What would you do? dd and Softball issue(long)

[dancer67]

My daughter is a Senior in high school. She has played Varsity Softball since she has been a Freshman.

 

Every year, softball starts up about this time, and every year we have to have a physical form turned in before anyone can even pick up a bat.

 

My daughter has asthma. This has never been a problem for her playing. She always gets cleared to play every year. She keeps her inhaler. She has never had an asthma attack. But she may have to stop to take her inhaler if she overworks.

 

I should also mention that she is a dancer. Has been for almost 14 years now. So she is quite the athlete. She dances 3-4 days a week all year.

 

Last week softball practice began. Of course, there are now freshman who are there and want to play. I hate to call it "try-outs" for the first week, because it isn't for the upperclassmen, or the ones who have already played. Really, the coach just watches the Freshman or any newcomers.

 

This year, there are ALOT of new kids. Mainly Freshman. My daughter practiced all last week.

 

There was one day when she felt overworked and took herself out to sit. And to use her inhaler. She sat out for about 15 minutes, then went back out to play.

 

The next day in school there was a list of names posted on the bulletin board as to who was going to be on what team. JV/Varsity and those who were cut.

 

My daughter did not see her name on the board. She thought it was a mistake, but she also noticed there were three other names(all Seniors) that were not there as well. She was very upset, and she called me. I told her when she had a break to go down and speak to the coach and find out what happened.

 

When she asked the coach later that day, he told her he cut her from the team because "She took herself out of exercise" and that "She was not in shape". My daughter told him why she did that and said "Yes, I took myself out of practice because I couldn't breathe, someone told me my lips looked blue, so I did the responsible thing and sat out, took my inhaler, and went back in". He then "agreed" to let her have one more chance to "prove" herself for two more days. Those two days were Friday and Monday.

 

I can tell you that she was beyond ticked. And I have to say I was fuming. I know for a fact there are three overweight(and grossly overweight) girls on the softball team who cannot run, yet they still play. Of course, their parents are on the Booster Club. So is it all in who you know? I say yes.

 

Then, the parents need to go to a mandatory parent meeting last night. I know this as we have done it every year. But, the coach as of this point has not told my daughter if he is keeping her on the team, or cutting her. Even though he said he would give her two days and let her know on Monday. He has said nothing to her. And she did not want to ask. So I go to this meeting, which I feel is wasting my time since I believe this coach is stringing her along, and listen to the same stuff.

 

I approached him after, and flat out asked him what was going on and why was my daughter cut the first time around. He says "Because she took herself out of exercise". So I asked him "Well is she playing?" he says "Things are going well, FOR NOW". I won't get into the details of what I said back, but he tells me he does not have time for me, and does not want to discuss it "now". Call and make an appt.

 

Let me say that I hate sports. And this is why. I do not like to be one of those "mothers" who yell and complain because their kid can't play. I have never been one of those mothers. I have always let my daughter handle things, and I felt that if she didn't play every game it is because everyone get a chance to. Whatever. No problem.

 

But now, I am furious over this. Should I be? It seems as though this coach is discriminating against my daughter because she has asthma. This is the ONLY time she has taken herself out.

He has the overweight girls playing, and not forcing them to run and do the same things the other girls are expected to do. Yet they are still there.

There is also a special needs child playing. She cannot do what the other girls do because she is only 4'3" and one leg is shorter then the other. Yet SHE still plays.

The other two Senior girls were cut because they jus didn't show up for two of the practices.

 

If she was fooling around, or she was failing school, or being disrespectful, or not showing up for practice, then she would have to pay the consequences of her actions.

 

 

So far, my daughter is still practicing. The coach will not give her a difinitive answer. My daughter hates this, but she doesn't want to give this up "in case" he keeps her.

 

My daughter has no problems with me speaking up for her on her behalf if needed. She told me to say or do whatever I thought was right.

 

I think what this coach is doing is flat out wrong.

 

Am I over-reacting? Should I leave it alone?

 

I need advice. Thanks.

Edited March 30, 2011 by dancer67

[dancer67]

Took so long for me to post this it ended up on second page.

[Michelle O. in MO]

:grouphug: Honestly, I would be furious too! I don't think at this point I would even be able to be civil to this guy. Who is his boss? My knee jerk reaction would be to go to the principal, then superintendent, then consider writing a letter to the local paper. I'm sorry. This man seems to think she's not "tough" enough or something. I don't have very much advice, sorry. I have a daughter in softball too and I would be beyond mad over something like this.

[unsinkable]

My daughter is a Senior in high school. She has played Varsity Softball since she has been a Freshman.

 

Every year, softball starts up about this time, and every year we have to have a physical form turned in before anyone can even pick up a bat.

 

My daughter has asthma. This has never been a problem for her playing. She always gets cleared to play every year. She keeps her inhaler. She has never had an asthma attack. But she may have to stop to take her inhaler if she overworks.

 

I should also mention that she is a dancer. Has been for almost 14 years now. So she is quite the athlete. She dances 3-4 days a week all year.

 

Last week softball practice began. Of course, there are now freshman who are there and want to play. I hate to call it "try-outs" for the first week, because it isn't for the upperclassmen, or the ones who have already played. Really, the coach just watches the Freshman or any newcomers.

 

This year, there are ALOT of new kids. Mainly Freshman. My daughter practiced all last week.

 

There was one day when she felt overworked and took herself out to sit. And to use her inhaler. She sat out for about 15 minutes, then went back out to play.

 

The next day in school there was a list of names posted on the bulletin board as to who was going to be on what team. JV/Varsity and those who were cut.

 

My daughter did not see her name on the board. She thought it was a mistake, but she also noticed there were three other names(all Seniors) that were not there as well. She was very upset, and she called me. I told her when she had a break to go down and speak to the coach and find out what happened.

 

When she asked the coach later that day, he told her he cut her from the team because "She took herself out of exercise" and that "She was not in shape". My daughter told him why she did that and said "Yes, I took myself out of practice because I couldn't breathe, someone told me my lips looked blue, so I did the responsible thing and sat out, took my inhaler, and went back in". He then "agreed" to let her have one more chance to "prove" herself for two more days. Those two days were Friday and Monday.

 

I can tell you that she was beyond ticked. And I have to say I was fuming. I know for a fact there are three overweight(and grossly overweight) girls on the softball team who cannot run, yet they still play. Of course, their parents are on the Booster Club. So is it all in who you know? I say yes.

 

Then, the parents need to go to a mandatory parent meeting last night. I know this as we have done it every year. But, the coach as of this point has not told my daughter if he is keeping her on the team, or cutting her. Even though he said he would give her two days and let her know on Monday. He has said nothing to her. And she did not want to ask. So I go to this meeting, which I feel is wasting my time since I believe this coach is stringing her along, and listen to the same stuff.

 

I approached him after, and flat out asked him what was going on and why was my daughter cut the first time around. He says "Because she took herself out of exercise". So I asked him "Well is she playing?" he says "Things are going well, FOR NOW". I won't get into the details of what I said back, but he tells me he does not have time for me, and does not want to discuss it "now". Call and make an appt.

 

Let me say that I hate sports. And this is why. I do not like to be one of those "mothers" who yell and complain because their kid can't play. I have never been one of those mothers. I have always let my daughter handle things, and I felt that if she didn't play every game it is because everyone get a chance to. Whatever. No problem.

 

But now, I am furious over this. Should I be? It seems as though this coach is discriminating against my daughter because she has asthma. This is the ONLY time she has taken herself out.

He has the overweight girls playing, and not forcing them to run and do the same things the other girls are expected to do. Yet they are still there.

There is also a special needs child playing. She cannot do what the other girls do because she is only 4'3" and one leg is shorter then the other. Yet SHE still plays.

The other two Senior girls were cut because they jus didn't show up for two of the practices.

 

If she was fooling around, or she was failing school, or being disrespectful, or not showing up for practice, then she would have to pay the consequences of her actions.

 

 

So far, my daughter is still practicing. The coach will not give her a difinitive answer. My daughter hates this, but she doesn't want to give this up "in case" he keeps her.

 

My daughter has no problems with me speaking up for her on her behalf if needed. She told me to say or do whatever I thought was right.

 

I think what this coach is doing is flat out wrong.

 

Am I over-reacting? Should I leave it alone?

 

I need advice. Thanks.

 

1. I think he is stringing her along. There are only so many roster spots and he is probably waiting for a reason to formally, officially cut her.

 

2. At my son's school, if you miss 2 tryouts for unexcused reasons, you are cut. Maybe that is what happened to the other 2 seniors.

 

3. You might disagree with this, but IMO there is no point in questioning who IS on the team or comparing your DD to players ON the team. The focus must always be on what your DD CAN do, HER best qualities, etc.

[extendedforecast]

So your DD was good enough to play varsity as a freshman, but all of a sudden not good enough to play as a senior? The only thing I can think of is that coaches tend to look to the seniors as leaders of the team, and you DD "taking herself out of practice" wasn't being a leader from the coaches perspective. That's a stretch though. How has their relationship been the past three years? Has she ever complained about coach? Something is not right, and this temporary membership thing he made up is a joke. Either she is on the team or she isn't. It isn't fair to string her along. I would make an appointment with the principal or one of the assistan principals. Sorry you have to be uncomfortable standing up for your DD; I hate confrontation too.

[dancer67]

1. I think he is stringing her along. There are only so many roster spots and he is probably waiting for a reason to formally, officially cut her.

 

2. At my son's school, if you miss 2 tryouts for unexcused reasons, you are cut. Maybe that is what happened to the other 2 seniors.

 

3. You might disagree with this, but IMO there is no point in questioning who IS on the team or comparing your DD to players ON the team. The focus must always be on what your DD CAN do, HER best qualities, etc.

 

 

I am not really questioning as to who is on the team,and I do know her abilites and qualities. Which have never been an issue before. She has never missed one game. And even when benched so others could play, she did without complaining. Even though others were literally crying(and I mean with tears). And the coach would go over and comfort them by saying they will be put in the next game. Really?? I never said a world. I sat there.

 

I really see a "It is all in who you know and what your parents do" going on here.

 

And I also see an issue of,not cutting girls who are overweight because of a possible lawsuit. Even though these girls cannot run. Yet accomodations are made for them . One example. When it is time to run to a home base, they take them out and put in a "runner" in their place. This is no joke.

 

Are they going to do this for my daughter? And if it is already being done, why not for my kid?

 

And if there is really another underlying issue as to why they cut her, then fine. Spit it out. But if he is making up an excuse that "She took herself out of exercise" because of her asthma, he better be careful. Because to me, that has discrmination written all over it.

 

One thing if you are fooling around, cutting practice, talking on your cell phone, not good enough etc. I can live with all that. That would be my daughter's problem, and oh well for her.

But NOT if it is because of her asthma.

[AK_Mom4]

Here's my take - we've been doing the softball thing and the high school sports thing for a long time.

 

My thought is that the coach gave her the "two days to prove" so he could back-track on his decision to cut her and save face. It made it more difficult for him to reverse his decision when you called him on it, but I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from on this one.

 

If it is important to your daughter to play softball this year, then she should keep going to practices. She will probably have plenty of bench time, sorry to say, because he has a bad impression of her committment, but she will still get to play.

 

If it's not important to your DD to do it with lots of bench time, especialy since she is a senior and sounds like she has other interests as well, then I would encourage her to play rec or adult league softball this year and drop the high school team.

[dancer67]

So your DD was good enough to play varsity as a freshman, but all of a sudden not good enough to play as a senior? The only thing I can think of is that coaches tend to look to the seniors as leaders of the team, and you DD "taking herself out of practice" wasn't being a leader from the coaches perspective. That's a stretch though. How has their relationship been the past three years? Has she ever complained about coach? Something is not right, and this temporary membership thing he made up is a joke. Either she is on the team or she isn't. It isn't fair to string her along. I would make an appointment with the principal or one of the assistan principals. Sorry you have to be uncomfortable standing up for your DD; I hate confrontation too.

 

Nope. He even said to her last year, that he was sad to see her become a Senior this coming year.

 

And yes, this whole temporary thing has me furious. I told my daughter that she should confront the coach and tell him that he needs to stop wasting her time, and either she is staying or going. But she is afraid to make waves. I tell her it isn't going to matter, because if he does not want her there, he doesn't want her there. No matter what she says.

 

Again, I am NOT one of those whiny sports moms, and I hate even complaining about this. I would laugh at all the parents yelling over their kids not playing or something stupid. And I would just shake my head.

 

 

We have done dance for almost 14 years, and I have never ONCE had an issue like this.

 

And the sad part about all of this?? It is her last year of high school, and this is the ONE thing she always participates in and loves. And this idiot is going to go ahead and ruin it.

[dancer67]

Here's my take - we've been doing the softball thing and the high school sports thing for a long time.

 

My thought is that the coach gave her the "two days to prove" so he could back-track on his decision to cut her and save face. It made it more difficult for him to reverse his decision when you called him on it, but I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from on this one.

 

If it is important to your daughter to play softball this year, then she should keep going to practices. She will probably have plenty of bench time, sorry to say, because he has a bad impression of her committment, but she will still get to play.

 

If it's not important to your DD to do it with lots of bench time, especialy since she is a senior and sounds like she has other interests as well, then I would encourage her to play rec or adult league softball this year and drop the high school team.

 

:iagree:

 

And if she had to be benched, she will do it. Because that is who she is. If she committs to something, she won't quit.

 

What I cannot stand is liars. If you don't want her there, then fine. But don't lie and say it is because of asthma. He wouldn't dare say that about anyone else with a disability.

 

He crossed a line with me. And yep, I was beyond ticked.

 

She is still going to practice. I am keeping my mouth shut. For now. But if she gets cut, I will call a meeting with the sports director along with the coach. And both my husband and I will deal with this.

 

Thanks for letting me rant. I hate this kind of stuff.

[QueenCat]

And yes, this whole temporary thing has me furious. I told my daughter that she should confront the coach and tell him that he needs to stop wasting her time, and either she is staying or going. But she is afraid to make waves. I tell her it isn't going to matter, because if he does not want her there, he doesn't want her there. No matter what she says.

 

 

 

I wouldn't talk to the coach in that type of tone. Not if she wants to play. She should not stoop to his level but rise above it. If I were a coach, and a player said I was wasting her time, there is no way she would be playing for me. The asthma issue is separate from going to the coach with an attitude. The asthma issue should not keep her from playing, and I would not tolerate that part.

[unsinkable]

I am not really questioning as to who is on the team,and I do know her abilites and qualities. Which have never been an issue before. She has never missed one game. And even when benched so others could play, she did without complaining. Even though others were literally crying(and I mean with tears). And the coach would go over and comfort them by saying they will be put in the next game. Really?? I never said a world. I sat there.

 

I really see a "It is all in who you know and what your parents do" going on here.

 

And I also see an issue of,not cutting girls who are overweight because of a possible lawsuit. Even though these girls cannot run. Yet accomodations are made for them . One example. When it is time to run to a home base, they take them out and put in a "runner" in their place. This is no joke.

 

Are they going to do this for my daughter? And if it is already being done, why not for my kid?

 

And if there is really another underlying issue as to why they cut her, then fine. Spit it out. But if he is making up an excuse that "She took herself out of exercise" because of her asthma, he better be careful. Because to me, that has discrmination written all over it.

 

One thing if you are fooling around, cutting practice, talking on your cell phone, not good enough etc. I can live with all that. That would be my daughter's problem, and oh well for her.

But NOT if it is because of her asthma.

 

I should have specified that I mean when/if you talk to the coaches/principal, etc, the focus should always be on your DD, not who is on the team. Venting here is fine and I TOTALLY get it. :grouphug:

 

"pinch runners" are part of the game. Even on the most fit team, one girl will be the slowest. That's what the coach might say, that it is part of the game.

 

I am on your side. I think your DD is being played and it's wrong. :grouphug:

Edited March 30, 2011 by unsinkable

[Jean in Newcastle]

I suspect that he didn't know about the asthma, made a decision, heard her explanation and felt embarrassed and told her he'd think about it as a way to save face. Not the most mature way to handle it but not that unusual either.

[dancer67]

Thanks ladies. I needed a good long vent............:grouphug:

 

And no, she shouldn't speak to her coach in that manner, and she wouldn't. It is just mama bear here getting all bent out of shape.

 

I will just have to wait and see where this goes. But at least I know I am overly crazy for being this upset. And I hate it, because it is all over a sport.:confused:

[dancer67]

I suspect that he didn't know about the asthma, made a decision, heard her explanation and felt embarrassed and told her he'd think about it as a way to save face. Not the most mature way to handle it but not that unusual either.

 

He knows about her asthma. But this is the first time she had to take herself out because of it. And she wouldn't of even done that if some of her friends had not insisted on it, since her lips were turning blue.:001_huh:

 

Normally, she will use her inhaler if she needs it, when she comes back to the bench after an inning.

[mom2scouts]

Call and ask to set up an appointment with both the coach *and* the athletic director. That will put the coach in a position to tell you what's going on.

[unsinkable]

Any updates?