s/o history thread: seeking a different perspective

[jld]

Do you actively search for a different perspective on history or politics or child-rearing or whatever from the one you believe in? Do you challenge yourself in this way? If you do, would you share a specific experience where this caused you to expand your thinking? Thank you.

Edited May 16, 2010 by jld

[AuntieM]

Well.... I read this board!

 

Honestly, I tend to be quite set in my ways and reading here has certainly widened my perspective.

[asta]

I feel that it is impossible to argue one's own point w/o knowing (rather well) that of one's opposition.

 

"Because I said so", "It just is", and "This book said so, therefore I am correct" don't hold much water for me in formal debate.

 

 

a

[Skadi]

I'm an atheistic libertarian who follows Stoic philosophy. My inner circle of friends consists of:

 

A bisexual Wiccan socialist journalist.

A deeply religious evangelical family of homesteaders who have had five children in 3.5 years.

A Catholic public school teacher who likes to torment me with talk of things like "socialization" and foreign policy.

 

I can't think of anyone that I'm close friends with whose beliefs closely align with mine. If they match up in one area, they are almost diametrically opposed in other ways. I think I'm the better for it, because it's dangerous to just get together with people who mirror your beliefs to lazily slap each other on the back and chortle about how right and good you are. (Except for your spouse. We're pretty slap-happy, especially on Saturday nights.)

 

I think, though, that even if you have two people are sincere and genuine in their dialogue (which is pretty rare these days), it's unlikely that one person will be able to convince the other person through debate. I suppose that sounds counter-intuitive, but I think that only apathetic or gullible people are won over that way. That doesn't mean they should discuss their differing view points until the midnight hour -- I just mean that it's extremely rare for one person to be able to "reveal all the facts" to another person so that their viewpoint is changed over after a discussion. A person can be influenced to some degree, but that person has to come to it on their own. Even if John was enormously influential in changing Jack's perspective, in the end, it's more than likely that Jack will give himself most of the credit and he will have seen his change as something internal, not external. This is in part because of the natural ego, but in a way Jack's right because no matter how utterly convincing John might have been, if Jack wasn't in some sense ready to be convinced, he simply wouldn't have been. That's my sense of it, anyway.

 

It's because I believe that change in viewpoint is a gradual and often subtle process that it's hard for me to think of a clear example of how my thinking has been changed due to the presence of contrary beliefs and lifestyles. Ah, here's one, though it might not be exactly what you're looking for because I began by not knowing what to think, and the two opinions of two different sets of friends helped make up my mind:

 

DH and I were unsure what to do about disciplining our (future) children. So, we decided to read some books and pay close attention to what our friends were doing. First we read about attachment parenting, which seemed very alluring, in part because it seems to be in vogue with a lot of young parents today. Then we read about child training (specifically, the Pearls' "Train Up a Child" book), which made some good points, but we were less enthused about it since it requires a great deal of consistency on the part of the parents. Lucky for us, one set of friends adheres to attachment parenting, and another to child training. We saw firsthand the good and the bad aspects of both. We didn't base our opinion solely on our friends' points of view, but it influenced us tremendously. We ended up deciding that child training is for us, even though it wasn't our first inclination. In any event, seeing the two styles played out in real life and talking to parents firsthand gave us a deeper understanding of the divide. If not for them, everything would be purely theoretical, and I think no matter what choice we would have made in that case, we would have been a touch too judgmental of those other people.

[Pippen]

Yes. I've been a long time member of a small online forum where we have one common interest but I'm very much in the minority in political and religous views. I didn't seek it out for that reason--I was just looking for mature adult conversation--but have come to really appreciate the diversity.

 

A specific example would be that political discussions often became heated but during one presidential election we seriously took the time to explain our positions on issues and how we'd arrived to those conclusions. Most of us arrived to the "I don't agree but I can see how you would think that way." point. Collectively I remember how good we felt about reaching that milestone--proud of the way the community had handled it and with deeper respect and acceptance of the others.

 

I did actively seek out a different perspective on child-rearing when traditional methods weren't working with one of mine.

[Peela]

Well.... I read this board!

 

Honestly, I tend to be quite set in my ways and reading here has certainly widened my perspective.

 

I agree....this board has widened my perspective immensely. I am not sure it has actually changed my views, but it has exposed me to persepctives I really didnt know existed, especially in such large numbers! I dont have many conservative Christians in my personal world- a few homeschoolers, but I don't socialise with them much.

 

However, I feel my kids do get exposed to other perspectives. My son is a rebel, anti authority type and if we, his parents, think it, well, he will take a different opinion just because. His best friend is Christian and they discuss things. He is very keen to notice other opinions and perspectives from his family. And thats just the way he is.

 

My kids do not blindly believe everything I tell them. I think it is a normal (healthy but annoying!) teenager characteristic to want to find out for yourself and challenge your parents- to find out what ideas sink and which float, when put under pressure! I dont go out of my way to find opposite opinions...they seem to find out for themselves.

[Murmer]

I was very strongly a scheduled baby parent but I have really sought out ap parenting literature and as a result have loved baby wearing and am more flexible with my baby, although I a not ap but I am also not so scheduled. I think that knowing/learning about the opposite of self just gives more skills, empathy, understanding than ignorantly holding firm to one stance.

[stripe]

I feel that it is impossible to argue one's own point w/o knowing (rather well) that of one's opposition.

 

"Because I said so", "It just is", and "This book said so, therefore I am correct" don't hold much water for me in formal debate.

Yes, or has never bothered to understand the opposition and grossly mischaracterizes it -- but then once one knows the other side fairly well, does one need to immerse oneself in stuff one doesn't believe in? There's only so much time in the day. I'm not sure I want to waste it reading about the joys of incest (yes, I once did read a book, ostensibly about marriage, that advocated for the end of all taboos, and I just didn't want to waste a lot of time reading about incest, exhibitionism, pedophilia...many of them criminal behaviors) or other topics of no real value to me.

[asta]

Yes, or has never bothered to understand the opposition and grossly mischaracterizes it -- but then once one knows the other side fairly well, does one need to immerse oneself in stuff one doesn't believe in? There's only so much time in the day. I'm not sure I want to waste it reading about the joys of incest (yes, I once did read a book, ostensibly about marriage, that advocated for the end of all taboos, and I just didn't want to waste a lot of time reading about incest, exhibitionism, pedophilia...many of them criminal behaviors) or other topics of no real value to me.

 

Right. At that point, I only feel it is necessary to look up information on an "as needed" basis.

 

Although I will say that I find myself sickeningly attracted to those "the Pearls are evil" threads (and happen to agree with those who hold that view)...

 

But I digress.

 

 

asta

[HRAAB]

I absolutely do especially in history, politics and religion, and it does, occasionally, affect my position. I can't feel comfortable with where I am unless I know what is on the other side.

 

However, I don't look for the other side in parenting. That's one area where I don't care to be broadened. :001_smile:

[simka2]

At one point I was very staunch in my belifes...I knew what was right, true, and the best way for kids to be raised and government run.

 

Unfortunately (maybe fortunately), everything I knew was ripped out from under me a few years ago. I was forced to reanalyze every belife I held. Amidst the chaos of that time I threw out alot of belifes that I once held dear. I also, developed many new belifes to fill their place.

 

One of the most important things I learned...I don't have it all figured out!!!! Things aren't as black/white as they used to be. :)

 

Now, I don't fit into any "one' camp of belifes. And I'm learning to be okay with that :)

[elegantlion]

I feel that it is impossible to argue one's own point w/o knowing (rather well) that of one's opposition.

 

"Because I said so", "It just is", and "This book said so, therefore I am correct" don't hold much water for me in formal debate.

 

 

a

 

I learned that lesson in the last few years. I love that this board is filled with people of such diversity that are knowledgeable about all sides of an issue. I've learned a lot from simply "listening".

 

At one point I was very staunch in my belifes...I knew what was right, true, and the best way for kids to be raised and government run.

 

Unfortunately (maybe fortunately), everything I knew was ripped out from under me a few years ago. I was forced to reanalyze every belife I held. Amidst the chaos of that time I threw out alot of belifes that I once held dear. I also, developed many new belifes to fill their place.

 

One of the most important things I learned...I don't have it all figured out!!!! Things aren't as black/white as they used to be. :)

 

Now, I don't fit into any "one' camp of belifes. And I'm learning to be okay with that :)

 

In the last few years it feels like the comfortable convictions I held were dumped out and scattered to the winds. My convictions now are much different than they were a few years ago. I feel more strongly about some, but I too am finding the fascinating shades of grey in life.

[Beth in TN]

Unfortunately (maybe fortunately), everything I knew was ripped out from under me a few years ago. I was forced to reanalyze every belife I held. Amidst the chaos of that time I threw out alot of belifes that I once held dear. I also, developed many new belifes to fill their place.

 

This is me too, except nothing has been ripped away from me, but I am actively seeking to evaluate many of my beliefs and make changes where I see that they should be made.

 

I do like conversing with others that do not hold to my exact views. I find these conversations refreshing, insightful, and fun. I also like talking with those who have the spirit of a teacher and are willing to share their knowledge of a subject with me.

Edited May 16, 2010 by Beth in TN
changed a word

[jld]

It seems like some people have had a worldview change in the last few years. I'm wondering if there is a common reason for that. The worldwide financial crisis maybe? I would guess that has had a lot of people reexamining their previously held views.