A trauma therapist sounds like a good idea. Such a horrible thing to happen. I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry. Holding you all in my thoughts, especially your dd and her boyfriend’s family.

I’m so sorry, Mercy. You gave Sunny such a good life, and she clearly knew you loved her. She was a very lucky little bird, and a very special one.

This is me too. I’m far better off with no medication than with Sudafed. So, I guess just make sure the meds you take are helpful to you, personally. Otherwise, I’d go for a comfortable recliner or sofa, an undemanding book or tv, and maybe some hot tea or bouillon. The Twinings or Bigelow “Sleepy Time” tea really does help me relax, and hot drinks feel good to me when I have a sore throat. I hope you feel better soon.

I’m so very sorry.

Thinking of little Sunny and all of you this evening.

Thinking of you all. I wish I had some helpful advice.

Does she ask you to facilitate social interactions? Is this something she wants? At her age, my dd with autism was pulling back from social situations with friends her own age, which were getting complicated in ways she wasn't ready to manage. They weren't making her happy; they were a source of severe stress. She's found her people, though, as she became active in groups focused on an activity she loves. She still doesn't text them. She sees them at scheduled events, as in, every Thursday at 6. They aren't her own age. But she comes out to the car glowing as she tells me about how they sat around and chatted after finishing the formal program. She's happy and not just functional in that context: she's excelling among neurotypical peers. If your dd wants to text her friends, or use whatever app is best, then by all means carry on. But not everyone's happiest sociability looks the same.

Poor Sunny, I hope she shows signs of improvement soon. You're doing everything possible. Holding you all in my thoughts.

A great update: when dd emailed her professor, the prof responded quickly and positively to her request for a meeting about the class. This afternoon, when dd arrived for the meeting, she didn't even have to ask for an independent study next semester. Her professor suggested it, and dd said the prof sounded excited about it. Dd Is happy and relieved, and looking forward to what they can do. And this is why dd loves her department, even though the school might not be a perfect match. It's small enough that she knows all her professors well, and they know her. She's getting an incredible amount of personal attention. So, imperfect situations can still be good.

Bumping in case others are interested

On my phone, I go through the three horizontal lines in the upper right hand corner. Touch "Browse," then "Clubs." The most recently active clubs are on top.

Before the most recent board format change, there was a social group. I'm not aware of it being active since then. I wonder how much interest there would be in a new one. ETA that at the moment my interest is in the older teen/young adult/launching-or-not issues. Anyone else?

Holding you all in my thoughts. I'm so sorry.

Thinking of your mom and your whole family.

I don't know, but I can suggest that she investigate that option. Thanks. She's contacted her professor and has an appointment next week to talk about the situation. We're hoping that an independent study turns out to be possible next fall. She really appreciated everyone's advice!

Yes! It's this exactly. Is there anything the prepared student could do to make it less awful?

It's a language class. She's had a strong background in other languages, but is a beginner in this one, which isn't required for her major but is strongly recommended for grad school admissions. The other students are probably just trying to satisfy a language requirement, which will require them to continue for at least one more semester. After that, dd will probably be the only one continuing, which will mean independent study. Thank you! This is what dd was hoping to hear. It's a combination of things. The situation in class is just painful. The three others who turn up to class are good friends and sit together. They prefer to work with each other, but one of them is always stuck with dd, whom they otherwise ignore. They're perfectly polite, I think, but they are comfortable with each other. When they trade papers with dd, they say things like "It's probably all wrong," and, indeed, it is largely wrong. Dd's left trying to figure out how much to offer corrections, how much to encourage, etc. Teaching them isn't her job, and wouldn't be appropriate, but she can't interact with them on an equal footing. When the prof asks questions, dd says no one answers. So, eventually, she does, but she doesn't want to always be the one answering, so she sits there and tries to figure out the least painful interval for answering vs leaving the question hanging. She's had plenty of classes with a big discrepancy between a few students who work hard and many who don't. It's harder, though, when she's the only one on the spot, expected to get things right. She's started to feel that she'll disappoint the prof if she makes a mistake. There have been times when she's said that she has trouble with one thing or another, and the professor, who's trying to be pleasant and complimentary, says "Oh, surely not." But she genuinely does have a relative lack of experience in that area, and she could use help, but everyone else needs help more. And the offhand comment which was intended to be nice ends up making her feel like she can't disappoint her professor, but she also can't get help. In short, it's mostly her temperament, but the situation doesn't help.

This is at a selective university, but not the most selective in our state. I agree she should be at a different school, but she was waitlisted at one of those, and the other was much more expensive. She chose to avoid debt and save some of her college money for grad school. Changing schools isn't really possible. She's finishing her second year, but had finished almost all her gen ed requirements before starting, and would need to spend a lot more time doing different classes in order to transfer. We looked into that last year.

No, not really competitive, though grad school admissions will be. The other students are probably there for gen ed requirements, which is probably why they don't care about the class much. She absolutely does try to lie low, but when you're exchanging papers on a daily basis with five or six others (mostly with just the three others who turn up to class), staying camouflaged is impossible.

This is something I've suggested, but dd has thought there wasn't anything the professor could do. And it seems like an awkward conversation, like she's complaining about the other students, or about the class not being right for her, or something. But really, it is just reality which is obvious to both of them, so I'll suggest it again, thanks.

This is quite likely true. One possible idea dd has had, though, is to request an independent study class for next semester. She's queasy about asking a busy professor to essentially teach two versions of the same class, though, and uncertain if the school would even permit it. It's probably a hugely inappropriate request. But-- the two classes would end up being completely different. So-- I don't know.

Does anyone have suggestions on handling a situation where one student in a very small class (fewer than ten students) is far ahead of the others in the subject matter? I'm having a hard time describing how tortuous this situation is. I hope someone here can relate. Dd19 is the outlier, and she's finding it excruciating. She is naturally gifted in her subject area, and she has a very solid background in allied material which the other students lack. But she also has a strong work ethic. She works hard, because going to class unprepared is anathema to her. She's not just skating through the course without needing to work; she puts in hours of preparation. Literally half of her classmates attend class erratically and make little effort. The other half is split between two who attend, but are frequently unprepared, and one who works hard but struggles with the material. The class typically involves exchanging homework to go over in pairs. Dd's work is always done, usually with minor errors. Others either haven't done their work or have major difficulties. There's no one she can exchange with without being conspicuously better prepared. The three others who attend regularly are all good friends. Dd had hoped to make friends in the class, but finds it absolutely miserable to always be the person who is showing the others up. She spends class agonizing over how long she should go between answering questions, because she always knows the answers and the others don't, but she doesn't want to be conspicuous. She just wants to blend in, which is impossible. Her professor (who is also her advisor; the subject is part of her major) has told her she appreciates that dd's always prepared, but is also showing signs of fatigue with the situation. She's teaching to the majority of the class, which is reasonable, but leaves dd with little to do. The professor has suggested that "anyone who is bored" practice basic, formulaic material which is essentially busywork. Dd really likes her professor. She knows the professor is very busy, and she's uncomfortable because she's starting to feel like her presence in the class is a problem to her professor. The structure of the program means that another semester like this is inevitable. Dd has developed serious anxiety about the class. One solution would be for dd to just stop putting in effort, but she's not going to do that. She is planning on grad school, so she needs to both master the material and have the grades to prove it. Besides, she just isn't capable of not preparing. She also isn't capable of just not caring. She feels completely isolated and conspicuous and as if her presence in the class is a problem for everyone. Is this a problem that the professor should fix, or is this primarily a problem of dd's anxiety? If you had a disparity between students like this in your class, how would you want the better-prepared student to handle it? I'll be grateful for any suggestions.

I'm so very sorry. I do think you're doing the right thing. Sending lots of hugs.

Yikes. Somebody made some bad decisions.