Help tell me I'm not alone

[pamd]

Do your dc fight you so much just because they don't want to learn. Pure laziness. Do you ask yourself why you put yourself through all this, even though you know this is what God wants you to do and it is the best thing for them, but you feel like they are going to put you in a looney bin.:willy_nilly::willy_nilly:You pray and put God first and everday your little devil:sneaky2: :D shows up to push your buttons once again. Just venting. Just wanted to know I wasn't alone and feeling like I am :banghead::cursing:

[mom4him]

:grouphug:Not at all along. My ds can turn our school time into....... You put the word in and it isn't fun.

I constantly go back to the fact that God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do.

I am sure you get the picture.:001_smile:

[Superfly]

You are not alone! I am normally a very patient person, but my DD has made me lose my cool on more than one occassion. I found myself with an overwhelming desire to thunk her on the head. :blink: So to keep myself restrained, I've started making her do 10 pushups everytime she acts like ...well you know. After the first 2 sets, she usually shapes up and stops acting mentally challenged/lazy. I'm really not a child abuser...I promise! I'm trying to make her more independent, so we just implemented the workbox system this week and I started marking her time allotment on an analog clock(she can already read time). Its only day one so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it continues to work. No push-ups today though!

 

:grouphug:

[pamd]

:grouphug:Not at all along. My ds can turn our school time into....... You put the word in and it isn't fun.

I constantly go back to the fact that God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do, God placed them in my arms not someone elses and I am fully convinced that HS is what we are to do.

I am sure you get the picture.:001_smile:

:lol: I needed that. Thanks. I keep saying that to but some days the spirit of slap is close at hand.:D

[pamd]

. I found myself with an overwhelming desire to thunk her on the head. :blink: :grouphug:

I have had that thought also. These last few weeks have been awful, doesn't help I think I am having premenopause.:confused::lol: I am just losing it.

[Dana]

I wish I could say you were alone, but you're not! :grouphug:

 

Public or private school is really not an option for us due to severe allergies (and the use of Everyday Math), so I'm committed... and I may be if attitudes don't change.

 

Yesterday was one of those days.

I think today should go better, but I am tired of the battles.

 

Some days are really wonderful though, so hang on to those as much as possible.

[txhomemom]

My dd likes to test me to see what work she can get out of every day. I like the pushup idea someone mentioned earlier...I might have to try that. I might throw in a few situps or laps around the cul-de-sac.

 

Every now and then I have a day where I have to call dh to vent and he patiently listens to me and then by the time he gets home the crisis has resolved. It makes me wonder why I let these things get to me in the first place.

 

Anyway, I have trouble teaching my dd math...she hates math. Every time I try to explain a new concept to her she looks at me like I have 3 heads and am speaking Chinese. I am convinced she sometimes literally does not have her brain turned on for the day. Maybe it is just the age...she is 12. I am thinking I should have someone else teach her math...so mom does not go crazy!

[Hedgehog]

Do your dc fight you so much just because they don't want to learn. Pure laziness. Do you ask yourself why you put yourself through all this, even though you know this is what God wants you to do and it is the best thing for them, but you feel like they are going to put you in a looney bin.:willy_nilly::willy_nilly:You pray and put God first and everday your little devil:sneaky2: :D shows up to push your buttons once again. Just venting. Just wanted to know I wasn't alone and feeling like I am :banghead::cursing:

 

You're definitely not alone. There's plenty of button pushing around here, as I'm hardly the most patient person in the world! Usually a cool-off time (for me) helps. Sometimes the dc in question needs cool-off time on the stairs, or a brisk run around the block, or a 10min chore. But yeah.. Bedlam seems like a good option sometimes!

[dcjlkplus3]

:grouphug:

Not alone...

In addition to reminding myself (and praying about it yet again) that this what we are suposed to be doing, and rechecking and making sure the work really isn't too hard, I remind myself that if she was at school for 6 hours, when she got home, we would still be having this attitude about homework, because she doesn't want to do the work, even when it is fun or easy. And she doesn't like that 4th grade is harder than 2nd grade (sister) and kindergarten (brother), or that school gets "harder" every year.

[Mandy in TN]

Unfortunately, kids do not compartmentalize who we are. So, to them we are always their mom. We are not the maid when we are doing laundry, the chef when we a cooking dinner, the taxi driver when we are driving them to field trip... or the teacher when we are doing lessons.

 

My dh is a talker, a barterer, and so is his son.;) I know exactly where ds learned or inherited this behavior. He is every bit a strategic and dogmatic as the big version who comes home at night. I admire it in his father, but it is exhausting to deal with all day in a little person who just turned 8 in Oct. And mini-dh doesn't change how he behaves toward me based on the role I am playing.

 

Fortunately, this year I have an xtra student (who I am positive isn't easy on her mom when it is her mom in the role of teacher). When I am in the role as teacher with her, there is a difference in her behavior toward me and the situation. She is not in her home and I am not her mom, so she sees me as the role and not as the person.

 

Having this influence has helped ds see school time differently. He doesn't see me differently, but we can definitely get through more material faster with our tagalong onboard. This isn't the lifestyle of learning that I tried so hard to develop with my older two and sometimes that bums me out. (not that the older two were angels- they had their own issues. however, that would be another giant post) However, my sanity and completing XYZ currently trumps the living a learning lifestyle education that I was able to have with the older two. (I do try to share my joy of learning, because I do find educating my children joyful and that isn't something the little man's bartering can steal from me!)

 

Even if he is being a bonehead (and we have certainly had those days), he doesn't really want his friend to finish before him. SO, having an xtra student has made my life so much easier! I highly recommend getting one. LOL

 

Mandy

[jcgonczi]

Public or private school is really not an option for us due to severe allergies (and the use of Everyday Math), so I'm committed... and I may be if attitudes don't change.

 

 

Does this mean you like or dislike Everyday Math? If it mean you dislike it, can you share why?

[KrissiK]

My oldest DS (7yrs old) is horribly lazy and considers school an affront to his playtime. He slouches in his chair, writes so horribly I can't read it (I crumpled up 3 pages of copywork yesterday and made him re-do it) (Oh, not that he had to copy 3 pages... he had to copy 2 sentences out of WWE and it took him 3 pages to actually do it so I could read it, and no, he does not have problems writing. He has problems with attitude. He can write beautifully when he wants to, and it doesn't even take much effort). I really really want to put him in Christian school, but DH isn't in to that for financial reasons and I'm not even sure if it would solve the problem! He'd probably not get his work done in school and then we'd have to be on his case all evening.

[Tarreymere]

I have days when I think it would be more productive to bang my head against a brick wall.

 

My wooden spoon is my 'rod of power'. I wave it about threateningly, and it does at times make contact with a child's nether regions. Amazingly it does seem to clear the brain and make the child focus better. And once applied, for days afterward I can sit and make eye contact with the child while holding it, and the child's behavior miraculously improves. But I am old-fashioned like that.

[5LittleMonkeys]

SO, having an xtra student has made my life so much easier! I highly recommend getting one. LOL

 

Mandy

 

I have one I'm willing to loan out if anyone is interested. :lol:

[Dana]

Does this mean you like or dislike Everyday Math? If it mean you dislike it, can you share why?

 

Hate it. I see a number of students at my cc who don't know the standard algorithms for arithmetic. I didn't see errors to this level in earlier years. I think it can be traced to district's use of EM. You can also do a search on the afterschooling board for a discussion about it - and there are YouTube videos that demonstrate the methods used and the cumbersome nature of them.

 

I think with a very good teacher or with good students, the program may be okay. A friend teaches at the university here and said she's seeing students who are good at some higher order work than she's seen in the past. I do see the lower level students... And they're in bad shape.

[Littlemother]

When my dd, who is now 12, was 10, she was extremely lazy for about a week. My other dd, 11, was very lazy for a few days too. Very strange.

 

Littlemother

[robsiew]

Unfortunately, kids do not compartmentalize who we are. So, to them we are always their mom. We are not the maid when we are doing laundry, the chef when we a cooking dinner, the taxi driver when we are driving them to field trip... or the teacher when we are doing lessons.

 

My dh is a talker, a barterer, and so is his son.;) I know exactly where ds learned or inherited this behavior. He is every bit a strategic and dogmatic as the big version who comes home at night. I admire it in his father, but it is exhausting to deal with all day in a little person who just turned 8 in Oct. And mini-dh doesn't change how he behaves toward me based on the role I am playing.

 

Fortunately, this year I have an xtra student (who I am positive isn't easy on her mom when it is her mom in the role of teacher). When I am in the role as teacher with her, there is a difference in her behavior toward me and the situation. She is not in her home and I am not her mom, so she sees me as the role and not as the person.

 

Having this influence has helped ds see school time differently. He doesn't see me differently, but we can definitely get through more material faster with our tagalong onboard. This isn't the lifestyle of learning that I tried so hard to develop with my older two and sometimes that bums me out. (not that the older two were angels- they had their own issues. however, that would be another giant post) However, my sanity and completing XYZ currently trumps the living a learning lifestyle education that I was able to have with the older two. (I do try to share my joy of learning, because I do find educating my children joyful and that isn't something the little man's bartering can steal from me!)

 

Even if he is being a bonehead (and we have certainly had those days), he doesn't really want his friend to finish before him. SO, having an xtra student has made my life so much easier! I highly recommend getting one. LOL

 

Mandy

 

This was a great post, Mandy. I'm struggling with my 6 y/o, who would probably be diagnosed with **something** if we went that route. Many days I think, "He would never treat a teacher this way if he were in school." And, no he probably wouldn't. I have to keep in mind that I am Mom to him in any situation.... thanks for that reminder.

 

To the OP, I will send my :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and tell you NO you are NOT alone! Really, if we had $5000 extra dollars just sitting around, I would have ds6 in the private school faster than you can say "see ya!"

 

Sometimes when things are rougher I think to myself that when we do make it through this (and yes we will!) there will be far more benefits on the other side than we can see frustration right now. Chances are, most of the issues that are "issues" for us with our "tough to teach kids" are issues not only in school, but really, in their lives in general. School gives us one more avenue to influence them greatly in how we would like them to behave. And, I also keep in mind that most things that are really worth our time and energy (especially if they are tough) grow us the most. Hard to remember in the thick of things... but rewarding at the other end nonetheless. :001_smile:

[pamd]

but I am tired of the battles.

 

Some days are really wonderful though, so hang on to those as much as possible.

 

I guess that is where I am, tired of the battle.

[pamd]

:grouphug:

Not alone...

In addition to reminding myself (and praying about it yet again) that this what we are suposed to be doing, and rechecking and making sure the work really isn't too hard, I remind myself that if she was at school for 6 hours, when she got home, we would still be having this attitude about homework, because she doesn't want to do the work, even when it is fun or easy. And she doesn't like that 4th grade is harder than 2nd grade (sister) and kindergarten (brother), or that school gets "harder" every year.

Thanks Jenny. All the comments have made me grin at least but It was nice to hear yet you pray again. I feel like I cont. to pray yet again and I know it is not to hard but I would have the same struggle when ds got home from ps. Thanks for the reminders I needed to ear. :grouphug:

[pamd]

:lol:

Unfortunately, kids do not compartmentalize who we are. So, to them we are always their mom. We are not the maid when we are doing laundry, the chef when we a cooking dinner, the taxi driver when we are driving them to field trip... or the teacher when we are doing lessons.

 

My dh is a talker, a barterer, and so is his son.;) I know exactly where ds learned or inherited this behavior. He is every bit a strategic and dogmatic as the big version who comes home at night. I admire it in his father, but it is exhausting to deal with all day in a little person who just turned 8 in Oct. And mini-dh doesn't change how he behaves toward me based on the role I am playing.

 

Fortunately, this year I have an xtra student (who I am positive isn't easy on her mom when it is her mom in the role of teacher). When I am in the role as teacher with her, there is a difference in her behavior toward me and the situation. She is not in her home and I am not her mom, so she sees me as the role and not as the person.

 

Having this influence has helped ds see school time differently. He doesn't see me differently, but we can definitely get through more material faster with our tagalong onboard. This isn't the lifestyle of learning that I tried so hard to develop with my older two and sometimes that bums me out. (not that the older two were angels- they had their own issues. however, that would be another giant post) However, my sanity and completing XYZ currently trumps the living a learning lifestyle education that I was able to have with the older two. (I do try to share my joy of learning, because I do find educating my children joyful and that isn't something the little man's bartering can steal from me!)

 

Even if he is being a bonehead (and we have certainly had those days), he doesn't really want his friend to finish before him. SO, having an xtra student has made my life so much easier! I highly recommend getting one. LOL

 

Mandy

Mandy lol. My dh sounds like yours and ds is mini version as well and it sure isn't as funny at 11yrs old and all day every day. It is so great to hear from others your not alone. Maybe I need to pick up a tag along he is basically an only child since my ds 18 is not around. I know he acts better for others I have tried and proved it. lol

[misscometa]

Absolutely not, you're not ALONE...it's hard, very hard, and very challenging. I honestly don't think I knew what I was getting into when I decided to HS. So, no, you're not alone at all ;)

[Guest]

Thank you for posting this. My soon to be in 1 week 12yr old son has been giving me fits for weeks. It is nice to know I am not the only one.

[Sweetpeach]

I'm with you -- totally blew my stack yesterday. It was awful. In the moment of the yuck/slime/outright disgusting behaviour, I forgot all of my best parenting strategies and walked right into R.E.A.C.T.I.O.N.

My dear friend/spiritual mama, who has raised three men into adulthood told me that was the first of 1000 eruptions before they leave home and that I should dust myself off and keep on plugging.

 

You aren't alone. We're with you.

Warmly, T

[pamd]

I have days when I think it would be more productive to bang my head against a brick wall.

 

My wooden spoon is my 'rod of power'. I wave it about threateningly, and it does at times make contact with a child's nether regions. Amazingly it does seem to clear the brain and make the child focus better. And once applied, for days afterward I can sit and make eye contact with the child while holding it, and the child's behavior miraculously improves. But I am old-fashioned like that.

Amen!!! This is one thing I have had to return to but his attitude is pretty stubburn.

[pamd]

Sometimes when things are rougher I think to myself that when we do make it through this (and yes we will!) there will be far more benefits on the other side than we can see frustration right now. Chances are, most of the issues that are "issues" for us with our "tough to teach kids" are issues not only in school, but really, in their lives in general. School gives us one more avenue to influence them greatly in how we would like them to behave. And, I also keep in mind that most things that are really worth our time and energy (especially if they are tough) grow us the most. Hard to remember in the thick of things... but rewarding at the other end nonetheless. :001_smile:

 

You are so right:iagree: Thanks so much. It is easy to get tunnel vision.

[pamd]

Thank you for posting this. My soon to be in 1 week 12yr old son has been giving me fits for weeks. It is nice to know I am not the only one.

I have to agree it is so nice to share our feelings on here and know we aren't alone, that is why I love this forum.:grouphug:

[pamd]

I'm with you -- totally blew my stack yesterday. It was awful. In the moment of the yuck/slime/outright disgusting behaviour, I forgot all of my best parenting strategies and walked right into R.E.A.C.T.I.O.N.

My dear friend/spiritual mama, who has raised three men into adulthood told me that was the first of 1000 eruptions before they leave home and that I should dust myself off and keep on plugging.

 

You aren't alone. We're with you.

Warmly, T

 

I don't know about you but man to I beat myself up when I blow my stack. I try all my anagrams first and then lose it. For example NES (no eternal significance) if something does not have eternal value I shouldn't worry. Great when it works. lol and PUSH pray until something happens- never happens quick enough for me.:lol: