Question about parenting/discipline

[Guest]

So, with my son (5) participating in more extra-curricular activities, a question has been weighing on my mind. When someone else is teaching your child, at one point (if any) do you step in to discipline or correct your child?

 

For example, at piano - if my son is goofing off, is it acceptable for me to say his name, or to tell him to pay attention, or should I let the teacher handle him?

 

Another example, we've been at swimming lessons this week. One of the little boys is very unruly and the teacher is constantly asking him to stay on the wall and to stay above water. (He's even had to ask the child to get out of the pool.) The mom is sitting 5 feet away, sun bathing and ignoring her child. If that were my kid, I would feel like I needed to step in.

 

Maybe your response varies for the situation, but I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. Of course, if I wasn't there I would expect the teacher to handle it, but since at this point I am always there, I wasn't sure if a teacher (in general) wants control or if she/he is expecting me to step in.

[TXMomof4]

I wish I knew. My dd is in swim lessons and is in the same level as her best friend who is a little bit of a troublemaker. There are only 3 kids in her level and she could be getting some great instruction if she'd PAY ATTENTION. I've talked to her about it before lessons, but when I watch her she is always distracted and playing with her friend. I'm not sure what to do about it.

[rwjx2khsmj]

Maybe your response varies for the situation, but I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. Of course, if I wasn't there I would expect the teacher to handle it, but since at this point I am always there, I wasn't sure if a teacher (in general) wants control or if she/he is expecting me to step in.

 

I'd ask the teacher before the next class. For music lessons, the teacher prefers to correct them herself. She's much more free flowing than I am and doesn't deal with my dc all day every day so her level of what is okay is different from mine. For half an hour, one day a week they go by her rules.

 

We've taken swim lessons where the teacher expected parents to monitor and some where the teacher didn't want parents to interfere. If you aren't sure, ask.

[KrissiK]

I don't step in unless asked. I want my child to understand that the person in charge is in charge and if I step in I believe it would diminish their authority. With that said, I've talked to soccer coaches and told them to not be afraid to put the kids on time out when necessary and if I see my kids acting up and not listening they get a real talking to at home.

[happi duck]

I would expect the teacher to handle it during class and then we would discuss it later. (I would discuss it later even if the teacher didn't mention it. "I noticed you were whispering during class, even though Mrs. S. didn't say anything I want you to pay better attention")

 

As a teacher...it would annoy me to have parents jumping in. Sometimes it's less distracting to just ignore something and deal with it in a bit than to stop everything.

[2cents]

One of our Taekwondo instructors wasn't very good with managing the kids and it was getting dangerous. So I stepped in and corrected a situation that could have endangered my child. The instructor didn't like it but he also knew I was a Black Belt so he didn't say anything. I did notice that he started paying more attention. I will definitely step in if I see that a teacher isn't being effective and it is interfering with learning. This goes for any classes.

[Cindyz]

If my child is having problems, I let the coach/instructor know that they should feel free to have him sit out if he becomes disruptive, and there are times when we will talk to him if he appears to be having problems. In general though we talk to our son before lessons/practices/games about what we expect and we talk to him again after about how things went and what we think went well and what we think he could work on for next time. More than anything being proactive seems to be the most helpful.

[Ellie]

Let the teacher be the teacher. And if your ds misbehaves, you correct him afterwards: for the misbehavior itself, and for not treating the teacher with respect.

[Guest]

Thanks, ladies. I think I will start distancing myself from my son when he has lessons/activities like that. That is hard for me, but I think that letting the teacher be the teacher is wise advice.

 

:crying: Do they have to grow up?!? :crying:

[fhjmom]

I also agree that you should let the teacher be the teacher, but I would not distance yourself. I would definitely monitor his behavior in class, especially if it has been an issue, and handle it with him after class. That approach would probably be much apppreciated by the teachers/instructors!

 

The only time I disagree with non-interference is if it becomes a serious safety issue, which is a potential in an activity like swimming.

[Guest]

I also agree that you should let the teacher be the teacher, but I would not distance yourself. I would definitely monitor his behavior in class, especially if it has been an issue, and handle it with him after class. That approach would probably be much apppreciated by the teachers/instructors!

 

The only time I disagree with non-interference is if it becomes a serious safety issue, which is a potential in an activity like swimming.

 

Well, by distancing, I mean that in piano I won't sit 2 feet away on the couch. I'll go in the other room where I can hear, but I'm not right there. Normally, I'll try and sit somewhere that he is within earshot, but I probably don't need to sit that close. ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

If your physical presence is restraining him from acting out, then it is appropriate to quietly sit close by. If it doesn't matter, I would move farther away but where I could still hear what is going on. And my children would know that they answer to me at home for their behavior during the class.

[K&Rs Mom]

I let the teacher handle it, and talk to dd after class. I also have mentioned to the teacher on occasion something like, "Feel free to make R sit out if she's not behaving." If nothing else, that lets the teacher know we're working on it and not just raising unruly kids. It's hard to not step in, but I think that can lead to confusion about who they're supposed to be listening to.

[Aggie]

I'm in the minority here, but *I* am in charge of my child's discipline. I hire teachers to teach my children, not worry about the discipline aspect. (of course, most of our out-side teachers are very young)

 

I'm also not afraid to correct someone else's child if the parent or teacher won't. One day at gymnastics this out-of-control child was making the class terrible. Two coaches either didn't see him or didn't care. I marched onto the floor, got in the kid's face, let him know what he better not EVER do again (all while smiling) then sat down. I also informed the coach if he couldn't control that child, we would be withdrawing. It was sad, because the coach shouldn't have to constantly correct kids, ya know. I want him to coach.

 

Anyway, my 2 cents, fwiw. :)