1bassoon Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 that is the question! Looking for "what would you do" advice. . . . . My dh has been out of work since last May - tough, since we moved down to AL for his job in 2005. Long story, won't bore you with it. There is a very, very good chance he will be offered a job about 2.5 hours away from here next week, and we'll have to make a quick decision. It is a job NOT at all in his field (he's a trained music educator/orchestra conductor - this would be in management for a large corporation). With the chaos and difficulties of the last 3 years, he's understandably a little gun-shy - we're just not sure how it will go. BUT, with a very good salary being offered (as in, more than we've ever made before), and a nice city we wouldn't mind living in, I think we'll take it. It is really highly unusual that this offer would come about - truly the Lord working in a direct answer to many, many, MANY prayers. However, dh does NOT think he'll be there for more than 2 years. (Although who knows!?!) Even more unusual, our friends who live in this new city know a family leaving for a two-year stint on the missions field on July 1. They want to rent their big, wonderful house in a historic section of town to a Christian family, for cheap. A little more info: our kids have finally, FINALLY gotten to the place where they have good friends and feel settled. My eldest dd has the possibility of interning with our phenomenal Christian ballet company next year - she wants to be a dance education major in college, has a real heart for God's glory in the arts. We love, love our house - and, btw, with the economy probably couldn't sell it quickly or for as much as we want. We also love, love our church - it has all the "benefits" of a larger church, a GREAT kids missions program, and a family Sunday School class that is unequaled anywhere. To top it off, dh has finally gotten to the point where he really likes living in B'ham. Here are the options we're dealing with: 1) Stay put for a year. Dh works M-F, rents a room with some sweet old couple (hopefully!), is home on weekends. Possibly could arrange a M-TH, with telecommuting on Fridays. We have a home office. 2) Stay put 'til the house sells, then join dh when that happens. He would do the M-F thing until then. 3) Leave house empty, move everyone in the summer, begin setting down roots and plugging kids in, finding a new church,etc. If the rent is low enough in the new town, we could deal with the empty house and the mortgage. We had already decided to rent when (if) we moved again anyways, to get a feel for the new town. It will be soooo hard to leave - and we're concerned that if he decides not to stay, we'll be dealing with yet another move and more upheaval - but at the same time, the thought of our family being separated is hard. I know we can do it, but the kids just LOVE their daddy, kwim? Thanks for weighing in. Sorry this got so long! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Heather Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 that is the question! Looking for "what would you do" advice. . . . . My dh has been out of work since last May - tough, since we moved down to AL for his job in 2005. Long story, won't bore you with it. There is a very, very good chance he will be offered a job about 2.5 hours away from here next week, and we'll have to make a quick decision. It is a job NOT at all in his field (he's a trained music educator/orchestra conductor - this would be in management for a large corporation). With the chaos and difficulties of the last 3 years, he's understandably a little gun-shy - we're just not sure how it will go. BUT, with a very good salary being offered (as in, more than we've ever made before), and a nice city we wouldn't mind living in, I think we'll take it. It is really highly unusual that this offer would come about - truly the Lord working in a direct answer to many, many, MANY prayers. However, dh does NOT think he'll be there for more than 2 years. (Although who knows!?!) Even more unusual, our friends who live in this new city know a family leaving for a two-year stint on the missions field on July 1. They want to rent their big, wonderful house in a historic section of town to a Christian family, for cheap. A little more info: our kids have finally, FINALLY gotten to the place where they have good friends and feel settled. My eldest dd has the possibility of interning with our phenomenal Christian ballet company next year - she wants to be a dance education major in college, has a real heart for God's glory in the arts. We love, love our house - and, btw, with the economy probably couldn't sell it quickly or for as much as we want. We also love, love our church - it has all the "benefits" of a larger church, a GREAT kids missions program, and a family Sunday School class that is unequaled anywhere. To top it off, dh has finally gotten to the point where he really likes living in B'ham. Here are the options we're dealing with: 1) Stay put for a year. Dh works M-F, rents a room with some sweet old couple (hopefully!), is home on weekends. Possibly could arrange a M-TH, with telecommuting on Fridays. We have a home office. 2) Stay put 'til the house sells, then join dh when that happens. He would do the M-F thing until then. 3) Leave house empty, move everyone in the summer, begin setting down roots and plugging kids in, finding a new church,etc. If the rent is low enough in the new town, we could deal with the empty house and the mortgage. We had already decided to rent when (if) we moved again anyways, to get a feel for the new town. It will be soooo hard to leave - and we're concerned that if he decides not to stay, we'll be dealing with yet another move and more upheaval - but at the same time, the thought of our family being separated is hard. I know we can do it, but the kids just LOVE their daddy, kwim? Thanks for weighing in. Sorry this got so long! We made it a whole 3 months being seperated as a family. Which is why we are in housing snafu. Anyway, it sounds like a great opportunity. Things will fall into place.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Could you rent out your house instead of selling it? A lot of people are looking to rent right now. That would offset your rent and mortgage and would give you an "out" in case you decide to return to Bham. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanga Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 IMHO, seeing Dad every night is way more important than friends, Church, ballet, etc. However my perspective is somewhat different as my dh was in the military and we had forced separations during his deployments. So when he was sent to a special school for 11 1/2 months in the states and the military would not pay to move our family I packed up our house and moved from CA to MD and then moved across country again 11 months later. My dc actually look back very fondly on that time. So for what it is worth I would move into the lovely rental and rent out my house. You can put in a clause that states that the renters will have to vacate if you need to move back in (of course giving them a 6 week or 2 month warning). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 My dh once commuted weekly to a different state for 14 months. It was a lot of wear and tear on all of us. If we had the decision to make again, I don't think we would do it. For us, it is much easier to have our family together. My vote is for all of you to go with your dh, then rent out your current house since dh thinks the new job might be short-term. It may not be the first choice of your dc to leave their friends, but they will adapt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnPrairieMuffin Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 staying together as a family. It's really important for all of your kids to know mom and dad are still in love and a "couple". I've just seen so many marriages end in bits with the commuter life. Dad home on the weekends just doesn't make-up for the rest of the week. Regardless of what's going on in your kids' lives, nothing will mean more than seeing a strong marriage between you and dh, they need that more than anything. Good luck! Erin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted May 3, 2008 Author Share Posted May 3, 2008 What terrific advice - And I think that's what it boils down to. If they offer this job, he pretty much can't refuse. A dear friend told us a joke about a pastor who prays for rain, then almost drowns because he won't accept the help the Lord sends his way. . . .that's our situation! My head says, go with hubby. My heart is aching for the kids to pack up and start all over again - seems like it's more complicated with the older one, who's going to be a junior. Keep advising! I'm still listening - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 My Dh has gone on to work in another state while I stayed with the kids twice now and I would rent your house/put it for sale, whatever, and rent a house with him. It's too hard on the kids to do this. I finally told DH this just a few weeks ago that after he moved to AR and I was in Maine, my baby, who was 2 at the time, would wake up at night and cry " where daddy go". UGH. Never again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 My dh and I were apart for seven months while he worked where we currently live. We were 800 miles apart. Our situation was a little different as he was rebuilding my aunt's house after a hurricane totalled it. He was living on the floor in one room that was undamaged. There was literally no place in town for my son and I to stay. He came home only every other weekend. It was hard on our marriage, our son, and my husband emotionally. We decided never to attempt that again. It took almost another 7 months for us to feel like a family again. I would rec that you do whatever you have to do to stay together as a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 I vote for number 2...and next year, if she gets the internship, is your dd old enough to live M-F or whenever the internship is with another family or in a rented room with a sweet old couple????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 I haven't read the other replies, so I'm sorry if I am rehashing other's thoughts. I wonder why your dh thinks he will only be there for 2 years? Does he think the job will end then? Or does he think he will not like the job and is only doing this as a temp fix so that he can eventually get back in his field? That would matter to me in my decision making process. I would not buy a house before you sell the one you are in. And I would definitely not want to be separated from my dh 4 or 5 days a week for 2 years. So I would rent the house in the new city and leave your house empty until it sells. I think being together as a family is more important than trying to keep your kids from being uprooted from their routines. Kids are resilient....they will be fine. And you never know they might like the new city and activities way more. The important thing is to be together as a family. IMO of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted May 3, 2008 Author Share Posted May 3, 2008 Dh just got burned really, really badly when we moved down here - as in deceit and misrepresentation. It has been a difficult 2+ years - God has used it for good, but we're all a little gunshy, to say the least. Renting sounds good - hedging our bets. However, we do have a friend who was asking about moving to this part of B'ham. I might give her a call. . . . It's just scary to see so many houses down here sitting empty, with "For Sale" signs in front. And we're not even half as bad as other areas - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Being an Army wife-I go where he goes (as long as the Army allows it). I would move in the summer, then it's easier to get involved with activities. It is much more difficult moving in the middle of the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted May 5, 2008 Author Share Posted May 5, 2008 Y'all don't know how helpful you've been - We've decided to "stay together" if he gets the job. We'll probably have to do the weekly commute thing for a month or so, while I wrap things up here, but I'll bet after that month I will be glad, glad, GLAD we're going together. . If you're inclined to pray - the housing situation I mentioned in my OP is now not available. It was nice to think that piece could be taken care of - but we do rest in knowing the Lord will guide our steps - Thanks, everyone - :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Lynx Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 Been there. Done #3. No regrets :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.