How do you motivate a high school student to want to excel?

[Shawn On the Border]

Is it possible to motivate a teen to work hard, or does the motivation have to come from the teen?

 

Ds14 has just started Catholic high school. He is in 4 PAP classes, but only 2 of them are remotely difficult so far. He has very little homework, so I suggested that he do a little studying on his own (some Spanish vocabulary- very easy). After much complaining, he did agree to review the cards that I made.

 

He also wants out of PAP Biology. The work is not that hard, but he doesn't like the teacher. He says he isn't going to be a scientist, so why should he do extra work (grr). He has been homeschooled for 5 years, and I always chose challenging work for him in all disciplines. This school is not that challenging- I know he can do it.

 

I guess I'm unsure how much to push him. In homeschool it was obvious- challenge him in all his subjects. In school how do I motivate him to take the extra effort to do really well in school?

[Julie in MN]

I was hoping to read some answers here!!! I'll have to check back to see what wisdom you receive :lurk5:

 

 

But I will say that my public schooled ds was very much the same as yours. He was very capable but part of it was he was in an environment where fun looked better than work. Another part may have been that it was easy enough to get A's without hard work.

 

I think the biggest thing for him, though, was that the "advanced" classes were just more busywork and more monotonous work, rather than exciting him with bigger ideas. I love that we can do that in homeschool.

 

Julie

[stephanier.1765]

:bigear:

[Cheryl B in VA]

My son is now in the Honors program at Liberty University. His high school GPA was 3.63. If he wanted to, he could have had a 4.0. How do I know that? His overall standardized testing score since first grade was consistently in the 97-99 percentile. His SAT scores were 800, 640, 780. So why didn't he want to work to his potential? Unfortunately, I can't answer that. I sent him to public school freshman year to see if he performed the same for other teachers. He did. Instead of putting full effort into his studies he would rather talk on message boards about his favorite TV series (Avatar), or play games on the computer. Motivation to do well has to come from the teen, it is not something that you can teach him. I pray daily that something will "click" with ds and he will stay motivated throughout his first semester at college and not start slacking.

[Renee in NC]

My ds didn't start working hard until he had a reason to do so. After the 10th grade, he was given a copy of his transcript with his GPA, which was not very high.

 

He decided he really wanted to go to college, so he spent last year busting his behind to get better grades. He was on the A/B honor roll for the first time EVER the last quarter of last year. This year, he is taking 2-3 APs and 2-3 Honors (he isn't sure whether he will take English as Honors or AP.)

[Keniki]

I agree that he's going to have to WANT to. Does he have any post-highschool plans (or at least thoughts) yet? If so, start showing him what colleges would expect. If not, you might want to try some sort of career assessment testing to help him start thinking.

 

Otherwise, bribe him? It seems like many people need a "carrot" in front of them. How many people would work a job if it weren't for that paycheck at the end of the week?

[Shawn On the Border]

Well, I agree that a lot of the motivation has to come from him. He does plan on going to college, and then law school. He does the minimum of what is required and doesn't put in the extra effort (unless it is something he likes- like English).

 

I know many parents of successful students push them very hard. Our neighbors are Asian and they will not accept poor or even average grades. Their kids do great in school. We know other parents who are very tough on their kids, and their kids have done well- and yet I wonder... My mom never pushed me to do well. She hardly noticed, and I did very well in school. If she had pushed, I might not have worked as hard (or at least as happily). It's hard to know when to let go and let him possibly fall on his face.

 

I will have ds look up college requirements. Maybe looking into the future will encourage him to push himself harder.

[tampamommy]

I've thought about this a lot - how to motivate excellence.

 

Ultimately, you can't motivate excellence in another person. For some, salary is a motivator for attendance and performance in the real world. For others, salary is not as important as time off or a relaxed lifestyle with a smaller salary. In school, getting grades one is satisfied with is the motivator.

 

And therein lies the challenge. Why is it that dh and I never would have allowed ourselves to turn in an assignment late, but our dc (ds 13, 8th gr. and dd 11, 6th gr.) are fine with doing that occasionally? Why is a 93 A acceptable to some students, but others strive for a 99 or 100?

 

I think it depends on 1) personality 2) maturity and the ability to set long-term goals 3) what those goals are; and 4) the presence of other competing interests and their relative importance in one's life.

 

For example, a child may be capable of getting a 4.00. But what is better? A stress-filled year of study with few other activities and a 4.00, or a well-balanced year of academics, competitive sports, social activities, educational hobbies and a 3.60? Even if the 4.00 could have been achieved without stress, some people are fine with settling for grades that are a bit lower and the accompanying more relaxed lifestyle. There's really nothing wrong with that.

 

We try to communicate to our dc that whatever their life goals, we will support them. We don't expect them to wind up earning a certain income, achieving a certain level of job, etc. We do want them to do well in their schooling, participate in chores and family life, and enjoy the sports they have chosen to pursue. I do grade all their work and give them exams. Their assignments and work are weighted. With each assignment or grade I record, they can see the resulting impact on their grade. I don't get on their cases about studying for exams. It is up to them. Same with their assignments. I do my best to teach them time management, planning and prioritization skills daily.

 

If they wind up happy in their lives, making a salary that meets their needs and feeling fulfilled in their life choices, they will be successful. If that means a small salary and a small apartment because of the choices they've made along the way, and they are happy in their life's work, that is fine with me and I will be proud of them. We will not subsidize a higher standard of living for them. We also will not push them to do or be something or someone they don't want to be. If they wind up being top of the class and making a mint of money, and they are happy with the choices they made along that path, that is fine with me too. I will be proud of them either way.

 

Both of my dc are very smart. They both get very good grades, but I wouldn't say they are totally driven students. They have lots of interests and have taught themselves some incredibly cool hobbies that I had no prior knowledge of. I sometimes call them my "Renaissance children" because their interests are incredibly varied and they've taught themselves so much. I have learned so much from their pursuit of knowledge outside of school.

 

I don't know what they will wind up doing, but if they continue to love to teach themselves about new and exciting things, I'll be fine with them getting a lower-than-4.00 GPA and loving life.

 

One other related thought. We don't watch tv, other than very special sporting events or a special movie. We don't own video games (well, one old-fashioned one that plugs into the tv and gets played every few months), x-boxes and whatever else they're called. We read aloud as a family a lot. We play games. We build things together. We exercise together too. We listen to all kinds of music and audio stories.

 

I think those factors (in place since they were born) have shaped their mindsets regarding learning. Definitely.

 

Just some of my rambling thoughts!

[Chris in VA]

It motivated my son to actually visit colleges and see for himself what the lifestyle and learning were about.

[JoanHomeEd]

Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris might help. It is a book written by a pair of teens for teenagers to rebel against low expectations.

[Renee in NC]

Well, I agree that a lot of the motivation has to come from him. He does plan on going to college, and then law school. He does the minimum of what is required and doesn't put in the extra effort (unless it is something he likes- like English).

 

I know many parents of successful students push them very hard. Our neighbors are Asian and they will not accept poor or even average grades. Their kids do great in school. We know other parents who are very tough on their kids, and their kids have done well- and yet I wonder... My mom never pushed me to do well. She hardly noticed, and I did very well in school. If she had pushed, I might not have worked as hard (or at least as happily). It's hard to know when to let go and let him possibly fall on his face.

 

I will have ds look up college requirements. Maybe looking into the future will encourage him to push himself harder.

 

You have to determine how it fits into your family culture as well. I don't think it is just expectations that fuel your Asian neighbors' children's achievements - the students have to care as well. Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers" had a good discussion about the culture behind Asian achievement. Another good book was "Top of the Class" which was written by two Asian sisters regarding what their parents required of/taught them.

 

When my oldest was young, I didn't push him about grades. His father would lecture, yell, and ground him every report card and every progress report. It didn't help. It didn't make him try harder or achieve more. However, I do wish I had pushed a little more in the past, held him a little more accountable, required a little more. I am edging up some with the 12yo because I don't want him to end up like his brother - struggling to get a low GPA up so he can get into college.

[lisabees]

It motivated my son to actually visit colleges and see for himself what the lifestyle and learning were about.

 

This is what I am hoping...

[Kareni]

Here is a past thread that you might find of interest.

 

Regards,

Kareni