You'll have to excuse me. In this household I cannot imagine that any money coming in would stay separated for long lol. And then it might go into a bank, which is why I was thinking it would be mentioned on the tax form. We've had mult. bank accounts in the past (probably from when we first got married) and file jointly so it gets logged if it's over X amount. Thank you for explaining :)

No. And I wasn't saying it's their responsibility. I was saying I don't like the business model that relies on numbers to that degree. This is why I never took a commission job! LOL I turned down a job for that very reason after the interview revealed that I could go business to business and if I didn't sell I didn't make money.

Oh yeah and perhaps ask for a thyroid guard for extra protection.

I made a thread about this topic a while back. I think a lot of dentists require new x-rays done at their practice or within say, 6 months to a year of becoming their patient depending on when you last had x-rays and if you can pass them on from the old practice. My dentist basically told me that they get x-rays less often if the insurance doesn't cover it as much. Some ins. companies apparently cover it less often than others. I THINK it was once a year they like to get them? More often for some patients. I would pretty much barter with them saying you are interested in becoming a patient, but for medical reasons cannot take on much if any radiation. Find out if they use digital, maybe that would be passable to your doctors. They are probably not talking about the same level of radiation in their x-rays. The machines used to look for broken bones I believe are more hard core about the radiation. I'm assuming that is the main reason for their warning. My dad was exposed to a lot of radiation in his life so he avoids getting a lot of x-rays, but he still does get some digital ones when necessary. He's very picky about what dentists he goes to and the technology they use (holistic, etc.). But nowadays many offices have switched to more friendly equipment.

Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting paying a daily sitter the same rate the person needing the sitter makes. But I was suggesting that $3 per child sounded like pennies if the rates are literally a per child scale. I wouldn't want to babysit two kids for $6/hr all day. I made around that much in a daycare watching a room of kids and I guess if it was only two it would have been an upgrade, but that was many years ago before the min. wage went to $7.25. I think someone watching kids should make at least min. wage. They shouldn't have to rely on numbers. If they only watch 5 kids and one family has 3 of them and goes on vacation, they shouldn't resort to $6/hr rate for that week. I guess that's more or less where I see a problem.

Wow, that sounds like an amazing price. I don't know what the average cost is, though. Yes, I can also see times when paying someone close to your earnings per hour would make sense because you aren't paying them all day. Parents that work min. wage jobs probably occasionally pay sitters and the sitter might make as much or more than them if we're looking at hourly rate, but sometimes you do these things.

I doubt anyone that judges character based on outsourcing for cleaning is including cases in which it is physically impossible to do it yourself. But then again maybe they expect someone else in the family to step up vs hiring out. I say do whatever works for you and your household. Whatever that may be. I could use cleaning help, but I have a lot of hang ups (like I need to declutter before I could even imagine asking anyone to clean). That's my personal problem, though. I have a cousin that has two nannies and four children. It's the cultural norm in his wife's culture to have a nanny and they don't live in the US. She was unaware that this was odd in America I guess because she was in shock when she found out my grandma didn't have any help.

I'm sure the in-home sitter has expenses, too. Maybe they provide the snacks/meals. Or maybe not, maybe the WOH sends a lunch and snack. But maybe their water bill goes up with everyone using the potty all day. Or maybe there's some other random expense. I just cannot fathom paying anyone $3/hr for childcare on a regular basis and calling it fair because they have a lot of clients to make ends meet. Um, that also sounds like a lot of chaos and/or stress. Not worth the cost to me if I was the sitter. Maybe for some sitters this is not a hard task. Not all WOH moms have a commute that equals $40/week in gas. Let's say the sitter and the work are both within a few miles of the WOHM's house. When I was working outside of the home I lived about a mile from my job. And dh and I worked alternating shifts so we didn't pay for daycare. I guess the in home sitter has the advantage that they can charge per kid/per hour and essentially come up with what they deem a fair rate so in that sense I mean I guess if they see it as fair then so should I. /shrug.

Having issues with quoting, but thank you for the responses. LOL @ SquirrellyMama. We just put everything out at once, too, unless there isn't enough space. If there is dessert then that would come out last, though. My family tended to do salad last (the European way my dad would say) and main meal first, but with it all on the table at once when I grew up. If I ever decide to do appetizers I guess it wouldn't be that much work. Lately I've been eating hummus and naan bread (heated up bread) which I think would also work as an appetizer in lei if the chips or veggies with the dip.

What kind of appetizers are people having? I'm just curious. If we show up to eat at a family member's house they might have nuts out or we know we could dig in the cupboards if we absolutely had to, but it might look rude because we're not usually super early. Appetizers just seems like extra work, like above and beyond for a casual family meal. But if you put out cheese and crackers or a veggie tray I suppose that isn't so much work. I really only remember stuff like that on a holiday where we're potentially visiting all morning before the main meal. This thread made me think of Gilmore Girls. To me those family dinners are so formal. That's just not at all how our family is.

That was not the impression I got from the language used. "Shield" the money. "Save that individual money just for you" etc. My spouse would probably be highly offended if I suggested doing something like that based on conversations we've had about separate vs joint accounts.

This may not be the case in the scenario you describe, but not all staff is specially trained for child care. I worked in a day care very briefly (I worked there PT until I got a FT job elsewhere). I made peanuts. I think I made a hair less there than I had made at a fast food job. And I was expected to stay on site for my lunch and monitor the kids during nap time while I ate my food and cleaned up the tables from their snack time. I wasn't there a whole shift so it wasn't the end of the world, but not getting to "clock out" for my meal was annoying. Also we rotated bathroom duty so I ended up cleaning the toilet once a week.

I'm sure it happens, it was just that I was across town and got a call from dh basically saying, "we're about to eat. Everyone is waiting on you" because his side of the family was there and I was visiting my parents. We're always jumping back and forth between houses when we go visit for the holidays. I don't want to fill up on appetizers, but I would gladly try something if I was offered. Most dinners I attend are just between families, not a "dinner party" so maybe my comments aren't applicable. We're also in the habit of telling the kids not to eat because dinner is almost ready so I would have to be sneaky if I ate a snack before the meal lol.

When reading this thread the other day, I said to dh maybe people need disclaimers like they do with garage sales. No early birds, please! lol. Ugh that was the worst. We were setting up for a yard sale and some woman was super early trying to come inside my home! The sale it outdoors, not in my house! I honestly cannot imagine putting "don't come early" (not these exact words) in writing. I guess the only way I'd feel comfortable asking guests not to arrive early is if I had a "legit" reason -- we won't be home until x time. I don't expect cocktails or appetizers. Nope, that's just not something I've experienced. Of course you're talking to someone who was told "the turkey is coming out of the oven, we're about to eat" before I even got in the car when her in-laws' pushed Thanksgiving meal up because the new oven affected cook time?? We've also invited people over for dinner that insisted on BRINGING THE DINNER. So yeah, nothing SHOULD surprise me. Personally I prefer to eat shortly (10-15 min.) after arriving just because chances are I'm hungry! But if the meal time isn't late then waiting longer wouldn't be so bad.

I would not arrive early for a shower thinking that is the "game time" lol. I'm laughing for the same reason as marbel. This sounds so foreign to me. I wouldn't assume there are games at all, actually. Not every shower has games. I know it's popular to have games (how fast can you change a diaper, etc.) but I have been to a couple baby showers and they did not include games. I also remember a friend having a wedding shower and arriving early would not have been a good idea as she was still getting things ready. Even if I did expect games I wouldn't assume the other guests would show up early enough to warrant my early arrival. ETA: I realize that showers are usually thrown by other people, but I don't remember all the specifics. At the wedding shower we did play a game and she gave prizes to everyone.

Ugh! I would hate that. I am always cleaning or getting myself dressed before "show time." We had ds' birthday party recently and I was stressed about guests arriving a little early (although it was at a venue) since they caught me in the middle of setting out items and dh was in the midst of picking up the pizza. "Can I help? Where is your dh?" and I'm thinking, "am I that late??" We were given a window of time to decorate the room and were frantically trying to get it done in time. I declined help as I already had someone from the venue helping me and we were almost done.

You can make dairy-free buttercream. But I probably shouldn't say that in this thread. We are all regretting a lot of food choices we've made lately here. We made some better choices when we went grocery shopping the other day. I discovered while trying a hummus sampler that I love the beet hummus. I figure that's better than some of the snacks I could be eating. Maybe skip the cupcakes and bring something else? Fruit salad?

I don't think ds was familiar with the expression "Take Five." I bought a Take 5 candy bar. It had two pieces of chocolate and he said, "Take 5? More like take two!"

I always assume this will come up when it's time to do taxes. I don't know if anyone can hide anything like that. Maybe money in a shoe box lol.

We're finishing second grade and using Elemental History. I had wanted to finish it this year, but not sure if we will. It's intended for up to grade two, but I wouldn't worry too much about that description. If it holds your rising 3rd grader's interest I think it will be fine. There's a combination of geography and history. Optional read along material you can get at the library. You can see some samples on their website. I just bought a bunch of "Who was/What was ___?" books to go along with our history. Who Was Daniel Boone? Who Was Thomas Jefferson? What was the Declaration of Independence? and a few others.

Having computer issues so it's going to be too hard to quote, but OP, you said to me that you had dinner ready by 7:30 and the house mostly clean with 4 kids, but totally clean with just a couple. Well, I am just going to repeat it. I am telling you, not all of us manage a home that well. I fully admit I suck at certain things in the housewife/mom role. Just take my word for it. So don't assume everyone can have a perfect looking house just because they "only have two kids" or have a hot meal ready every night because you did. You said most of us have cared for a household sans kids. Well, I hardly did that since I was pregnant when we got married and moved into our first home together. I struggled then and I struggle now. I was working long hours at the time not home all day like a SAHW, but still. Some of us are just better at traditional domestic roles than others. I was never taught to cook or clean, really. I never changed a diaper til I had my son. I think you are factoring money into a lot of your responses. You are missing my point. I see value in a volunteer fire fighter because they are helping people. I am not disputing that they can't get a raise and that they can't get criticized for not having money from that role. These are two separate things to me, not one in the same. I don't value someone or something because of the monetary value. Steve Buscemi helped his old fire dept. unit after the 9/11 attacks. I'm sure the people he helped didn't care about his income or that of any of the other volunteers. Most people love their pets, but their pets do not offer money and unless they have a hunting dog or a dog for the blind, etc. then their animal might not offer much more than companionship/love. And is that not valuable to some people? You said you never took a penny so your significant other knew you were not in it for the money. There are two ways I could read that line. Because you didn't take any money, it was obvious you weren't in it for the money. Or you deliberately avoided taking any money as to not be accused of being in it for the money. Which is it? Because who cares if you did take a penny? Is it your own opinion or others that you care about if you do? Risk for the children makes it worth it for the SAHM to not work? I would think the opposite. That the SAHM would have more to lose because if she isn't working she may not have a good resume or up-to-date skills and then be left in pretty bad shape if her spouse left her. You could really look at the scenario either way. Not all moms value breastfeeding or staying close to home, either. I probably would have made a pretty terrible SAHM when ds was born. I barely handled weekends without dh (he worked weekends) for a while there. I flip flop on my feelings about being a SAHM right now to be honest.

I think it's funny how some of us are trying to list things the woman may do so that we aren't picturing her staying home and/or not doing much. I was trying to defend the SAHW because I do think there are lots of things they could be doing, but ultimately if they are sitting around the house watching soaps and eating bon bons, is it my business or affecting me? I could binge watch Netflix and still want my spouse home before dinner is cold. That's not the point. The point is some people will use this question and prefer it to less subtle/common questions.

This is subjective I think. I might be self-conscious that someone brought up my American accent while I struggled to speak a second language, regardless of whether it was put in that context. My goal would be to hide my accent in an attempt to sound closer to a native speaker.

Oh I don't automatically think people are being rude when they ask where I'm from. It depends if they scrunch up their face or give a knowingly nod that makes it awkward. Yes, people sometimes do it to exclude. So they can call you a yankee or something behind your back. I'm not a Yankee and don't think I've been called one, that's just an example. Dh has been told a few nasty things just because we're from a different part of the state. There's a huge cultural difference in some parts of the state vs others. I luckily have had mostly pleasant encounters when meeting new people. One of the funniest questions I've gotten here (a number of times) with strangers is, "are you a teacher?" because Teach For America teachers come here.

This thread reminds me of something I read that essentially said be humble, we all get the same size grave.