Anyone else's BF a ....

[Aubrey]

I don't mind hanging out with girls at all, mostly my favorite friends are younger than me, provide me with babies to play with and don't know crap about horses.

 

You *do* love me! :001_wub:

[katemary63]

Any male friends I have are "our" friends, same with any female friends DH has. He has female co-workers that he chats with, but he keeps it light and doesn't have lunch with them or spend any time alone with them. Neither of us would spend time alone with a member of the opposite sex. We don't have lengthy email exchanges with opposite sex friends either--I will include DH if a discussion goes past a few brief exchanges. Same for phone conversations.

 

This is not because we don't trust each other, it is partly (as someone else said) out of respect for one another and to avoid the appearance of impropriety, and partly because we've seen great marriages fall apart in a matter of months due to infidelity. For both of us, our marriage is far more important than any benefits that can be gained in a friendship. And most of our friends live by the same code, so it really hasn't been an issue.

 

I'm not saying it can't work any other way, but I think it would be easy for me personally, in a moment of frustration or after a fight, to develop a connection with a guy friend that I could prefer over my husband, which could lead to an affair. And I think he could say the same thing--that it's easy to think the grass is greener on the other side. So for us, it's not that we don't have those friendships, but we put limits on them and they're not our BFs.

 

:iagree: Very, very well said.

[Renthead Mommy]

I've had many guy best friends, both gay and staight over the years. My very best friend however is a girl I've know since 1983 (8th grade). But my husband is my husband, and my friends are my friends. They are in two different categories.

 

I can't imagine telling the guys I worked with 'No I can't go get lunch with you and must eat it here alone because you are all men." That to me is odd.

 

One of our very best friends is a straight single guy. He adopted a 7yo about 7 years ago. It's been a long and stressful 7 years. We are all very close and we are somewhat a source of strenght and support for him.

 

Often when they come to visit, my husband can't take time off the whole time. We take them around where ever we are living at time. Last visit they wanted to go to Niagra Falls. They were going to rent a car. My husband couldn't go(he had just started his residence a few weeks earlier.) We decided this would be the only chance to take our son to NF in our three years here, so I drove us. Me, Guy Friend, my son, his son. No big deal.

 

When my husband was deployed, and my son was 16 months old, they invited us to christmas with them and to stay there and visit. (they are in NC where we lived for 6 years before joining the AF). We stayed with them in September when we were drivng home from my mom's and wanted to see people in Charlotte.

 

At our last base we were friends with another couple. She was active duty and he was a teacher. He'd go to spouse events with me (he was the token male there LOL!) She and my husband were like flip sides of the same coin! Her husband and I would sit back and just laugh at how alike the two of them were! She was a 10 year younger version of my husband. At brunch we had assigned seats. He and I didn't want to hear about their jobs anymore, so they'd sit at one end of the table and we'd sit at the other. We had much more exciting conversations!

 

A month ago my husband traveled to a conference in Asheville, NC. We'd been there many times (lived in NC). The other resident is a woman. They had one day were they pretty much done early so they had to day free. He spent the day playing tour guide and showing her Ashville and the Biltmore. I joked that while they were on their 'date' I should call her husband and see if he wanted to go out to eat. (She's a vegiterian, he's a meat lover. I love beef, but husband can't eat it, so I only get it when we go out.) She thought it would be a great idea and actually get him out of his office on a Saturday! LOL! ( I didn't mainly because I had no real plans of getting out of my pj that day adn was ordering dinner in!)

 

This is all pretty normal for most people I know. So the whole "what would people think?" (which I don't worry about for other things so I wouldn't worry for this either. Besides it's none of anyone's business!) or that would be so disrepectful or whatever to my husband just seems lame to me.

 

So yes, I think it is completely normal!

[Irene Lynn]

When I take those personality tests, I am always in the smallest category that is predominately male. I can't say that I really have a best friend, though one lady often is in that category. We have gone through life together through some tough times and can be honest or not frightened off during those times, but she is not one I would have ever thought would be as good of a friend as she is. She would never invite me to go to manicures and I don't talk about certain subjects with her. We don't really have that much in common.

 

My dh and I are mutual friends with several couples. In some of the couples he is probably drawn more to the wife and I am drawn more to the husband for conversations, but we like the other member of the couple, too. I also find that I enjoy my conversations with women one on one FAR more than in a group. The conversation is about different subjects one on one.

 

I am careful with male friends. One man did not have a good marriage and I needed to end it. I loved talking to him, because he was a total science geek and could answer questions one right after another and not mind it in the least. He could explain things the way I learn. I loved that! He was also kind of scary and I was never attracted to him other than conversation. I have noticed that a number of the men that I enjoy talking to are men who don't seem to be able to connect emotionally to anyone, but are kind of sciencey. Their marriages are not great, so I am careful. BUT, my father probably has Aspergers Syndrome and he cannot connect either. I also realized that I didn't have much respect for women overall and I have worked on that. That part was unhealthy. I still enjoy a good conversation with males, but I can appreciate many more conversations with women now. I started working on it in college, so it has taken a long time.

 

I will also add that my dh does have some female friends, who are mainly his, that are perfectly good friendships. BUT my dh can be naive in this way, so he has learned to listen to me, if something doesn't feel right. I trust him, but I don't trust his discernment with women. There have been a couple of times in the past, when a woman had ulterior motives. I held my tongue, because I knew my dh would just think I was mean spirited. When her true motives came out he was so angry. He just can't imagine how people can be like that. Now he knows to trust my gut. I won't say anything, unless something is off and it has never been my dh that is "off".

 

Soooo, I don't have a best friend, who is male, but I can understand having one.

[elizabeth]

We have known one another since I was 12 and he an old man at 17. Over thirty years.

[HRAAB]

I guess the term 'best friend' sort of throws me; honestly, it reminds me of being in school. But, I do understand the sentiment.

 

I have one 'best friend', my dh. I am sure my dh would consider me his 'best friend'. Other than that, my friends are mostly male. For whatever reason, that is the way it's worked. My dh also has friends that are female. In fact, he had lunch with a female friend last week. I didn't go along, and it doesn't bother me in the least. When I've had coffee with a male friend that I've known for years, my dh didn't tag along.

 

We (dh and I) don't socialize much outside of each other, but occasionally we meet up with friends. Nothing wrong or inappropriate at all with having friends.

[Hedgehogs4]

 

Is this normal or odd?

 

I find this very unusual, and extremely risky. I would be insane if my DH had a "best friend" at work who was a woman.

 

The kinds of things that I share with my women friends I would never share with a man, and if a man were seeking that kind of closeness with me I would seriously question his motives. my dh is of the sincere opinion that men and women cannot be longterm bfs. i'm inclined to believe him.

[forevergrace]

I always pride myself as being open minded, but, I have seen what happens having a bf that is the opposite sex. I should re-phrase this, I have experienced first hand what happens when one's bf is the opposite sex. However, maybe some actually can have such a relationship. This did not work for me and ended a wonderful relationship for me. Along with ending a friendship that was never what I thought it was!! No matter how platonic it may seem, our brains are wired differently. Next thing; I definitely would not want dh's bf being a woman. I don't care if she was 1000 lbs. or the world's most ugliest woman. I would feel that something was missing between us. Dh should and can hang out with the guys, I need to be hanging w/the women. When I did marry dh, I made sure all my bf's were females, and that his were males. It eliminated much pain, and I found that if I need male acknowledgement I can go to my brothers or my father. This was the best thing for me.

[Peela]

I have male friends that are very dear to me and who I have a separate relationship to, than my husband does, even though he is also friends with them. In other words, we talk about things that we wouldn't talk about if dh was around- not because of inappropriateness, but because we have some common interests that dh doesnt have.

I think having some male friends keeps me sane and actually helps me to be content in a marriage with a man who is very, very different to me, because it gives me another male friend to share things with that my husband simply isnt interested in.

As far as I am concerned, if you are looking to have an affair, sure, a male friend is a good place to start. But my closest male friend always helps me to see the better side of my dh when I am having a hard time.

I personally don't have a problem with having male friends, and my dh sometimes goes to the movies with a female friend he works with. Neither of us are immune to jealousy, but also, neither wants to be imprisoned by the other and restricted. We value our freedom together and I feel that is one of the reasons we are actually still together- because both of us are fiercely independent people and do not like to be controlled. It works for us.

I have found recently that a younger couple has been having a hard time with their marriage as they have a young baby, and the man, who I have known for 22 years since we were both teens) has opened up to me...but not as "another woman", but as a mature mother figure that he felt to talk to. His wife is not concerned at all, and neither should she be.

People need people, and friends are valuable things, no matter which sex they are.

[hsmom3tn]

Haven't read all the responses, but I used to have more male friends than female friends and my BF was a male. When I started dating my husband, he was extrememly jealous and it caused a lot of problems. I gave it some thought, and even though I didn't think he had any cause to worry, I figured I'd probably feel the same way if he had a female BF. So, I just let the friendship fade away. My husband became my best friend. Now my husband and I are separated; and even though I have developed close friendships with a few women, I still miss my old BF.

 

I think if you can make it work, and you and your DH are comfortable with it, then there's nothing wrong with it.

 

I remember one problem I had with my male BF was that he was always dating my female friends. That's the main reason why I didn't have many female friends. Either they would break up and then the girl would stop talking to me, too, by association; or they would break up because the girls were jealous over the closeness that he and I had.

[swellmomma]

My bf a few years back was a man. I was 26 he was 22, we were both single. He was my labor coach with HUnter, which was interesting because not only was he not the father, he was still a virgin. He was an awesome guy and a great friend. We parted ways a few years back, he got a new job in another city and met someone when he got there. She didn't like him having a girl as a bf so that was the end of that. I rarely have any friends let alone bf's but when I do I do better getting along with guys than girls.

[mama2cntrykids]

:iagree: with everything she said. Personally, I do not feel that married women should be close friends with men other than their husbands. It just opens too many doors for possible feelings to emerge.

 

:iagree:--Too many temptations can occur. I would not be comfortable with my dh having a good female friend and vice versa. Just how we are. If it's a group/family thing, that's different.

[Donna]

:iagree:--Too many temptations can occur. .

 

I disagree, at least for myself. I have always gotten along better with males than females. I played high school soccer as the only girl on the boys team and throughout high school had many more male friends than female friends.

 

My husband is my best friend but I did have a couple very good male friends for a few years. We taught taekwondo together and saw each other 3-5 nights a week at classes so we naturally became very good friends. There was never anything tempting about it and I would never even think to do anything tempting outside my marriage. My husband is the only one I have ever been with and it never even occurs to me to look elsewhere.

 

I do not think it is impossible to have a completely platonic relationship with the opposite sex.