s/o those who don't allow daiting, do you teach safer sex?

[Melinda in VT]

Julie, you are absolutely right. Telling a child where to go for drugs that are not contaminated or how to properly sterilize a needle is exactly the same as teaching them specific "protection" methods in regards to sex while training them to avoid it. Yes, my children will know about STI's and they will know how to prevent them... save sex for the marriage bed.

 

What do you teach your kids about alcohol?

 

I teach mine that it's a baaaad idea to drink as a teenager, but that it's even worse to drink and drive. Or ride with someone who has been drinking.

 

Similarly, I teach my kids that it's a baaaad idea to have sex as a teenager, but that it's even worse to have unprotected sex. (And my kids know that I think teenage sex is a bad idea even if they could guarantee there would be no STIs or pregnancies.)

 

I don't think this leads my kids to think I am in favor of either teenage sex or drinking.

[wulfbourne]

That's just it though! Even WITH all the prevention out there, even with abstainence, there's a chance, there's a risk involved. (Think rape) Whether or not it is irresponsible to NOT tell your kids how to use condoms is really in the eye of the beholder. IOW, I tell my kids, don't do drugs. I don't tell them, don't do drugs, but if you do, go to X and they can insure you have clean needles, or order all your p*t from High Times, because then you know it isn't tainted.

I can see saying, you're too young to do these things, wait until you're prepared to have a family, because that is the ultimate result of these actions. I can't see adding the caveat, but if you do, use these (grab a cuke kid, let's practice).

 

I guess the difference is how I'm thinking of approaching it. I don't plan on getting out a cuke and showing them. I don't even plan on saying 'don't do it, but if you do use a condom'. I am hoping to do a public health education segment. During that I will discuss how condoms have helped to decrease the transmission of diseases. We will also talk about a variety of other public health topics during that time.

[lionfamily1999]

What do you teach your kids about alcohol?

 

I teach mine that it's a baaaad idea to drink as a teenager, but that it's even worse to drink and drive. Or ride with someone who has been drinking.

 

Similarly, I teach my kids that it's a baaaad idea to have sex as a teenager, but that it's even worse to have unprotected sex. (And my kids know that I think teenage sex is a bad idea even if they could guarantee there would be no STIs or pregnancies.)

 

I don't think this leads my kids to think I am in favor of either teenage sex or drinking.

Alcohol is illegal until you're 21. You can be arrested, the people you're with can be arrested, and then you all get to sit in a holding cell while they call your parents. Don't do it.

 

That's what I tell my kids.

[lionfamily1999]

I guess the difference is how I'm thinking of approaching it. I don't plan on getting out a cuke and showing them. I don't even plan on saying 'don't do it, but if you do use a condom'. I am hoping to do a public health education segment. During that I will discuss how condoms have helped to decrease the transmission of diseases. We will also talk about a variety of other public health topics during that time.

:confused: Okay, not to hop sides here, but if you don't explain HOW to use one, how're they going to know? Just so you know, using it wrong is one of the main reasons they fail. Ime, the expiration date is an important thing to check.

[wulfbourne]

 

:confused: Okay, not to hop sides here, but if you don't explain HOW to use one, how're they going to know? Just so you know, using it wrong is one of the main reasons they fail. Ime, the expiration date is an important thing to check.

There are instruction in the box, and most teens I know look up everything they don't know how to do on youtube, so maybe they'd find an instruction video? No one ever taught me how to use one, but hubby and I figured it out when we needed to.

[lionfamily1999]

There are instruction in the box, and most teens I know look up everything they don't know how to do on youtube, so maybe they'd find an instruction video? No one ever taught me how to use one, but hubby and I figured it out when we needed to.

The idea of a youtube video, augh.

 

Being a parent can be one of the most uncomfortable things ever.

[Lovedtodeath]

What do you teach your kids about alcohol?

 

I teach mine that it's a baaaad idea to drink as a teenager, but that it's even worse to drink and drive. Or ride with someone who has been drinking.

 

Similarly, I teach my kids that it's a baaaad idea to have sex as a teenager, but that it's even worse to have unprotected sex. (And my kids know that I think teenage sex is a bad idea even if they could guarantee there would be no STIs or pregnancies.)

 

I don't think this leads my kids to think I am in favor of either teenage sex or drinking.

 

I guess the difference is how I'm thinking of approaching it. I don't plan on getting out a cuke and showing them. I don't even plan on saying 'don't do it, but if you do use a condom'. I am hoping to do a public health education segment. During that I will discuss how condoms have helped to decrease the transmission of diseases. We will also talk about a variety of other public health topics during that time.

Appreciate the thoughts.

[mommy2be]

I haven't read all of the posts, so I'm not sure if this has been mentioned or not...

 

but those of you who chose not to educate your children on STI's - what about STI's that can be contracted in other ways? What if your kid contracted an STI from a public restroom or from something weird like that...? Just a thought... :confused:

 

Why not teach them 'we need to be extra careful of these things because... etc.'

[phathui5]

I haven't read all of the posts, so I'm not sure if this has been mentioned or not...

 

but those of you who chose not to educate your children on STI's - what about STI's that can be contracted in other ways? What if your kid contracted an STI from a public restroom or from something weird like that...? Just a thought... :confused:

 

Why not teach them 'we need to be extra careful of these things because... etc.'

 

You know, I've never heard about that happening in real life. Except maybe with herpes, which can turn from a cold sore to genital herpes if there's any contact.

[wulfbourne]

The idea of a youtube video, augh.

 

Being a parent can be one of the most uncomfortable things ever.

I mostly thought of that because of my BIL. He was 17 and had never changed a diaper before when we asked him to babysit the kids. He said it would be fine, he would just find a youtube video to show him how to change one if he needed to. He told me they have youtube video's to show you how to do just about anything.

[LizzyBee]

:confused: Okay, not to hop sides here, but if you don't explain HOW to use one, how're they going to know? Just so you know, using it wrong is one of the main reasons they fail. Ime, the expiration date is an important thing to check.

 

My xh and I figured out when we needed to. Honestly, I don't think it's that complicated.

[lionfamily1999]

I mostly thought of that because of my BIL. He was 17 and had never changed a diaper before when we asked him to babysit the kids. He said it would be fine, he would just find a youtube video to show him how to change one if he needed to. He told me they have youtube video's to show you how to do just about anything.

That's a little disturbing... the idea of a video for everything, not the idea of changing diapers, lol.

My xh and I figured out when we needed to. Honestly, I don't think it's that complicated.

I "learned" as a teen... it didn't work out too well for us. My dh was the one that explained all the ways I was wrong about their use.

[keptwoman]

Now, I'm not saying there aren't rebels out there, but to assume that all kids are going to rebel is foolish. To assume that all adults do everything their parents tell them is wrong is.. wrong. Heck, I still call to let someone know if I'm going out, where I'm going and when I plan on getting back, just in case something happens, because that is what I was raised to do. I still avoid people with the addictions my parents warned me about. I still do a lot of things, that I never considered rebelable (iykwIm), because they were things my parents considered highly important and I still believe them.

I didn't suggest that ALL will rebel, just that some will. And I also said you should hope, pray and believe they won't, but in the end children have free will.

 

Can I point out the fault in this logic? I think you meant well, I think you meant it as a caution, a "Do Not Assume" sign that says, "Ya'all, I know you THINK your kids will do as you teach but uh, not necessarily." :001_huh:

 

And I think you're right. When we have young adults on our hands we must admit that there comes a time and a place where they will be confronted with temptation. Satan lives for it, it's his goal. And at that time, if my daughter should succumb to temptation, it will not be my LACK OF TEACHING that fails, but her lack of conviction to make the right choice. And she'll be accountable for that choice.

She sure will. That's the free will that we are blessed with.

 

Having a strong faith doesn't mean one is a good teacher/trainer of children or people. I'd also say that "strong" teaching isn't the same as effective teaching. This type of thing is not a memorize-by-rote type of concept that can be drilled into one's head. Pamela has addressed peviously the concept behind the training and teaching that goes into helping a child own their decisions.

Well you see for any teaching to be effective depends on the person being taught not the person doing the teaching. I actually nearly used the word "effective" but changed my mind, because in the end it wasn't effective was it... I didn't choose to follow through.

I wish you could understand how much you hurt my heart suggesting that Mum and Dad weren't great teachers, because they were. I understand unequivocally what they believed (they are both dead, hence past tense) and how strongly they believed it, and how much they felt that they were right. But in the end, putting that teaching into practice was up to me, and I chose not to. Didn't mean the teaching wasn't good. But no, it was not effective.

[babysparkler]

I guess the difference is how I'm thinking of approaching it. I don't plan on getting out a cuke and showing them. I don't even plan on saying 'don't do it, but if you do use a condom'. I am hoping to do a public health education segment. During that I will discuss how condoms have helped to decrease the transmission of diseases. We will also talk about a variety of other public health topics during that time.

 

Anyone else have to do the banana thing in ps? We did and I was beyond embarrased to even have to touch a condom, let alone fit one on a banana! That was just plain wrong...

[fivetails]

Anyone else have to do the banana thing in ps? We did and I was beyond embarrased to even have to touch a condom, let alone fit one on a banana! That was just plain wrong...

 

No, but I do remember the "special health class" in grade.. six? five? one or the other anyway - where they had a health nurse talk to us girls about periods and she brought a tampon - showed us all how it 'worked', by putting it into a glass of water (showing how it..umm...absorbs liquid)...after demonstrating, she turned and tried to hand it to the nearest girl to toss it in the trash... Guess who the nearest girl was?????

 

I remember staring at her and wondering if I could just, y'know, jump out the window over there. Hello, already the dorky kid everyone laughs at, didn't need the extra help! :tongue_smilie:

[Peek a Boo]

Well you see for any teaching to be effective depends on the person being taught not the person doing the teaching. I actually nearly used the word "effective" but changed my mind, because in the end it wasn't effective was it... I didn't choose to follow through.

I wish you could understand how much you hurt my heart suggesting that Mum and Dad weren't great teachers, because they were. I understand unequivocally what they believed (they are both dead, hence past tense) and how strongly they believed it, and how much they felt that they were right. But in the end, putting that teaching into practice was up to me, and I chose not to. Didn't mean the teaching wasn't good. But no, it was not effective.

 

I disagree with your premise --we are finding out more and more each day that there are manymanymany different ways to communicate a thought, fact, or philosophy to make it receptive to and embraced by various students.

and believing it very strongly simply does not play into that.

I'm sure your Mum and dad were good teachers --but the truly great teachers learn how to reach their students regardless learning style.

 

There aren't too many great teachers out there: they are rare indeed. And I'm sure your love for them is not dependent on whether they were great teachers or not.

[keptwoman]

So how did Adam and Eves teacher rate?

[babysparkler]

No, but I do remember the "special health class" in grade.. six? five? one or the other anyway - where they had a health nurse talk to us girls about periods and she brought a tampon - showed us all how it 'worked', by putting it into a glass of water (showing how it..umm...absorbs liquid)...after demonstrating, she turned and tried to hand it to the nearest girl to toss it in the trash... Guess who the nearest girl was?????

 

I remember staring at her and wondering if I could just, y'know, jump out the window over there. Hello, already the dorky kid everyone laughs at, didn't need the extra help! :tongue_smilie:

 

You poor thing!

[wulfbourne]

 

Anyone else have to do the banana thing in ps? We did and I was beyond embarrased to even have to touch a condom, let alone fit one on a banana! That was just plain wrong...

I never had to do it. I did hear awhile ago that my cousin had to learn it at school something like 10 years old! I think parents were notice that it was happening, and could request that their kids not be involved, but even if they weren't in the class you know all the class mates would be talking about it afterwards and maybe even fooling around doing it at home with their friends later....

[HRAAB]

So how did Adam and Eves teacher rate?

 

:bigear:

 

Janet

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Adam and Eve had the best father in the universe and they still chose to do what they wanted and sin. Cain had the best grandfather in the history of the universe. Satan had the best father. They all made choices. So do our kids sometimes, and it is not always the fault of the parents when they do.

I don't know what you are trying to say Peek, but this is not an argument that you are going to win at any rate.

[emeraldjoy]

So how did Adam and Eves teacher rate?

 

Great question.

and the answer??

 

I just read your post about your parents and I wanted to comment; I hope its okay. I really don't need to say this as I think it is a principle that can go unsaid....but I will anyway....it is NOT okay for someone to make character calls about people they don't know. It just isn't. I am so sorry you heart was hurt in the name of a supposedly pro-christian argument. Darnit...I often wonder if the end every justifies the means in these situations. Again, so sorry.

 

e

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I am so sorry you heart was hurt in the name of a supposedly pro-christian argument. Darnit...I often wonder if the end every justifies the means in these situations.

In some cases the means is no longer being served by the argument. In others, the argument need not be engaged in to begin with. :grouphug:

[Storm Bay]

Having seen the thread that was posted by the same person, when this one first went up, I KNOW she was trying to bash people. In my first post, the one you responded to, I was just trying to put out the general idea, in answer to so many nay sayers, that it won't necessarily NOT work. And, esp., that these parents are doing what they genuinely believe is best for their kids.

 

I'm up in the air on dating, I was not going to respond to this thread at all, until I read some of the op's responses and some of the negative things being said to people that don't teach sex ed. I've taught my dcs various things, whenever it came up, I'm in no rush and I'm not sure how I feel about most of these things. The only thing I am positive about is that the parents who don't allow dating, etc, care about their kids and they're doing what they can to give their kids good lives (the same as the rest of us), and attacking them, treating them like soft headed fools, or forecasting a future of sexual insanity for their kids, is pointless and mean. Please note, I'm not saying YOU said that. I expect, having read your responses you know what I mean.

 

Thanks for clarifying. I saw my quote somewhere so was concerned because I really try not to bash anyone. I know what you mean, and dh isn't against dating, but I'm not so sure that it's a good idea in hs and like the idea of keep things at a more friend-type level if at all possible. I'm opposed to it for 14 yos for sure, and that's how old my eldest is, but so far it's not even an issue for us.

[Peek a Boo]

So how did Adam and Eves teacher rate?

 

He's perfect, but you're assuming a lot:

 

Where does it say God was trying to be a teacher?

 

What was the purpose of creating Adam and Eve?

to pin them down as perfect pupils?

 

anyone wanna take a stab at those? ;)

[Peek a Boo]

Well, since I'm not sure where to get clean needles other than hospital med room, I don't know what the answer would be as to where to go for clean needles. Maybe when we get into a study on public health I'll learn that along with them. (Oldest is 2 1/2 atm, so we have a ways to go)

 

Either way it's not quite a perfect metaphor in my mind because I can't think of anytime illegal drug use is a good thing.

 

 

ah -- but there are plenty of people out there who disagree with you --otherwise we wouldn't have a drug problem. ;)

 

There is no "prevention" --it's still exposure.

[keptwoman]

A perfect teacher and yet because he gave them free will they went against the values he tried to instill about them. How bout that.

[Peek a Boo]

A perfect teacher and yet because he gave them free will they went against the values he tried to instill about them. How bout that.

 

how about what?

 

again --where does it say God was trying to TEACH them anything?

 

He already had a plan -what was it?

[Mad Jenny Flint]

Dh and I are atheists. We have a strong value system that we convey to our children in all that we do, and we live with integrity.

 

We teach our children that dating is for the purpose of finding a life-mate. We have told them that dating can have some nasty fallout and that the teen years are not years to have to add that to their plates. We teach them that childhood is precious.

 

We teach that sex can lead to very grown-up consequences and very grown-up responsibilities. We tell them that babies require a nest, and that they need to prepare financially and in many other ways to be able to provide that before they make the very grown-up decision to engage in sexual activity of any kind.

 

We tell them these things over and over. We live our values. We listen to their concerns, and we are open with them.

 

We also tell them that sometimes people make bad choices for themselves, and that while we hope they do not make bad choices in this area, they need to know how to protect themselves. We give them the information they need to protect themselves, and then we hope for the best. We tell them not to lie, and they have lied. We tell them to obey, and sometimes they disobey.

 

Because the consequences are so large, we endeavor not to put them into situations where they would be tempted or unsupervised. Even so, they will grow up and be outside of our supervision at college, etc. and they need to have the information they need. I also hope that telling, showing, and guiding them will leave them with that "little voice" in their heads called conscience and that will guide them when we cannot.

[Lovedtodeath]

I think that was well stated Jenny.

 

I am, however, perilously close to putting someone else on ignore, which is very odd as I used to agree with her most of the time. :001_huh:

[emeraldjoy]

Thanks for taking the time to write this Jenny.

e

Dh and I are atheists. We have a strong value system that we convey to our children in all that we do, and we live with integrity.

 

We teach our children that dating is for the purpose of finding a life-mate. We have told them that dating can have some nasty fallout and that the teen years are not years to have to add that to their plates. We teach them that childhood is precious.

 

We teach that sex can lead to very grown-up consequences and very grown-up responsibilities. We tell them that babies require a nest, and that they need to prepare financially and in many other ways to be able to provide that before they make the very grown-up decision to engage in sexual activity of any kind.

 

We tell them these things over and over. We live our values. We listen to their concerns, and we are open with them.

 

We also tell them that sometimes people make bad choices for themselves, and that while we hope they do not make bad choices in this area, they need to know how to protect themselves. We give them the information they need to protect themselves, and then we hope for the best. We tell them not to lie, and they have lied. We tell them to obey, and sometimes they disobey.

 

Because the consequences are so large, we endeavor not to put them into situations where they would be tempted or unsupervised. Even so, they will grow up and be outside of our supervision at college, etc. and they need to have the information they need. I also hope that telling, showing, and guiding them will leave them with that "little voice" in their heads called conscience and that will guide them when we cannot.

[Storm Bay]

how about what?

 

again --where does it say God was trying to TEACH them anything?

 

He already had a plan -what was it?

 

Two thoughts, Peek. First, how did they learn anything if He didn't teach them? And how about those verses in the Psalms where the psalmist asks God to teach him?

[Peek a Boo]

Two thoughts, Peek. First, how did they learn anything if He didn't teach them? And how about those verses in the Psalms where the psalmist asks God to teach him?

 

There's a difference between simply informing people vs taking the time to really teach/train them.

 

If God was trying to TEACH them something, what do you think that lesson would be?

 

second Q: yes, the psalmist would make this even more applicable: they recognized a difference between knowing ABOUT God and His laws vs being TAUGHT by Him.