It's great that you've had some good online experiences. It may be the difference in school or in class type.
I'm teaching a traditional class this semester. Students have a practice final that's been available online all semester. It counts as a quiz grade and is designed to prepare them for the final exam. They can take it as many times as they want and the highest score is the one that counts.
Only 4 students (of 13) have taken it once. It's due by midnight Tuesday since the final is Wednesday.
At least these students will have Monday's class to ask any questions - and I only expect questions from a couple of them. The others will have the benefit of seeing the answers to the questions of the working students. Some of them will pass the final because of the mandatory attendance policy. Being forced to spend 4.5 hours a week in a classroom, they're spending regular time at least hearing about math and seeing problems worked. Participation in the online course is worse for this class. I've taught this exact class online and had students not do the assigned homework, only do quizzes immediately before the due dates, and many (over 2/3) ended up being dropped for missing tests.
Work ethic was mentioned earlier. Those of you who've had good experiences with online classes are seeing your experience as a student who works. There are a lot of other students you aren't seeing.
For the online talking, I think it depends on the class and individual students. I've taught classes where we've had a LOT of online discussion on the discussion board and I've had classes where there's almost no discussion. It really varies according to the individuals involved.
The comparison between online learning and homeschooling is an interesting one and does have some validity. But the number of people who can homeschool effectively is much much lower than the number of students. No one is (or should be) proposing that all students homeschool (or that all courses are taught online). Online learning absolutely can be effective and successful for some students. As an instructor who's taught both online, hybrid, and traditional courses, the number of students who can effectively learn in an online course is very small in my experience.
Do I think online courses shouldn't exist? Absolutely not.
Do I think they're expanding faster than they should & that we're setting students up for failure in many cases? Yes!
I wouldn't mind my son taking a couple of online courses in the process of getting his college degree. I wouldn't pay anything for an online only degree though.