We all have varying degrees of curly heads in our home (mom, dad, 3 kids).
Some things I've learned:
-I never brush my hair, I only run my fingers through it (but it is thin and fine, so it's easy) and do the scrunch thing to make it curlier (it's not quite shoulder length)
-brushing it tends to straighten out the curls in a bad way, and make it frizzy
-I do use shampoo and conditioner (organic), and also rub a few drops of lavender oil through my hair after towel drying to keep it from frizzing
-a small amount (drop the size of a quarter) of olive oil also is nice
-I did read that curly hair book, and went shampoo-free for about a year...it does develop a sort of coating that makes it feel like you have product in it (in a good way), but it make my scalp flakier so I was always maintaining that end of things.
-the kids do use a brush, as they just get too many tangles...it's just a regular brush with those little plastic balls on the ends of the metal bristles
-if your daughter wants it short, be VERY careful who cuts her hair...curly hair is hard to cut, and stylists consistently underestimate how much it will spring up once the weight of the hair is gone. More than once I've ended up looking like one of those da Vinci cherubs...nice blond, wispy halo...manageable as an adult, but as a kid I was mistaken for a boy more than once (cue the "were you ever bullied" thread).
-stylists love curly hair and can get excited about using some creative license. This can be fantastic, as you have a great hair-do for the day, but it's very hard to replicate (at least it always has been for me to do).
-we use a squirt bottle to mist the hair on days we're not washing, and brush or scrunch
Hope this is helpful!