Don't know what to do!

[bry's-gal]

My eldest is in the kids praise team at church. They do two musicals a year- one in the fall and one in the spring. This is her first year doing it. Back in the fall, the pastor pulled us aside and said they had a lot of problems with her that day during practice- she was physically picking on the kids around her and wouldn't stop- even when told to. She had to be removed from the area. We gave her some consequences at home including letters and personal apologies to all involved and she was grounded for a week. We asked her if she wanted to continue this during the spring- she said yes. No more problems up until tonight.

 

Tonight was their performance. She barley sang and she barely did the motions. While on stage DURING the performance (and of course she is in the front row) she starts elbowing, poking and yanking on the 5 kids around her (2 next to her, 3 behind her). There was nothing we could do to stop it because the show was going on.

 

We are furious at her for treating others that way but we aren't quite sure what the right consequence is. We talked about how she was mean, she distracted from the show and she was disrespectful. We told her she is grounded for the week (in her room, no books, no activities). She barely seemed to care- I think that is what has me the most upset is her lack of caring about her actions and how they affect others and how the other kids now she her at the "mean" one. What sort of consequence would you do since this consequence obviously didn't work last time?

 

FYI- she is the kid who knows that what she is doing is wrong, what the consequence is and will do it anyways. You have to get really tough with her for her to stop doing whatever it is. We (hubby and I) are probably not going to allow her to do kids praise next year.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is she the 6 year old? I would say that she does not have the capacity to do this kind of activity right now. I would venture a guess that she acts out under stress and this was her way of coping with the stress of performing in front of people. I'm a pretty strict mom, but I would not make a big deal of this.

[Crispa]

Is she the 6 year old? I would say that she does not have the capacity to do this kind of activity right now. I would venture a guess that she acts out under stress and this was her way of coping with the stress of performing in front of people. I'm a pretty strict mom, but I would not make a big deal of this.

 

Agree completely.

[bettyandbob]

1. she should not be in this program at this time

 

2. start making notes on stuff like this. Behaviors like this could be a symptom of other issues. Keeping a record will help start to see a pattern, even in events that may seem on the surface unrelated.

[Starr]

I don't think a 6 year old will get being grounded for a week.

[Dobela]

My sonwould do that kind of behavior when he was nervous at that age. As he grew older and learned ways to deal with the nervousness, he has stopped. At that age though he just didn't know how to handle himself yet. I would talk to her about it, maybe show her the video, then take specific times to teach her what being nervous is in the future, different ways of handling it, and so on. I doubt that grounding her will have much effect - unless she was hoping to be grounded instead of doing another praise them performance.

[gardening momma]

Is she the 6 year old? I would say that she does not have the capacity to do this kind of activity right now.

Agree, sort of. She may have the capacity to do it, but refuses to behave appropriately. Either way, I'd pull her out of the praise team. I'd wait 6 months to a year before letting her try again.

[zaichiki]

Sounds like she may have trouble controlling her impulses. It may be entirely age/personality appropriate. She may have to wait until she's older to do this kind of activity again.