Should I say anything or just be quiet and do it?

[Cindyz]

We have always planned to home school my son, however at 14 months I noticed some quirks and became involved with Early Intervention through the school district. We have been happy with the services that we received. He attended preschool through early intervention and he has done well. His official medical diagnosis is sensory integration disorder (very mild) but he does have some asperger's tendencies however I don't think he would get that as an official diagnosis as he doesn't meet enough of the criteria.

 

As we are coming to the end of preschool (he attends only 6 hours a week), they have made their recs for kindergarten and it includes all day every day kindergarten with a special social communication class for children with issues such as his. The special program sounds great but we're not going to put him in full time kindergarten. We're just not going to do it.

 

We decided to follow through with our plan of home schooling and decided we would start right now. Later I found a program in our school district which provides a school like environment with group learning and resource classes which is meant to be a supplement for home schoolers. It's like a home school co-op but through the school district. The program looked to be the perfect fit for our family. He would be there two days a week only.

 

Today we had our meeting with the principal to discuss his admission to their program. There was a meeting on Friday which included his current teacher and the new principal but we were not invited to this meeting. At the meeting today, there was a hard sell push for the all day kindergarten program by the person who represented his current school and iep. I made it clear that that was not going to happen and she then began to push us to consider putting him in regular kindy program part time. I did not like this idea either because I felt that he would not feel like a full participant in the class and would miss out on things that the other kids were doing and basically it would be too fragmented for him to do this.

 

Then we were told that if he is to start the home school support program, we would need to accompany him to class and stay on campus for the duration until such a time as we could schedule a meeting (and she made it clear that it could take up to two weeks to get on her schedule) to decide that he was doing well enough that we would no longer need to stay.

 

Both my husband and I have no problem whatsoever going to the school and staying with him if that is what is needed....HOWEVER, I just can't understand why they feel this is necessary. He does not have outbursts in class, he's not disruptive, he doesn't have break downs, he's not violent...he's a bit overly excitable, and can get loud when excited and sometimes has to be told to settle down when things get a bit chaotic...but really that's it.

 

It has made me start to wonder if something is going on in his current classroom that I'm not aware of. What would make them come to the conclusion that we would need to be right there in case of emergency? Is he having problems in preschool that I don't know about?

 

I'm afraid if I ask what's going on and question this directive that they have given that they will take it wrong and construe it as we don't want to sit there with him and that's not it at all. I just really think it's totally and completely unnecessary unless there is some other very pertinent information that I have not been made aware of.

 

I was thinking of emailing his current teacher and telling her that I am very concerned that something must be happening in the classroom that I don't know about if this sort of recommendation was made. But I don't want to be that problem parent.

 

So should I just shut up and sit with him the first few weeks so things can be smooth sailing after that or should I ask the questions that I have? All of this has also given me worry that he will be looked at more harshly because he will be seen as the problem kid before he even arrives, and I worry that normal age appropriate behaviors will make them throw their arms up and call us in when another "normal" child could have the same behavior and they would just work through it with them. I'm paranoid about this, I know.

 

Other than this, the program seems like it would be perfect for him and I don't want to give it up.

 

Thanks for reading!

[Just Robyn]

I would ask for an explanation. I don't think that makes you a "problem parent" and if they do, then maybe they should explain themselves better the first time instead of expecting you to just assume they know what's best for your child and you don't. Is there a nearby district with a similar homeschool support program? I don't think I would want to work with these people at all anymore if they were trying to persuade me at all in any direction with regards to my child's education.

[Cindyz]

Thanks for the input!

 

I should be clear that the pressure to attend all day kindergarten was from the representative from my child's current school. The principal of the program we want to attend wants us to attend her program and gave us the tour and explanations once the other woman left the meeting. However she is who told us that we would need to remain on site until otherwise noted through a formal meeting with her. This came after her meeting with my son's current teacher on Friday. I had never heard of this before that meeting when I talked to the principal at the open house, etc.

 

I do agree that it has clouded my feelings but not so much that I want to remove this program from my son's realm of possibilities. Especially since I feel that it will most likely be a very temporary thing (being asked to remain on the campus at the beginning of the year).

 

There isn't another program like this in our district.

 

I truly feel that this must be coming from his current teacher's recommendations because where else could it come from?

Edited May 25, 2010 by Cindyz

[Amber in AUS]

You know it could be as simple as a liability issue, that he must be accompanied on the grounds until the meeting and official paperwork, registered, transferred from his other school, whatever needs to be done. I personally wouldn't immediately think that there was something else going on.

 

But if it concerns you that much, and obviously it does then i would ask. I would say something like, "We have no problem attending with x, we would be please to, but were just wondering what the reasoning is? Is there a legal issue? or concerns about his behaviour or integration?"

[kathkath]

You know it could be as simple as a liability issue, that he must be accompanied on the grounds until the meeting and official paperwork, registered, transferred from his other school, whatever needs to be done. I personally wouldn't immediately think that there was something else going on.

 

But if it concerns you that much, and obviously it does then i would ask. I would say something like, "We have no problem attending with x, we would be please to, but were just wondering what the reasoning is? Is there a legal issue? or concerns about his behaviour or integration?"

 

:iagree:

 

This is what I was thinking.

[Margo out of lurking]

I would ask the teacher, but I would not do it via email. I would not want a paper trail of my words that could later somehow be miscontrued, indicating I care too much or not enough, or whatever. (Wow, do I sound paranoid?)

 

The new option sounds good. Please be aware that most "supplemental" programs for hsers through ps are income generator for the school district. When we were in a similar program, my dd attended 20% of the time and the school received 50% funding (of a regular full time student). While she attended for 2 years and 2 months(!), early on, we found they did not have the children's best interests as a number one priority. Obviously we were happy for the first two years, despite the school's motives. :)

 

I'm not saying yours is the same, just wanted to point out our experience.

[saw]

I would ask about it. It could be that the school does not have a very good idea of what your son's "issues" are like. I have had similar experiences with my ds, who is 2e and has a file a couple of inches thick. His issues are mild and do not interfere with "normal" functioning. When we applied to a couple of schools for him a year ago, two schools went nuts when they heard he had had testing for this and that. They acted as though he were severely handicapped, put him on a "special" list, insisted they would need special meetings to discuss him. I think sometimes schools overreact when they see a child that is identified as atypical.

I think you should ask, though, because then you can tell whether the school is just being cautious and is open to helping you son, or whether the school is not going to be welcoming of a child with some differences.

Good luck!

 

S

[Parrothead]

I tend to look at things from a cynical perspective so take my advice for what it is worth. Also, I'm coming from the angle of a mom with a child with sensory issues but not aspergers.

 

Today we had our meeting with the principal to discuss his admission to their program. There was a meeting on Friday which included his current teacher and the new principal but we were not invited to this meeting. At the meeting today, there was a hard sell push for the all day kindergarten program by the person who represented his current school and iep. I made it clear that that was not going to happen and she then began to push us to consider putting him in regular kindy program part time. I did not like this idea either because I felt that he would not feel like a full participant in the class and would miss out on things that the other kids were doing and basically it would be too fragmented for him to do this.

The school gets more money if your special needs child is in school all day every day. Already your gut is throwing up red flags for you to see or you wouldn't be here asking. What do you know in your heart is right for your family? Have you been to the special needs board?

 

Then we were told that if he is to start the home school support program, we would need to accompany him to class and stay on campus for the duration until such a time as we could schedule a meeting (and she made it clear that it could take up to two weeks to get on her schedule) to decide that he was doing well enough that we would no longer need to stay.

Makes me wonder how many parents dump the home school support program all together and simply enroll full-time in the school because of this rule.

 

It has made me start to wonder if something is going on in his current classroom that I'm not aware of. What would make them come to the conclusion that we would need to be right there in case of emergency? Is he having problems in preschool that I don't know about?

 

If there are problems that the teacher or administrator has not told you about do you really want your child with them for extended periods of time? What is the discipline process for transgressions that are not reported to you?

 

Over the years I've heard too many horror stories from too many parents (here and IRL) about bad school officials (teachers and administrators). None of what you described would be worth it to me to put my child in school no matter how great the program. Actually it never occurred to me to put dd in any program for her sensory issues. I'm a throw back to another time and did not want the label to follow her the rest of her life.

 

I'd urge you to re-evaluate exactly what it is your ds is getting out of the school program. You want to homeschool, there are resources for parents who homeschool children that have special needs and children that are simply a bit quirky. Don't let a school teacher or principal intimidate you into something that is not going to work for your family.

[Teachin'Mine]

Admittedly, if I wanted information, I would be less direct. I would ask his current teacher if you could have an end of year conference - maybe even just drop by at the end of school so she doesn't have time to check into why you'd want to meet. Then I'd ask her to tell me about what my son's day is like at school, and any problems he's caused in the class. I'd ask how his behavior compares to other students. Then afterward I would tell her why I was asking, and ask her opinion. I would also ask her for any recommendations she has for things to work with him on in the coming year. I'd want to know his strengths and weaknesses. How does he seem to learn best. Any curriculum she'd suggest, or any she would recommend not using. She's spent a year with him in her class, let her share her wisdom. :) I'd also ask her opinion about the home school group and ask if she thought it was a good fit for him, and ask if she had suggestions on how to deal with the administration and their request. She has the benefit of knowing both your son, the program he'll be going into, and the administrators.

 

I don't think I'd be adverse to being on hand for the first two weeks of his classes there. I'd be like a fly on the wall as much as I could. ;) You want to know exactly what they're doing, and how your son is interacting in the class and with the teacher. Many parents would love to have this opportunity. Maybe you can even ask the teacher if she'd like a teacher's assistant during this time. That would give you an even better insight into everything.

 

Another thought, they may be trying to dissuade you from putting him into the part time class in hopes that they can get him full time. Think major state and federal dollars.

Edited May 25, 2010 by Teachin'Mine

[Mom0012]

I would ask his current teacher what went on at the meeting she attended and I would also ask her if there are any problems at school with your son. That's not my idea of a problem parent.

 

I'm sure I'd feel like you do and be worried about why they were requiring this, but being able to attend this program with your son for a couple of weeks could actually turn out to be a great opportunity. You may go and find out it isn't a program you want him in or you may be really pleased. Usually, parents are shut out so it can be difficult to get a feel for what exactly is happening in the classroom. You can get the full inside scoop.

 

Lisa

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Maybe first start by asking if all parents are required to stay. if so, then it isn't a problem. If not, then I would definitely ask if there is something going on in his current class that makes them think you need to be there. Being concerned about your child's well being in school does not make you a problem parent.

[amydavis]

I would ask. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but it seems like they didn't say you would have to stay if it was the kindergarten class - only the co-op style class. I really don't understand that. I mean, if he has some things going on that would require you to stay around...then why wouldn't they need you to do the same for the k class? Maybe because of my issues I've had with our school system, I just feel like they are doing this as some sort of punishment, since you didn't choose what they wanted you to choose. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm just sayin'...been there, done that. I would ask if there were issues in the class, and make it clear that not only do you not mind staying, but that you had intended to do so anyway just to make sure it was an appropriate fit for ds. I'm just funny about not wanting someone to think they overpowered me into something. That may sound strange, but after all the trouble we've had with my oldest ds, I always make sure that the school knows that I am in control of ds' educational choices. I'm always very pleasant and appreciative, but very much the one with the final decision. At least in my experience, the system does not like to work with an educated mom, who knows the educational laws, understands what is and isn't necessary for her child, and pushes to obtain those things for her child. They may say that they do...but their actions have always shown otherwise in my experience. On a brighter note, after several failed attempts to undermine what I was trying to do for my ds, the system finally does realize that I'm not going anywhere and that they will have to work with me. So my advice, ask the questions and maintain your ability to take charge of your ds' education. They will eventually learn to work with you.

[Cindyz]

Thank you all so much! I really needed some outside perspective on this and you've all been so thoughtful and helpful in your replies.

 

You know it could be as simple as a liability issue, that he must be accompanied on the grounds until the meeting and official paperwork, registered, transferred from his other school, whatever needs to be done. I personally wouldn't immediately think that there was something else going on.

I know it's not this. He's already registered as I did that several weeks ago.

 

I would ask the teacher, but I would not do it via email. I would not want a paper trail of my words that could later somehow be miscontrued, indicating I care too much or not enough, or whatever. (Wow, do I sound paranoid?)

Very good point. I can just imagine how many forwards an email might get and all the different interpretations it might end up with.

 

I think sometimes schools overreact when they see a child that is identified as atypical.

I think this may likely be the case because she mentioned that they had never had a child coming straight from the Early Childhood programs before (this program has been going for 6 years). I just find it so hard to believe that he'll be the only one there with an iep.

 

You want to homeschool, there are resources for parents who homeschool children that have special needs and children that are simply a bit quirky.

I'll have to look into this. I have assumed that if we reject their official recommendation that we will basically be on our own and that's basically exactly what they told us.

 

Admittedly, if I wanted information, I would be less direct. I would ask his current teacher if you could have an end of year conference - maybe even just drop by at the end of school so she doesn't have time to check into why you'd want to meet. Then I'd ask her to tell me about what my son's day is like at school, and any problems he's caused in the class. I'd ask how his behavior compares to other students. Then afterward I would tell her why I was asking, and ask her opinion. I would also ask her for any recommendations she has for things to work with him on in the coming year. I'd want to know his strengths and weaknesses. How does he seem to learn best. Any curriculum she'd suggest, or any she would recommend not using. She's spent a year with him in her class, let her share her wisdom. :) I'd also ask her opinion about the home school group and ask if she thought it was a good fit for him, and ask if she had suggestions on how to deal with the administration and their request. She has the benefit of knowing both your son, the program he'll be going into, and the administrators.

 

I don't think I'd be adverse to being on hand for the first two weeks of his classes there. I'd be like a fly on the wall as much as I could. ;) You want to know exactly what they're doing, and how your son is interacting in the class and with the teacher. Many parents would love to have this opportunity. Maybe you can even ask the teacher if she'd like a teacher's assistant during this time. That would give you an even better insight into everything.

I LOVE this idea. I think this is exactly what I will do. I'll just ask for a general meeting and bring it up during the course of this meeting. Brilliant!

 

I'm sure I'd feel like you do and be worried about why they were requiring this, but being able to attend this program with your son for a couple of weeks could actually turn out to be a great opportunity. You may go and find out it isn't a program you want him in or you may be really pleased. Usually, parents are shut out so it can be difficult to get a feel for what exactly is happening in the classroom. You can get the full inside scoop.

Yes, I'm actually looking forward to seeing exactly how it goes and we've always been involved in his preschools previously so this would be no different. I really don't object to being in the class or on the campus, it's more the idea of why are they treating him differently or like he's a bomb that may explode when as far as I know, he's not. Along with, if they are singling him out now, will this continue in the future.

 

it seems like they didn't say you would have to stay if it was the kindergarten class - only the co-op style class. I really don't understand that. I mean, if he has some things going on that would require you to stay around...then why wouldn't they need you to do the same for the k class?

Their reasoning is that if he were in the all day kindegarten class, he would be under the umbrella of the social communication program and there would be another teacher from this program who could come into the classroom to deal with any negative behaviors or he could be taken from the classroom and taught how the situation could be handled differently. At the co-op style school, it's just the teacher so they are saying that we will need to fill the role that the social communication teacher would fill if he attended the other school.

 

It was kind of funny how the representative from each school made the push for their program. Of course I realize that $$ is involved for both, but I don't care about that. I just want what's best for my son. When they told me that if he went to all day kindergarten, they have special rooms with a teacher where he can process anything that may be difficult for him and a special sensory room, I was thinking that he probably WOULD need things like that if we put him in their program and the typically developing kids probably will too because it's just too long for 5 year olds. Yet as far as I know, he's never been removed from his preschool class or had to leave to a special sensory room because he was too overwhelmed. He's very verbal and we have talks every single day about what happened at school and I feel very certain that he would tell me if anything like that happened.

 

The worst thing he has done is that sometimes when faced with a new task that he feels he doesn't know how to do or can't do well, he will fold his arms, put his head down and say, "I quit!" or "I give up!". If pushed without a lot of encouragement, he may cry and become upset but we're not talking about tantrums...basically just tears of frustration.

 

Thanks again for all the suggestions and ideas!

Edited May 25, 2010 by Cindyz

[LNC]

I would ask his current teacher what went on at the meeting she attended and I would also ask her if there are any problems at school with your son. That's not my idea of a problem parent.

 

I'm sure I'd feel like you do and be worried about why they were requiring this, but being able to attend this program with your son for a couple of weeks could actually turn out to be a great opportunity. You may go and find out it isn't a program you want him in or you may be really pleased. Usually, parents are shut out so it can be difficult to get a feel for what exactly is happening in the classroom. You can get the full inside scoop.

 

Lisa

 

I agree! I would love to attend my 12yo son's special ed classroom for a few weeks. He can't tell me anything, and my communication w/ his teachers is limited. I homeschooled him through 5th grade, and now I want to know everything-how he is doing in behavior, friends and academics.

[BMW]

I've had three boys receive services at school... one was simply allowed extra time for tests and projects, the other two were in special ed... my youngest boy has sensory integration disorder and aspergers... and I am bracing myself for our "meeting" next week.

 

What I have found with my two who have special ed is... once they are tested and "professionals" are in "charge", parents are supposed to simply listen and agree... because we are not "professional". That has been my experience.

 

I have decided that my son will be in a regular class program, with all the expectations and homework and requirements as his peers for 5th grade. I am facing a meeting where I will be told how my son "tested" and that "this is what is best for him" and how I could ruin his progress by expecting things that he might not be able to handle... etc. I am facing the principal, his special ed teacher, the psychologist, his occupational therapist and someone who administered tests recently.

 

My son knows that he leaves class and does "easier" work. He wants the challenge of grade level math. He knows his assignments are "dumbed down" and he does NOT want to leave class and miss out on what the others are doing and learning.

 

So, anyway, while I am not in your shoes, I understand... I am the mom who "doesn't know what is best" and has to plead her case... against the wishes of the "professionals". I am practicing my nod and smile and how to say, "Yes, thank you, I do understand. But my son will still be in the regular classroom this year and I fully intend to give him all the support that he will need." BTW, my son reads at grade level and comprehends the subjects far more than his peers. His only weakness is writing... his penmanship is poor, but readable and writing assignments will require more time.

 

Keep your focus and stand up for your little one!

 

Bee

[EKS]

In our parent partnership program (which is eerily the similar to what you describe), there have been *many* kids through the years who have needed a parent to shadow them, particularly in kindergarten. Since so many parents are in the classroom anyway, it is not perceived that their kid is a "problem" kid. The other parents have a sense that the child might need extra help for whatever reason, but they (and the teachers) are grateful to those parents for their helpful presence in the classroom.

 

When my son first attended the program many years ago, the head teacher suggested that I attend classes with him for two weeks (four sessions) so that he could get comfortable with the program. This wasn't because he was flagged in any way as far as I know. Sitting in on those classes was the best thing I've ever done because it made it so I knew the names of the other kids and which teacher was which and what in general they did in the classes.

 

If your program is anything like ours, the teachers are *very* used to working with kids who are a little (or a lot) outside the box. I wouldn't worry about your son being flagged as a problem kid. There will likely be a lot of other parents shadowing in the kindergarten class those first few weeks regardless of whether their kids have "issues" or not.

 

Our homeschool program has been fabulous for both of my children who have various exceptionalities. It's been the perfect balance of homeschooling and classroom experience. I hope that your (eerily similar) program provides the same wonderful balance for your family.