Michelle in AL Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 How much would you consider a reasonable amount of time spent hanging with friends? Do you limit the amount of time your teen can spend with friends after school? Weekends? How much time were you allowed to spend with friends after school while growing up? DD (15) has recently made a large group of friends. Her main goal everyday is to get her responsibilities done so she can hang out. They are good kids, and not getting into trouble. They mainly go to the beach and surf/skim or get together and play guitar or go to church functions. They are mostly male, but all are supposedly just friends. I had very little parental supervision growing up, so it's hard for me to set limits. Dh tends to limit too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 My 16yo (when he was in our home) had a lot less time with friends than I did. I was *always* with my friends outside of school - hanging out, spending the night, etc. Once I turned 16, I was never home. Even when he is at his Dad's, he only gets time with friends maybe once a week. He sees his friends at school, though, and he is there from 7:30am until 6:00pm or later every night (he ran cross country and now it is basketball season.) I think there is a happy medium somewhere between you and your dh...;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) I have an almost 13 year old ds that loves to play with his friends. His time is somewhat limited in that he needs to have his school work and chores done before he goes to play. Also we require him to be home for dinner at least 5 nights a week, so that puts a limit on how long he can hang out. Sunday is reserved as a family day, too. We also limit sleepovers to one per month. He always asks before he plays so sometimes I set boundaries, especially when he is short on sibling time. Edited December 8, 2009 by Ferdie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tricia Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Our children do not get to at all. My boys are in scouts through our church and the only time they see these boys is through an activity. Otherwise, we don't allow any togetherness with friends and peers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 What would concern me more than the idea of teens in general just hanging out for long times without supervision is the idea of my dd being with teenage boys without supervision. What may start as just friends doesn't often end that way. What are your values/goals/thoughts on boy-girl relationships? Depending on your thoughts on that, you need to address that issue before things develop. For some families that would mean having kids over to your house more. Or hanging out on the beach yourself. (Of course if they are used to all hanging out without any adults along, you might not be welcome hanging out like that). The other thing that comes to mind is that while I have some great memories of hanging out with groups of teens at the beach, it was a different story when we got bored. Then the group mindset kicked in and we got into much more trouble than we would have otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Our children do not get to at all. My boys are in scouts through our church and the only time they see these boys is through an activity. Otherwise, we don't allow any togetherness with friends and peers. Okay, now you've got me curious. Can you explain why you don't allow this? Time constraints? Living too far out? Other reasons? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 My DS is 13, and would love more time to hang out with friends. He is an only child, so friend time is even more special. There are no kids his age in our neighborhood. We have an even mix of homeschool and public school friends. It usually seems to be complicated getting the kids together due to school, lessons, various other life factors. I had no limits on time with friends as a kid. I was pretty much on my own. Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 As long as their responsibilities are taken care of (school work, chores, such) I set a curfew and allow them what they want. It's their time of discovering their independence and they don't want me around. I'll be cool again hopefully around their 20s. :-) Really, my older kids and I have great relationships and I'm blessed to know how honest they are with me, so I'm OK with them hanging out as much as they want provided their responsibilities are taken care of. BUT, it's a privileged that can be taken away and they know that, too. They're basically treated as adults living in our house, and we expect that responsibility, too. So far, so good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill- OK Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 How much would you consider a reasonable amount of time spent hanging with friends? ...but that probably wouldn't be very helpful, not knowing your circumstances, challenges, etc. Here, it's mostly a function of how often are they asked...what else needs to be done...and, last but not least, which friends we're talking about, what they're doing, and if it affects my children's attitudes. Usually, our kids aren't asked to do something more than once a week. (I have two teens, and the boy spends less time socializing than the girl, which I think might just be a function of gender difference, lol, at least in this situation. They only talk/get together when there's a purpose. Not so with my daughter and her friends. The socializing, itself, is often the purpose.) I don't feel bad about saying "yes" almost every time, since it's not very often, but we do sort of have an understanding that days gone with buddies are kind of made up for by gratitude and willingness to hear "no" gracefully, if it isn't possible. We're also talking about kids that I like, and activities I approve. I do believe it's important for teens to have friends and a life outside of Mom and Dad and Little Siblings. I think it should be balanced, but I believe it's a testing ground for college, life away from home, etc. You sort of get to mold it, at this stage, by debriefing when they come home, offering advice and guidance about situations and individuals (even when your opinion isn't asked for, lol)...and this is kind of the last big chance to do that. Kind of "on the job training", I guess I would call it. If you're not getting a chance to do that kind of thing, between excursions, then it might be a bit much, but I'm not saying it's necessary constantly...just as a matter of habit. But I don't believe in any of that at the expense of their good choices, thus far. So...I guess I'm saying that you probably have to play it by ear, and there might not be a hard and fast time limit, just a gut feeling that they might need more, or less time with certain individuals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in AL Posted December 8, 2009 Author Share Posted December 8, 2009 What would concern me more than the idea of teens in general just hanging out for long times without supervision is the idea of my dd being with teenage boys without supervision. What may start as just friends doesn't often end that way. What are your values/goals/thoughts on boy-girl relationships? Depending on your thoughts on that, you need to address that issue before things develop. For some families that would mean having kids over to your house more. Or hanging out on the beach yourself. (Of course if they are used to all hanging out without any adults along, you might not be welcome hanging out like that). Although I respect very much those who are committed to courting, it just doesn't feel right for my family. What I also realize is that in 5 mos she will have a driver's license and will have freedom. She'll then have the ability to tell me she's going to church and really go somewhere else (she's never lied or been sneaky, but I remember my teenage days). My goal now is to keep open communication with her and allow her a good bit of freedom while she's home so that when she makes mistakes we can correct them now, before she goes off to college. DD probably does like one of these boys. The one I suspect she likes always has his sister with him (he LOVES his sister) so there's always a group of boys and girls. I encourage them to hang out here as much as possible, but am allowing a little freedom when in groups. I think what I've decided is to allow free time between school and dinner as long as she has her chores and school work done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 As long as their responsibilities are taken care of (school work, chores, such) I set a curfew and allow them what they want. It's their time of discovering their independence and they don't want me around. I'll be cool again hopefully around their 20s. :-) Really, my older kids and I have great relationships and I'm blessed to know how honest they are with me, so I'm OK with them hanging out as much as they want provided their responsibilities are taken care of. BUT, it's a privileged that can be taken away and they know that, too. They're basically treated as adults living in our house, and we expect that responsibility, too. So far, so good. :iagree: This is exactly us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.