please post all facebook tips for your teens here

[Hoggirl]

I know there have been recent threads on this, but it seems like they covered specific fb issues. I would LOVE to have all advice collected in one thread. Ds is 13, and we are considering this. I used to be on, but got off b/c I wasn't techno-savvy enough to stay ahead of the privacy issues. As an example, people used to not be able to find me at all, then they could. I now get TONS of spam in my e-mail, so should one create a separate e-mail account just for fb? Fortunately, the spam isn't anything "bad," but, although we do have a spam filter, it doesn't catch everything as such. I also worry about other computer privacy issues, getting viruses, etc. So, all wisdom in this area is appreciated.

[Hoggirl]

please?

[Beth in SW WA]

I have 2 teens on FB. I work with teens and am fb friends with about 200+ teens from all types of backgrounds.

 

Here is our family fb policy:

 

Since everything you say/write on the internet is a direct reflection of who you are...

 

No whining, complaining, critical/sarcastic/rude comments -- or anything remotely negative about yourself or others.

 

Keep fb a happy place.

 

Mom & Dad have full access.

 

No more than 30 min/day -- and only after schoolwork & responsibilities are done.

[Hannah C.]

I created a new email when I got married, so less than a year ago. This is the email I use for Facebook. I get very, very little spam at this email, so I'm inclined to think that the spam you were receiving was a result of some other site - but I could be wrong!

 

Privacy is the biggest thing about Facebook -- becoming familiar with the settings and making sure things are at the privacy setting you want. I do not agree with the default/recommended settings at all. Thankfully, they are fairly easy to change. Log into Facebook. In the upper right hand corner you will see "Account" with a down arrow next to it. Click on that. Privacy settings is one of the items in the menu. "Sharing on Facebook" is the important section. You can click through the three already-created settings. I think the "Friends Only" section should be the *ABSOLUTE MINIMUM* required privacy setting for anyone under the age of eighteen. If you select "Custom" you will have the option of doing just that -- customizing the privacy settings. I currently have mine set so that only certain people can see my photos, for example. You can accomplish this by making friends lists, or by typing in people's names to either allow them to see things or to hide things from them.

 

"Connecting on Facebook" is the other part of the privacy section. If you click on that, you will see a long list allowing you to customize who can see what. Again, for teens, everything on this should *absolutely* be limited to friends only, except perhaps "Search for you on Facebook" and "Send you friend requests." I personally have these limited to "friends of friends," meaning the only people who can find me are people who are Facebook friends with my Facebook friends. It is possible to hide yourself completely from searches, so that people can only become friends with you if *you* find *them*. This works fine until two people who both have themselves hidden from search results try to find each other. ;) This setting, however, may be best for teens, especially younger teens.

 

HTH with privacy!

[myfunnybunch]

Mine isn't technical or virus-related, but I remind both daughters:

 

Pretend you are at a huge party. Everyone you know is there, including your parents and grandparents, best friends and friends of friends, potential employers and potential mother-in-law. If you wouldn't step on the stage and announce into the mike at that party, DON'T POST IT ON FACEBOOK.

 

Cat

[Heather in Neverland]

1. EVERYTHING YOU DO ON FB IS PERMANENT

 

2. Schools, colleges, employers CAN and DO look up your FB account. The high school principal at my school regularly checks the FB pages of problem students (and others he is tipped off to) and kids get busted ALL THE TIME because they post EVERYTHING on FB.... "The SAT was so easy since I sat next to _____ and totally copied his answers!"... yeah, that kid got expelled from our school.

 

College admission boards check the pages of applicants.

 

Employees are fired all the time for the junk they put on FB.

 

 

It is not your "private" space. Nothing on the internet is private.

[Peela]

No friends that you dont know in real life. This is important for my 2 as they have so many friends it would be easy to start adding friends of friends. The truth is though, they have so many friends that I dont know, through Scout camps, that I cant realistically monitor this rule. I just ask every now and then.

 

Check every now and then that they havent actually found settings that allow them to hide things from their parents. My 2 decided after a year or 2 that even deleting their parents would be fine....it acutally took us weeks to notice, believe it or not. Then they had to put us back on and we are more diligent!

 

In return for being Facebook friends with them - and many of their friends as well, and some parents of some of their closer friends- who voluntarily asked us to be friends with them- we do not make a fuss over inane conversations, mild swearing and slang etc. In our case we are on the lookout for more serious stuff than that. It has been good for keeping an eye on them in some ways but we like to stay fairly distant. Its embarrassing enoguh for them that their friends who are friends with us, actually see what we post on our own walls :)

 

You should not be getting spam through Facebook. Have a look at your settings, make sure they are not public.

[Pippen]

I'm not on facebook and don't have any desire to be. I have their password and tell them up front that I will log in at least once a week. And I do.

 

Like the other mom said I don't make a fuss about the little stuff.

 

I didn't think of this ahead of time but if I were starting over I'd not permit them to friend any adults without my permission.

 

No posting about us leaving town until we get back.