Anyone else homeschooling an only child? (scheduling Q's)

[Greta]

I've been reading the threads and linked articles about scheduling and planning. I've been feeling that for third grade this fall, I really need to buckle down and make our school more structured (and hopefully more effective and efficient) than the put something together 5 minutes before we start method that I'm using right now. Take this week, for example. We did school on Monday, had something unexpected come up on Tuesday, overscheduled our Wednesday, and now on Thursday we're finally doing school again (for which I have no plan). This is not good!

 

It SHOULD be simple to plan a schedule when you only have one kid to teach, right? So why do I feel so overwhelmed and scattered? Why is it these moms with 5 kids have their acts together and I'm barely staying afloat?!?

 

One thing that I think is different is that out of necessity moms with multiple kids have those kids doing a lot more independent work than my dd does. The school work we do right now is all very interactive, there's nothing that I just hand her and say "here, do this." We work on it all together. I *think* this is a good thing, but I wonder if for the sake of our schedule and for the sake of her developing the ability to work independently if this should be changing yet? So far, she's been rather resistant to my efforts to introduce independent work. I thought it would come with age and maturity.

 

Well, this is my long-winded way of asking, for you other Moms of only-children out there, what does your typical day look like? How much planning and scheduling in advance do you do?

 

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts,

[sweetTN]

I just finished up our first year of hs'ing my dd (3rd grade). I am some what of a control nut, so probably go in the opposite direction from you:001_smile:

I look at my curriculum and get a general idea of how many assignments need to be done weekly in order to finish by the end of the year, then use a homeschool teachers planner to plan out at least 2 weeks of assignments in advance. I used to plan further ahead, but found that dd works at her own speed which changes often. This keeps us more or less on track and still leaves room for flexibility.

[PeterPan]

Well I'll read the other posts, but here are my thoughts. One, the reason you overschedule and are having a hard time being consistent is because you're trying to make up for her being an only. My dd has been an only for 9 years and will become a big sis this fall. In essence, she'll still be an only school-wise and socially. You do have to make room in your plans for her to be out, interacting with other people, because kids get stir-crazy. You might have to do more than some moms of multiple kids to make sure that happens, BUT you've got to be sane about it. As you're finding, going different ways every day, letting things come into your morning, etc. really crimps your schoolwork. It wasn't a big issue when your dc was younger (at least it wasn't for us), but now that you're looking at 3rd grade, you see it's time to make some changes. I suggest you make an absolute rule in your home of NOTHING in the mornings during schooltime, NOTHING outside at all. If you have something you're absolutely dying to do, say CC, then it all get stacked on one day. Don't overcompensate for her being an only by running yourself ragged. Get organized and stack things into a sensible schedule that protects your school time. Dentist appts, everything can be shoved to the afternoon.

 

Two, a 2nd grader is still really young to be expected to work independently. It's sort of like potty-training: is it the kid who is trained or you? She's just too young to do all that independently. What you CAN do is help her to be more pro-active about the things she CAN do independently. I finally started making my dd a daily checklist this year, just a simple thing typed in Word, and it's been the BEST thing ever, oh my. I actually put on there first side of the math page with Mommy, 2nd side independently. They have a strong urge to independence and doing things for themselves, so as soon as she can, rest assured she will. I don't think you have to change curricula to make that happen. You're exactly right that as you go into 3rd grade, your dc is going to want more and more control of the process. Make her a checklist, which you hold, and let her work through it, coming to you as she completes things or is ready for the next item. It will be a gradual, natural transition. What you were doing was appropriate for 2nd, and now she's growing up, time to mature the methods a little.

 

Don't sweat this. It sounds to me like you're doing a great job. Just do a little organizing of your schedule to protect your school time and get her into a daily checklist. You'll get there. :)

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I have an only child too, and I have been where you are. My best advice to you is this- determine which two subjects are most important to the two of you. Put those on the schedule first. When you feel comfortable with that, add another, and so on, until you find what works for you.

 

Find yourself a "teacher work time" every week. This is the time you can plan for the next week, find resources, brainstorm, pinpoint areas that need extra attention, etc. Make this enjoyable for yourself and make sure your family respects your time. I usually grab a good beer and take over the couch after dd goes to bed, and I find that I actually look forward to my time.

 

Leave yourself a light day. This way if something happens and you lose a day, you have time to fit a few extras in here and there IF you need to. Don't be ruled by the schedule or a slave to the curriculum though, or you will burn out fast.

 

One thing I am going to start doing to prevent us from still doing school at 4PM is to turn off the phone during school time. Just because I homeschool does not mean I have the same amount of time as a SAHM who sends her kids to public school. I have realized it is up to me to draw my own boundaries.

 

In 3rd grade, a little more independent work is required simply because at that level they start reading to learn, not just learning to read. Most curriculum products I have seen for that level ease the child into working more independently.

[elegantlion]

I have one son and we are just finishing our 4th year of homeschooling. My ds craves daily structure, so we have a start time and a daily schedule. My personality is more "free" but when I didn't schedule we started having discipline issues. My dh, who has a similar personality to ds, said in a very stern voice, "Where is the structure, your son needs structure and a schedule". :001_huh: It made a world of difference to us.

 

Our homeschooling style is more conversational than others. I also work beside him, sometimes doing my own assignments (self-education). It gives him some competition and makes him feel like he's not on his own.

 

The biggest issue I have is with overscheduling our days. We are required to do 180 days by state law. Yet I've learned I can't schedule 36 full weeks. We get about 30 weeks of curriculum done, with 6 weeks for make up days, spontaneous days, field trips, etc. I tried to cram in 8 subjects a day this year and it was just too much.

 

Next year we are taking a different approach and scheduling less subjects, allowing for more conversation and time to run off on tangents as we so desire.

[Trivium Academy]

My dd7 has essentially been hsling alone b/c the academic focus has been on her solely. Homeschooling 1 or 5 is the almost the same, to have a smooth sailing ship there needs to be organization and goals that are shared and valued. With more children there is more organization and juggling required.

 

You have one child that you can center on to provide an academic environment for, tailored just for her. Our ds4 will be added to our academic time starting in Sept. but my plan is to work with him while dd7 (to be 8) does her independent work which includes reading, math, phonics and any other type of worksheet work, and her writing.

 

I have teaching sessions with her and then have her do the actual work on her own while being available to her for questions or additional help.

 

Is there a reason you put off preparing yourself for your lessons? I've found that if I neglect to prepare our time is wasted on the actual day b/c I'm trying to sort through what I have and figure out what can be done that day and many other obstacles when I do not familiarize myself with what we will be actually doing. I become frazzled and frustrated, which in turn creates a negatively-charged environment for dd. :bored:

 

The basics of planning out curriculum include:

-How many weeks of the year will you have lessons?

-How many lessons a week for each subject do you need to do to accomplish the amount of weeks a year you want to do lessons?

-How much time will you devote daily to any given subject?

 

Here is how I schedule and plan our time, I hope it will help you figure a way for yourself.

-Our Yearly Overview, a structuring of our weeks including time off.

 

-Daily routine, the times are not set in stone but allows me to make the most of our time and keep things in perspective through the day

 

I also create weekly lesson plans to which help prepare me but also distribute the work in a manageable way for dd. I do this for the quarter (9 weeks on average) but also do an overview the weekend before the week's lessons of books, projects and other things we might do.

 

Here's our 3rd Quarter weekly lessons

 

Please don't allow my stuff to overwhelm you, it's just how my brain works. DonnaYoung.org has wonderful helps for organizing

 

Adding structure will make you feel so much better and less guilty. I've BTDT, thinking that I didn't need it b/c I was only hsling 1. Added: If you would like to see my dd's independent workload, just let me know.

[jazzdiva]

Thanks to GretaLynne for starting this thread, and for all the wisdom shared by the veteran moms. I also have an only child, and the lack of siblings and same-age kids to play with in a very urban treeless neighborhood where people string razor wire atop three-meter tall fences sure does pressures me to find extra-curricular activities for him. I can just imagine the juggling I'll do when he begins sports and music lessons next month.

 

We also have relatives come to stay with us at least once a month, anywhere from three days to two months. Those two months I had to shelve all our homeschooling materials and we totally lost our momentum afterwards! I just couldn't bring myself to to tell my relatives to make their visits shorter and less frequent because (1) we do treasure their company, (2) our son has very rare chances to see his relatives, and (3) it's just not done in our culture's extended family system.

[chai]

I have been homeschooling an only for 5 years. I have been dealing with the same issues that you mentioned. Especially in the last year, I have over-scheduled outside activities so that my dd can make friends. We're in a new city, so I decided that was a priority. This has been an incredibly exhausting year because we are not home enough. We got the basics in, but not much else.

 

Last year, when we were stable, I felt like we had a good routine going. We got all of our primary work done in the morning. I left extras (art, projects, etc.) for the afternoon. Then I could schedule any other activities in the PM. This was our unstructured time and we were usually busy!

 

I love making plans; it's the implementation that is the issue for me! I make a plan for the school year. I'm working on it right now for next fall and will complete it this summer. This includes all of our subjects--activities, crafts, field trips, reading, copywork, etc. In some subjects, like math, I will know what books I want to complete during the year, but we work through that at her pace. She may need to go faster or slower than I planned. Then, each week, during the school year, I make my weekly plan on Sunday. It really makes the difference between a productive week and a chaotic one. I make this plan only a week ahead so that I can schedule in the extra activities that come up.

 

I also was wondering if dd would ever do independent work. She has had personal tutoring for five years and loves the attention. This last year, in 3rd grade, I have finally been able to leave her to work alone on some subjects. In math and grammar, I will teach anything new, then she does her workbook. She still likes me to be nearby, but I can do my own work. Bible and history are still done together. She has really become more independent this year--there is hope for you too!

[Pata]

Thanks for starting this thread, it's so nice to read about others that are homeschooling only's! I have to fight the urge to overschedule her with outside activities too! I just so afraid that because she has noone to play with at home, she needs to be out there more. I have a wonderful dh who has said, no more than 2 outside activities (not including church). This has worked well for us. I also agree with OhElizabeth to protect your mornings as school time and school time alone. That way I know that school get done everyday it should.

[Greta]

Thank you ALL so much for your replies. I was actually afraid no one would answer!!! I know only-children aren't that common, and feared of the few I would be the only one so disorganized to be actually overwhelmed by one kid's schedule. It's so reassuring to hear from others who have BTDT.

 

Find yourself a "teacher work time" every week. This is the time you can plan for the next week, find resources, brainstorm, pinpoint areas that need extra attention, etc. Make this enjoyable for yourself and make sure your family respects your time. I usually grab a good beer and take over the couch after dd goes to bed, and I find that I actually look forward to my time.

 

Love this! :001_smile: That actually does make planning sound fun rather than a chore. I also like your idea of planning in a light day to build in some time to make up for what was missed. And I actually have gotten much better in recent weeks about ignoring the phone -- hey that's what answering machines are for!

 

One, the reason you overschedule and are having a hard time being consistent is because you're trying to make up for her being an only.

 

I guess on some subconscious level that must be the case. I see all these other families whose kids are in soccer, piano lessons, opera classes, karate classes, etc. and I feel like my dd is missing out. DH won't go for me signing her up for more weekly activities than she's already in (which is only our hs co-op's park day every week and Girl Scouts every OTHER week!) so instead I sign her up for lots of field trips and outings and one-time classes here and there. But it adds up.

 

I suggest you make an absolute rule in your home of NOTHING in the mornings during schooltime, NOTHING outside at all.

 

I think that's brilliant. We definitely work best in the morning. And if I try to put off school until afternoon, it has a tendency to not get done at all. I will definitely do this.

 

 

Is there a reason you put off preparing yourself for your lessons?

 

Of course: laziness and bad habits! It actually works fine with some subjects. For math, we use RightStart. So if we did lesson 73 yesterday, we do lesson 74 today. No problem. Same for our spelling program. The problem comes in with subjects where we don't use a structured pre-planned curriculum. I know I could have done a lot better reading good quality literature to her if I had planned it out. And poetry memorization and recitation has gotten completely neglected! So I definitely see the value in planning.

 

Thank you so much for the links you provided! I'm on my way to check them out right now. And this:

 

Adding structure will make you feel so much better and less guilty.

I think I'm going to print that on a banner and hang it over my desk!!!! :D

[Jlynn]

We just finished up 3rd grade ourselves. I think that as mothers of only children we might have the tendency to over schedule our outside commitments because, after all, we only have 1 student. I noticed that my friends thought I had all the time in the world to go to mornig bible studies and lead the hs group and so on.

 

I finally backed away from all of that last year and my son and I have had the best year! We're still in the hs group and do a few outings, but I'm not so worried about should I lead the group, should I find a new tour for us to do etc. And I absolutely don't attend anything, other than hospital appts., in the a.m. on a school morning. One of the benefits to homeschooling is the consistency and stability that we as mothers can provide our students, and that goes out the window if we're rescheduling school for this thing or that.

 

Gradually get your daughter to work independently on the subjects that you think she needs to. For us, that's Math and English, after I've taught the main concepts. When it comes to writing though, I'm happy to help my son brainstorm and think through topics...that's part of the learning. We do Sonlight here and Apologia's science, so I'm fairly involved with everything else. In fact, I'm learning right alongside him in Latin.

 

Other than Sonlight, which has a schedule that I follow, my planning is pretty much, "do the next lesson."

 

Good luck!

[KarenNC]

My only is getting ready to go into the 3rd grade, and I'm right there with you! I started this year out with a calendar with lesson plans, etc and it fell apart. I am continuing to refine what might work well for us to get in the extras (I am also comfortable with the "do the next lesson" areas). I do have a problem with "out of sight, out of mind", so we are moving all the homeschool materials and extras into bookcases in my bedroom that I see regularly rather than the ones that are up in the bonus room. I'm going to try to make out general lists of "what comes next" for everything, then transfer that a week or so at a time to my planner this year as a compromise to be a bit more flexible. Hopefully that will allow for lessons that take more or less time than I had anticipated, field trips that come up, etc.

 

Another issue for me is to have a consistent get up and start time, as neither of us are naturally early risers and tend to be leisurely in the morning.

 

I do have a child who can do some of her work independently because she was an early and very proficient reader. She can do her grammar and handwriting independently and we are working to get the workbook section of the math more independent (we do the textbook portion together). It is a gradual process to move her in that direction, however.

 

We had this very discussion the other day at our hs group and, yes, I do believe that I have been over-scheduling in part because she is an only without friends in the neighborhood. There is also not quite as much financial pressure or the competing time needs of siblings to consider in deciding whether we can do an activity or not. That means that I start to feel a bit guilty that we don't take advantage of *all* the museum/library/community center/etc programs that exist. I am learning to be more selective (rising gas prices are also forcing me to reconsider running all over several counties;).

 

We have decided that one way to help us deal with the things that sometimes crop up is to go year round. That way we can be more flexible with taking off time to go to the beach for the week with grandparents in September, not get disrupted by field trips that come up, take a short week from time to time, make room for summer camp, etc without feeling we then have to cram to stay within the standard year. I have been working this past year to severely reduce my outside commitments to things like church and rearrange things so that we can have the time in the mornings. For instance our hs group park day usually starts at noon during the school year, 10 am in the summer due to heat---we show up between 12:30 and 1 when it's at noon, and I will probably do only 4 day weeks in the summer and make Wed our off day.

[KarenNC]

We also have relatives come to stay with us at least once a month, anywhere from three days to two months. Those two months I had to shelve all our homeschooling materials and we totally lost our momentum afterwards! I just couldn't bring myself to to tell my relatives to make their visits shorter and less frequent because (1) we do treasure their company, (2) our son has very rare chances to see his relatives, and (3) it's just not done in our culture's extended family system.

 

Is it possible that those relatives who stay for two months might be interested/willing to help him with some of his schoolwork so that they feel a part of the process or are there special things they can teach him? I can see that the ones who are only there for a few days would not work with this, but two months is a long enough time, I would think. You might be able to look at as a sort of unit study time to study one particular thing with Grandpa or Aunt Elizabeth, something that the relative is interested in or well-versed in. Many adults welcome the chance to pass on some of their knowledge to the younger generation and it can give a way to form a particular bond.

 

I would look at this as an option rather than asking those relatives to cut their visits down.

[Trivium Academy]

I do have a problem with "out of sight, out of mind", so we are moving all the homeschool materials and extras into bookcases in my bedroom that I see regularly rather than the ones that are up in the bonus room. I'm going to try to make out general lists of "what comes next" for everything, then transfer that a week or so at a time to my planner this year as a compromise to be a bit more flexible. Hopefully that will allow for lessons that take more or less time than I had anticipated, field trips that come up, etc.

 

Having the current books, games and manipulatives in sight and in reach makes a HUGE difference here. This is also why I moved all our science books into our learning room so that anything the kids are asking about can be easily accessed.

[Kate in VA]

I've been reading the threads and linked articles about scheduling and planning. I've been feeling that for third grade this fall, I really need to buckle down and make our school more structured (and hopefully more effective and efficient) than the put something together 5 minutes before we start method that I'm using right now. Take this week, for example. We did school on Monday, had something unexpected come up on Tuesday, overscheduled our Wednesday, and now on Thursday we're finally doing school again (for which I have no plan). This is not good!

 

It SHOULD be simple to plan a schedule when you only have one kid to teach, right? So why do I feel so overwhelmed and scattered? Why is it these moms with 5 kids have their acts together and I'm barely staying afloat?!?

 

One thing that I think is different is that out of necessity moms with multiple kids have those kids doing a lot more independent work than my dd does. The school work we do right now is all very interactive, there's nothing that I just hand her and say "here, do this." We work on it all together. I *think* this is a good thing, but I wonder if for the sake of our schedule and for the sake of her developing the ability to work independently if this should be changing yet? So far, she's been rather resistant to my efforts to introduce independent work. I thought it would come with age and maturity.

 

Well, this is my long-winded way of asking, for you other Moms of only-children out there, what does your typical day look like? How much planning and scheduling in advance do you do?

 

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts,

 

 

I also have an only(about the same age in fact) and one thing that I have learned and always need to remind myself it to chill...... What I mean by that- Most Hsing parents must schedule because they have more then one. It would be much more complicated it I was trying to combine my daughter plus one or two or even 9 other children..... I think there is no other way then to schedule.

However with my only we are able to go with the flow. If it is a beautiful day out the the school books are put aside and we check out other things.

Example, today we cooked brownies and made lemonade to prepare for a lemonade stand that she wanted to do tomorrow. We also made signs for it, took care of our kittens that we rescued a couple of weeks ago. Then the kids in the neighborhood came home from school early and it is beautiful out so go we go to play! We tend to get thing done at other times.

Even though some people think having an only is a piece of cake it is definitely not! For the most part I am her only play mate 24/7! And because I don't have any other little ones to run after all day I have extra time to spend worrying ! it is a cursed blessing :tongue_smilie: I am really working hard on putting an end to it really:001_smile:.

 

As for the independent work; at this age my daughter does better when we do thing together. However I don't "hold her hand" while she does it..... I will explain her math, or copywork or whatever it is and then work on the dishes, or run down to do a load of laundry (simple things) Some times she even reads to me while I'm in the shower! However most times I am reading my bible at the same time. so I am there but not really working with her on the work. I never want to be able to say ...."Here, do this" we just talk it all out.

 

As far as scheduling: I use to think that I needed and day by day schedule but that is just not be ..... I have a general idea of what I want to cover in a year and we go from there..... We do school year round (very loosely)

On a typical day we wake up late (we are night people). Take care of our cats, get ourselves something to eat, I check my emails (she listens to books on CD or itunes), I jump in the shower, we try to do "school work" outside if possible, so we gather our things and take them on the deck. She decides what to start with first (math, copywork/dictation, reading, english) and we go from there..... We typically do the "next thing" . If something interrupts our day (normally it doesn't) then we finish up what we are doing and go from there.... Somewhere in the middle we have lunch and chores..... Next year we are taking a more CM approach to Science and History so we will have many read-alouds and projects. We will probably start with that first in the morning and work from there....

We also have co-op in the mornings on Tuesdays (music, art, gym, science lab) and if the weather is nice we go after to do a nature hike..... some days we just go to the library and read. I try to relax and not freak out , I want to give her a childhood and memories. not book work after more book work..... we read together and talk all the time about so many things.... Our family is going through alot of family and financial issues for the past couple years or so and we talk about that in a good way and our emotions relating to it all...

I'm sorry but I didn't read what other posted in response but I just thought I would add my 2 cents...... sorry to ramble on..... If you would like to talk more please feel free to email me. its always great to meet others HSing onlies ( we are a few in a million:tongue_smilie:)

HTH's

Kate

[Greta]

I have read and I am continuing to absorb all of your insights and advice.

 

I went to donnayoung.org and I read through her explanations of some of the planning methods. I found one that sounded good, downloaded the forms, and did a trial run. I planned out the next 9 weeks (we school year-round) so that everything is laid out for me and ready to go. But I did it weekly rather than daily -- meaning I know what we need to accomplish over the course of the week, but the individual days can be flexible. So if we have a busy day, we'll have chances to catch up. If we are more in a "science mood" than a "history mood" one day, we'll do history another day. So I'm going to make every effort to stick with this planner for the next 9 weeks, and then re-evaluate and go from there.

 

I already feel so much better about it all -- at least like I have a plan, I'm in charge, and I more or less know what I'm doing. It's kind of exciting! :001_smile: And my plan includes blocking off the calendar until 2pm every day so that that time is set aside specifically for school. I feel calmer already!

 

ETA: It's amazing how many of us have "onlies" right around the same age!!!

[pbjmeyer]

With more work being expected as he got older, I found that he loved 'checking off' what he did. So I started using 'homeschool tracker' (free download for the basic version). I input the assignments for the week, and each night print out the next day's assignments. This tool has helped a lot. It keeps me organized, and he knows what is expected of him. When he will need my help on something, I write 'see mommy for help in that particular assignment. Otherwise, he starts the assignments on his own.

 

Another responder suggested you plan for your mornings to be school only. That was what I had to do, with the exception of a 'homeschool taekwando' class on Wednesday mornings. But breaking up the day like that makes it harder to get back on track. But this is where, being an only child, I let him participate for the chance to be around others in the middle of the week. All other activities are in the evenings.

 

HTH!

 

Joyce

[Guest mrsjones]

I'm hs'ing my 7.5 yo who's also an only. Planning, scheduling and then following through are *not* my strengths. I really work towards it though because having a schedule/routine for our day makes things go so much smoother. When I don't stick to it my ds has a lot of trouble staying focused, probably because I'm not very focused either.

 

He loves sotw and the go-along books/crafts that we do with each topic. In order for that to work I really have to plan ahead, especially if I want to be sure I'll have to library books to read at that time.

 

We pretty much don't do anything outside of the house in the mornings unless it's an emergency, or else our whole day seems to slip away.

[Guest mrsjones]

Even though some people think having an only is a piece of cake it is definitely not! For the most part I am her only play mate 24/7! And because I don't have any other little ones to run after all day I have extra time to spend worrying ! it is a cursed blessing :tongue_smilie: I am really working hard on putting an end to it really:001_smile:.

 

I just had to lol about this because it is so true for me!