UPDATE: Caseworker came yesterday. She has been contacting the relatives weekly, unable to get an answer about whether they are going to pursue placement of Squishy or not. I really do feel for them. Can you really deny a child, the child of your brother? And yet, they get that he has been here for 15 months, that we can provide well for him, that we can do all the therapies, the surgery, etc. We have also offered openness (seriously, a child cannot have too many people loving them and what did the extended family do wrong?). Anyway, the supervisor has said that they can give the family til the end of the month. That will make it just over 3 months from their initial call--a good faith try to give them an opportunity to make a decision. It also gives them an out. They don't *have* to say no to trying to get him. They can just let time run out. And they will STILL get the call about the new baby (I will badger the new baby's caseworker like crazy until that call is made because I'm not going to be sitting in THIS position a year from now about yet another child!). Nov 2nd, if they haven't said otherwise, the caseworker will send off our subsidy paperwork. We will have missed the deadline to make it for National Adoption Day. Our lawyer says to keep her in the loop, that maybe she can pull some strings. We'll see. We actually have another little hiccup to slow things down slightly. Our agency is closing AND we moved. So our current agency is doing the update on our homestudy from our move so the caseworker will have a homestudy done within 30 days and that is accurate for the subsidy negotiation. But our new agency will do the official homestudy for the adoption itself. She said that she can come do it on the 1st or the 7th depending on when she gets the files from our current agency. If it was done the 1st, we may well be able to push through for National Adoption Day if the subsidy negotiation is done in time. We'll just have to see :) Anyway, so that is the update :)

UGH. That is horrible. Honestly, she is in deep doo-doo if that dog bites someone since she is well aware he has aggressive tendencies. It is likely a combination of fear and being undisciplined, but possibly true aggression also. But it should NOT be allowed. But being family, you will really have a hard time getting them to listen. If it were a stranger, you could say, "I don't want to cause you any trouble, but that dog is a true nuisance, possibly a danger. If I see him on my property again, I'll be calling the county." You have to decide if you want to hardline it like that with family. EEK. It really is unfair for family to take advantage the way they have. It is really unfair to the dog to not have him properly trained and kept up with. The dog would be happier if this was handled. And you'd stop complaining to them. It is a win for EVERYONE if they will just handle their dog correctly (or give him to someone who can). And then there is the sad reality that there may be something wrong with him and that they'll have difficulty finding a capable and responsible owner for him. <sigh> I'm so sorry. It really is unfair to everyone right now. I would search myself for the strength to be "the meanie."

I could say for all my kids but I wouldn't be surprised to get one wrong either. I would be surprised if it were more than one. Not bad for 8 kids. :) I always find it odd when parents of our foster kids buy things some odd size though. I guess I figure that if they plan to buy things for the kids, they could easily look on the inside of their shirt (or shoes or whatever) and see what size they are wearing. Or they could ask. What is the point of buying just random sizes (Size 4T for a petite 14month old, for example)? My girls' biomom buys them shoes very regularly and NEVER are they the right size which is what I cite when I don't send them on visits with those shoes. Why not check what size they wear or at least get the next smaller size next time? They will have a TON of shoes in a year though :) So even if y'all don't usually know your children's sizes, I would guess you figure it out before you are buying them stuff...

UPDATE: My lawyer contacted the CPS supervisor to ask what is happening regarding the out-of-state relative. Basically, the CPS supervisor also contacted them after court and they still haven't shown any real interest in pursuing placement (and it has now been 4 additional weeks since court). My lawyer asked if that means we can proceed with the adoption. The supervisor was unsure. She thought maybe they needed to get the judge's permission in order to do so. So that was my lawyer's update she left on my voicemail yesterday (I didn't catch the phone). I called back and left a voicemail in reply. I told her I thought two things should happen: 1) The supervisor should just straight up ask the family if they have any intention on pursuing placement of Squishy. If they say no, then we're in the clear and can just go about life. 2) If she can't get a straight answer, then a hearing should be requested for the judge to make a ruling or give direction. The next scheduled hearing isn't until FEBRUARY which would be ridiculous to wait for. I think the family probably originally called regarding the new baby (biomom is preggo). They didn't push the issue originally because they were talking about an unborn child. They accidentally caused this hoopla about Squishy. Maybe then they had some interest but between his "issues" and the fact that we've had him so long (so can fight for him), they don't really care to pursue placement of him. But they don't likely realize they are holding up his permanency by not being upfront and clear that they aren't interested in pursuing placement of him. Anyway, so we wait.

For the past four and a half years, we have rented a home from a family. Basically, the man went to another state for work. Family wanted to be with him for obvious reasons. They put an ad on CL. The had a few people come look at the home. They chose us. They have been back twice in those four and a half years. We send the money through the bank each month (we both use the same bank so it is easy to transfer funds). For minor things, we handled the repairs. For big things, we discussed and then I sent him the receipt (he usually paid via card over the phone but a few times we just took it from the rent). It has been great. But I can see how it could be much more stressful. Fact is that you don't know who you will be getting in your home. You don't know that it will be well taken care of. You don't know that you'll get that money each month. Had we left, we would gladly have helped with finding new renters. And we're bending over backwards to help him sell this place though we had wanted to stay. In the end, we have both been blessed by the relationship. Now on to new situations for both families (they bought a home where they live now and we move in a week to a bigger place with a way to get the baby out of my room <smile>). But I am grateful for the last four years. ETA: I don't necessarily suggest doing it the way we all did it. Again, it could have worked out significantly differently. Our new landlord has a property manager through Century 21.

I have considered a dutch door (would work for the top, not the bottom). Thankfully, he will rarely be upstairs. The master and his nursery are on the first floor as is the bigger toy/young kids' playroom. Not gating is not a choice for two reasons: First, as foster parents, we have to follow the rules so need gates. Second, this baby is already wearing me out. I would wither away to absolutely nothing if I couldn't at least block the stairs. I'm already *very* concerned about giving him freedom of the downstairs considering he has me running after him and his getting into things non-stop now when I have him contained to one room the great majority of the time.

Our new home is two stories. I'm freaking out about baby gates. Please tell me which is the best and why.

Thanks y'all. My fear, in the case of my child, is that we have gone to such an extreme to make sure NOTHING ever happens, that even normal stuff CAN"T happen, that he can't figure out even normal preschooler type stuff. So yeah, we've made it where he can't X or Y (the extremes), but we also made it where he can't A, B or C either, things we see EVERY other child try. I have *really* struggled with the level of supervision and structure my one child requires. Every child over the age of two gets therapy at least long enough to determine if it is necessary and/or helpful. The one child is back in therapy again, doing a new kind of therapy with someone new. And we chose providers with more education and experience. Child also is medicated and has an additional psychologist on the side as well as has seen the same primary provider for years. We are definitely trying to cover our bases in order to make sure that we are helping him the best we can. And our religion supports appropriate medical interventions. No one is judging us for doing any of these things.

This may have been addressed in some recent threads, but I can't keep up with all of them. At what point does normal cross into pathological? For example, a 16yo is abusing his sister s8xu@!!y, but what about the 10yo doing a similar act? or the 6yo? For the first example, when we see the 3yo doing it, we may say it is exploration. We redirect and whatever. But you supervise a little more, using teaching moments, etc, right? But if he did it again at 6 and 9, is it different? At what point do you have a Josh Duggar situation that needs to be addressed differently? And how? It is so easy for us to look back and say they should have done something and what they did do was not enough. But at what point should they not have allowed him to play unsupervised with the other kids? And to what degree? Do you check every few minutes? Do you put up cameras? Do you put an alarm on the door? At what point, should they have gone to counseling? Again, I think it is so easy to say it should be different and more should have been done. But in the moment, it seems like you walk the line between over-reacting and not doing enough. For example, we had this one sibling group at one time. The one child was bigger than anyone else but probably the most immature of the group. He had such a sweet heart. And he was the most fun to play with because he had a wild imagination. The kids loved him despite his social issues. He had some sensitivities and a temper. He also had seen some stuff and been through some stuff. So do you let this child play with the other kids when you can't directly supervise him? Do you just deal with the aftermath? For how long? Does it matter if he was 3 or 8 or 12? Obviously, you keep using teachable moments and do social skills training and connect with him and and and. But each time you loosen the reins, he does something over the top mean eventually. But where it is obvious you must keep the 15yo version from bullying, possibly severely hurting, someone, what do you do with the 6yo version or the 10yo version? You don't know if that is even the path he is on. He seems so young. Maybe he isn't a sociopath in the making, just an immature little kid. And the therapies (OT and play) helped somewhat and probably will more. But do you risk the next punch, push, stab with a dinosaur tail? Anyway, this is something we've dealt with. It is actually something I'm very sensitive to because a family member seemed borderline in these ways (both) as a child. He "did things." But he was young. And some things are normal to an extent. And you can't really (and should you?) be in your elementary kid's face all the time. The behavior escalated and was definitely inappropriate. And yet, he also turned out okay, a normal functioning member of society who has a very normal life, is not an abuser, etc. He just "did things" more and to a greater extent and later than I guess I would consider normal. I have a kid who is "grumpy" and pushes the envelope sometimes. I think because of my family member and the child's past, I'm hypervigilant, maybe to an unhealthy degree. Or maybe I'm protecting other people in ways they should be, in ways I should have been. I'm really trying to process this all. Obviously, recent events give a nice jumping off spot for a real discussion. The problem really seems to be that we don't want to parent in fear, guessing that every temper tantrum a child throws at 2 is indicative of him being an out of control 25yo. But we want to address things appropriately along the way...but when and how seems a bit unclear. We all just know that in the end we don't want OUR child to be like the parents of the kids I get each year or to be like Josh Duggar or.....

We were approved for a house. It is in McKinney, Texas. I know NOTHING about McKinney, but it cuts hubby's drive in half, the price was right, the house has a way to do 7 bedrooms, and we're happy :) Soooo many other things positive have happened because of this; but it is too much for me to explain. I will say that I think I'm stronger spiritually than ever now. Amazing, really! Anyway, no word about Wyatt's uncle or new sibling. Just waiting....But he is going to have the cutest little nursery in the new house! LOL ETA: I do have a question. Obviously we have a pretty large family. Our new pantry is about half (if that) of what we have now. Any ideas that really work well on pantry organization when space is limited?

I'm 40. Wyatt is 1. Wyatt's biomom is pregnant (due in a couple months) and we would be willing to accept the baby if need be. Baby will be our 7th or 9th depending on how you count it. I'll be 41 by the end of the year. It is what it is :) It does sound like there are health concerns with physically carrying and birthing a child. Might be something to consider. But there is more than one way to have a baby :)

CASA talked to them. They didn't ask what was next but CASA told them CPS would be in contact with them. CASA did tell them his issues, specialists, and therapists. She also said that he is doing so well because of us. So we wait. Thanks for all the support still :) We send so many kids to where they are supposed to be; but SOME kids are *supposed to be* here! Squishy most certainly is supposed to be here. Family is family and blood isn't the only way to make a family.

Thanks y'all. Still no word. The CASA worker was going to call them yesterday. I don't know if that happened or what happened with it. My guess is that 1) she wasn't able to call, 2) she wasn't able to get them, 3) nothing big happened because of it. Its gonna be a process, I'd guess. Hopefully a fairly short one.

Get the eval for peace of mind. However, I just had this talk with the speech therapist yesterday because of a friend of mine. At 24 months, they are looking for 15-20 words or word representations like car sounds for car. Your kiddo has that. Add pointing, grunting, signs, etc and you're golden. From 2-3, the explosion of speech is amazing. You'll be thinking how silly you worried soon as you're telling him to hush a minute :) But get the eval for peace of mind. They will also be able to catch if there is anything else going on that you should address. And it certainly isn't going to hurt to address it if he did qualified even if he was going to catch up in three months anyway.

No. I was surprised to find out that our speech therapist (does feeding therapy and vital stim with Wyatt) rents out houses and hoped to get one here. I got excited for a minute. But it doesn't look like that will pan out right now. It did cross my mind that our landlord may be unreasonable in what he hopes to get for the house so maybe we won't have to move? Maybe something will work out.... Or we will be very blessed by our next place :)

So I posted a few days ago what is happening with Squishy (Wyatt). There should be more information available this evening about that situation. On top of that, his biomom is pregnant <sigh>. Trying not to borrow trouble to early, but worried about Peanut/SweetPea who is helpless in this situation until born. My girls are likely going home to a bad situation in September. BUT NOW.....My landlord called my hubby Monday night and told him that he is selling the house. Seriously? After I finally decided that I just did not want to move (had considered it to get a bigger place). I like our house and landlord. Our street is great. Our neighbors are beyond awesome! The subdivision is great. I don't wanna go. And our rental situation was a SWEET deal which makes moving extra hard because we will have to pay significantly more :( Of course, we weren't PLANNING to move so not really ready for it either. So that is an additional stress. Just a lot of stress all at once. Hopefully after all this resolves, I could go drama free for a little while :)

I really appreciate y'all's support. Obviously we've said goodbye to many children. It always hurts, of course. But most of the time it is expected. This is a shock :(

Sooooo, I hesitated putting this here because, though y'all have been sooooo supportive of me in our journey, I don't post very often anymore. But.... Thursday was ideally going to be the adoption day for our perfectly wonderful baby Wyatt (generally known as Squishy). HOWEVER, a few weeks ago, a family member from another state stepped forward during the 90days after the termination of parental rights, a time set aside for certain family members to come forward. They had never contacted the department any other time during the case. They never called the department back after leaving that initial voicemail. After 3 weeks, the department finally called them back. At that time, they were told of Squishy's medical and developmental issues, that he has been with us since he left the hospital, and that we were legally able to (and would!) fight for him. They were also told we would be open to ongoing communication post-adoption. They said they would discuss it. They haven't call back yet. Of course, we will fight. CPS, CASA, lawyer, and I already have a game plan. And it is very possible that won't be necessary (that the family will either be unable or unwilling to do what is required or will otherwise be disqualified). But for now, our lives stay on hold <sigh>. If we lose him, the SOONEST they could take him is February. We have never had a ICPC go that fast, but supposedly most could be done that fast. So he'll be 19months old. Obviously, we have given him the very best start he could possibly have so he will be as equipped as he could be to handle that trauma. How wrong to do to this little guy though. But these people contacted CPS less than a month before our intended adoption date! Anyway, as many of y'all know, we lost our "Sweet Little Monkey" in February 2013 to fictive kin in another state, her fifth home, something no toddler should be expected to endure. She was later diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The family has since stopped responding to my emails (I still send them things I think of here and there as I'm strong enough to do so). Losing her forever changed my husband and me. The wrongful loss of a child who is being harmed by being ripped away from her family for no good reason is greater than anything you can imagine. Please don't let this happen again.

I think it probably depends on location. In many places, DFPS or the bio parents are the ones to sign. In Texas, I can sign for just about anything. I rarely have to ask permission for something. It's usually just informing them (which I wouldn't even do in terms of signing a liability form for a co-op though they would know the child was in a co-op through documentation).

Bonnie, I just hope your co-op class is more cooperative than mine was. Even after speaking with the parents, we had significant issues. The kids were supposed to come to me for lab (and I gladly would have answered some questions) after doing the work at home. Out of 14 students, I assure you TWO regularly did the work (one being my own, of course). So my lab time was eaten up with having to teach the lesson they should have done at home, with parents, whatever.

Wish I knew.....

We have done years of articulation therapy (no language delay) for my son who came to me (as a foster child at 3) only speaking in vowels. He has had hearing tests every 3-6 months the last four years, got tubes at 4. He was released from speech therapy at the end of May after the therapist has pushed to have him qualify the last two times. I can't understand most of what he says on a normal basis. He has to REALLY enunciate and slow down to do it. My baby's therapist said it's Apraxia and we have now gotten the ball rolling for him to have therapy with her. She expects that he will make quick progress. She also said it will help his reading and writing! YAY! I don't know. But that is my experience so far.

Your daughter is 8? It is SUPPOSED to be noticeable at 8. Seriously, I wouldn't dream of bringing it up with a child under 12, at very least. Otherwise, when they ask, they get to. No biggie.

I really don't know. I waffle between wanting a "tiny home" (adjusted for family size) and wanting a big house. I would LOVE at LEAST another living area and one more bedroom. That would put us at about 2500 sq ft, I think. We've looked at several 4000 sq ft homes. But then I think, "but we so don't need that!" When we went on vacation in September, we had a cabin that was about 350 sq ft and it was awesome. Hubby is less sure about tiny living and doesn't want to pay for a big house. And our house works. We normally have 10 people. We often have an "extra." But my two oldest are looking at moving out soon (Sept).