Am I expecting too much of my 8 year old? Or am I doing the right thing?

[EKS]

I do think it's important for kids to have work they do independently. However, I disagree with your statement that it's *his* responsibility to get his work done. He's 8. It is *your* responsibility (as a parent and a homeschooler) both legally and morally to make sure he is educated, and this includes ensuring that he gets his work done.

[Mejane]

I've observed that what a child does academically at 8 does not move in a linear fashion into what they do at 10, 12, 14 or 16.

 

 

 

:iagree:This is so true, Joanne.

[Janna]

I think kiddo will do anything just to have company. I get far too many "oh, I don't get this"s if I stray. Our compromise is that I put the books out, teach what I need to teach, and then I clean lightly in the room, or scan through the next subject. Sometimes he puts his bare foot on my foot, a sort of "don't get up and move away".

 

So, no, kiddo could not do this. We cover this much territory (over 7 days) but not without a hand holding his.

 

:iagree: This is exactly how things go at our house with my (just turned) 9yo boy. My daughter was a whole 'nother matter (very self-motivated), but for my ds - Kalanamak described it perfectly. He's my middle and I think he just wants *me*. There are far too many examples of him clearly being able to do his work, but rather telling me he doesn't know how to do it - until I'm literally over his shoulder watching every single step (that he does perfectly without any interjection from me).

[rwilliams]

I have a 9 year old that I have implemented the very same approach. I was tired of nagging. Basically you are transferring the locus of control from you to him. It is working for us. It takes awhile to train your child and hold to the consequences for working on the weekend. He is learning time management and how to predict his day. It also it much easier on me. We still do all the hands-on, direct instruction lessons on my time schedule......he is just responsible for the more independent activities without my standing over him.

[LibraryLover]

Could he just be really bored? It can be kind of a grind to work by yourself for hours, especially if you are a little boy. At least in school you get to send notes to your neighbor. "Calvin, would like to share with the class what you've written to little Suzy?" ;)

Edited January 14, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Halcyon]

Could he just be really bored? It can be kind of a grind to work by yourself for hours, especially if you are a little boy. At least in school you get to send notes to your neighbor. "Calvin, would like to share with the class what you've written to little Suzy?" ;)

 

 

I am sorry I didn't explain myself in the OP better-he's not alone at any time during the day. I am either sitting next to him, or I am in the kitchen while he sits at the kitchen table. We interact a LOT in the day (anything from "hey, mom, listen to this!" to "I can't do this problem, I need help.") The only thing I am trying to change is that I'm trying to get him to better initiate and complete work without my nagging. I know a lot of people here think that's impossible LOL! And maybe it is--we'll see :)

[Halcyon]

I have a 9 year old that I have implemented the very same approach. I was tired of nagging. Basically you are transferring the locus of control from you to him. It is working for us. It takes awhile to train your child and hold to the consequences for working on the weekend. He is learning time management and how to predict his day. It also it much easier on me. We still do all the hands-on, direct instruction lessons on my time schedule......he is just responsible for the more independent activities without my standing over him.

 

Glad to hear there's another Mom trying this approach. And yes, that's what I'd like to do: transfer the locus of control from me to him. I'd actually rephrase it as trying to REMIND his of his own control, which he's always had and always will.

 

For me, one of the main benefits of hs-ing is that my child can learn (or reacquaint himself with the knowledge) that HE is in control of his life--not the teachers, not his friends, not me. He has the power. I don't want to exist simply as a crutch that prevents him from remembering, realizing, that HE has the power. I want to be a support, but not undermine his own control. Does that make sense?

[Tammyla]

:iagree: Teaching, discussing and ensuring the work gets done is the teacher's / adults responsibility in any setting.

 

I do think it's important for kids to have work they do independently. However, I disagree with your statement that it's *his* responsibility to get his work done. He's 8. It is *your* responsibility (as a parent and a homeschooler) both legally and morally to make sure he is educated, and this includes ensuring that he gets his work done.

[Haiku]

To me it does not look like there is any lack of "with mom," "ask mom for help," "work with mom" on your schedule. I assume you aren't handing him the schedule and checking out. I think it's a good idea, honestly, and a good start toward handing him more responsibility for his work.

 

Tara

[rwilliams]

Glad to hear there's another Mom trying this approach. And yes, that's what I'd like to do: transfer the locus of control from me to him. I'd actually rephrase it as trying to REMIND his of his own control, which he's always had and always will.

 

For me, one of the main benefits of hs-ing is that my child can learn (or reacquaint himself with the knowledge) that HE is in control of his life--not the teachers, not his friends, not me. He has the power. I don't want to exist simply as a crutch that prevents him from remembering, realizing, that HE has the power. I want to be a support, but not undermine his own control. Does that make sense?

 

The difference for us it that I did have most of the power and control. My son wanted more power. We are both dominant personalties. I chose this approach to decrease conflict and give him more freedom. I only give him one day at a time.

[Supertechmom]

It's not too much. I'm in the camp give them a list and train them to follow it. once they can, train them to make it their own. the skills are life skills that will follow them the rest of their life in all areas. After all, most people don't have any problem starting with a chore list and training their kids to do chores. Why is school different? Why not train children to work off of a list and handle their own schoolwork. I dont' regret one second of "list training" as my 8th grader has had no problem with his online classes. He knows to follow the syllabus and do the work. I'm not having to teach him that in addition to him trying to learn the class work. It's been a life safer as he gets compliments from his teacher for being the only one who is prepared for class and having his assignments on time. He's not having to figure out that part while trying to obtain an A in the class.

 

Now my 4thgrader. It varies . We are still actively training how to follow the list, make it your own, accomplish the work. But it's worth it.I will say we are on the end of the training with him. THe worst time was around 2nd grade. 3 rd grade was little better and 4 th grade is much better.

[Halcyon]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate everyone's opinions on this! I am going to keep at it forr a month or so and see how it works out. And yes, Tara, you're right--I am in NO way "abandoning him" to his list! :)

[julievalvano]

I have an 8 yo son and 7 yo daughter and we do about the same or a little more work each day than you. We stick to about the same schedule daily:

 

For my 8 yo (same for my 7yo but she is on Saxon 5/4):

Saxon 6/5 and Key to Fractions 3 pages a day

MCTLA and FLL daily

A History of US chapter 3 times a week

Spelling Workout G or Natural Speller

Can do Cursive 2 pages daily

Washington Geography one lesson daily

15 minute guitar practice

REAL Science chemistry and biology 2 times a week

Beginning almost advanced Analogies 1-2 pages daily

Ethics: currently World Religion (we are secular)

Read-Aloud 2-3 chapters tying in to history

Artistic Impressions: once weekly

daily journal entry on topic of choice

 

We start school around 8:30 and end around 2:00. I like your idea of dropping some subjects and going longer on others but I am not sure what to drop. They love all of them except math and that is non-negotiable. I am on hand all day and they kids can mix up what they want to work on. They each know what they need to get done daily except when we cut something for an activity, etc. With 2 kids so close I teach a lot of the same material at the same time or we'd never get done. I find it hard to differentiate between the 2 since they are so close. Should I expect more from my 3rd grader?

 

I'd like to hear about what you think of my schedule. We live in WA State.

 

Juliegirl, sensitive yet receptive :001_smile:

[tex-mex]

I miss Ria on these boards. One thing she always used to say is that kids need teaching. They need to be taught, not to be left alone with their books. They do learn to learn independently, over time, but she used to literally teach even her teenagers (and she had 4 I think). She would sit with them and go over their lessons, making sure they understood, before sending them off to do the work. Her approach affected me a lot and made me much more patient with my needy son.

 

I also remember coming to these boards many times asking when my son would be ready to work more independently, since even at 12 I often had to sit with him, and many times I was encouraged to be patient, and remember that I am homeschooling, and that I have the privelege of being able to help my son as much as he needs it.

:iagree: As a former K-8 schoolteacher, this is true. Although the OP's ds is capable of working independently, emotionally he is still much too young to be on his own, literally. Even my brainiac students in the classroom loved individual attention or quality time. I loved the elementary years! I loved doing lessons, hands on demos, talking about the unit or subject, and so on. It is wonderful to see the "light" turn on when a concept is mastered.

 

Personally, for my homeschooling, I taught ds from the age of 8 up to present (he is turning 16 this summer). And it has been a wonderful experience. As a homeschooler, he is much more INDEPENDENT compared to the early hs years -- but I still love to tackle Science and History and teach it to him like a tutor. I enjoy the discussion via the lesson. It never gets old. But to each his own, kwim?

[tex-mex]

I do think it's important for kids to have work they do independently. However, I disagree with your statement that it's *his* responsibility to get his work done. He's 8. It is *your* responsibility (as a parent and a homeschooler) both legally and morally to make sure he is educated, and this includes ensuring that he gets his work done.

:iagree: