krystal70 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Hubby just emailed me and wanted to know if I was okay with him volunteering for a deployment that is out of his scheduled cycle. He is scheduled to become available for a deployment in June so if he takes this one he could be gone for a year. I told him to go for it because he did not join the military to sit behind a desk but to be a part of something bigger than himself. ( he did not join for the college benefits and he is 3rd generation military) If this was asked of you, what would you do? Just curious... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Now that my husband is reserve and not active any more - I don't know if I could give that answer. It is too nice to have him around more. What is his motivation for leaving early? It isn't the fact that he would also get to come home early? Good luck! You are a strong woman to answer him in that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krystal70 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 No, he will not get to come home early if he gets this tasking. He will go on this one then come home to get ready for another tasking. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Frankweiler Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Honestly, I would freak out. Does he NEED to go on this deployment. In other words, has he been home too long?; is he up for promotion and all the other guys in his field have been gone way more than he has?; is there a reason he needs to "stand out?" A year is a really long time. I know you know that, but sometimes a deployment sounds like a good idea (or at least not so bad) when it's 6 months away, but when you're right in the middle of it you'll probably think differently. Every family is different. I can totally understand your husband's need to be where the action is. They're all like that and they all feel that responsibility, which is probably one reason we love them. But I also think our guys are gone enough and they do have a responsibility to their families as well. Even when they are home, sometimes it feels like they're gone, if that makes any sense. I would be hurt if he volunteered for more time away. I'm really sorry if this opens a can of worms for you, and I don't mean to hurt your feelings. This is totally from my perspective and how I would feel if dh asked that of me. I am sure you guys will decide what's best for your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyWifeandMommy Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 My husband volunteered to go to Iraq last year. When the first round of IAs come about he didn't do it because he just got off of sea duty and wanted to spend time with us (the ahh moment). When it was time to get off shore duty instead of going to a squadron he volunteered to do the IA assignment to Iraq. Now he is going to a ship and he again can do another IA with that command. I will be more worried but hey just like your hubby mine is from a military family. His dad was a Marine and uncles and grandpa were Navy. Just give him all your love and support. If he feels the need to do this (this was hubby with Iraq) then let him do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I can't even begin to put myself into the situation. I admire all the military families so much, there just aren't words to say the gratitude I feel when I see what they give up so that we can have the freedoms we have and enjoy. I always feel being supportive is the best way to go. You did good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I would have given the same answer as you and then cried when I hung up the phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I've been faced with this question several times over the years. He's in Iraq now and yes, if he felt strongly like he needed to go this time I would say absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Here are a couple of positives about "volunteering": He gets to determine the where and the when of the deployment to a certain degree... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jlynn Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Mine just had that opportunity last month, but we made the opposite decision. We have a 6mo old baby girl and he would like to be around more for her first year than he was able to be for our son. He's gone a lot as it is and will most likely be deploying in June anyway. I think a lot of it has to do with the specific job one does in the military. My hubby always gets to feel part of something bigger so a dep. doesn't really add anything to it for him, it just takes him away from us. I wish you all the best though! We've found incredible strength in the Lord during our times of separation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Hubby just emailed me and wanted to know if I was okay with him volunteering for a deployment that is out of his scheduled cycle. If DH emailed something of that nature I would have freaked out, that's a total face to face conversation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunnytracks Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 My DH just got back from a 1 year deployment. It was the hardest year of my life. I mean everything that could go wrong went wrong last year. My grandma died, everything broke seemed to break down, messed up military pay in which we didnt get paid for 2 months, you name it it probably happened. Just imagine what I would say if he called and asked if I would want to do that again?? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Here are a couple of positives about "volunteering": He gets to determine the where and the when of the deployment to a certain degree... My hubby is Army. This would be business as usual for us. In the Army they *absolutely* must be deployed a certain amount of the time or they will be sent on a deployment that's not necessarily the best kind. In the Army you also get to choose your next duty station if you volunteer for certain types of deployments, it also means you *probably* won't be deployed for a year after that (the Army is trying to do a year dwell time but failing some of the time). Is there any benefit like that for the Air Force? I know deployments are usually 4-6 months in the Air Force. If he did not volunteer for this one, what are the chances he would be sent on a shorter deployment instead of a long one? Have you all been separated long-term (more than 5 months) before? Edited October 7, 2009 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Honestly, I would say no. Deployments are very hard on the kids and they didn't choose this life. I wouldn't choose to put them through back to back deployments and a year without their dad. We never know for sure when he will get sent out next so we protect the time we have together as best we can. If there was a solid reason for the deployment (promotion points, duty station of choice, favorable IA...in the Navy taking one gets you out of the IA loop for a certain amount of time, etc) then we would have to sit down together and weigh the pros and cons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 If there was a solid reason for the deployment (promotion points... In the Army officers don't get promotion points. However, it *is* expected that you will be deployed. If you don't get deployed then it will be assumed you've purposely avoided deployment and it looks very, very bad to the various boards (promotion boards, specific types of assignment boards, command boards, etc). In fact, we know someone who is the same year group as my husband who had never been deployed. He just recently did *not* get promoted as a result *and* when his branch saw that he had never been deployed, he was handed a *two year* deployment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krystal70 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 My hubby is Army. This would be business as usual for us. In the Army they *absolutely* must be deployed a certain amount of the time or they will be sent on a deployment that's not necessarily the best kind. In the Army you also get to choose your next duty station if you volunteer for certain types of deployments, it also means you *probably* won't be deployed for a year after that (the Army is trying to do a year dwell time but failing some of the time). Is there any benefit like that for the Air Force? No such benefit for the AF and we have almost 2 years left in Germany so it would not do us much good if there was such a benefit. My cousin is married a man in the Army and he is always gone. :( He might get his "dwell time" this year!! :) I know deployments are usually 4-6 months in the Air Force. If he did not volunteer for this one, what are the chances he would be sent on a shorter deployment instead of a long one? Have you all been separated long-term (more than 5 months) before? Yep, they are usually only 4-6 months which I honestly think is a bit unfair. Honestly, he is in Combat Comm. and they get what they get...he could get a short one or a long one. It just depends on what the need is at that point. A few 12 month ones have passed through lately. Yes, we have been seperated before. He went to Korea when Ry was a year old and was gone for a year. Couple times to Saudi and to Iraq then all the short ones here and there. :) So I guess you could say that we are kind of old hands at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krystal70 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 Honestly, I would freak out. Does he NEED to go on this deployment. Every family is different. I can totally understand your husband's need to be where the action is. They're all like that and they all feel that responsibility, which is probably one reason we love them. But I also think our guys are gone enough and they do have a responsibility to their families as well. Even when they are home, sometimes it feels like they're gone, if that makes any sense. I would be hurt if he volunteered for more time away. I'm really sorry if this opens a can of worms for you, and I don't mean to hurt your feelings. This is totally from my perspective and how I would feel if dh asked that of me. I am sure you guys will decide what's best for your family. :grouphug: No, no need at this point. Just desire. I see what you are saying and no worries, it does not hurt my feelings or open a can of worms for me. :) I asked for thoughts on this matter and welcome them all. It does make sense about them being home but at times they are not really there. I get it. To tell you the truth, it did not hurt my feelings when he asked simply because I know why he does it and I know without a doubt that he loves us and loves to be with us. I like what you said about "maybe that is one reason we love them"! I do love him for his honor and his desire to serve. I love that he stands up for something that he believes in and that he provides for us in such a wonderful way. I love that this life has given so much to our kids. They have learned some hard lessons about lose but some wonderful ones about the cost of freedom and what it is like in other countries. They have learned about giving to others before self and worked in the Fisher House helping families of wounded soldiers. I love this man for all he has given us. We have been blessed! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Since I have been there and done that it would come down to how old my DCs were. Little guys - sure take an extra deployment; tweens and up- no way they need you too much. DH is retired now but our first several years he was gone more than home. When the DS was a little thing I didn't mind. As a matter of a fact out of 22 years 18 were sea duty (he was a Seabee so their rotation is different). I know why he joined (he joined before we were married). It is in his nature to serve and defend. However when DS was 10 he was offered a 1 year to Korea. It would have meant an automatic promotion, lots of extra money etc. He said no. He took his last tour and went stateside and he retired. Our DS needed him way to much to voluntarily separate. Every family is different and what works for you family is great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Here are a couple of positives about "volunteering": He gets to determine the where and the when of the deployment to a certain degree... This is the case anytime my DH volunteers. It's always a volunteer or something worse comes down the line for you so anytime he says "Should I volunteer for such and such a place?" (usually Germany) I always say Yes. He's from a long line of military men and it's what he loves; I don't take it personally when he wants to go somewhere. It is harder on the kids but they are learning to understand. DH has been in long enough to know it's better to volunteer than to be voluntold. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytobees Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Hubby just emailed me and wanted to know if I was okay with him volunteering for a deployment that is out of his scheduled cycle. He is scheduled to become available for a deployment in June so if he takes this one he could be gone for a year. I told him to go for it because he did not join the military to sit behind a desk but to be a part of something bigger than himself. ( he did not join for the college benefits and he is 3rd generation military) If this was asked of you, what would you do? Just curious... My answer was "okay, if that's what we need to do." Now, we are living in Japan forward deployed. Mind you, I see more of my husband now than I did at the last command.... he is "only" gone 5 months of the year. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 This is the case anytime my DH volunteers. It's always a volunteer or something worse comes down the line for you so anytime he says "Should I volunteer for such and such a place?" (usually Germany) I always say Yes. He's from a long line of military men and it's what he loves; I don't take it personally when he wants to go somewhere. It is harder on the kids but they are learning to understand. DH has been in long enough to know it's better to volunteer than to be voluntold. ;) Oh yes, it is definitely a good thing to volunteer before the voluntell comes along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 In the Army they *absolutely* must be deployed a certain amount of the time or they will be sent on a deployment that's not necessarily the best kind. In the Army you also get to choose your next duty station if you volunteer for certain types of deployments, it also means you *probably* won't be deployed for a year after that (the Army is trying to do a year dwell time but failing some of the time). Is there any benefit like that for the Air Force? I know deployments are usually 4-6 months in the Air Force. If he did not volunteer for this one, what are the chances he would be sent on a shorter deployment instead of a long one? Have you all been separated long-term (more than 5 months) before? We were separated for a little over 5 months the beginning of '05. I'm sure he'll go again, but I don't know when. I know the Army is very different than the USAF. I honestly don't know the deployment rules very well for the USAF, as dh hasn't gone more than once, and I don't know about any written or unwritten benefit regarding lengths of deployments and follow-on assignments. He has had one non-US TDY, but that was just a month. I was more worried about where he went that time than when he went on the 5 month deployment. Of course, can't talk about either. I have heard from some friends in with spouses in different career fields who talk about "having" to do their foreign tour (Korea), but dh hasn't talked about that in his field. One thing that I'm sure is common to all branches, though: the mission is always the most important thing...and it should be. Pregnant spouses and births are not considered when they make their decision, as I know from personal experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 In the Army officers don't get promotion points. However, it *is* expected that you will be deployed. If you don't get deployed then it will be assumed you've purposely avoided deployment and it looks very, very bad to the various boards (promotion boards, specific types of assignment boards, command boards, etc). In fact, we know someone who is the same year group as my husband who had never been deployed. He just recently did *not* get promoted as a result *and* when his branch saw that he had never been deployed, he was handed a *two year* deployment. My husband is a staff officer in the Navy and they don't get actual points either. I meant more of an extra check mark in the promotion column when the promotion board is weighing a record. In his field you are guaranteed to do a sea tour at O1 and O3. After that you can generally work it to retire without any additional deployable billets or you can ask to be considered for additional sea time which almost guarantees you O5 and is almost necessary if you want to make O6. My husband will be asking for the extra sea tour but that the payoff to that is worthwhile to us. He won't be asking for any extra IA's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonshine Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Not being from a military family background, I don't have any advice from that perspective. I have had 4 boys go through age 13, and it is a stressful age from many boys. Of course, for some boys all of the teen years are. If he was gone a year and couldn't come home no matter how strung out you and your son got, would you be okay with that? Of course, your son may be easy to manage and that may not be big issue. I really appreciate you and your family and husband's sacrifice to protect us and our liberties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krystal70 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Share Posted October 8, 2009 I would like to thank everyone that took time to share thoughts and such with me on this situation. Happy to say that after he volunteered, he was turned down on the off chance that he gets tasked in June. It seems that since he is NCOIC that they can not live without him for a year! I find it amusing, and told him so, that they can not live without him and here I am telling him that I can do it! :):tongue_smilie: AF rotations are based on what they call a "bucket". Each member is assigned a time frame of when they are considered hot for a deployment. This bucket comes around once a year and his opens up in June. They can volunteer to go out of cycle if a tasking comes down that they want. If they get and they are back before the normal bucket time comes around, they can still get hit for a tasking. Of course this is a very simplified explanation but it covers the main points. Really not much like the Army or Marines at all. Our deployments are shorter in length and we do not usually go as a group unless it is a self sustaining unit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Hi, there! We're an air force family, also. :) I think that if circumstances were such that a deployment wouldn't put you over the edge, I would have him volunteer for it. In our opinion, it is better to volunteer for a deployment than to have the AF tell you when you're going to go... Then, your dh is usually lower on the deployment list because he just went. Deployments stink no matter the case, but it is better to have a bit more control over them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheilaZ Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 DH brought up that if we didn't move by summer that he would go ahead and volunteer to deploy. I'm fine with that. His deployments are for 15 months a happen at a pretty regular interval. He will deploy. That's just a matter of Military life. I'd rather he deploy while we were settled near family than to move us across the country and then deploy leaving us all alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) Not a military family here so I can't say for sure, but I would like to think I would be strong and say go for it honey. Thank you to all you military wives for your sacrifices for our country! Edited October 8, 2009 by RanchGirl typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Well knowing my dh, my first question would be "When are the men with the white coats coming to take you away" but that's more because he's been on sea tours for the last 5 years. After I realized that dh hadn't lost his mind (since that request would be somewhat out of character) I'd tell him to do what he feels he needs to do. He just took over as XO on his ship in the summer and is currently doing work ups for and early 09 deployment of about 8 months. Normally our deployments are around 6 months but this one has been such a mess when it comes to scheduling it's really been a crap shoot. Not sure if we'll see a shore tour anytime in the near future, he's got 6 years left until his 20, but when other military friends ask about shore tours or tell of theirs he usually responds with "Shore tour, what's that?" I'm not sure I'd want one, our one and only shore tour in RI we actually saw him less than when he's on a ship because they were doing a major restructuring of the SWOS school pipeline and it was a big time sucking mess. Anyway I think your answer was a great one. The way I see it, dh is the one that has to do the job, so if he's ok with it, I'm ok with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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