Reluctant husbands/spouses

[fairfarmhand]

Did anyone around here start out homeschooling with a reluctant husband? How did that play out? Is he still reluctant? What won him over if he is now glad about it?

 

I started out with one. He was humoring me really at first . Then last year I was considering having this year be my last homeschooling year. I thought I was ready to move on, DD11 was being a real pain,blah blah blah. He really threw me when he told me that he loved our family being homeschooled. IN SEVEN YEARS HE NEVER MENTIONED THAT HE LIKED IT! So I had to rethink it, and I figure we'll do it again next year. I think he likes the flexibility that we have...if he comes in late from work he can see the kids and they don't HAVE to be in bed so they can get up the next morning. He liked the way it played out with our, DD 8 who had major struggles with reading. I think she would've hated school if we had not homeschooled since reading was so difficult. He likes it that our girls, while fairly mature and responsible for their ages are still very "innocent".

[jail warden]

In the beginning of Homeschooling my dh said it was up to me, but he'd rather put them in school. He still says he doesn't care, but thinks it'd be easier to for me if I'd just put them in school. Although he doesn't say anything, I think he's seeing some good things about how much the kids are learning and of course what they're NOT learning!

[May]

I never asked my husband if I could homeschool, I just announced it. My youngest dd never liked school and it showed. He was reluctant but I said it was just for one year and when we moved, I would put her back in school. Well, in one year, he could see that she was much happier and doing great in her school work. We moved, dd didn't want to go back to school, so I continued to homeschool. Dh, by this time, could see how much more confidence she had and was happy that she would continue to be homeschooled. Six years later, she is now in a Christian high school and doing extremely well. My husband was the one most disappointed that she wanted to attend a traditional school. But we are both convinced it was because she was homeschooled that she is doing as well as she is. My dh is very pro homeschooling and isn't afraid to sing its praises to family and friends.

[Alenee]

Public school was never an option in our minds but when we began looking into private schools, there weren't any within 15 miles of our home and their prices were insane. About that time I met quite a few homeschoolers. I presented the idea of homeschooling to my dh over several months. He reluctantly came on board.

 

Now six years later, NOT homeschooling is NOT an option in his mind. He's even making plans in case something were to happen to me so he could still homeschool our girls. The things that changed his mind were relationships we have with the girls, their education is top-notch, they are sweet, loving, helpful...etc. We rarely meet a ps'er who has all of these important qualities. There is always something lacking in their education, as well as in other parts of their lives. Dh just sees that homeschooling, from our perspective, is far better than any other educational/relational point.

[Heather in OK]

My dh was! When our oldest was barely 5 he told me that if we didn't start doing lessons so he could see some progress (and she was doing perfectly fine for her age), we would put her in PS. *sigh*

 

For him it took seeing that progress. Even the minimal, "Hey Daddy, look what I did today!!" was helpful for him.

[lauracolumbus]

My dh was skeptical at first. He thought it would do me in. Now he is our biggest fan. And shockingly enough, his mother is our second biggest fan and she's never like anything I've ever done. :tongue_smilie:

 

Laura

[Guest]

My husband is not exactly reluctant; he just doesn't get it. At all. There are two factors at work here. First, he grew up in a British colonial environment and was sent back to England at age eight to boarding school; from then on, he saw his parents once a year, sometimes twice, flying alone around the world from aged 11 or so. Homeschooling is so much the polar opposite of that cultural model that he just can't wrap his mind around it. Second, he, like my daughter, has Asperger's Syndrome, so he can't understand how to be both a parent and a teacher. It's hard enough for him just transitioning from work to home. When our daughter was very briefly in private school, he suddenly knew how to do that: he did half the school runs, helped with homework when asked, etc. He's not against homeschooling in particular. He just doesn't know what to do, ask, or think about something that falls outside the traditional model. So he is completely, utterly, hands-off and it's all up to me. This is both freeing in some ways - I've grown far more independent -- and exhausting/isolating.

 

Which leads me to thank everyone on these boards again for the sense of community and thinking together that you offer. I really appreciate it so much more than you can know.

[Rosie_0801]

My dh couldn't care less if I home school or not but I got him to agree by telling him wonderful things about homeschooling in a really bouncy way, face beaming; and by telling him every terrible school anecdote I came across :D

 

Rosie

[Melissa in Australia]

My dh couldn't care less if I home school or not but I got him to agree by telling him wonderful things about homeschooling in a really bouncy way, face beaming; and by telling him every terrible school anecdote I came across :D

 

Rosie

:tongue_smilie: worked here as well!

[Mommee & Baba]

My dh hasn't voiced that he's ever been against it. He's voiced that he's not against PS'ing either...However our story of HS'ing began when we found out that the school that would do grade K for our children was across town and grade K is required, it posed a problem. We have one family car that he takes to work every day and leaves the house at 7am but then the children would have no way of being picked up as there was no bus route offered for that grade level. So he suggested we homeschool them preschool if I wanted to and then asked that we homeschool until they completed grade K. So at the age my oldest was to be in preschool I began homeschooling her...then her sister the following year, while doing grade K with my oldest...I'm now currently hs'ing my youngest dd that is in grade K4 and my oldest dd that is in grade 1. We've already pre-registed both of them with our hs'ing academy for next year...my dh knew ahead of time as I asked about the registration funds and he agreed. Now he knows I'm for it and he leaves it in my hands. When I'm tired of doing it or feel I'm complete with this calling he's supportive of the children attending ps. However the difference between his opinion and mine. I will NOT give up without a fight..I will continue to hs as long as I can! Even when my youngest dd talks about the day she will be able to go to the "big school"...I tell her that's not something she will get to decide on right now. My dh would let her go if I wasn't so opposed. But since I'm the sole care giver for the children it's more of my say. He's not home during the hours that she'd need dropped off at school or picked up and again she'd have to be put on a bus which is another thing I'm against.

 

The only comments that my dh has made that made me extremely proud was...he'll tell strangers that we homeschool and he likes that we know who is influencing our children and where they are. What sort of materials they are learning and that they are getting what they need from the educational material since they are purchased for THEIR level and to bring out their strengths and to strengthen their weaknesses. He's seen all the books, the prep work that goes into homeschooling, the motivation that has to be found and the patience....so he always leaves me with the remark of..."You've done an amazing job honey".

 

Lastnight for the FIRST time ever our oldest dd sat down to read to her dad. This is the FIRST time that she's ever shown him she can read. My dh was sitting on the sofa as tears rolled down his face and he held her close when she was done and said "You have made me proud" and then when the kids whisked off to bed..he looked at me and said "You are one awesome mom and that just proves what you're doing is the right thing"....:lol:

[Mejane]

Mine started out completely against, and is now one of homeschooling's biggest proponents. Really, he should be some sort of spokesperson. :) Having his 14yo daughter get into college was a big factor.