MIL wants the "Gift of Time" from us this year for Christmas - help me

[MJN]

think of some neat ideas. The relationship is a strained one between us all, so I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but it's what she told me she wanted. She's a materialistic person and likes gifts to "prove you love her" type person. She's a hard one to please but maybe this will make her happy for once. Here's what I have so far:

 

1) Dh to replace the light bulb in her oven

2) Dh to replace the air filter

3) Dh to take her to the movies or out to eat

 

 

Thanks,

 

Molly

[specialmama]

Sounds like fun! Why not make a coupon book for her? Include what you have so far, but also things like:

- bake cookies with the kids

- learn a new skill together (maybe take an art class as a family and include her)

- a Friday night date of bowling or darts

- a coupon for unlimited hugs

- a coupon for afternoon tea with the kids

- a coupon for story time (for her to tell the kids what it was like for her growing up)

- a coupon for clearing snow

 

Some things to consider: what are her likes and skills? What are the ages of your kids? Could she help them learn something? Does her house need something else, like painting or organizing a cupboard or closet?

 

BTW, gifts of service is a love language. She may be materialistic, she may not be; but it sounds like time and gifts of service are her love language. That's okay. :o)

[Carpe Diem]

I know you are just brainstorming now and that you will have much more on the list. I hope you will come up with some ideas that include you and the children. :grouphug:

[Renthead Mommy]

I think this is an excellent idea! And it should work great. (Plus if it doesn't, it was her idea in the first place!)

 

She's the one asking for the time with you all. Give her the time, but instead of everyone sitting around staring at each other, do plan something. You said she's materialist, well, attention focused on her would probably fall into that catagory. Get her talking, give her a platform to speak on and an audience, maybe she'll really get going. Your kids may not want to hear about life in the great depression, or how much harder it was then what they have now or whatever, but they are old enough to understand the reason why. And they may learn some valueable info along the way.

 

Can she teach someone something? How to knit, or sew or cook something speical? Maybe something she did when she was younger. Yes it may not be something you or one of the your kids really wants to learn, but it looked like your kids were old enough to bite the bullet and learn it for the bigger reason.

 

What a monthly game night? My g'parents used to play ucker or something like that, and a few other card games that no one really plays now. Did she have a favorite? Maybe one to teach you all. You could even see if she has a friend who she wants to invite along. Or maybe just a regular game of monopoly or something.

 

My g'ma has brown paper grocery bags filled with pictures. They'll never ever make it into albums, and that's okay. But sometimes when I'd help her sort them, we wouldn't get far. She'd end up telling me about them. Maybe she's got a bag of old pictures. Have her bring them over one night, have dinner and let her tell you all about them. Have everyone pick out one to ask her about. Remind the kids to ask open ended questions.

 

Do you have any sort of family history? Maybe you can do that as a group using ancestory.com or something. Or if you don't want to that, I once bought a book for a friend who had grown up in Eastern Europe. It was a small book, filled with open ended questions. The idea was to get older relatives to tell the stories of their lives. It was called something like "Stories to tell my children." or something like that.

[Mary in VA]

How about cooking meals together that you can freeze for her use later. That ways she gets time with you and free time in the future when she doesn't have to cook.

 

Mary

[Catwoman]

1) Dh to replace the light bulb in her oven

2) Dh to replace the air filter

3) Dh to take her to the movies or out to eat

 

 

Well, Molly, I can't help but notice that your name isn't there on the "Gifts of Time" list... ;)

 

I think it might look a little odd if you and the kids aren't involved in any of the "gifts." (Or perhaps she would prefer time alone with your dh? The only potential problem with that is if she's the type to speak unfavorably about you when you're not around!)

 

Cat

[MJN]

that's why the list only has his name listed so far. I'll add ours in too, don't worry. :-) She said she never gets to see her son anymore. She sees me and the children though.

[QueenCat]

I know you are just brainstorming now and that you will have much more on the list. I hope you will come up with some ideas that include you and the children. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: This could be a way to reduce the strain. Maybe that is what she is asking for!

[T'smom]

Maybe a 'dinner of the month' club? You could give her coupons for dinners together once a month.

[bookfiend]

... perhaps choose locations that are on neutral ground and activity oriented so that there is less chance of conflict.

 

If it is her son she is missing, how about once a month coffee night at Starbucks - not a budget buster, can be scheduled slightly later in the evening so it won't interfer with other comittments.

[NanceXToo]

Maybe a 'dinner of the month' club? You could give her coupons for dinners together once a month.

 

This is a nice idea. Or it could be an outing of the month- sometimes a dinner, sometimes a lunch, sometimes some sort of field trip or activity, or some such?

[tex-mex]

that's why the list only has his name listed so far. I'll add ours in too, don't worry. :-) She said she never gets to see her son anymore. She sees me and the children though.

Most likely she still has "mommy issues" and this is the source of her conflict? Try to understand her love for him is not the same type of love you have for your dh. It is not supposed to be a competition. (But some MIL and DIL do compete for the hubby/son... ) Once that is understood, some good progress can be made in mending the strained relationship. Good luck.