What happens after...

[Guest pakiza]

Hello everyone :)

 

We have two sons (3 & 5 years) and a daughter (1 year), and my husband and I have decided to homeschool them for many reasons, but most of all religious ones.

 

Since I/we are new to this, I did some research and am trying to prepare myself. The only thing I am a bit worried about is this: I get the idea that homeschoolers have a large network -correct me if I am wrong- which makes it easier for their children to have contacts with other children of different ages. My son is complaining that he does not have any friends to play with. Well, that is not entirely true, it is just that we took his brother (after half a year) and him (after 2,5 years) out of kindergarten. We were not satisfied with hygiene and things they were told and taught. By the way, his brother is not complaining. The children he usually plays with in the afternoon are, of course, in kindergarten during the day or will later on be at school. Then there is this thing I cannot seem to get used to, that in summer when/if the weather is nice, all the 'doors in the neighbourhood are open', but in winter everything is closed, and with that almost all contact with the neighbours. On top of that, we are quite isolated in the sense that we do not have friends who come and visit us, for whatever reason... We live in Norway, but both of us come from abroad. So, as to family, mine lives in the Netherlands and my husbands', apart from my mother in law, not close enough to visit us is that often.

 

Anyway, my question is, will this being isolated so much affect them later on in their lives, I mean how will they or will they be able to cope 'the world' when meeting other people? From a loving and maybe sheltered environment to this big, scary world. Sorry, I am exaggerating, but just to make you understand what I am thinking about. I am trying and will do my utmost to make balanced and self-confident persons out of them, so they will be able -God willing- to approach others with confidence, but will this be enough or is there anything else I can do :confused:

 

I don't know, maybe I am too worried, but that is because I am a mother..? Please, could anyone who has the experience tell me and ease my mind or not..? Thanks very much. By the way, it is good to have websites like these, I did not find any yet in Norway.

[Peek a Boo]

well, for an exaggerated answer, watch the movie "Blast from the Past" w/ Brendan Frasier, lol. The guy grows up in a fallout shelter and has to interact w/ the world after 30+ years of perfect mannerisms. Very interesting.

 

I'd still take a polite kid that 'might' have difficulty interacting over an experienced jerk tho.

 

i'm way too tired to type a real answer, but I'll say that as you move along in your parenting/homeschool journey you'll figure out ways and opportunities to make sure your dc receive what they NEED. Lots of advice here, and if there's none when i get back from a good night's sleep, I'll offer some more, lol.

[Amy in Orlando]

Hello everyone :)

 

We have two sons (3 & 5 years) and a daughter (1 year), and my husband and I have decided to homeschool them for many reasons, but most of all religious ones.

 

Since I/we are new to this, I did some research and am trying to prepare myself. The only thing I am a bit worried about is this: I get the idea that homeschoolers have a large network -correct me if I am wrong- which makes it easier for their children to have contacts with other children of different ages. My son is complaining that he does not have any friends to play with. Well, that is not entirely true, it is just that we took his brother (after half a year) and him (after 2,5 years) out of kindergarten. We were not satisfied with hygiene and things they were told and taught. By the way, his brother is not complaining. The children he usually plays with in the afternoon are, of course, in kindergarten during the day or will later on be at school. Then there is this thing I cannot seem to get used to, that in summer when/if the weather is nice, all the 'doors in the neighbourhood are open', but in winter everything is closed, and with that almost all contact with the neighbours. On top of that, we are quite isolated in the sense that we do not have friends who come and visit us, for whatever reason... We live in Norway, but both of us come from abroad. So, as to family, mine lives in the Netherlands and my husbands', apart from my mother in law, not close enough to visit us is that often.

 

Anyway, my question is, will this being isolated so much affect them later on in their lives, I mean how will they or will they be able to cope 'the world' when meeting other people? From a loving and maybe sheltered environment to this big, scary world. Sorry, I am exaggerating, but just to make you understand what I am thinking about. I am trying and will do my utmost to make balanced and self-confident persons out of them, so they will be able -God willing- to approach others with confidence, but will this be enough or is there anything else I can do :confused:

 

I don't know, maybe I am too worried, but that is because I am a mother..? Please, could anyone who has the experience tell me and ease my mind or not..? Thanks very much. By the way, it is good to have websites like these, I did not find any yet in Norway.

 

Your kids are WAY little. Really. I know they seem like they're growing up so fast to you, but they are VERY VERY young. My advice is to just relax and have fun with them right now. If the neighbors are out and you like the, visit. If you don't like them, go to a park or something else. It's not a big deal right now. Your kids are happy to be with your and your dh and to do family stuff. They will be for quite a few more years. Just go with it.

 

As they get older you'll get a better sense of what they enjoy and can work from there.

 

I think you're worrying FAR too much ahead. Are you or your husband in any way unable to interact with other people? If not, there's no reason to think your kids will be this way.

[HSMom2One]

I too, am sleepy tonight, but I wanted to post something to encourage you. I took my 8yo dd out of public school for several reasons, including some of your own. The isolation issue is on my mind at times too, but I still believe that hs is the best option for her.

 

TWTM has a great chapter titled, "The Confident Child: Socialization" toward the end of the book. It deals with the very issues you are concerned about. I highly recommend you getting this book, as it will serve you well with this issue and many other things. Plus you have this forum to connect with others that are on the same journey. Your children are very young and you have time to work on this, so just relax and feel confident that you have made a wise decision for the well-being of your family.

 

If you have any questions beyond this on the isolation issue, please feel free to PM me and I'll be happy to share more thoughts (when I'm more awake).

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Karen sn]

They will be fine. I think it's absolutely HYSTERICAL when people complain that Homeschool kids get no socialization. Yes - it is important to get along and play with kids your own age. BUT my dd can also get along with old folks and babies. Socialization happens in the real world - NOT SCHOOL. (In fact I clearly remember my teachers telling us we were NOT there for socialization....we were there for an education). Kindergarten is fun, the rest of school....not so much.

 

I know of kids who complain that they need more time playing with other children. My dd was never like that. She enjoys playing by herself. It probably helps that I am overly social and have plenty of friends with kids and so she tagged along on my "playdates."

 

Do you have any friends with kids?

I know it's cold where you are - there were always moms with kids at the coffee houses when I lived in Alaska.

 

Go to the library children's hour. You might even find a homeschool mom there.

 

I do think friends your own age is important because you learn to share and resolve conflict. But when I look back - the most positive life impacting people we knew as kids were the old ladies in the neighborhood.

 

I don't think it's necessary to be overstimulated and surrounded by 20 or 30 people in one's own age bracket. The world is made up of old and young. That's the natural balance.

 

Spend time at the park - your son that needs more interaction will get it there.

[angela in ohio]

This is the worst time of year for getting together. Many homeschoolers hibernate from Jan.- Mar. to catch up the school work they missed in Nov. and Dec. :D By April, there will be more activity.

 

That said, I know waaaay too many adults who are peer-dependent. If you raise dc who can be by themselves sometimes, you will be doing a GOOD thing. At 3 and 5, they will only be picking up germs and nasty habits from other dc :), so you don't want a ton of exposure, anyway. As they get older, there will be more opportunities. You will also get, as a bonus, if you are like many (not all) homeschoolers, children who can speak with confidence to people of any age.

[Soph the vet]

Minnesota is much like Norway, all the doors are shut! We have friends over to our home, all ages and and from diverse areas. We spend time in the car traveling to gym class or piano or art and interact with other kids there. We also belong to a co-op that meets twice monthly where most of our kids' friends are. Many playdates are scheduled. Even during the summer, one of my ds7's best friends is our 80 yr. old neighbor across the street because he loves to tinker in the garage building all kinds of things. I love that homeschool means socialization with all ages.:)

[Suzanne in ABQ]

We're rather isolated, not by weather so much, but by distance. We live in the country, but my kids see others regularly. My dd has choir, and dance classes (Celtic, Ballet, and International Folk dancing). My son does Boy Scouts. We go to church. They have opportunities for day camps in the summer. They meet kids at these places. Then, we parents make an effort to get them together through the cold months.

 

As your kids get older, they'll be involved in various activities and have lots of opportunity to meet other kids.

 

Most importantly, though, they'll have each other. They will learn how to get along in the world by watching you and your husband. You will teach them how to get along with each other. They will learn how to relate to adults, and to children of different ages because they won't be segregated by age. In all likelihood (from what I've seen), they'll actually be better suited for the real, adult world because they won't put their friends opinions above their parents' at such a young age as they tend to do in school.

 

Don't worry. Your children are young. They have each other, and they have you.

 

They'll be just fine! :)

[AndyJoy]

In the late 1800s and early 1900s, no one thought it was weird to live miles away from the nearest town and "socialize" with only your family and church family! My ancestors were westward pioneers who managed to marry, raise large families, acquire land, serve in political office, etc. without the "socialization" of public school! They were isolated from the "real world" by today's standards, and yet they lead long, happy, successful lives. They learned to be respectful, to contribute to their families, and avoid the temptations of the "big city" life. They had no trouble assimilating into the larger world when they chose to leave their agrarian lifestyle behind. No one worried about socialization, because life was happening all the time at home!

 

Then came the advent of free, available public schooling. People began to think those who didn't jump aboard this "amazing" opportunity were strange. Nevermind the fact that their kids were being taught values that their parents didn't support. Nevermind that kids no longer worked alongside their parents and thus started taking them for granted. Nevermind that kids started identifying more with their peers and less with their families. Nevermind that siblings started forsaking one another's company for that of their friends (when did siblings stop being friends?). Just because something is free doesn't mean it's useful or beneficial! I don't worry about socialization because the home-centered life worked for thousands of years before taxes and technology made "free" public school and quick transportation possible.

[WTMindy]

Your kids are WAY little. Really. I know they seem like they're growing up so fast to you, but they are VERY VERY young. My advice is to just relax and have fun with them right now. If the neighbors are out and you like the, visit. If you don't like them, go to a park or something else. It's not a big deal right now. Your kids are happy to be with your and your dh and to do family stuff. They will be for quite a few more years. Just go with it.

 

As they get older you'll get a better sense of what they enjoy and can work from there.

 

I think you're worrying FAR too much ahead. Are you or your husband in any way unable to interact with other people? If not, there's no reason to think your kids will be this way.

This is great advice. COuldn't have said it better. Especially since I just watched old videos of the kids when they were little and I wondered how I could have possibly expected so much of those teeny little people! :-)

[Guest pakiza]

Thanks :) for the advice and encouragement I got from all of you! Yes, I almost forgot, as my husband reminds me, I sometimes get carried away and worry too much. Usually, as the oldest in a flock of five, I am the one who is following all the rules, so this is something completely different for me. I look at it as something of an adventure though, which will also - God willing - enrich me. I forgot so much of what I learned at school, but not in the least, I am already learning a lot from my children. So yes, this worried person should just be more relaxed and go with the flow.

I liked the history perspective I got from AndyJoy. What I also find to be true, looking at other children, what Suzanne in ABQ said: 'they won't put their friends opinions above their parents' at such a young age as they tend to do in school' > group-pressure becomes so important for children. Also one of the reasons why we took them out of kindergarten.

Well, thank you again, especially for the nightly 'hours' you put into answering me :)