I am drowning!!!

[lighthouseacademy]

My son is gifted- there is no doubt. I have never tested him and hadn't intended to. However, I am reaching a point where I feel like I don't know what to do with him or where to go. I am really struggling to balance emotional age of 7 with academic and mental age of much higher. I know he is frustrated because he is acting out more and more lately. I really need to challenge him but he balks at being challenged because everything he has ever done has been easy and required no work. On the flip side of the coin, if I am not challenging him, he is grumpy and mean to his sisters. I am exhausted right now. Would testing him help me place him better? I just know he is in some nebulous place several years beyond where his age lies and I can't quite figure out where that is.

[HeatherInWI]

I doubt that testing would help much. I've found that worrying about "grade level" isn't worth much, but that if I provided instruction and resources for my dc of types they liked best, they'd show me what levels they were at by their performances. You might consider some open-ended assignments -- a research project requiring reading and reporting back (written, oral, poster, diorama -- whatever's his cup of tea) might give him the challenge he needs while still studying a topic that's interesting to a seven year old. And be careful not to burn him out. I found that, at that age, having a lot of educational "fun" stuff -- CD-roms, books-on-tape, games, videos, books that weren't assigned, etc. -- was one of the best ways to teach. Of course, we didn't and don't allow non-educational video or computer games, so there was no real way that the dc could "waste" time. Even now, when they have indoor free time, they tend to write magazines and essays, do robotics, play educational games, and read.

 

On his dislike of challenges, two thoughts --

 

Have you talked to him about working at things? I know that I often have discussed with my dc how we are responsible before God to use the talents that he's given us wisely and to the best of our abilities. On one hand, this means that if we try our hardest and still are not as good at something as someone else is, that's o.k., but on the other hand, it means that if we're coasting, even if we're better than almost anyone else, it's not good enough. I think it's soaked in, and my dc, now adolescents, are good workers.

 

It also helped to discuss with them that no one is perfect except God and Jesus, so that it's o.k., even necessary, to make mistakes while learning. Gifted people are often perfectionists, and are unwilling to take the chance of being wrong. I wanted to make sure that they know that it's o.k. to be wrong. This has needed emphasizing over and over!

[lighthouseacademy]

 

It also helped to discuss with them that no one is perfect except God and Jesus, so that it's o.k., even necessary, to make mistakes while learning. Gifted people are often perfectionists, and are unwilling to take the chance of being wrong. I wanted to make sure that they know that it's o.k. to be wrong. This has needed emphasizing over and over!

 

We have had that conversation MANY MANY MANY times. I hope some day it sinks in!

 

Thanks for your input. I know that grade level isn't necessarily a good indication, but even with what I have him doing now I feel like it is still beneath his abilities and thus boring him. But I can't seem to reach where he is at- does that make sense at all? Once I seem to get to where he is, he disappears! It is as if I finally met his need and he can leap off the diving board to the next thing but then it takes me forever to find where he is swimming and meanwhile he is getting mad at me because I can't find him! I have a chronological 1st grader who I have been assigning things that most 4-5 graders are doing and I am not sure it is enough. Of course I also struggle greatly with the emotions because he is definitely asynchronous with his emotional development... although his best friend is a highly gifted 9 year old.

[Willow]

A book that seriously helped me is "Creative Home Schooling. A resource guide for smart families" by Lisa Rivero. I would give more details but I am under the weather at the moment. hope you can get hold of it.

[Donna]

I call them my panic moments. I don't get that way anymore with school but dd's music still has the tendency to send me there at times.

 

I had my dd tested during one of those panic moments. $1200 later and I only had confirmation that what I knew was true. Sure, they told me she was functioning at such and such a grade level but since they don't test everything at that grade level, it didn't mean she was ready to go on to the next grade. Do you kwim?

 

After testing, I still didn't know where to begin "teaching" her. I knew I needed to get a handle on things so I took a deep breath and dropped a lot of my conceptions of "school." We went back to the more child-led approach that had been working so well when she was younger. I also dropped the idea of grade level. Grade didn't really matter in our homeschool.

 

We went through materials faster. If she knew it, we didn't bother bogging her down in it. If she didn't know it, we spent more time on it and if she wanted to go further into that topic, we did.

 

Maybe you need to give your son some time off of the regular school stuff. Maybe take him to the library and see what interests him then show him what he needs to know to study that topic. Have a variety of fun educational choices for him. Like Heather, we also don't allow non-educational type things during school days.

[Dana]

A book that seriously helped me is "Creative Home Schooling. A resource guide for smart families" by Lisa Rivero. I would give more details but I am under the weather at the moment. hope you can get hold of it.

 

It's available at Rainbow Resource (where I got my copy).

http://rainbowresource.com/product/Creative+Home+Schooling%3A+Resource+Gd+Smart+Fa/024284/1244461777-834562

 

Definitely a good read.

[Catwoman]

I really need to challenge him but he balks at being challenged because everything he has ever done has been easy and required no work.

 

No advice here, but I'll send you a :grouphug: because I'm going through the exact same thing with my ds9.

 

Cat

[Brindee]

Here's something to think about: At age 6 1/2 my middle ds was NOT interested in reading, math ANYthing like that. He played with Legos and trucks and cars and soccer and footballs. I didn't push him. BLING! By 7 1/2 the light had come on and I couldn't stop him! Within 2 months he was reading at a high level. He did K, 1 and 2 maths within that 9-month period, 3 & 4 the next 9 months, and 5, 6 and 7th the next year. He was absorbing everything, and loving all of it! At 7 1/2 he read sports and financial statistics to dh when dh got home from work. It was so funny seeing such a little guy reading that stuff!

 

About 4th or 5th grade he hit a wall. BAM! Suddenly he cried at the sight of a math book! Huh? I was taken off-guard and didn't know what to do! I wish I knew then what I know now! So here are my thoughts:

 

Your ds may very well be gifted. This may very well continue throughout his life. However, be open to the possibility that he could hit a wall! If that happens, DON'T force him on at the leve/rate he's been working. He'll need understanding, NOT pushing! He needs to be allowed to step back and reassess what he's doing! I wish I'd known this before it happened to my son, so I could be prepared. I tried to push him through it, and that didn't work! He (I should say WE!) then struggled for 2 or 3 years to get back on track! If you keep this in mind as a possibility, then if it happens, you can back off, start him in fun, yet somewhat challenging things, and let him come back naturally. I don't think it'd take as long as it took us! DS is now 15 and finished Algebra 2 this year. He's not ahead or behind, he's doing great!

 

Best wishes!

Edited June 8, 2009 by Brindee

[elizabeth]

My son is gifted- there is no doubt. I have never tested him and hadn't intended to. However, I am reaching a point where I feel like I don't know what to do with him or where to go. I am really struggling to balance emotional age of 7 with academic and mental age of much higher. I know he is frustrated because he is acting out more and more lately. I really need to challenge him but he balks at being challenged because everything he has ever done has been easy and required no work. On the flip side of the coin, if I am not challenging him, he is grumpy and mean to his sisters. I am exhausted right now. Would testing him help me place him better? I just know he is in some nebulous place several years beyond where his age lies and I can't quite figure out where that is.

 

I read your signature with classes listed. 7 years old and Singapore 4 or 5 good gravy woman!! I am tired just contemplating that and dd is highly precocious. Get thee to http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/ read and learn that you are not alone, it is fine to be exhausted and these are tips for survival...buy crafts. Lots . of . crafts. Paintable solar systems, big bags of rocks and minerals with an identification book of at least 200 pages with photos...encyclopedias are your friend...Dover books has tons of very complex mandala and fractal coloring books . Buy several and lots of colored pencils. I have been where you are but am mother to an only so I could take a breath once in a while. Crafts dear lady . Elavil is good also. Really . Yes you need to have him tested to see where the limits are. Try to find someone that uses the Stanford Binet as the WISC / Wechsler have low ceilings and it is likely your little fellow will hit that and then the tests cannot really provide much information other than that he is very gifted. I hope you find some of these suggestions helpful . He sounds like a bundle of synapses firing a mile a minute. I bet he is just adorable and charming. You will survive but certainly your hands are full so you need to find constructive educational projects he can entertain himself with for a spell. Dd now is fully capable of minature food sculpture with Sculpey clay, crocheting, watercolor, cross stitch , embroidery freehand and crazy quilting , lego building, story writing and can make a great batch of chocolate chip cookies for her tired mama. Best of luck and explore uncharted territory it will help . When dd was his age she loved Norman Juster's book The Phantom Tollbooth , Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time and Narnia Chronicles by Lewis I think she identified with these characters and thus felt kinship with them . A good thing to prevent meltdowns-the sense that someone "gets" me. KWIM? That is the best I can offer because I am tired also from doing PSAT prep with a child who argues with the answers given by Barrons . At times they can really chap your ...nerves. Virtual hugs and chocolate to you.

[lighthouseacademy]

Thank you everyone. More to think about for sure. Encyclopedias are my friend... He loves the Usborne Encyclopedia of Science, is begging for chemical reaction science experiments, loves playing legos, playing with electricity (safely with a D battery and wires, magnets, rubberbands, small motors etc). He also likes to read anything related to the human body- he will read my college anatomy book. When he was 7 1/2 months old he saw daddy using a wratchet screw driver and when daddy left, he commando crawled over and began using the screwdriver and actually driving in screws. At 18 months, he installed the phone jack and daddy helped (that is not an exaggeration).

[JeanM]

I really need to challenge him but he balks at being challenged because everything he has ever done has been easy and required no work.

 

Sounds like you have quite a talented kid! However, I believe that it is important to find something (not necessarily immediately :001_smile:) that will require him to work hard. Having coasted through school myself (and did very well), I really learned to work hard at music. Piano playing did not come easily to me, and I really had to work. I've seen the same tendency in my dc. They find most schoolwork easy and don't want me to push them to do the hard stuff.

 

Some ways to do this are through learning a musical instrument, a foreign language, or even through sports or some physical challenge.

 

Jean

[Storm Bay]

At 18 months, he installed the phone jack and daddy helped (that is not an exaggeration).

 

 

I think that's how old my nephew was when, all by himself, he "fixed" my parent's cupboard because it was stuck. What he did was disable the child-proof lock. He didn't like reading or read early, but by the time he was 9 could read anything. He's somewhere in the gifted spectrum, but I don't think my ds has ever had her dc tested; if she has, she's never mentioned it.

[lighthouseacademy]

However, I believe that it is important to find something (not necessarily immediately :001_smile:) that will require him to work hard.

 

AMEN!

I coasted all the way through the university... the only reason I had to "work" in the university is because I took 20-22 units per quarter for 6 quarters straight!

 

Yes, my son needs a challenge and that is a bit of my struggle. I am thinking about foreign language for next year- do you know a good Spanish program? I thought about Latin, but I don't want a Catholic text. I don't mind some scriptural stuff, but I am having a hard time wading through the Latin texts available...

 

My dh is fluent in Spanish so really my kids should learn Spanish.

[Mommy22alyns]

A book that seriously helped me is "Creative Home Schooling. A resource guide for smart families" by Lisa Rivero. I would give more details but I am under the weather at the moment. hope you can get hold of it.

 

It's available at Rainbow Resource (where I got my copy).

http://rainbowresource.com/product/Creative+Home+Schooling%3A+Resource+Gd+Smart+Fa/024284/1244461777-834562

 

Definitely a good read.

 

 

 

Any more details when either of you can get to it would be tremendously appreciated! I've never even heard of this before and it sounds like a great read.

 

 

 

Lighthouse, you could just toss in Song School Latin for a fun, fast intro - the content is 99.9% secular (standard Christmas/Jesus born on Christmas day references). I haven't made it to Latin For Children yet, but I hear the content is secular there. Or you could check out Lively Latin (secular also).

 

CAP also offers Spanish For Children - I don't know of any other good Spanish (or French - my girls want to learn French) resources to offer. Maybe someone else will chime in.

 

We're not at the same degree as you & your kiddos, but I can relate to the crazy feeling of having a voracious young child. At the end of the day it's just mentally and physically exhausting yet amazing at the same time... ;)

[Dana]

I read a lot of homeschooling books when I was considering it.

This is the only one that really addresses gifted students and what they need. It still has the general overview that most homeschooling books have, but it also speaks specifically to how gifted children learn, ways to help them learn, and difficulties.

 

She talks about asynchronous development and that was one of the most helpful things to me on my first read-through. I'm still working on making changes in my teaching approaches with my son and it's a challenge to figure out what may be most effective for him. It's tough for me to get away from school at home since I've taught for a number of years.

 

The book has 15 chapters and 401 pages. Resources are listed throughout the book that are effective for gifted children.

Part I - At Home With Gifted Children is probably the most useful for specific techniques/things to remember about gifted children. It's the part of the book I see myself going back to most often as a reset button for me when I get caught up in covering material instead of listening to what my son needs.

 

Part 2 is an overview of the different homeschooling approaches (Ch 11: Classical Homeschooling). It discusses how some approaches work with gifted children.

 

Part 3 is Your Creative Home School Toolbox and has resources, recordkeeping info etc.

 

I wish the book were more easily available. Our library didn't have it.

When I bought it, I wasn't sure it would be worth the money, but I would strongly recommend it. It's well-worth the money and I'm sure I'll refer to it often through the years.

 

Hope this helps.

[Storm Bay]

AMEN!

I I thought about Latin, but I don't want a Catholic text. I don't mind some scriptural stuff, but I am having a hard time wading through the Latin texts available...

 

.

 

Latin Primer from Mars Hill Press isn't Catholic. The first one is very easy, though--mostly learning vocabulary, chants & learning to see derivatives. The grammar books are supposed to go after the primer; we made the mistake of having dd do Grammar 1 along with Primer 2 and she didn't have the vocabulary. However, she's making it through okay.

[JeanM]

AMEN!

I coasted all the way through the university... the only reason I had to "work" in the university is because I took 20-22 units per quarter for 6 quarters straight!

 

Yes, my son needs a challenge and that is a bit of my struggle. I am thinking about foreign language for next year- do you know a good Spanish program? I thought about Latin, but I don't want a Catholic text. I don't mind some scriptural stuff, but I am having a hard time wading through the Latin texts available...

 

My dh is fluent in Spanish so really my kids should learn Spanish.

 

I unfortunately have no advice about Spanish- I'm actively looking for a foreign language program for my dc next year. We are still debating what language.

 

Jean

[Truscifi]

La Clase Divertida is a fun way to learn spanish, though I don't know if it would be challenging enough.

[brownie]

Try gradually changing his feelings about being challenged by saying "Hey great! You made a mistake - that means you're going to learn something!" Turn mistakes into something positive through your own attitude. There is a book that covers this...I think it is called Mindset? It talks about 2 types of approaches...that where ability is set and therefore whether I succeed or fails defines who I am versus the mindset where potential is unlimited.

Brownie

[nmoira]

 

There is a book that covers this...I think it is called Mindset? It talks about 2 types of approaches...that where ability is set and therefore whether I succeed or fails defines who I am versus the mindset where potential is unlimited.

Yes, it's Mindset by Dweck. I highly recommend it even though it's not written specifically for those dealing with children and she occasionally a bit maddening with her heavy handed examples. [This is a lay work, but she is an academic; I also recommend her more academic work, Self Theories.] That said, Mindset resonated with me in a way that Punished by Rewards never did. I absolutely love the example of how to handle a child getting 100% on a math test -- (I'm paraphrasing) apologize to the child for setting the bar too low for them to really learn anything new.