Helping ds deal with major trauma

[swellmomma]

DS12 is not the best at handling the little things that come up. THis boy has been through many major things in his life already but a new one occured the other day that threw me for a loop. WHile at his friend's place Sunday afternoon, the mom tried to commit suicide, and threated to kill the 2 girls(his friend and her sister). THe dad had to wrestle the knife out of her hand, told ds to get his coat on and run,a nd got the girls safely to the aunt's house 2 doors away. As he get the kids all to safety the mom locked herself int he house and again attempted. By this point ds was home and I was at the hosue with the dad waiting for police/ambulance to get there trying to talk to her through the window.

 

She has been commited, the girls are staying the with the grandparents 2 hours away, and ds is left trying to make sense of what he witnessed. I have talked to him about what was happening, and how none of this was his fault or his friend's. We have talked about how the dad was trying to help the mom not hurt her when he had to physically fight her for the knife (ds thought the dad was beating the mom). He has been very very sick for the last two days and not talking at all, but I know he will have more questions when he is up to it. The main thing right now is he is not understanding depression leading to suicide. He knows I have battled depression, but mine presents differently, I get angry, irritable and shut down to outsiders, building my defences, but have never ever thought of suicide, let alone trying it. He is also confused why the woman would say she would kill the girls too(first saying she would slit their throats, and then saying she would drive off a bridge with them), because she is feeling bad about her own life.

 

Suicide etc is hard enough to understand when you are an adult. Do you know of any resources, books or something that can help me tak to him about this touchy difficult topic.

[BigMamaBird]

Oh Brandy, I'm so sorry! :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I'm so sorry your son witnessed all that. It sounds like you are handling it well, though. I would just answer his questions as honestly as you can, and explain that she may have had some other problems along with her depression. I will pray for your family and the family of those girls.

[Denisemomof4]

oh my WORD! Thank God nothing happened to the children, or the mother!

 

I seriously would take my kid to a therapist trained in that area to help your ds process it all. I really think that would be your best bet!

[FaithManor]

Brandy, I am sooooo sorry your ds had to deal with this. I will pray for him and for you. I would be as honest as possible with him and maybe find someone who has done grief counseling for families of mentally ill persons who have tried or been successful at suicide. I think I would also try to keep things as normal at home as humanly possible and try to find things to distract him if you find him lost in thought, withdrawn, etc.

 

(((HUGS))) Faith

[ChristusG]

Oh my goodness! Your poor son! I'm so glad that none of the kids were injured.

[Danestress]

Honestly, I am not sure I would even explain it right, because I have trouble understanding it myself. For me, I think I would probably want to admit that these things are really tough to understand and that I have questions too, so I want us to go ask someone who understands better.

[Night Elf]

Oh my! If this were me, I'd schedule an appt. with a counselor asap. I don't think I'd feel comfortable reassuring him of everything because I'd hate if I missed something, some telltale sign or something. Plus, he might be more reassured by someone other than you, especially if he knows you have depression. It isn't a far leap for a child to make that depression=suicide attempt if he witnesses it first hand. He could be fearing for you and himself too. But sometimes we just can't make sense of the craziness we see in this world. :(

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBMQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nami.org%2FContent%2FContentGroups%2FCAAC%2FResource_Guide_Final_4.doc&ei=62ZITcGyOJH4swOg75TVAg&usg=AFQjCNFubCAevkyItSKrsndFcD8fwSjy1g&sig2=4lWyquN2OEqY2w9mI5uXeg I don't know if this worked or not. What I did was try to copy a link to a document put out by NAMI.org on books for children on mental illness. The books specifically for kids is in section 2. If it didn't work, google "NAMI children's books". This link works but it takes you to a download of the document.

[Starr]

It's great that you are comfortable being direct and able to talk to him about such a difficult subject. I'm so sorry!

[lailasmum]

Counselling would be a good idea. Where I live there are services for children who experience trauma/death where they do like art therapy etc.. Is there anything like that near you? maybe local doctors or hospital would know.