Granny_Weatherwax Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 (edited) I find the repsonses on the thread to be very interesting. I posed a question some time ago about whether or not parents should 'share' info about teenager's behavior. The responses to that thread were quite different than the responses to the smoking question. In short, the responses were more "I wouldn't want to be told what my child was doing wrong." What I want to know is... when would you want to know about your child's activities? When they are smoking... drinking... doing drugs... having sex.... thinking they are pregnant... lying about their whereabouts... showing signs of eating disorders... possibly in an abusive relationship.... What are the parameters for telling and not telling? I am truly curious, not trying to be snarky, offensive or anything. Edited July 16, 2011 by The Dragon Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I would want to be informed if my child was engaged in anything that even looked questionable. If it's something we're ok with, I'm fine with saying that, whether the person telling me is or not. IOW, I will make the decision as to what our standard is, but I need all the available information to do that. (and I also appreciate when people care enough for my children to give me feedback, good or bad) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I would want to be informed if my child was engaged in anything that even looked questionable. If it's something we're ok with, I'm fine with saying that, whether the person telling me is or not. IOW, I will make the decision as to what our standard is, but I need all the available information to do that. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I do want to know as much info as possible. However, it can be very hard to hear coming from someone who seems to want to one-up you in their parenting game or tsk tsk you for not living up to their idea of an ideal parent. And if they tell you something you absolutely do NOT care about or already knew about it's easy to get defensive and think nobody should tell me anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 What I want to know is... when would you want to know about your child's activities? When they are smoking... drinking... doing drugs... having sex.... thinking they are pregnant... lying about their whereabouts... showing signs of eating disorders... possibly in an abusive relationship.... All of the above! I DO think it takes a village and I appreciate other parents and adults sticking their noses in to notice and inform me of things I might not otherwise know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I voted no - simply because I know a lot of teens but have hardly any relationship with their parents, and am not going to approach them. Now - if it is a teen I know well - say, through scouts - I would tell the Scoutmaster, and perhaps the parents depending on the circumstances. The smoking thing is what got me.... My DH smoked as a teen when we were dating. His parents had no idea. Had they known - it wouldn't really have changed anything - he always hid it from them anyway, and I was on his case all the time about stopping anyway :) BTW - he's an officer in the AF, a pilot, very successful and a wonderful parent. So - teens make mistakes as teens - but he decided to quit on his own without his parents ever knowing. Sometimes teens have to figure this stuff out for themselves in order for the lesson to mean anything. Now - an abusive relationship, reckless driving, self-mutilation, threats of violence, and drug use I would contact a parent whether I knew them or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 LOL I grew up with neighbors and my parents friends ratting me out as a high schooler and even in college. My dad called me once at 3 am and asked what I was doing in Downtown dallas. LOL His co-worker spotted me at some club there once. Under 21 but not drinking. For the most part, it kept me somewhat clean. It wouldn't bother me at all. We have had a neighbor boy go throuugh quite a bit of "issues" as a teen. Drinking, drugs, setting things on fire, smoking, girls.... When his dad found out we had witnessed some of it, he started asking us to tell him. The kid would try to hide his "evidence" in OUR trash cans, so the dad started checking our trash cans. LOL... The dad needed to KNOW what was going on in order to sstop it. We weren't running to him for every offense, but we did make a phone call when we caught the boy and a girl doing things in the bed of our pickup. ewwwwwww (and they left a "thing" in the truck too...) I made the boy come deal with that AND wash my car. haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I would want to know everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
songbirdie Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I want to know anything someone sees as being negative, and then I'll make the judgement call as to whether we, as the parents, see it as something that needs to be addressed. But I'm always surprised to see what other parents just don't want to know no matter how I say it. Lying, sexual things, and other things. . .some parents just don't want to hear what their kids are doing because they don't want to admit that there is a problem and that someone else noticed it before they did. It's sad that pride would keep someone from addressing a situation that could be fixed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Robyn Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 ...but we did make a phone call when we caught the boy and a girl doing things in the bed of our pickup. ewwwwwww (and they left a "thing" in the truck too...) I made the boy come deal with that AND wash my car. haha :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I definitely want to know. I didn't see the other thread. My friend and I were discussing this the other day, about something that's probably more minor. We each have daughters age 11, and her daughter is good friends with a 12yo who has been doing the "Oh, I'm so fat!" thing. 12yo is as skinny as a rail and if anything needs some meat on her bones, and friend's 11yo daughter is built like a Valkyrie and is in a pudgy pre-puberty state right now. So those comments hurt her feelings very much. The question is, do we tell the mom what her 12yo has been saying? Is it a budding case of body dysmorphia, or (more likely) typical fishing for compliments combined with thoughtlessness? We decided it would be better to tell, in case it is a real problem. Hopefully the side effect will be getting a clue--but we felt it was a sticky wicket. We agreed that we would want to know, so hopefully the other mom will too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I'd want to know all those things. I wouldn't care who told it to me bc it's not the level of friendship with them I'm worried about - it's my kids. However, just do it and let it go. "I saw you dc doing xyz or my dc says your dc told them blank happened." The end. Do not speculate as to why my kid did whatever and how I coulda shoulda oughta parent different to avoid or deal with it. Do not make comments about how your dc would not do that or tells you everything. Do not come to me last. Come to me first. Just tell me the facts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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