AARGGHH! DS15 is going to make me crazy.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am trying to make plans for school next year and I want him to have input. He is very bright, but he seems to have lost his spark - his love of learning. We had a very difficult year and I want to change things up a little. In spite of him not liking school last year, he is giving me very little input on what he WANTS to do.

 

I know that he is suffering from depression and that is part of it. His therapist wants him to give more input and take more ownership of his academics. He also wants ds to take a class outside of the home with another teacher and other "live" kids for the social interaction. DS is resistant.

 

I miss that little boy who asked me for stuff so he could do experiments and finished 4 experiment books in a month, that kid who couldn't wait to tell me what he read in National Geographic. Did I kill that in him by worrying about checking off the boxes for college? He would be happy if he could read all day - Sci Fi and science magazines all day, everyday. But, he won't let me turn that into school. He says that would ruin it.

 

AARRGG.

[Luanne]

... because that means I could help myself. I've been trying for several months now to get my daughter more involved in her education.

 

I'm tempted to get her textbooks even though she claims she likes real books better because she can't seem to equate real books with school.:glare:

[Brenda in MA]

Ellen,

 

JMHO, but I would give him the chance to give you input, and if he doesn't, then just plan what you think will lead him in the direction that seems to fit him best. If it's towards a science career, then plan accordingly.

 

I found 9th grade particularly tough, and 10th grade wasn't easier with my ds. The workload is higher in high school, and my son at least, wasn't excited about putting in the effort when he lacked the maturity to see where he was going. We survived those years working day to day.

 

I tried to get him an outside class in 10th grade, but it was canceled at the last minute due to low enrollment. He enjoyed scouting and church youth group those years, but I think an outside course would have helped his attitude a lot. I'd agree with the therapist and try to get him into at least one outside class where he'll have some other students to interact with.

 

In 11th grade, he did some on-line classes and learned to drive. Just getting out of the house more regularly made a huge difference for him. He also began to be able to "see" where he might be headed and understand what he needed to do to get there.

 

His senior year, I put him in another on-line course and signed him up for two community college courses. He was a little reluctant at first, but once he got his bearing, what a difference. He loved the cc classes, and they gave him so much confidence and the ability to be more responsible for his own deadlines and work. He now has a summer job, and that's given him even more maturity and independence.

 

Just this afternoon, a friend that has known us for only two years commented on how different this child is now than when she first met us. She definitely noticed the maturity difference in him in just 2 years (15 - 17 yo).

 

I think it's tempting to think that early high school means maturity, independent work, and knowing one's direction in life, but I think that is generally not the case. If he sees the "school" part of his life as box checking, so be it, and if he can be convinced to do that part as efficiently as possible, he can continue to enjoy his magazines & sci fi in his free time.

 

I'd take him for ice cream, or something, just the two of you and talk about where he wants to go. If he wants to go to college for science, then find out what high school courses are required by your local college and show this to him. Tell him that you know he may not be thrilled about some of his school work, but if college for science is the goal, then this is what he needs to accomplish.

 

Early high school is tough, but it does get better, it just takes time and maturity. Before you know it, he'll be moving on to his own life away from your home. In my experience, you spend so much time worrying and prodding and then you just turn around, and they're moving on, and you stand there and wonder how it all happened.

 

Hang in there,

Brenda

[Hoggirl]

But, I did it on paper rather than in a face-to-face conversation. I feel like my son offered up more than he would have in a conversation about it. I listed all of our curriculum and had him rate it on a scale of 1 - 10. I asked him what he liked the best, what he would throw out the window if he could, and what one "fun" subject he would like to add. I asked him if I was involved too little, too much, or just the right amount in his school day. I asked him if he wanted additional DVD courses, and, if so, in what subjects. I asked him to list three strengths of mine as his teacher and three weakness of mine as his teacher. I think I had a few other things, but this gives you a general idea. He gave a lot of thought to what he wrote, and I definitely feel like I got better information from him this way than I would have in just a discussion. I was pretty on target as to what he would say, but he did surprise me with a few things that I am going to switch around next year. I truly think it was empowering to him.

 

Just a thought.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I am so glad to hear that I am not alone, that other 9th graders struggle and that they do get it together eventually. We have had several conversations about what interests him and where he wants to go. He just doesn't know and gets angry when pressed.

 

I think my son feels lost. From the time he was 2 until age 14, he was SURE he wanted to be a paleontologist. He read everything he could get his hands on and became quite knowledgeable on the subject. Then something changed. I don't know if it was the paper he had to do for biology on paleontology as a career or if it was the dinosaur dig we went on that killed his passion. Or if it is just another symptom of depression - lost of interest in previous passions. He seems so aimless. It's almost like he is grieving his loss of certainty.

 

He does scouts (just got back from Philmont) and does Karate (testing for black belt at the end of the summer.) He has some social phobias, but seems to do his best work in a group of people rather than solo. He lights up when he is around people he is comfortable with. So, getting him in a class outside the home would not only help his social issues, but would make the subject matter more interesting as well.

 

I was hoping that I wouldn't have to make an executive decision on everything, but that he would jump in and say "I'd really like to do ...." I guess there is always next year:).

 

Again, thanks for your insight.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Cynthia,

 

Thanks for the idea on the survey. Although we have had talks about what went well and what didn't, I think something on paper where he does not have to express it face-to-face would be a good way to get more info out of him.

[Kareni]

I did a homeschool "survey" at the end of this school year.

 

Kudos to you, Cynthia; I think this is a great idea!

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Caraway]

It can be REALLY hard to engage when you are suffering from depression. I think that you need to try to help him out from under the depression before you can really expect a "spark".

 

I understand if you are not interested in a drug treatment... but there are other things that should help. Diet, exercise, and sunshine can have a HUGE effect on depression. People who are depressed want to be happy, spark-y, engaged... they just can't get themselves there. For me, when I am depressed, having someone say "what do you want? What would make you happy? What do you want to do with the rest of your life?" makes me want to hide. At best I could pick between two options. Do you want to research dinosaurs or the moon? Okay, the moon.

 

If it were me, I would address the depression first. I would continue to plug along with your chosen work. And I would add in a subscription to Smithsonian magazine. Every issue ask him to talk to you about one article that he found interesting. Follow up on that topic as desired.

[Mama Lynx]

My 13 year old isn't depressed, but he is supremely apathetic. He's quite happy to do whatever I say. When I ask for his input, all I can get from him is "I don't care."

 

I dunno. I mean, I'm glad he's so easygoing, but I end up feeling like I'm just imposing what I want for his education over his desires. But if he won't tell me his desires ... what can I do?

[dirty ethel rackham]

It can be REALLY hard to engage when you are suffering from depression. I think that you need to try to help him out from under the depression before you can really expect a "spark".

 

I understand if you are not interested in a drug treatment... but there are other things that should help. Diet, exercise, and sunshine can have a HUGE effect on depression. People who are depressed want to be happy, spark-y, engaged... they just can't get themselves there. For me, when I am depressed, having someone say "what do you want? What would make you happy? What do you want to do with the rest of your life?" makes me want to hide. At best I could pick between two options. Do you want to research dinosaurs or the moon? Okay, the moon.If it were me, I would address the depression first. I would continue to plug along with your chosen work. .

 

Thanks. We are working on the depression issues and have been for some time. We are doing all those things. I have a long history of depression myself, so I do know where he is coming from. But the parent/homeschooler in me still has to keep life moving forward.

 

 

 

And I would add in a subscription to Smithsonian magazine. Every issue ask him to talk to you about one article that he found interesting. Follow up on that topic as desired.

We get that magazine, too. Thanks for the suggestion to engage him more on what he is reading. He is not very open about what he finds interesting anymore.

[Mommyfaithe]

But, I did it on paper rather than in a face-to-face conversation. I feel like my son offered up more than he would have in a conversation about it. I listed all of our curriculum and had him rate it on a scale of 1 - 10. I asked him what he liked the best, what he would throw out the window if he could, and what one "fun" subject he would like to add. I asked him if I was involved too little, too much, or just the right amount in his school day. I asked him if he wanted additional DVD courses, and, if so, in what subjects. I asked him to list three strengths of mine as his teacher and three weakness of mine as his teacher. I think I had a few other things, but this gives you a general idea. He gave a lot of thought to what he wrote, and I definitely feel like I got better information from him this way than I would have in just a discussion. I was pretty on target as to what he would say, but he did surprise me with a few things that I am going to switch around next year. I truly think it was empowering to him.

 

Just a thought.

 

Cynthia...would you be willing to share how you wrote this up?? I think my ds would really benefit from giving input in this manner. we also had a weird and trying 9th grade year. I want him to now begin to own his education and it seems to me, that he is proud when i expect difficult work from him.

 

Please share your feedback sheet...or whatever you did to have your son critique his year. This is really a great idea...and no...I will not be hurt if he tells me i am a cr@ppy teacher...I just do the best i can.....

~~~Thanks

Faithe

[Hoggirl]

Basically, I just typed it up on he computer and let ds fill in his answers under my questions (also on the computer)

 

Here is how I divided it up:

Curricula/Subjects

1. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 10 (less to more) the effectiveness of the following curricula. In ratine, please consider how much you like it as well as how much you learn and remember. Write the number after the name of the curriculum.

R&S Grammar -

Chalkdust Math -

etc.

 

2. What curricula would you definitely want to continue? You may choose

more than one.

 

3. What curricula would you like to throw out the window? You can choose more than one. Why?

 

General Home Schooling Questions

4. What aspect of you day, in your opinion, is a total waste of time?

5. Do you wish we did more hands-on projects - What kinds?

6. Do you wish we had more DVD instruction? Or less? If more, in what subjects? If less, what would you drop?

7. Are you satisfied with our schduling? If not, how would you change it?

8. Please list your perception of three benefits of home schooling.

9. Please list your perception of three detriments to home schooling.

10. What would make you more excited about learning at home?

11. If you coudl choose an elective - something YOU would really like to learn more about, what would it be?

 

Outside Activities

12. Do you feel you have an adequate number of outside activities?

13. Would you have an interest in learning about public speaking/debate?

14. If possible, would you be interested in taking an on-line class?

15. Do you feel you get enough time with friends?

 

Your Teacher

16. Please list three strengths of your mom as a teacher.

17. Please list three weaknesses of your mom as a teacher.

18. Names three ways in which your mom could improve as a teacher.

19. Would you say that Mom's involvement in your school day is: too much, too little, or just about right? Explain if needed.

20. Please add any comments about anything related to our home school that you feel was not addressed in this survey.

 

I just made all of this stuff up. It isn't very profound. You would certainly want to tailor it to your needs and/or issues that you see in your own situation.

 

HTH.

 

ETA: Man, there are a LOT of typos in this! Sorry! I was about to walk out the door when I typed it. I am too lazy to fix them all ~ sorry!

Edited July 7, 2009 by Hoggirl

[Mommyfaithe]

Cynthia...Thank You!! Thank You!! This is wonderful. I can't wait to make it applicable to my son. Thank You again!

Faithe

[jibaker103]

Basically, I just typed it up on he computer and let ds fill in his answers under my questions (also on the computer)

 

Here is how I divided it up:

Curricula/Subjects

1. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 10 (less to more) the effectiveness of the following curricula. In ratine, please consider how much you like it as well as how much you learn and remember. Write the number after the name of the curriculum.

R&S Grammar -

Chalkdust Math -

etc.

 

2. What curricula would you definitely want to continue? You may choose

more than one.

 

3. What curricula would you like to throw out the window? You can choose more than one. Why?

 

General Home Schooling Questions

4. What aspect of you day, in your opinion, is a total waste of time?

5. Do you wish we did more hands-on projects - What kinds?

6. Do you wish we had more DVD instruction? Or less? If more, in what subjects? If less, what would you drop?

7. Are you satisfied with our schduling? If not, how would you change it?

8. Please list your perception of three benefits of home schooling.

9. Please list your perception of three detriments to home schooling.

10. What would make you more excited about learning at home?

11. If you coudl choose an elective - something YOU would really like to learn more about, what would it be?

 

Outside Activities

12. Do you feel you have an adequate number of outside activities?

13. Would you have an interest in learning about public speaking/debate?

14. If possible, would you be interested in taking an on-line class?

15. Do you feel you get enough time with friends?

 

Your Teacher

16. Please list three strengths of your mom as a teacher.

17. Please list three weaknesses of your mom as a teacher.

18. Names three ways in which your mom could improve as a teacher.

19. Would you say that Mom's involvement in your school day is: too much, too little, or just about right? Explain if needed.

20. Please add any comments about anything related to our home school that you feel was not addressed in this survey.

 

I just made all of this stuff up. It isn't very profound. You would certainly want to tailor it to your needs and/or issues that you see in your own situation.

 

HTH.

 

ETA: Man, there are a LOT of typos in this! Sorry! I was about to walk out the door when I typed it. I am too lazy to fix them all ~ sorry!

 

Thank you so much for this wonderful idea and sharing how you did it!! I know this will come in handy with my grunting ds 13, lol.

 

Jennifer

Mother to Noah Age 13

[Hoggirl]

I'm glad you think it might be helpful.

Edited July 8, 2009 by Hoggirl
Goodness! Perhaps *I* should spend some time with Mavis Beacon! Too many typos!

[MamaT]

When I was planning, I hounded my 15yo for input. I got none. Now that I'm in the last stages of having everything done for next year and everything is all over the dining room table - he decides to say, "I don't want to do that. Why can't I do it this way, etc."

 

AARGH! I have gone through 15yo sons twice already, so even though I remember this stage is not fun and 17 is so much easier than 15, it is still frustrating.

 

:grouphug: dirty ethel rackham. I feel your pain. I wish you and your son the best in dealing with the depression.

 

BTW, I love the survey on paper idea too.