I am pleasantly surprised we are getting some snow, as the reports generally indicated we wouldn't get any. Lightly falling, it is beautiful. It started probably an hour ago, but doesn't look like it will last long according to the radar.

Yesterday I practiced my pattern and lifted weights. I will probably not do much this weekend, as we will be getting ourselves ready for board game day tomorrow.

Just finished TKD class. I ran across the idea of bringing a small notebook so I can write down the things I need to practice more at home. I was so proud of myself that I remembered and tonight, nothing we did was particularly tricky for me. 😕

Yesterday, I did pattern practice and lifted weights. Today I was on the treadmill for 25 minutes.

I spent most of the day doing lesson planning for the next week. I did do some pattern practice and am building up my confidence with that.

Friday I practiced my new pattern, and was able to get through it without any coaching, which makes me feel accomplished. I might even be ready for belt testing in February. Today I went for a 20 minute walk.

Got on the treadmill for 25 minutes this afternoon, as the day has been cold and wet.

In other news, the dishwasher has stopped working. Sigh. But, I suppose the way to look at it is we all get to work together getting them done.

I am so happy to report ds is back to himself! He had a stomach bug for a week this past Easter, and wasn't able to participate in any of the festivities. It would have been a heavy blow for him to be sick at Christmas. Now crossing the fingers that the rest of us don't get sick. 🤞

Don't over water it, but don't forget to water it. We managed to keep one alive since last year. I think part of it had to do with Dh getting sick of seeing it and put it outside this summer, where we mostly forgot about it. I don't think they are crazy about lots of direct sun. But I have killed many in my lifetime, so I might not be the best person to take advice from.

I read an article a year or two ago about the history of public restrooms for women. It started around 1900 with department stores having like an anteroom/lounge sort of thing before the actual bathroom, I think because they thought women couldn't handle hours of shopping on their feet or something? I'll add a link if I can track it down. ETA: It might have been this article. There's a lot of copy pasta out there. My memory is not so good, but it's the general gist.

You, too @saraha,

Dh and I were going to go to my appointment today and then do last minute shopping. But ds10 came in from playing in the snow, and said he didn't feel good. He's thrown up twice now. The good news is he's being a little bossy and enjoying being waited on, so fingers crossed this sickness will be short lived. Definitely a "this is what's happening now" moment.

Ugh. The other reason I'm stressed is that at the family cookie party, there was tension between ds10 and his cousin, who is 8. When he is good, he is very, very good, but when he is bad, he can be horrid. He can be a button pusher, and he and the cousin have a negative feedback loop. Sil, mother of said cousin, insists it is all ds's fault. She has announced she gave her daughter authorization to be physically aggressive towards ds. The cousin probably weighs more than ds, and manipulates her mother with crocodile tears all the time. Sil fancies herself as a nurturing encourager, except when push comes to shove, in which case, pushing and shoving is ok. The hypocrisy of this galls me. My mama bear hackles are up.

I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful. And I am stressed, stressed, stressed. Last week, the kids had an appointment for dental cleaning. Dd8 was found to have three cavities. I explained our situation to the receptionist, that if at all possible, could she get her in before the end of the year. Yesterday, there was a cancellation, so I took dd to the dentist to get fillings. Very grateful for that very nice lady who got us in on the old insurance. My mom texted yesterday to say she's a little better, but wants another 3 way call with my sister, for I don't know why. That's happening tonight. Today, I had plans to visit with someone, and they are out the window. After being referred to a pulminologist in April, they only called me a couple of weeks ago to schedule something in January. Again, I explained our situation, and they were able to get me in this afternoon. So, very grateful for that receptionist. I thought maybe I could change my visit to something earlier today, but dd8 just came in from sledding with burdock at the roots of her long, super curly hair. So, the rest of my morning will be trying to figure out how to get the burdock out of her hair. And then dd13 had a cold starting around Thanksgiving, and is still coughing. So we got an appointment for her immediately after my appointment. Tomorrow, I get to have another visit with another doctor and get my monthly shot and blood draw from my port. Hopefully, my port will work right away, if not, I will get to sit there for an hour while the medicine works on the clot that clogs this up. I think I am down to about two threads. I really hope there are no new surprises this week.

I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes, as it has been cold and rainy all day.

You have a delicious to do list!

@saraha said, "I’m not sure what to do when she gets mad people don’t choose her offerings." It's not even like her offerings were homemade. 🤷

Hoo boy! I forgot all about the birthday card drama. Glad you are all taking it in stride.

Oh, we had the post-conversation conversation. I told her I was not up to it. She lives four hours away, so she is limited in the ways she can help.

So, my mother is in her mid-70's. She had my sister and I on pins and needles all yesterday to announce that she can't do Christmas because she is having intestinal issues that she is embarrassed about. She was having issues back in the spring. Apparently, none of it has resolved itself, and has gotten worse. She has diarrhea most of the time, and the doctor told her to eat bran flakes and drink Metamucil, which seems counter intuitive to me, but I'm not a doctor. It's gotten to the point where there is sometimes blood, and she can't lift a 5lb bag of sugar or take her dog for a walk without having to go right away. I asked her if she's called the doctor about it. No, she hadn't thought of that. She was just going to wait to talk to the doctor at her appointment in mid-January. 🤦‍♀️ In the course of the conversation, she recounted in a justified way, how she was snippy with the receptionist. Her cynicism and hostility toward the medical profession was considerable, which I totally get, but you don't take that out on the people you want to have help you. Receptionists are the first line in the medical bureaucracy and can help you out a lot if they like you. I can imagine that if they don't like you, you might not get as much help. For some background, my step-father passed away 20 years ago and she really hasn't been the same since. Ten years ago, she used to live 10 minutes away from us. Then she decided to move an hour away in a nearby city, (in a house where the only bathroom is on the second floor 🙄). So, we don't see her very often. If I want to know how she is doing, I have to call her because she very rarely calls us. She has social anxiety, even with family, and has an incredibly low sense of self-worth. She has been on some variety of psychotropics since her husband died, most of the time without any sort of counseling whatsoever. A few years ago, her GP connected her with a psychologist/psychiatrist? who would oversee her meds and give her counseling. She met with her and it was a great fit. She was upbeat and had a positive outlook. She saw her for maybe six months, and then one time, she made my mother sit in the waiting room for 20 minutes. And my mother left and never went back because "she shouldn't be treated like that". She has things to do, she said. The only thing she has in her life is an anxious dog that she uses as an excuse to not come out and see us. Even for her grandchildren's birthday parties. She has zero concept of how lucky she was to have the sort of help thousands of people can only wish for. A month ago, she said she was considering getting rid of her car, mostly because she is too stressed about what to do about the lease, which is up in the spring. She does not live in a city that has great public transit. She was totally fine with the idea of pretty much never leaving her house again. Which brings me back to her medical condition. I'm not even sure she wants to get better. Which feels like a terrible thing to say. And I feel like I should carry the torch and be her advocate, but I just do not have the bandwidth to save her from herself.

He's a software developer. We're in Western NY.

I talked to dh this afternoon about my stress levels, and he suggested I just stay home tomorrow. The proposed schedule I would have found to be a lot even before cancer, but now staying that busy for 11-12 hours in a day would wipe me out and take me probably two days to recover. I saw dd perform with the chorus last week; tomorrow is a second venue of the same material, so it's not like I'm completely missing it. I was able to make the dough this afternoon (a pleasant distraction from waiting for the phone call with my mom) and I can bake them tomorrow and wrap gifts without anyone at home. So, I feel better about tomorrow. I might even make it to the birthday party.

I just need to vent for a little bit. On the upside, we will theoretically have health insurance through the state come January. I am sooo grateful a person from the hospital was able to apply for us and get us through the hurdles. It took two days to do it, and at one point I was sure I was in a Franz Kafka story. As we were finishing up the application process today, the system crashed at least three times. This morning, I got a voicemail from my mother saying she needs me to set up a 3 way call between her, my sister, and me. My mother's mental health is not robust, and I can tell she is wound up about something. My sister works full time, and I texted her to see if she can do the call later today. I texted both of them proposing a specific time, and my mother has not responded. So, who knows? Maybe I get to sit with this dread of a shoe dropping for days, because... Tomorrow is chock full. Dd13 has a chorus concert in the city in the morning. Ds10 has music lessons in the city in the late afternoon. The evening is capped off with a niece's birthday party, and they live in between us and the city. We have family passes for a few museums and will bide our time there before our other engagements. We do church Sunday morning and the family cookie party is at 1pm and I am supposed to figure out how to bake cookies between now and then, and at this point, I understand I am just whining. I can get the dough made today and put in the fridge and probably something will work out for actually baking them. I am almost to the point where I buy cookies from the store because I just don't care. Things seem harder to me because dh doesn't want anyone to know he got laid off. We haven't told the kids. Nobody in our family knows. So I have to pretend everything is normal and ok, and I am honoring dh's request (well, except for here), but it is hard for me. Because if it was up to me, I would seek support and just blab it to everybody. I am not hanging by a thread yet, I probably have a good five more to go before I get to that point.

Not exactly. You can sign up for email notifications on different products. So that would be something. It's a nice service, but it's not the same as Amazon's feature and sometimes lags behind actual pricing.