Gooblink Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 My boys are best friends with 2 brothers, ages 13 and 10, who live in our neighborhood, but it is another section, separated by a greenbelt. Only recently have we allowed the boys to ride their bikes, together, back and forth to visit. Yesterday, the 4 of them rode their bikes to the park (less than 1/2 mile away) and by the time they got back to our house, it was dusk and they were playing outside in the front yard. Their mother (we've been friends for many years) called me to ask that I tell the boys to stay put at our house, that she didn't want her boys riding home in dark and their dad was on his way to pick them up in his truck. Well...I just found out from my 10 year-old that the 13 year-old - after I told him his mother said to stay put - decided he was going to ride home anyway and left. The 10 year-old stayed until his dad picked him up. First, I feel badly that the kid left on my watch. I really, really thought they would obey my instructions and could be trusted outside for 10 minutes. Second, I'm really ticked at this kid for disobeying. Maybe this is just a vent. I don't know if I should call the mom and apologize. Her son just called our house to see if my boys wanted to go out and ride bikes, again, and I'm a little surprised he's not grounded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Granted, I don't have kids that age yet, but I wouldn't do or say anything. If she trusts her kids enough to ride around and go to the park with yours, I doubt she expected you to stay in the yard and make sure that the boys didn't go home on their own. She asked you to tell them to wait. I'm sure they worked it out on their own once she figured out that the older one didn't do as she asked and I doubt she expects you to give it a second thought. The kid disobeyed his mom, not you, right? You were just relaying the message from his mom? I wouldn't say anything to him unless he disobeys your house rules or disobeys his mom in a way that she doesn't know about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 If she calls and asks you something like that again, say "I will tell the boys. But you know that I can't stop them if one of them decides to go on home like he did last time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I think I would call and say that I felt bad that the kid left on my watch, but that I had told him what she said and had just thought he would obey. That way, if there was somehow any misunderstanding of expectations, it could get cleared up. He disobeyed his mother. You were just the messenger. I would be inclined to trust him less. I might ask the mom how she would feel about my telling him so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Hmmm...I don't know that you need to apologize for a 13yo not following instructions. You passed on the mother's message. I'd view it as between them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I'd probably call the mom. I'd say something like "Ds10 just told me that your boy left after I told him you wanted to wait here for his Dad. I'm sorry he did that, and I just wanted to check and see if you wanted me to do anything different next time they're here at dusk." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I would probably call and say something like "Hi So-and-So! Johnny just told me that Timmy went ahead and left our house last night and rode home in the dark. I'm sorry! I told him that you guys would pick him up but I didn't realize that he left after I went back inside. I'm just glad that he got home okay. I wasn't quite sure what I should do if the situation comes up again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I would probably call and say something like "Hi So-and-So! Johnny just told me that Timmy went ahead and left our house last night and rode home in the dark. I'm sorry! I told him that you guys would pick him up but I didn't realize that he left after I went back inside. I'm just glad that he got home okay. I wasn't quite sure what I should do if the situation comes up again." :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endorphins Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I'd probably call the mom. I'd say something like "Ds10 just told me that your boy left after I told him you wanted to wait here for his Dad. I'm sorry he did that, and I just wanted to check and see if you wanted me to do anything different next time they're here at dusk." This. Totally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I'd give her a call and tell her that I was terribly sorry, I just found out that her older son had left last night even though he knew his dad was coming. "I'm so glad he got home safely, and again, I'm so sorry that I didn't even know about it until now." I wouldn't think any more about the other boy's actions after making the phone call, but I would be concerned that this might be a sign of something else. Because of that, I'd have a brief discussion with my kids, that this boy disobeyed both my and his mother's request, that I wasn't thinking that was so smart, and that my own children might want to watch themselves a little more closely when they are with him, since he's shown he doesn't follow the rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 i'm actually finding myself less and less willing to take responsibility for other people's children who i know will not do as i ask. i can't actually BE responsible if they won't permit it, kwim? you've had good advice for how to handle it. ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gooblink Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 I would probably call and say something like "Hi So-and-So! Johnny just told me that Timmy went ahead and left our house last night and rode home in the dark. I'm sorry! I told him that you guys would pick him up but I didn't realize that he left after I went back inside. I'm just glad that he got home okay. I wasn't quite sure what I should do if the situation comes up again." Thank you, ALL!! I did speak with her, mainly because her son had called again to invite the boys on a bike ride. I used, pretty much, your words, ChristusG and she was super gracious (as I knew she'd be). Anyway, I have it off my chest. She confessed her son has been taking more liberties, flexing his independence, and she and his dad are going to enforce more limits. My ds2 confessed that one of the reasons their friend left was because ds2 was being unreasonable about a Nerf toy and the boy got mad. So...I also had a talk with ds2 about friendship. I also spoke with my boys about obedience and appropriate behavior, and they assured me they'd never do something so bold. Since they are perfect, I have no reason to doubt that. HaHaHaHa! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 i'm actually finding myself less and less willing to take responsibility for other people's children who i know will not do as i ask. i can't actually BE responsible if they won't permit it, kwim? Same here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gooblink Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 i'm actually finding myself less and less willing to take responsibility for other people's children who i know will not do as i ask. i can't actually BE responsible if they won't permit it, kwim? you've had good advice for how to handle it. ann I hear ya. I'm finding that the older I get, the less patience I have with other peoples' kids. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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