mom2bee Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) What are some ideas and things you can do with young ladies (9-12 age range) that can encourage their confidence and help their self-esteem blossom? I have a younger female cousin, 12 yo, she is getting into that stage during puberty where she is just all over the place emotionally. She's been talking to me a lot more over the past year so I feel like I should be able to help her out...Being 12, she's in a very fragile place emotionally, socially, physically etc...and she has pretty low self esteem as of late. I'd like to come up with something (a project or something) that we can work on over a period of time that might help build her confidence. I'm worried because her age-peers are getting into trouble and 12yo is a follower to the core. As a matter of fact, she got herself into serious legal trouble last year behind her 'friends'....:angry: I think that finding comfort in her self and feeling good about herself could go along way to keeping my little cousin out of trouble in the coming years...especially next year when I'll probably be in another state... Edited April 18, 2011 by mom2bee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Find something that is challenging and fun that she can be successful at and enjoy doing both. I really don't think it matters what it is as long as it meets those requirements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I think one good thing to do is find something "bigger" than her own little self--something where she can help others. Maybe leading horses for theraputic riding? Walking dogs at the Humane shelter? Volunteering as a jr Big Sister or other helper for another child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I think one good thing to do is find something "bigger" than her own little self--something where she can help others. Maybe leading horses for theraputic riding? Walking dogs at the Humane shelter? Volunteering as a jr Big Sister or other helper for another child? That is what I was going to suggest. It would be great for her to feel like she was doing something good for others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I think one of the best things you could do is just keep letting her know how much you believe in her, and have confidence in her. I know my life would have been different if I hear the phrases "just be yourself" and "I really believe in you" more than I did (I don't remember ever hearing them). The impact of relatives saying stuff like that and actually being interested in our wellbeing, and really connecting with us, can be immense, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) Some things that we do with our daughter who is almost 12 years old and shows only a hint of the shyness that you mention when with strangers. We work hard at keeping her involved in sports (swimming and TaeKwonDo) that are encouraging her to compete against herself and helps her to see her own improvement. She is not a state level competator but she loves it. I think any sport that is run in a healthy way would be helpful.....but becare of negative team dynamics and harsh coaches. Commit to taking her to music lessons if she likes, or some other creative outlet like drawing class or knitting class. Again, be careful that the adults you trust her with are deserving of that trust. Have her spent a lot of time with Dad doing an activity she enjoys. My husband does the swimming with her, so he is an official and volunteers to be there at *all* the meets she chooses to compete in. It is their time together. Give her responsibility that you know she will be successful at. Dd is starting to babysit her brothers for very short periods of time and I pay her. This would work for chores or yard work or anything you would be willing to pay her to do well. My daughter has several chores around the house that I depend on her to do, but it is not overwhelming and only takes a bit of her time. It is not meant to burden her, it is meant to give her a sense of contributing to our family. She spends and budgets her own money (please do this.....it is an important skill) Give reasonable praise and tell her when you are proud of her. Kids know when you are faking it or over doing it to make a point. Simple statements when they are genuine are what I am taking about. Dd has taken on crocheting and knitting and knits better than anyone I know. She loves it and she tackles it with gusto. I have told her several times recently that I see her amazing work. I also add in that she should keep it up and finish what she starts. When she gets stuck I help her or get her another adult that can help her move forward. I do not let any of her projects get stalled because she lacks help or information. Protect her from our culture's messages about a female's s*xuality. My daughter has not been exposed to common messages about beauty and such. I guard her that way for a reason. The measage is ugly and would make even a strong girl wilt with uncertainly. So overall I think the ideas are support her in her interests, give her something to be responsible about, believe in her and protect her from ugly messages. Good Luck! She is lucky just because you are thinking about it! ETA: Sorry this may be more apropriate if you were her mom. Maybe something will help. Edited April 18, 2011 by Once Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I spent a lot of time babysitting little kids at that age, & I think it was great for me. Nothing like the adoration of a toddler (and the appreciation of adults who aren't your parents) to lift the spirits of a preteen girl IME. I think picking up an individual sport such as running or biking would be healthy on a lot of levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trailofsparks Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Really - pursue spending time with her. Seek her out. Laugh with her; show her that *you*: enjoy her, accept her, like her, love her. If you bond with her more, she won't turn to her peers so much. If I was a gamblin woman, I'd bet huge on this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Well, my daughter is 10. I talk to her, I praise her, I get her books and magazines that are good for girls her age, and I keep her involved with activities that do help with confidence building, independence and so on. She's in Girl Scouts, she's in Judo, we've submitted some of her writing to a homeschooling magazine, and we do occasional community service type things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I'd also recommend reading the book Reviving Ophelia, which addresses this subject. It's not so much a what-to-do, but a why-and-what-to-guard-against manual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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