Long Distance Split Custody...Anyone ever done this with HS

[SunnyMummy]

I'm planning on HS my 5th grader to-be next year. Her bioDad lives across the country. Right now he gets visitation based on the PS calendar. As we have been discussing HS he has brought up wanting 50/50 custody. Has anyone ever done this??

 

My feeling is that this is a our first year of HS and we have SO MUCH to figure out. I think adding this to the mix will be a disaster.

 

I'm curious, though, if you have done this, how did it go???

[Impish]

I would think it would be next to impossible to hs across country 50/50 split.

[SonshineLearner]

I can see this happening if you use an online school, or something that is "through" an online program. (Veritas Press... any secular one) and IF your ex is responsible. Course, before I did this, I would look at private school.

[Starr]

I can't imagine going back and forth, getting readjusted to being with parent, having some fun time together and then different teaching and expectations. I could see year round schooling and a different visiting arrangement and some school work to go along.

[SunnyMummy]

We've looked at private school, we can't afford it.

 

I have some concerns about their parenting. I haven't brought it up before since they are only with her for part of the year. (It wasn't worth the battle), but if she will be with them 50/50 it HAS to be addresses. And, I would miss my DD like CRAZY. It's hard enough the times she is gone as it is.

 

Thanks for the responses...Keep em coming!!!

[gingersmom]

I can't imagine it working.

 

I would think it would be incredibly stressful for your daughter. Won't it be hard making friends and getting involved in activities only to have to leave for 6 months? And then you have to go start over in another state for 6 months and then go back.

 

Does your daughter want to live 50% of the time with her father?

[dragons in the flower bed]

 

This woman does it. I wouldn't want to try it. Homeschooling requires the same time commitment as schooling. I should think a judge would see that taking a child out of his school 50% of the year would be disruptive to his education.

[Anne in CA]

I did home school my step daughter and she spent many long weekends at her mother's house. She worked extra hard to get everything done.

 

I really wouldn't share custody without feeling 100% good about it. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, even if they say they will only "agree" to your home schooling if you give them 50/50 custody, you are in charge and it is your decision.

 

I would be very careful here. Damage done to a young girl by careless parenting is impossible to undo in my experience. For instance, if they let her stay up till midnight all the time for six months you might never get her back on your own schedule. If they feed her junk food all the time it will be very hard to get her to eat well again. Six months is much longer than six weeks. That is just an example, but if they are careless parents she will be forced to grow up to cope, and she may not make good choices as a "grown up", but the damage is done and she won't be a girl again.

[nd293]

Who would actually work with her when she is away? The only way I could see it working would be to do the basic subjects (Maths, English and any foreign language) through an online school for continuity, and then to split the other subjects between homes - for intance you do 6 months of Science and her father does 6 months of history, fitting a full year's work into that time.

[Starr]

I would not give up custody to homeschool. I would make an argument for home schooling and all the related activities, you know, socialization ;) but I wouldn't send her away for 6 months. And then what would happen if the home schooling wasn't working out? Would you have to get 9 months of schooling done in 6 without breaks? They are too far away for this to work well. If he is going to push for custody changes I would drop it all together unless your lawyer feels the judge would allow you to homeschool and maintain your current arrangement. I wish you well.

[merry gardens]

I'm planning on HS my 5th grader to-be next year. Her bioDad lives across the country. Right now he gets visitation based on the PS calendar. As we have been discussing HS he has brought up wanting 50/50 custody. Has anyone ever done this??

 

My feeling is that this is a our first year of HS and we have SO MUCH to figure out. I think adding this to the mix will be a disaster.

 

I'm curious, though, if you have done this, how did it go???

I'd be highly concerned and ask questions about the homeschool laws of the other state. If you both live in a homeschool friendly state it might work, but it could get really messy if either of you are in a state with a lot of regulations. Would you have to meet both your state homeschool requirement and bio-Dad's state's homeschool requirement? Then there's the whole question of education. Does bio-dad want to homeschool her? Would he place her in school for the half of the year that he has her? Might someone treat it like she's on "vacation" from homeschool when she's there. Will this arrangement leave you to accomplish 10 months worth of "educating" in only 6 months?

 

If you get custady according to the public school calendar, I don't see why that have to change just because you choose to homeschool. But if he's not on-board with homeschooling or if he wants to make a big stink out of getting 50% custody, it sounds like something that could get very messy.