Joker Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I have some really great friends that date back to my junior high days. I thought we'd always be close. I'm the only one that homeschools and the only one that doesn't work outside the home. The gap is widening and it kinda hurts. It suddenly feels like I need to make new friends and I don't really know how to do that.:001_huh: I have a great dh and kids but I miss just talking with my girlfriends. I feel like I have to start all over and I'm in my mid-thirties. It's just weird and uncomfortable. Sorry for the pity party and thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 :grouphug: Yes, I have had to let go of old friends and open up to making new ones in the last few years. Homeschooling changed my life so much, my old friends couldn't really relate so much. I just trust its a healthy thing though to move on and make new friends. It is stretching me, and I am just saying to Life- ok, I am ready for new friends, please bring them to me or help me with that. And it is happening and I feel enriched and happy with it and the new people I am meeting. It is taking me out of my comfort zone, though, but I think that is good, even though it can be hard. And at the same time one of my old friends is reconnecting too as she has been through a change recently and wanted to share it with me. Although it hurts to let go of old friends...I think sometimes it is Life's way of saying, time to move on and let something new in. When you look back at your age now from say age 60, you might see that the friends you made in your mid thirties were better suited to you, and maybe some of them will be "old" friends by then too. Life never stands still. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I have some really great friends that date back to my junior high days. I thought we'd always be close. I'm the only one that homeschools and the only one that doesn't work outside the home. The gap is widening and it kinda hurts. It suddenly feels like I need to make new friends and I don't really know how to do that.:001_huh: I have a great dh and kids but I miss just talking with my girlfriends. I feel like I have to start all over and I'm in my mid-thirties. It's just weird and uncomfortable. Sorry for the pity party and thanks for listening. :grouphug: Well, we've moved 8 times in the last 8 years, so I'm always having to make new friends, if it makes you feel better. Also, I'm an introvert so I don't really enjoy making new friends, I'd rather have old friends. We do have dear friends who we have been stationed with twice, and most places we have lived, we have known a few people already from previous assignments, so that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I am getting there too. This is our first year, and it was going okay until we decided that we are going to do this again next year. It was okay for me to "experiment" with hs, but I am the only one I know who is doing it. I think it might have to do with their own insecurities. That my homeschooling my kids is a judgment on them.I am a hs mom, as I believe it is best for our family, it is the thing that I have done in life that is totally selfish to our family, and really ignoring what everyone else is doing. That can't stop other people's insecurities. Even though hs is growing a lot, and fast, we are still stepping off the mainstream path. People get uncomfortable when you do something radical. Those are two of my thoughts as to why it is happening. I know that I am increasingly happy that this board is here for support and questions. I have really clicked with one mom that I have met through hs. I can see how a lot of my friendships are going to change in the next few years. :grouphug: We are here for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy2BaMom Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I could have written your post. I have always been one who values history in friendships, and who is usually the last to let go. It's always hard for me to understand why people can't remain "casual" friends - you know, talk a few times a year, or just see each other when you're in town, etc....but most of the world doesn't seem to operate like that (which is fine...nobody needs to follow my set of rules) - it seems like you're either "in" or "out" as far as most peoples' definition of friendships go. I lost my bestest friend this past year (her decision, not mine) - we'd vacationed with both our families together for several years, we'd been through thick and thin -talking on the phone every week - for more than six years, and then (we've lived half a country apart for the last five) she decided that the distance thing wasn't working for her anymore, and that our lives had become too different (part of that was me homeschooling, part was that we are now rural and she's very urban, etc.). Now I never hear from her, and it's too uncomfortable for me to call her, so I don't. It was really difficult for awhile, but now I've adjusted and am pretty much OK with it. I think I've just had to learn to accept that friends - not matter how good - are not family. They're people you have in your life for periods of time when you have a lot in common with them, and, when that's no longer true, you drift apart and find new friends with whom you have more in common. This is a very different definition of friendship than I've had before, but it is probably healthier and certainly easier if I try to remember it. The homeschooling/stay-at-home mom divide (from the working mom/public school) can be a very big one, even if we don't want it to be. I hope that you can find a sense of grace and trust as you let go and move into new friendships...they will come, but it can be slow. Best of luck to you in your new ventures!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Thanks!! I'm just feeling down this week because one of my oldest and dearest friends is pulling away and I realized I need to try and find new friends. It's so sad! We lead such different lives now but she knows me better than most and, aside from my dh, is one of the only people I am truly myself around. It truly feels like I'm starting over and it's really uncomfortable and will take practice. It helps to hear other stories and know it happens to others. I just need to think positive!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChandlerMom Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 There's "Forever" friends and "for now" friends, and every time we experience a change in life: move; new job; graduate high school/college; get married; have a child; homeschool... -- we get a chance to see which are which. Often the "for now" friendships fade, sometimes painfully. The forever friends, far fewer, endure but often change. Sometimes a "for now" friendship proves to be more enduring than we expected. If you expect those friendships to NOT change it can be too much pressure on the other person, but if you can let go sometimes you will be pleasantly surprised. Maybe you won't be "talk every day friends" but "contentedly e-mail once a month friends" can still be a great thing! In a way the turnover of friends is a sign of how WE are growing and changing ourselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaMa2005 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I think as we move through different stages in life, our friends change. The friends I had before we adopted DS have pretty much disappeared. They were at the end of their child rearing years and here I was starting over. My friends now revolve around homeschooling and international adoption. Yes, I miss some of my former friends, but I have learned to grow and love my new found friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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