The Art of Meaningless Conversation.........

[QuirkyKapers]

Does anyone have suggestions regarding how to carry on meaningless converstions about nothing personal...at all?

I have these girlfriends that never talk about anything too personal, I have know them for over 5 years. It seems they have no problems and their life is just one happy moment after the next:glare: Unlike moi who constantly has questions, loves to analyze everything, and just wants to have connections with people who are willing share real life things that happen.:D Alas, somewhere along the way, I have missed learning the fine art of meaningless conversation! I realize that I am pretty intense but whenever I go out with these women I feel.....less than....stressed out that I am going to say the wrong thing.....like I am standing outside the inner circle.....

AHHHH- So why do I go out with them? Good question..... I keep thinking that perhaps somewhere along the way things will change....or perhaps I can master this technique of being meaningless. I have to rub shoulders with them on a regular basis since we go to church together.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

My husband is an expert at this. He makes me jealous. Everyone thinks he is so friendly and communicative, when he isn't saying anything.

 

Topics: 1) The weather 2) current sports events 3) gardening, cooking, or other domestic niceties 4) nostalgia

 

Good luck. I think it takes a certain type to really enjoy just chatting about nothing. Nothing always leads to something on which I have a strong opinion.

[j.griff]

Just talk about "shallow" things: new things, where you get your nails/hair done, complement their new outfit, talk about being absolutely exhausted after your last shopping spree- how you need new shoes so you can stay at it longer, :lol:

Talk about the junk you see in the tabloids, talk about Hillary's hair, but not the politics.

[Tracey in TX]

Dh could have a meaningful conversation with a fencepost! I'm quite talkative, but am the quiet one in our family:D

 

Meaningless observations, basic new, weather are good starter topics. Can also share humorous or timely stories of other friends (provided it's not gossipy). Ask in depth questions regarding their family, interests. Nothing makes a person a good conversationalist more than listening and encouraging the other person to talk! Completely ironic, but true. Religion can be acceptable if handled deftly. Political conversation is now okay in mixed parties--especially in the primaries stage.

 

Have fun!

[battlemaiden]

I'm like you. My head starts to hurt if my ears are working but my brain isn't.

 

I have never met a person who didn't have an opinion, so I like to draw people out. It is an active process of listening and leading in conversation.

 

My topics of choice:

 

Books, changes in society over time, regional issues- local news, etc.

 

If that doesn't work I slink away. Life is short and my time is too valuable.

 

FWIW, I am thrown into many social situations with people very different than myself and I'm required to keep a stiff upper lip and get along with everyone (give me a high five military gals). But having said that, I can get along with just about anyone, different or alike. Everyone has a story to tell and someone really has to go out of their way to be disliked by me.

[elegantlion]

I used to do this.....

 

 

• hair - do you highlight, lowlight? How much do you pay?
  
• decorating - Have you been to Kirklands lately?
  
• car - can you believe my husband says that's not a big deal when they do that?
  
• When does that cool department store having their big clearance sale?
  
• Are you getting out the summer clothes?
  
• How's that latest project on the house coming?
  
• What are you doing for Memorial Day weekend?
  
• Can you believe Starbucks charges that much for this?

Smile intently, keep directing the questions back to them, and you will be the best conversationalist that they ever met. :D

[Alenee]

I've learned to start asking questions that cannot be answered with a "yes" or "no". Getting them talking about themselves is a good thing in these situations, imo. I would also think that these women you describe aren't as o.k. as they may seem. I knew a woman like this once and realized she was truly unhappy and knew how to create a solid wall in front of herself. Hang in there! This board provides more conversation than I could ever ask for! That's why I like it so much.:D

[LibraryLover]

Usually I can talk to anyone, although not always. If it's a subject I don't know much about, I tend to ask lots of questions. I often ask people what they are reading. One thing that has changed my world is my participation in watching American Idol this year. It's something most people have at least hear about. Even if they don't watch it we can talk about that. I've found that those who don't watch have a lot to say about why they do not. It seems to please folks to talk about not knowing anything about American Idol. I feel I am doing my part to get folks feeling warm and fuzzy. :) I also like to talk about movies people have seen, older ones they like etc. I am always interested in a good film.

 

I seriously don't mind hearing about hair highlightss, how much it costs, and where people go to get ones they like. Sometimes, too, I would like to consider what color lipstick would look good on me. Not that I could find said lipstick if I did buy it, but it would be helpful to know whether a pink or red is nicer on people with my skin tone. :001_smile:

[nancypants]

Found a book... not sure if it's any good. The Fine Art of Small Talk

 

And an article.

 

HTH... Oh and I hope you are able to build on the small talk and maybe help your friends get passed it! :)

[Doran]

...there's always the option to seek out friends who enjoy more meaningful conversation. I know, easier said than done. But, really, isn't life too short to spend a lot of time figuring out how to finesse relationships that don't actually fulfill us?

 

JMHO. :)

[QuirkyKapers]

:DThanks for all the great ideas!

I did reserve some books at the library on this topic, including the one suggested!

I think I am going to make a list of what everyone said and memorize it:001_smile:

It really is a unusual group in that they don't garden, hate cooking, don't shop (except grocery) politics is definetly hands off, most don't even watch t.v. As far as reading most would indidcate they don't have time to read.....It really is a tough bunch:glare:

How about any good deals at the grocery store lately? What about those crazy gas prices? What is weird is that after knowing people for 5 or more years those types of questions run the risk of sounding too impersonal and yet others seem too personal!

I agree, life is short to invest in these types of relationships. The problems is I rub shoulders frequently with them. :001_huh:

Fortuately I do have friends that the conversation isn't fluffy and life is all good- I asked some of them the same question everyone has so kindly taken time to answer. Most of them said, I can't help, don't do meaningless well myself. Even my dad told me the same thing! So maybe I'm not some weird small talk freak after all. I guess I just come by it naturally :D

[RoughCollie]

I just LOL when I read this. (not in a negative way ... in sympathy!)

 

RC :001_smile:

 

or perhaps I can master this technique of being meaningless.

[pmegan]

My favorite trick comes from the movie version of Sense and Sensibility a few years ago: if you don't have anything else to say, stick to the roads and the weather.

 

I later found out it's a Scientology thing, but I still use it. I've never gone wrong by starting a conversation with "How about this weather!?!?" or "I can't believe how easy/hard it was to get here: traffic/roadwork is ridiculous!"