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s/o those who don't allow daiting, do you teach safer sex?


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We don't believe in dating. We don't believe in contraceptives either so yes, our children probably understand better than the average child EXACTLY what the birth control pill and other hormones ACTUALLY do and how they work within the body... Certainly better than their peers and probably better than do most adults.

 

Does my 13yo daughter understand ovulation, her body, and things of that nature? Absolutely.

 

Does she understand STDs? No. There's no reason for her to.

 

But most of us also don't set up situations where they could be exposed to such an opportunity.

 

There is no safer sex than married sex.

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Pre-amble: This isn't meant to provoke or anything, I'm honestly curious.

 

So if your child decides to have sex regardless of your wishes, will they be aware of the risks and ways to minimize those risks?

 

Also, what if their spouse has an sti? Married sex may still have risks.

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Guest Barb B
We don't believe in dating. We don't believe in contraceptives either so yes, our children probably understand better than the average child EXACTLY what the birth control pill and other hormones ACTUALLY do and how they work within the body... Certainly better than their peers and probably better than do most adults.

 

Does my 13yo daughter understand ovulation, her body, and things of that nature? Absolutely.

 

Does she understand STDs? No. There's no reason for her to.

 

But most of us also don't set up situations where they could be exposed to such an opportunity.

 

There is no safer sex than married sex.

 

:iagree:Well said!

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I will be teaching that sex should be saved until marriage. As a Chrsitian, I believe they should wait and will be teaching all those reasons. However, I will also be teaching them about STIs and other things that happen if they don't wait. All the bases need to be covered IMO.

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Pre-amble: This isn't meant to provoke or anything, I'm honestly curious.

 

So if your child decides to have sex regardless of your wishes, will they be aware of the risks and ways to minimize those risks?

 

Also, what if their spouse has an sti? Married sex may still have risks.

If children are not left without supervision then they will not have an opportunity. If some strange circumstances permit the opportunity, the person that they are courting will most likely be pure, as they will be as well, so the risk is greatly reduced.

 

DD already knows what sex is and that it gets you pregnant, and that birth control prevents pregnancy. Mom and dad had sex and a baby and have birth control in the house. ;)

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No, I won't teach my children about safe sex and std's, as in "when you start having sex, this is what you need to do/watch out for." We approach sexuality from a Catholic perspective. At some point, when age appropriate, we will discuss artificial contraception vs. God's plan for marriage, and some of the consequences/diseases that are usually (although not always) due to sinful sexual behavior.

Edited by Mamabegood
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If children are not left without supervision then they will not have an opportunity.

 

So you would supervise a teen all the time? Like no sleep overs, no movies with friends, no hanging out with friends, etc...? Is there always an adult at those shorts of things? Until what age or event does that change?

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So you would supervise a teen all the time? Like no sleep overs, no movies with friends, no hanging out with friends, etc...? Is there always an adult at those shorts of things? Until what age or event does that change?
YES! It changes when they are no longer living under my roof. It is the way my parents and most parents in my religion do things, and it works really well.
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Neat. So before they move out, do you teach them about sti's and such then?
Nothing specific, but the fact that there are diseases that are sexually transmitted and this is avoided by avoiding pre-marital and extra-marital sex. :) This is discussed pretty often in our religious studies.
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Nothing specific, but the fact that there are diseases that are sexually transmitted and this is avoided by avoiding pre-marital and extra-marital sex. :) This is discussed pretty often in our religious studies.

 

Do they know about condoms and such? Like if they go to move out, and are intending to have pre-marital sex, are they aware that there are methods to reduce risk and such?

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General supervision for home-dwelling children of all ages is the norm for many families. (I did not say all families.) This is not "strange" or "cruel/unusual punishment" !

 

Complete legal adulthood begins at 21 for the government, and for our children.

 

No overnights unless the host family shares our values (which would include parent/s present and aware at all times).

 

Even my older boys never "hung out". They had/have specific activities with their friends. DS#1 is virtually engaged (and chastely so) to his first ever girlfriend. DS#2 plays video games with his guy friends. Both are in college.

 

I don't understand the question about attending movies -- unless teens now are, err, "performing" in movie theatres, with other people present. You can't possible mean that !

 

As for basic s&x education, that is part of high school health education. Since our religion does not condone birth control, we don't need to discuss "how-to" other than "natural planning". By "practices", I apply a pretty tame, traditional definition. No weirdo-stuff discussed. STI discussion is needed knowledge. Pre-marital activity is taught as something wrong, and as something easily avoided. Yes, I used the word "easily".

 

P.S. Yes, there is ". . . a situation that makes it possible that a child never knows of anyone who got pregnant as a teenager. . ." -- homeschooling and belonging to a conservative religion such as ours. One can know that such occurs, without having any real-world contact with the situation.

 

 

 

 

So you would supervise a teen all the time? Like no sleep overs, no movies with friends, no hanging out with friends, etc...? Is there always an adult at those shorts of things? Until what age or event does that change?
Edited by Orthodox6
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I do plan to teach my dc about safer practices. My oldest is 15 and we have not discussed that yet, but I plan to do in her junior or senior year.

 

We do not allow dating, and teach that serious relationships are for when you are ready to marry. And we have been fortunate to have great friends around us who hold the same views. My kids have had wonderful role models, and they view this as the norm.

 

But, I don't think they should be left ignorant of the basics. My oldest has some knowledge now, but we will have a more in-depth talk at some point. The talk will include more of why people should wait till their married, along with how easy it is to lose your heart if you don't guard it.

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I mostly agree with Carmen, of course (I'm sure no one is surprised there).

 

But kids DO learn about things. My kids most certainly know what condoms are and why they are used. They know about other birth control. They know that there are various stds that sexually active people outside of a monogamous marriage have to worry about. They know about pregnancy outside of marriage. They know there are consequences, including those in the family and congregation on top of the natural ones.

 

Is there any way a child in this world could make it to 16 and not know AIDS or herpes exist? Is there a situation that makes it possible that a child never knows of anyone who got pregnant as a teenager?

 

Well, even if there is, I don't think it's best. I think it is good for children to have the good standard held out for them, but in this world, for them also to be able to learn from the mistakes of others.

 

Does that make any sense? But yes, we believe in holding out God's standard as the ONLY real choice and we set up the situation to protect our children.

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So you would supervise a teen all the time? Like no sleep overs, no movies with friends, no hanging out with friends, etc...? Is there always an adult at those shorts of things? Until what age or event does that change?

 

We don't do sleepovers. Period. Ever. I take that back. They've been allowed on very rare occasion and almost entirely only for family at OUR home. I can't think of one good thing that happens at a sleepover. But, wow, I can think of a lot of invested work gone to waste at one.

 

They are allowed to hang out with friends in supervised situations, sports, etc., and always supervised, not because of lack of trust, but because young people choose foolishly and should be supervised.

 

At what age do I allow them to go out and about on their own or out and about with other teens?

 

I'll be honest I hate the term teen, teen-ager, etc. I prefer young lady, young man. As I'm not raising my children to be a "teen." I expect adult like behaviour from my teens and to see them to be able to fully manage a household by 16-18 years of age.

 

 

**They are just getting older - turning into teens, we're training them for their life as future adults.** And THAT is a completely different mindset.

 

I don't expect my children to be out of my house until my daughters are ready for marriage. At no time do I expect them to live on their own. I expect my son to live on his own when he has finished whatever education he's chosen, has a job, and can support himself, unless saving for a home in which case he's welcome at home indefinitely as he saves to support a wife and eventually a family. Our oldest DS is planning on the military and so I expect he'll join sometime between 18-21. We'd like to see him attend college first, but we'll see. He's more peer oriented which is why I don't really want him running off to the military at 18. Whereas our oldest daughter is very much an independent thinker, so we're less concerned about her. Our next two. Oh sigh. They'll be at home forever....... :D

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I mostly agree with Carmen, of course (I'm sure no one is surprised there).

 

But kids DO learn about things. My kids most certainly know what condoms are and why they are used. They know about other birth control. They know that there are various stds that sexually active people outside of a monogamous marriage have to worry about. They know about pregnancy outside of marriage. They know there are consequences, including those in the family and congregation on top of the natural ones.

 

Is there any way a child in this world could make it to 16 and not know AIDS or herpes exist? Is there a situation that makes it possible that a child never knows of anyone who got pregnant as a teenager?

 

Well, even if there is, I don't think it's best. I think it is good for children to have the good standard held out for them, but in this world, for them also to be able to learn from the mistakes of others.

 

Does that make any sense? But yes, we believe in holding out God's standard as the ONLY real choice and we set up the situation to protect our children.

 

:iagree: Our children aren't ignorant, but they are taught at appropriate levels of maturity.

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Do they know about condoms and such? Like if they go to move out, and are intending to have pre-marital sex, are they aware that there are methods to reduce risk and such?

 

WHY would I prepare them to do something like that?

 

I'm confused.

 

It goes against against everything I believe to use birth control. It goes against everything I believe that they would have premarital sex. Why would I then GIVE them the tools to sin and act in direct disobedience to everything I've taught? I can't think that that is a logical sequence of events.

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We don't do sleepovers. Period. Ever. I take that back. They've been allowed on very rare occasion and almost entirely only for family at OUR home. I can't think of one good thing that happens at a sleepover. But, wow, I can think of a lot of invested work gone to waste at one.

 

They are allowed to hang out with friends in supervised situations, sports, etc., and always supervised, not because of lack of trust, but because young people choose foolishly and should be supervised.

 

At what age do I allow them to go out and about on their own or out and about with other teens?

 

I'll be honest I hate the term teen, teen-ager, etc. I prefer young lady, young man. As I'm not raising my children to be a "teen." I expect adult like behaviour from my teens and to see them to be able to fully manage a household by 16-18 years of age.

 

 

**They are just getting older - turning into teens, we're training them for their life as future adults.** And THAT is a completely different mindset.

 

I don't expect my children to be out of my house until my daughters are ready for marriage. At no time do I expect them to live on their own. I expect my son to live on his own when he has finished whatever education he's chosen, has a job, and can support himself, unless saving for a home in which case he's welcome at home indefinitely as he saves to support a wife and eventually a family.

 

 

TOTALLY AGREE WITH ALL THAT SHE SAID!!! WELL WRITTEN!!

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I don't expect my children to be out of my house until my daughters are ready for marriage. At no time do I expect them to live on their own.

 

What do you think then about young women who do NOT marry? I have a friend that is now 38 and single. She would love to be married but has high standards and Mr. Right has not come along yet. Would you still expect her to remain at home with her parents?

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Our children will be taught about contraceptives and STDs when we do Health class. We are also teaching them about God's design for marriage as well as practical reasons to practice abstinence outside of marriage.

 

I can't imagine sending my [adult] child out into the world without a basic knowledge of these things...?

 

As an aside, is the PC term now STI instead of STD?

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I do expect my children, all of them, dd included, to live on their own prior to marriage. That is how I learned to pay bills, to turn off light bulbs in order to reduce the electricity bill, and to cook all of my meals (not just to help my mother). That is how I learned to deal with an auto mechanic when my car broke down, how to find another job within 24 hours when my current job dried up (student workers always get laid off first), and how to deal with the obnoxious law student in the next-door apartment who played an endless loop of "Werewolves of London" at earth-destroying high blast while he was studying.

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Yes, my children will be fully educated about how to be safe. Just because I *want* certain things for them doesn't mean that they'll always follow *my* plans/dreams/hopes for their future. I'm not going to risk one of my daughters becoming pregnant, or worse, any of my children DYING because I deliberately kept them ignorant about how to be safe.

 

I don't believe that education is the same as permission, or condoning premarital sex. Not by a long shot.

 

There are faithful spouses who contracted HIV from their cheating spouse. Marital sex isn't always safe.

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I don't understand the question about attending movies -- unless teens now are, err, "performing" in movie theatres, with other people present. You can't possible mean that !

 

Well, there is that as well yes. But I was thinking more of "Mom I'm going to the movies with Susie" and then your daughter goes and parks with John instead kind of thing.

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I don't expect my children to be out of my house until my daughters are ready for marriage. At no time do I expect them to live on their own. I expect my son to live on his own when he has finished whatever education he's chosen, has a job, and can support himself, unless saving for a home in which case he's welcome at home indefinitely as he saves to support a wife and eventually a family.

 

 

Why different standards for the different genders?

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WHY would I prepare them to do something like that?

 

I'm confused.

 

It goes against against everything I believe to use birth control. It goes against everything I believe that they would have premarital sex. Why would I then GIVE them the tools to sin and act in direct disobedience to everything I've taught? I can't think that that is a logical sequence of events.

 

 

The logic being if they disobey you, they will at least be safe. Like I wouldn't want my children to have to defend themselves physically, but I would ensure my children were capable of it. I think knowledge is always a good thing.

 

So I can understand that you not teach them about contraceptives since you would prefer they be pregnant to using contraceptives (or so it sounds from your post), but would you prefer they have an sti to using a condom?

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WHY would I prepare them to do something like that?

 

I'm confused.

 

It goes against everything I believe that they would have premarital sex. Why would I then GIVE them the tools to sin and act in direct disobedience to everything I've taught? I can't think that that is a logical sequence of events.

:iagree:I will teach more specific bc when her marriage is impending.
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As an aside, is the PC term now STI instead of STD?

 

From Canada's public heath agency:

STD or STI?

The term STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) is now commonly used in the place of STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease). STI is more encompassing, including infections that may be asymptomatic. The term STI is used more frequently on this site but please note that the term STD may still be used in some links and earlier publications.

 

So we use STI here.

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Yes, my children will be fully educated about how to be safe. Just because I *want* certain things for them doesn't mean that they'll always follow *my* plans/dreams/hopes for their future. I'm not going to risk one of my daughters becoming pregnant, or worse, any of my children DYING because I deliberately kept them ignorant about how to be safe.

 

I don't believe that education is the same as permission, or condoning premarital sex. Not by a long shot.

 

There are faithful spouses who contracted HIV from their cheating spouse. Marital sex isn't always safe.

 

 

Well said. I think that makes a lot of sense.

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I've talked a little bit with my 15 yo about STD's and birth control. Not from the standpoint of if you decide to have pre-m sex this is how to protect yourself, but more from the pov of there is a reason God gives us rules and there are consequences for breaking those rules. I don't use scare tactics, but I am pretty open about laying the facts out there. I tell her all the time that God doesn't give us rules to take away our fun and happiness, but to give us true joy and happiness. We've touched on the fact that sometimes consequences occur because of someone else's actions and when that happens it is not the innocent party's fault. I've told her about the Ladies Home Journal poll that found that the women who had the most satisfying s*x life were those who were Christian, married for a long time, and monogamous. My mom told me nothing; I'm trying to do better with my kids.

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I was raised without religion, and grew up very worldly. I became a Catholic at 20, after a slow conversion, led by the Holy Spirit.

 

Before marriage the Catholic Church requires that couples take classes on Natural Family Planning. That class was stupendous....I couldn't believe what I was learning, and that I had to be 25 years old before I knew how my body worked.

 

Maybe I'm off topic, but learning about condoms and "the pill", the mechanics of sex, didn't hold a candle to learning how gloriously God designed my body. I think if girls learn NFP (i.e. how their fertility works) they will cherish themselves and better understand the awesome power of sexuality.

 

As Catholics, we will explain our beliefs about birth control, and the dangers of STD's, but we certainly won't present birth control as a viable option. I'm not sure when, as our son, turning 13, is very supervised, as other parents have described.

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Well, we will allow dating to some degree I think (we aren't there yet), so maybe I am not the right person to answer.

 

But.....I was not sexually active before marriage even though I was allowed to date and had boyfriends. I dated Godly men and even lived alone single until age 29! Imagine that!

 

I was taught all about sex, birth control, STDs, etc....mostly because my father is a doctor and I grew up in Kenya, where all of the above are huge issues medically.

 

Just because someone has information doesn't mean they will automatically go out and have sex.

 

Dawn

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Maybe I'm off topic, but learning about condoms and "the pill", the mechanics of sex, didn't hold a candle to learning how gloriously God designed my body. I think if girls learn NFP (i.e. how their fertility works) they will cherish themselves and better understand the awesome power of sexuality.

 

I love this. While I don't practice NFP, I think every girl/woman should understand how wonderful their body is. Our first acknowledgement of our fertility is blood- and how many of us want to see blood leaking out of our most private of places? And then that sign of womanhood becomes a huge embarassment to us, what junior high girl wants everyone to know she has her period?

 

I talk frequently with my kids about sex, it is not a taboo subject at our house. But it is with the expectation that they will be at a place in their life where they can handle all of the emotional and physical consequences that accompany it. I hope that will be in marriage, but I understand they have their own choices to make.

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Yes, my children will be fully educated about how to be safe. Just because I *want* certain things for them doesn't mean that they'll always follow *my* plans/dreams/hopes for their future. I'm not going to risk one of my daughters becoming pregnant, or worse, any of my children DYING because I deliberately kept them ignorant about how to be safe.

 

I don't believe that education is the same as permission, or condoning premarital sex. Not by a long shot.

 

There are faithful spouses who contracted HIV from their cheating spouse. Marital sex isn't always safe.

 

:iagree:

 

My husband and I discourage dating among young teens (our oldest two are fourteen and fifteen), and our belief system doesn't condone sex outside of marriage.

 

We've talked about various forms of birth control, and what STIs they help prevent, also, and I explained the Gardisil vaccine to my oldest dd. (She declined it, but is armed with the necessary knowledge, in case she chooses it as a young adult; as someone else said, keeping yourself pure doesn't always mean the other person does.)

 

I think they need to know. I'm fairly sure that they'll make good choices in life (yes, I mean choices that reflect our family values), but I didn't make perfect choices in the years leading up to young adulthood, and I'd hate for any missteps they make to end up being permanent.

 

As someone else said, just having the knowledge doesn't mean you're going to act on it.

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Of course it does! Knowing about birth control and STDs has nothing to do with abstinence. Abstinence is what God teaches and here are some specific reasons why......then talk about STDs. It isn't about "go do it and here is how to prevent it." It is about, "God tells us that when we play with fire we can get burned."

 

Dawn

 

Of course, but a parent specifically teaching their children about methods to prevent STD's doesn't mesh with teaching abstinence. at. all.
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Of course it does! Knowing about birth control and STDs has nothing to do with abstinence. Abstinence is what God teaches and here are some specific reasons why......then talk about STDs. It isn't about "go do it and here is how to prevent it." It is about, "God tells us that when we play with fire we can get burned."

 

Dawn

 

:iagree:

 

As I said, I do know that the possibility for kids to mess up is there...but I also totally believe that it's possible for our kids to embrace the teaching we give them about abstinence, and I have that expectation, that faith.

 

Having a bit more knowledge about the other options doesn't take away from the understanding that abstinence is the Biblical route, and the decision to do the "right" thing.

 

At least...not in my opinion. :D

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Our children will be taught about contraceptives and STDs when we do Health class. We are also teaching them about God's design for marriage as well as practical reasons to practice abstinence outside of marriage.

 

I can't imagine sending my [adult] child out into the world without a basic knowledge of these things...?

 

As an aside, is the PC term now STI instead of STD?

 

Yes, please explain STI? I know STD but what does the I in STI stand for?

 

Sexually transmitted idiocy?

Sexually transmitted incompetence?

Sexually transmitted impotence?

 

:lol: I'm sorry. Thought I would lighten up the mood a little whilst trying to figure the acronym out.

 

Oh, and to answer the question, We are teaching sex inside a marriage is the way to go. Abstaining. We are also teaching about STDs, pregnancy, moral responsibility, consequences etc.

Edited by runninmommy
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Obviously, since this was the answer that you wanted when you first posted.

 

I don't always have safe sex with my spouse. How awful that would be.

 

No, I wanted to hear what different people do. Why would I want a particular answer???

 

There is no such thing as safe sex, or safe anything. It's about being risk aware and minimizing risks.

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Well, we will allow dating to some degree I think (we aren't there yet), so maybe I am not the right person to answer.

 

But.....I was not sexually active before marriage even though I was allowed to date and had boyfriends. I dated Godly men and even lived alone single until age 29! Imagine that!

 

I was taught all about sex, birth control, STDs, etc....mostly because my father is a doctor and I grew up in Kenya, where all of the above are huge issues medically.

 

Just because someone has information doesn't mean they will automatically go out and have sex.

 

Dawn

 

:iagree:

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I love this. While I don't practice NFP, I think every girl/woman should understand how wonderful their body is. Our first acknowledgement of our fertility is blood- and how many of us want to see blood leaking out of our most private of places? And then that sign of womanhood becomes a huge embarassment to us, what junior high girl wants everyone to know she has her period?

 

I talk frequently with my kids about sex, it is not a taboo subject at our house. But it is with the expectation that they will be at a place in their life where they can handle all of the emotional and physical consequences that accompany it. I hope that will be in marriage, but I understand they have their own choices to make.

 

 

Well said.

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I do agree with most of what you have said here.

 

We don't do sleepovers either, although I have allowed others' children to sleep over on occasion. I *may* allow a sleepover ONLY if it is with a family that shares our values and is not a party, just my child staying in their home, if that makes sense.

 

I don't know that I believe in staying home until married, although I agree that they will be allowed to and encouraged to for financial reasons.

 

There is a house available now (wish we could sell and buy it) that has a basement apartment which would be perfect for a young man (or more than one of my boys) to live in and still be "at home" but separate.

 

it would also allow for visiting missionaries or families to stay when needed.

 

Dawn

 

We don't do sleepovers. Period. Ever. I take that back. They've been allowed on very rare occasion and almost entirely only for family at OUR home. I can't think of one good thing that happens at a sleepover. But, wow, I can think of a lot of invested work gone to waste at one.

 

They are allowed to hang out with friends in supervised situations, sports, etc., and always supervised, not because of lack of trust, but because young people choose foolishly and should be supervised.

 

At what age do I allow them to go out and about on their own or out and about with other teens?

 

I'll be honest I hate the term teen, teen-ager, etc. I prefer young lady, young man. As I'm not raising my children to be a "teen." I expect adult like behaviour from my teens and to see them to be able to fully manage a household by 16-18 years of age.

 

 

**They are just getting older - turning into teens, we're training them for their life as future adults.** And THAT is a completely different mindset.

 

I don't expect my children to be out of my house until my daughters are ready for marriage. At no time do I expect them to live on their own. I expect my son to live on his own when he has finished whatever education he's chosen, has a job, and can support himself, unless saving for a home in which case he's welcome at home indefinitely as he saves to support a wife and eventually a family. Our oldest DS is planning on the military and so I expect he'll join sometime between 18-21. We'd like to see him attend college first, but we'll see. He's more peer oriented which is why I don't really want him running off to the military at 18. Whereas our oldest daughter is very much an independent thinker, so we're less concerned about her. Our next two. Oh sigh. They'll be at home forever....... :D

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Yes, please explain STI? I know STD but what does the I in STI stand for?

 

Sexually transmitted idiocy?

Sexually transmitted incompetence?

Sexually transmitted impotence?

 

:lol: I'm sorry. Thought I would lighten up the mood a little whilst trying to figure the acronym out.

 

Oh, and to answer the question, We are teaching sex inside a marriage is the way to go. Abstaining. We are also teaching about STDs, pregnancy, moral responsibility, consequences etc.

 

I posted the answer in my previous post. Sexually transmitted infection.

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We don't have specific classes. However my kids watch tv. We have discussed herpes (both genital and non), AIDS, birth control, and probably condoms. I don't have worries about dating. My oldest had a girlfriend for a while but her family was more conservative than ours and both of them didn't think intimacy was a good thing. He hasn't had one in the last year and a half and doesn't seem to interested in meeting anyone right now. He is 20 1/2. My next one is almost 16 and is denying an interest in boys, however, has stopped claiming she will be single for ever, too. She is not outgoing, very focused, and just plain conservative in both politics and behavior. Although she is quite attractive and very nicely slim I still don't think she is going to be bothered by boys anytime soon since she gives off such assertive vibes. The youngest Imay have to worry about but not yet. As she says, she thinks other 12 yo who are thinking that some boy should ask them on a date are 'plain creepy".

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