, back way off b/c he sees that she's thinking farther ahead (and deeper) than he was, or prove that stricter boundaries need to be made. Either way, don't commit to doing things TWTM way...decisions are made at the parent's discretion.) It's somewhat easier for me b/c I have a piece of paper (bach degree) that says I know how to teach. That formality communicates something that they don't question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 To do otherwise would just invite all sorts of grief. Eh, it caused all sorts of grief between her and I, because I'm an overly honest person and any bit of "deception" (perceived or otherwise) drove me batty. I've chilled out a bit, but she doesn't know how to respond any other way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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