Ok-please help talk me through this.

[Dmmetler]

A few months ago, DD's school largely pushed me into homeschooling by stating that they couldn't meet her academic needs without skipping her again, with the suggested placement being a 2/3 class with her working at the 3rd grade level. At 5, I just couldn't see that.

 

Well, today, DD's teacher told me that they'd met and now felt that they could create an individualized plan that would work for DD, while letting her stay with her class.

 

And, for the most part, DD loves her class, is popular with the other kids, and loves many of the "special" parts of school-like the school art show next week, musicals, science fairs, and so on. All of which I suspect I won't easily be able to match in a homeschool setting, especially not for a 5 yr old (I know that homeschooled kids can enter JSHS, but that's high school).

 

But, on the other side, I KNOW how frustrated DD gets with the level of work. And I also know that she's chosen at times to hide her abilities to fit in, and that she feels inferior at times because she's less physically capable and because ALL she gets praised for is academics-which, to her, is about like praising her for breathing. And I also know that when she's gotten birthday party invites from classmates she often has a hard time picking out something they'd like, while when it's one of her friends from outside school, she has no trouble doing so-which implies to me that those social connections at school aren't all that deep.

 

What's more, I know that if I tell DH that the school thinks they can accommodate DD next year, that's going to start the whole debate over again. He's only just started to reluctantly accept homeschooling as an option.

 

One part of me really just wants to ignore that comment, and go on planning to homeschool starting in three weeks. And the other part of me feels like I need to let DH know, probably start the whole process over, and decide what to do from there-and that if the school doesn't have a viable plan, it will be difficult to get him to see that. And even if they do for math and reading, is that really going to meet her desire to learn Latin, or her need to explore the world?

 

ARRGHHH!!!

[Dmmetler]

I've found a nice secular homeschool group, most of which can be described as "families with at least one kid who qualified for an IEP for something". It's a little more on the unschooling side than I think I fall, but it's one place where there are quite a few bright/quirky/asynchronous kids. So far, it's social only although there's talk of a co-op.

 

And just about everything around here has homeschool classes-the museum, the zoo, the botanic gardens. We're in an area with mediocre public schools and a lot of conservative Christians-the combination leads to a lot of homeschooled kids. Similarly, there are art classes, gymnastics classes, and music classes available during the day. So far, the only thing I haven't been able to find without too much effort is foreign language.

 

So there's a lot there. And next year, at least, DD is young enough that she could easily participate in the "preschool roller skating time" or "preschool swim time" for 3-5 yr olds as easily as the "homeschool" activities (and physically, that would probably be a better match).

 

I guess it's nice to know that they want her (and, I suspect, me-I've spent most of the last week typing tags for the school art show). And I admit, there are nice parts about the school-it's a friendly, supportive community, and my DD has been welcomed there.

[JenneinCA]

The problem isn't level it is PACE. The school can teach to her level for right now. But right now isn't good enough, your child will understand the material in less time than they expect. But they won't understand how to move at her speed.

 

The mismatch for the physical abilities will get worse. The bigger older kids will be more coordinated and more able to hit a ball or swing a bat. And your child might be entirely age appropriate in physical ability and still be "the worst player in the class". That kind of stuff really really bothers some kids.

 

I truly hope you find a good solution for you. I know that my kids are far better off homeschooling. I can't meet all of their needs, but I can do the least harm.

[Carol in Cal.]

If you could find a really good developmental preschool, the kind that is a parent coop so it would have good enough ratios to set up lots of opportunities for learning and exploration and art and so forth, and no structured curriculum, it might be a really great fit for your DD. Often those kinds of preschools have mixed ages, and the parents and teacher are more accustomed to working at different levels. They tend to focus more on content areas because the skills level is so broad at that age, so there's a lot of art, carpentry, science, cooking, hard physical play--all student led and chosen. If you lived around here I would send you to one of two local ones that I know of, each of which have afternoon classes 3 days per week. That way you would have plenty of time for academics, but she would also get that enriched environment and could take her learning as deep as she wants.

 

Another really good option would be an excellent nature awareness group that meets one day per week. Again, she could go and accept the material at her own level, she would have friends roughly her own age in a mixed age setting, she would not have any incentive to dumb herself down, and you would have plenty of time for straight homeschooling.

 

Those would really be the way I would go. I have seen gifted programs around her, and they tend to be pullout programs, extra deep coverage of the same material (which she would be ahead of), or not start any serious acceleration until third grade.

Edited April 30, 2010 by Carol in Cal.

[Jen in PA]

I spent much of 1st grade sitting in the hallway working through a 6th grade reading curriculum so that I wouldn't distract my classmates as they learned to read. I thought it was a wonderful treat that I got to read interesting things after a month or two of sitting at a little table listening to everyone else sound out CVC words. Did the school provide material that was advanced? Yes. Did the other students resent me for getting special treatment? Yes, and so did their parents, as I learned years later. After my mother threw a fit about the situation, different accommodations were made, and I honestly don't remember feeling any social awkwardness about it at the time. But from what you have said of your dd already noting the disparity between praise for physical skills and praise for academic skills, I get the sense that she may have a sense that what makes her different is not such a gift. It sounds like you have access to amazing social outlets for homeschoolers in your area, and I would give that a try before I would trust the school to be able to implement a workable plan for your child.

[SonshineLearner]

Keep her with you!! One size fits all.. doesn't sound like it's gonna fit your little one. Let her stay little with you.. while allowing her brain to develop on HER level of ability...

 

:)

[Guest]

If you're feeling truly torn, sit down with these people and ask them to spell out exactly what their plans are, including what they would do if she advanced beyond their initial expectations. Ask specifically about to what extent she would be pulled away from the group: how much work would she be doing alone? How much time would the teacher spend in individual work with her? Where would they get the materials, and which ones are they planning to use, and why? What do they think her learning style is, and how would they accommodate that?

 

The degree to which they've thought all these things through might make you feel more confident about whatever decision you make.

[babysparkler]

I spent much of 1st grade sitting in the hallway working through a 6th grade reading curriculum so that I wouldn't distract my classmates as they learned to read. I thought it was a wonderful treat that I got to read interesting things after a month or two of sitting at a little table listening to everyone else sound out CVC words. Did the school provide material that was advanced? Yes. Did the other students resent me for getting special treatment? Yes, and so did their parents, as I learned years later. After my mother threw a fit about the situation, different accommodations were made, and I honestly don't remember feeling any social awkwardness about it at the time. But from what you have said of your dd already noting the disparity between praise for physical skills and praise for academic skills, I get the sense that she may have a sense that what makes her different is not such a gift. It sounds like you have access to amazing social outlets for homeschoolers in your area, and I would give that a try before I would trust the school to be able to implement a workable plan for your child.

:iagree:

[LisaDSB]

When my DS7 was in JK (at Montessori), I presented his IQ test (99.9%ile) to his teachers and asked that he be allowed to advance to grade 1. He had more than mastered the material in the Casa classroom (for ages 3-6) and was ready to move on.

 

They insisted that he would benefit socially from staying in the same class for his leadership year (they have 3-year age groupings) and promised to keep him challenged by bringing work over from the elementary building. They also wanted him full days (rather than half) so that they "could really work with him to help him reach his potential." Armed with that "plan", I agreed to keep him there.

 

The full-days thing lasted until October of SK. While I have no doubt that they had the best of intentions, they seldom got around to bringing the more challenging stuff, and my son was not the type to push for it on his own. Even the elementary materials that they did give him were way beneath his abilities. I kept him there half days and worked with him at home the rest of the time. It was clear that most of his learning was being done at home and he was just putting in time at school. At the end of that year, we started homeschooling.

 

It sounds like this school has good intentions too (which is a lot more than most schools seem to offer), but if you put her there you'll need to watch like a hawk to make sure that they actually do what they say. With a large class of kids, you can bet that the teacher is going to have a lot of balls to juggle, and your daughter may seem to be the least of her problems. At least with homeschooling (which isn't always a walk in the park either, btw) you can be assured that all of the "teacher's" time is devoted to meeting the specific needs of your daughter.

Edited May 1, 2010 by LisaDSB
forgot how old my kid was -- rough week!

[2smartones]

The problem isn't level it is PACE. The school can teach to her level for right now. But right now isn't good enough, your child will understand the material in less time than they expect. But they won't understand how to move at her speed.

:iagree:

 

http://www.accelerationinstitute.org/nation_deceived/ND_v1.pdf

[Dmmetler]

Thanks for the responses.

 

I talked to DH last night, and he's just as skeptical as I am-basically, neither of us see that anything in the school has changed from January to now that would make it easy to accommodate DD next year in 1st grade-and, conversely, he's also witnessed a few instances (mostly with DD's cousins), where it's obvious that DD is trying to fit in at almost any cost-so he's not riding that "socialization" hobby horse nearly as much as he was a year ago when the debate was whether or not to send her to preschool.

 

So, we'll see what the school has to say, and go from there, but unless they have a coherent, definite, workable plan that will both preserve DD's need for more and different academics at her own pace and support her emotionally without separating her obviously from the group, it will be "thank you for your concern".

[In The Great White North]

I spent much of 1st grade sitting in the hallway working through a 6th grade reading curriculum so that I wouldn't distract my classmates as they learned to read.

 

And what did they do in 2nd grade? I remember using the 6th grade reader in 1st grade too, but don't remember any other "advanced" anything until I started AP classes senior year of high school.

[Jen in PA]

And what did they do in 2nd grade? I remember using the 6th grade reader in 1st grade too, but don't remember any other "advanced" anything until I started AP classes senior year of high school.

 

Second grade they gave me 7th and 8th grade reading material and my own spelling lists. I was allowed to read quietly in a reading/writing corner where we made our own books. I loved that year. I had an outstanding teacher who met monthly with my parents and came to my house to see the sorts of things that interested me. The gifted program and school orchestra program started in third grade, so I had more things to keep me busy by then. And to be honest, the end of first grade worked out rather well, albeit in a way I can't imagine happening in these NCLB-driven days. I spent the Language Arts period in a different first grade classroom, where the teacher (who was a former state teacher of the year) had one of those cozy reading bathtubs, a refrigerator box converted to a reading croner, and tons of other cozy areas for silent and small group reading. Her students were allowed to spend the time enjoying books and were called over to work at a table in reading groups. I spent my mornings there just not ever getting called over for group work. My regular teacher supplied me with some books on King Arthur and told me to take them home and read them, and discuss them with her once I was ready. So I got fun stuff to read at home, a quiet place to read during school hours, and some time in a classroom instead of the hallway. That sort of accommodation just wouldn't fly these days.

[Brindee]

Second grade they gave me 7th and 8th grade reading material and my own spelling lists. I was allowed to read quietly in a reading/writing corner where we made our own books. I loved that year. I had an outstanding teacher who met monthly with my parents and came to my house to see the sorts of things that interested me. The gifted program and school orchestra program started in third grade, so I had more things to keep me busy by then. And to be honest, the end of first grade worked out rather well, albeit in a way I can't imagine happening in these NCLB-driven days. I spent the Language Arts period in a different first grade classroom, where the teacher (who was a former state teacher of the year) had one of those cozy reading bathtubs, a refrigerator box converted to a reading croner, and tons of other cozy areas for silent and small group reading. Her students were allowed to spend the time enjoying books and were called over to work at a table in reading groups. I spent my mornings there just not ever getting called over for group work. My regular teacher supplied me with some books on King Arthur and told me to take them home and read them, and discuss them with her once I was ready. So I got fun stuff to read at home, a quiet place to read during school hours, and some time in a classroom instead of the hallway. That sort of accommodation just wouldn't fly these days.

How nice that your teacher did that with/for you!

 

My oldest was already reading when he went to K, and his teacher did wonderful things with/for him and another boy who was also an advanced reader! We just loved her!!! The next year, for ds's 1st grade year the teacher thought it ridiculous to put a child ahead of his grade level reading, because, and I quote the exact words she said to me, "What would he do in 2nd grade?" :glare: She gave ds busy work, and since ds keeps things to himself, I didn't realize until April what exactly was happening. By then he HATED reading, busy work, and anything related in any way to reading! I was sooo frustrated! :angry::mad: He had been my one most interested in reading, from the time he was tiny, and now he wouldn't read a word without crying, because he had all this pent-up frustration! :crying: I sooo wish I would've understood that earlier. He and the teacher both said things were fine until in April he couldn't handle it anymore and FINALLY spilled what was happening.

 

At any rate, he was at a small Christian school and would've had the same teacher the next year, so we pulled him out to homeschool him.

[Truscifi]

Would the school allow your dd to participate in the extracurriculars even if she isn't enrolled there? The local ps here lets my ds come in for the gifted pull out class (which focuses on independent research within a set topic and gives him an opportunity to hang out with other kids for lunch and recess too), the Media Mondays (the media center is open Monday nights for students to come in for extra help, ds just goes to check out library books and use the AR program), sports, school pictures, art and science shows, etc. I know not all public schools are like this, but some are willing to offer any services they have to hs students who want them. It never hurts to ask. :D