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Horrible relationship with mother- Update

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Last week I posted about my dysfunctional relationship with my mother. I haven't contacted her or attempted to contact her since telling her that I could no longer have a relationship with her unless she got counseling. Yesterday I received a blistering and psychotic email from her. Here it is in a nutshell: I am the one who needs counseling, I am a bad influence on my children, it is my fault my brother doesn't want to live in TX, I am unethical (but she is the one who lies to the government to get food stamps) and she is done with me.


She is crazy. She projected all her "sins" onto me and she REALLY believes what she says!!! I am not without mistakes so don't get me wrong. I should never have let her be so intrusive and so lax when she overstepped boundaries - so shame on me.


I called my brother and told him what she said and as I suspected he never said any such thing and SHE is the reason he doesn't live here- which I already knew. She and the constant feud we always have going and I don't blame him for not wanting to be in the middle.


I feel bad for my children, especially my youngest who for some crazy reason adores her. She is the type of grandmother who spoils and goes overboard, but she also goes bat crazy to them too and they never see it coming. I really don't want to bad mouth her but I don't know how to explain to him why he can't go visit her.

Edited by TXMary2
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I'm in a similar boat. Right now, we just explain that the grandparents are going thru some "things." If those get better we will hopefully get to see them.


Otherwise, we keep them in our thoughts...but know is not a good time. Yesterday, I did have to tell dd that I would explain more when she was older :glare:

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Are you my long-lost sister? Because all of my parents' problems are in my head too. And everything bad that happens to them is my fault too, even though I haven't lived with or near them since 4 days before my 18th birthday.


:grouphug: It is a life-long struggle. Try to ignore the email, hug your precious children, and thank God you are nothing like her.:grouphug:

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Thank you for the :grouphug: I need them. I am still reeling from the ugly, untruthful things she said. I am trying to understand how she could believe what she says, but there is no way to rationalize crazy.


Is it wrong that I never want to have to deal with her again?? I don't want her to die obviously, but I want her to go away if that makes sense. I just C A N N O T deal with her and I don't want to.

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It's not wrong that you will no longer be a part of your life. You are protecting your family from an unstable person who could damage their lives. She needs help and until she is willing to receive it and embrace change, she isn't a person that your family can be near.


In many cases, those that need counseling and psyche evaluation the most, are absolutely unwilling to do so until they hit rock bottom. Many family members, out of the goodness of their hearts, put up with a tremendous amount of verbal, mental, emotional, and even physical abuse in an attempt to be kind to someone or to abate feelings of guilt, which only prolongs the process of that person getting smacked in the face by reality and deciding to do something about it. Even when the bottom falls out of their boat, some will NEVER pursue help.


Your mother is a grown woman. You can't help her but just possibly as people fall out of her life, she may eventually get the message. Either way, this is no longer your responsibility. All you can do, if there should be some chance meeting in the future - ie. you end up in the same public place at the same time - is be nice, pleasant, polite, and like a broken record, utter your reshearsed phrases concerning her inquiries/tantrums.





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So sorry to hear about the e-mail your mother sent you. She sounds like one of my "regulars". Rumor has it that this woman's son has a restraining order filed against this woman (my regular) for -- get this -- 500 miles. Not sure if the rumor is true, though.


Anyway, hope things get better for you, however that needs to happen.

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