GWOB
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Posts posted by GWOB
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Oh man! I never knew that when I got that super awesome mosquito bite right in the middle of my forehead that I was trendy! Sweet!
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I have to admit that I too thought you were looking for info to talk to your son. I did not assume that he was coming to you with the interest and wondered what his opinion on the matter was. So, I don't think anyone was trying to insult you, just trying to get the necessary information.
I also come from a family with military on both sides. But, it has always been ROTC, or in one case the Air Force Academy. Would he have any interest in trying for ROTC? Could that motivate him at all? I think the military is a great option for the right person. The career of an officer offers many opportunities.
Just to clarify (and get a chip off my enlisted shoulder), you do NOT have to be an officer in the military to make something of your life. Enlisted guys work darn hard too. Many earn real, respectable college degrees while in the military. Enlisted people can be hard-working, intelligent, respectable people too. My enlisted chief (E-7) dh got the exact same job right out of the Navy as many officers.
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The military is a great way to go. Well, the Navy is cool. Everyone else is lame:tongue_smilie:. (Military branches just have to make fun of one another)
First, I would have your son research the different jobs offered in each branch. There are so many different fields he could go into.
Next, take the ASVAB. That will specify what rates (Navy)/jobs he qualifies for in various branches. And don't just talk to one branch! Talk to recruiters for different branches. He may qualify for different jobs in different branches.
I would highly, HIGHLY recommend securing your rate/non-Navy job (whatever it is called) IN WRITING before your son signs anything.
Both dh and I were enlisted Navy. We were in the nuclear field, which attracts cynical people who complain a lot, but honestly, we owe everything we are and have now to the Navy. We both went to college thanks to the MGIB. We met so many different people and had so many great experiences. The military is what you make it to be. It isn't always easy, but if you play your cards right, it can take you so far. My parents could have never afforded college. The Navy paid for much of my education. Dh was not ready to go to college at 18. Because of the Navy, he has a B.S. in Nuclear Engineering and Engineering Physics from a top 50 school.
You will get no chastisement from me for considering the military for your son. It builds character and can provide great opportunities if you play your cards right. Please feel free to contact me if you decide to pursue this path. I can provide help if your son is leaning towards the Navy.
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I have always called my dh either Daddy or my beloved.
But from here on out, I'm bestowing the title of The Sperminator upon him.
Better yet, let's make it very formal and regal official sounding:
The Beloved Big Daddy Sperminator
That would be appropriate in your case:tongue_smilie::lol:.
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I knew a woman who went on and on about how her dh was her soulmate, and I have to tell you, it was incredibly annoying.
I probably shouldn't admit it, but both my dh and I laughed a few months later when we heard that the "soulmates" were getting a divorce. :tongue_smilie:
I'm mean. I totally would have laughed too:lol:!
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I only call dh "lover", and various other names I will not share;) to his face. No one needs to be reminded that we still brew teA. I think the 3 kids are a dead giveaway.
I too cringe when I hear the "soulmate" crud. Dh is my sanity-keeper. He keeps me out of jail and mental institutions. That's much cooler than "soulmate".:tongue_smilie:
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Just jumping on the Tibbie-love bandwagon.
Look, homeschooling is hard. It just is. I know I have to be just a little bit insane to keep on doing this.
Most people here are incredibly supportive. We've been there. We have all had bad days/weeks/months/years. We all have times we just want to either ship the little people of to school or ship ourselves off to the insane asylum. We have a right to whine and complain (which I don't think you were doing) because homeschooling is hard. It's ok to admit that you are having a hard time. I get so much comfort (not in an evil way) when I read about other people's struggles. It's nice to know that all homeschooling families do not resemble those over-the-top blogs and magazine articles. It is real. It is hard. Your feelings are valid.
And a HUGE woohoo for turning the corner!!! Good for you!
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1. If you had an NPD parent, was there a lot of yelling and screaming in your house?
2. How was/is your NPD with pets?
There was always yelling. Yelling so loud the neighbors would call the cops on my parents. And my parents would use me as a go-between when they were fighting. "Go tell your dad to go to he!!." "Go tell your mom she's a fat b!tch." I would be on the lawn crying while they were fighting and they would start yelling at me for being dramatic.
Pets. We had a few pets. Once they bought me a puppy when I was 4. Since I didn't take responsibility for my puppy (because I was 4!!!) they dumped him off in the woods. We had a poodle/pekinese mix for 5 years. I took care of that dog's needs. When he got out and was killed, my mom blamed me, sat in her closet for hours crying, and told me I was so stupid I would end up getting someone killed with my stupidity. She has a dog now, a little teacup poodle. She likes trendy dogs. Whatever. I'm sure when this one dies it will be my fault too.
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:iagree: And this has played out in the other relationships with friends I have attracted that are NPD. Person makes sniper comments that take you off guard and leave you breathless...Person denies their wrongs when confronted because they do know wrong.. Person takes advantage of your boundaries even when you were explicitly clear and turns it around in your face... What is my response? Maybe if I did this...that wouldn't have happened or If I say it this way, than maybe I will be heard.
I finally have realized that wth, why am I working so hard to make this work when it. isn't. me. People who are not NPD don't treat you this way. It isn't this much work. Best thing my friend ever said to me, "Don't you have enough respect for yourself to stop putting up with that treatment?" Whoa...did I have to process that. No, I never even thought about it in those terms.
When you are busy in the trenches dodging the bullets..that isn't what you are thinking at. all. It is a sick, twisted relationship. The person you call mom, dad, friend can be charming, can make promises, can be nice. You live for those moments knowing though, at any moment you will get shot again, when you least expect it. In the worst way possible. You can never predicate what that way will be. Still, you try desperately to win their approval. Worse, you think that is normal.
Love this by J.J. Heller:
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Thank God, I married someone who has helped me see what love really means.
Oh man! The Emotional Guerrilla Warfare! You think they've finally learned boundaries, finally changed, then they stage an ambush and run away with an innocent look on their face. When you cut off contact, again, they tell everyone how hurtful/mean/evil/psychotic/crazy you are, liberally lying to make them look like the poor innocent victim. Then you start to think that maybe it was your fault, like you were raised to believe. It takes years to finally let go of that guilt-the guilty feeling that somehow you caused you mom to be crazy and if you we're just a little bit more_____ then mom would be ok.
And I get the whole "my parent doesn't like me" thing. A couple of years ago my mom told me "My biggest parenting regret is that I never fixed your teeth." Really? You are most sorry about the fact that I'm not pretty enough for you? You're not sorry for all those times you beat the crap out of me? The times I, at the age of 4, walked down the street alone to get your pot? You're not sorry for grabbing my thighs and telling me to go on a diet? Not sorry for telling me my dh would leave me if I got fat? Not sorry for the years of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse? And all the other crap you put me through? You're just sorry I'm not pretty enough. Bless your overweight, psychotic little heart.
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:iagree:
OMG! You live in Paris and agree with my nuclear power post?!?! Girl, give me your number!!!
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My oldest dd was in cheerleading for exactly one season. I do not consider myself a conservative Christian or a prude, but a few months was enough for me. I am totally against the trend of over-sexualizing our little girls. Seriously, do little girls need to be imitating sexual moves? Now, I do consider Cheerleading to be a sport. Those ladies are powerful! But really, do 4yos-14-yos needs to be imitating sexual acts? NO!!! When my dd was in cheerleading, she was 5. She was supposed to be out there saying stupid things and shaking her pom-poms, not her a$$. She was 5!!! Thank God this kid never wanted to continue with Cheerleading. Though I was by far the youngest parent there, I found it disgusting that these 45yo women with 5yo dds just wanted to live vicariously through their young dds. They wanted to relive their high school days where everyone thought they were cute and sexy.BARF! We are talking 5yos here!
Basically, I think you should probably shift your dds into pure gymnastics, unless you can find a less skanky Cheerleading program.
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Milovany,
I find your posts so loving. Really and truly I do. :)
:iagree: she is a dear! I know her IRL. :DSeriously, that woman needs to stop posting! She is making me want to convert right this second to the EO church!
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As a professing "Christian", the whole definition of Christian just blows my mind.There is just so much baggage attached to that term (for me).
I was christened Catholic. My parents raised me FLAMING Southern Baptist. I left the Church for a while before finding my home in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. I've pretty much been there, done that in the Christian spectrum.
Look, if you follow Jesus, your are a Christian. That includes Mormons, JWs, Catholics, EOs, Methodists, Pentecostals, Presbyterians, Evangelicals, Episcopalians, whatever. Jesus is the key to Christianity, hence the term "Christian", ya know, referring to Christ and all that;).Everything else is just gravy. And I say that as a confessional Lutheran who recites either the Apostle's or Nicene Creed every Sunday. Who cares about the details? It's about Jesus!
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Is that what it is?! I've got Polish on dh's side and Lithuanian on my dad's side. I feel an Eastern European vibe here.
Not just Eastern European! My family is about 95% French and they kiss everyone and their grandma:lol:. Dh's family is mostly of German origin and they would never dream of kissing each other. It is so weird to me to hang out with his family. They are so quiet and reserved. My Cajun French family is so loud, kissy, and touchy.
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My husband's now-deceased Polish grandma WOULD NOT kiss anywhere other than right on the lips. No matter how you tried to duck it or turn away from it, that thing was coming in for a landing, man, and you better gird yourself. It would last for a long time too.
:lol: Oh man does that sound so much like so many of my non-English-speaking Great Aunts!!! Gosh I miss those ladies!
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Well, growing up in south Louisiana, we always had 3 days off for Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday. A local parish took off for the Crawfish Festival, which is a huge event in the area. If you think about it, most school districts align their Spring Breaks to Easter. And shall we mention the usual 2 weeks off for Christmas? So it's not just Jewish holidays that are celebrated, though I suspect that in that particular area there is a high concentration of Jewish people who wouldn't show up for school even if there was regularly scheduled school.
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And the Mommy wars have now hit the issue of affection in families. . .
:lol: Seriously! Just my family, and I include aunts, great-uncles, and third-cousins, kiss on the mouth doesn't mean I think check-kissers or exclusive huggers are weird. I think/know my family is weird, but I like weird;). To each their own.
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I kinda have an issue with this, even though I just posted on the "Living Wage" thread that I was happy with dh's income. Go figure:tongue_smilie:.
Dh works in a management position. He has a yearly salary, but because he is a non-exempt employee (I don't know all the employment laws-he works for a public utility company), he can and does earn overtime pay, which is just his yearly salary calculated down to an hourly wage. If he clocks 350+ hours of overtime in a year, he starts to get time-and-a-half. His salary is based on a 40hr week, though I cannot remember the last time he actually worked only 40 hours.
Here's my beef. Even though he is management, and even though he has more certifications and a college degree, the guys working under him can make more in a year because any overtime they work is time-and-a-half. Of course, those guys have to work a lot more than dh to earn more, but overtime is easy to come by in dh's field.
So, salary to me means a steady income, despite the number of hours you work. Specific to dh's position, he can make more, but will never make less.
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I grew up in the Cajun French culture. We kiss everybody (relatives) on the mouth. It is just completely normal in my family culture. I don't expect dh, who was raised in Kansas, to kiss all my relatives, but I just do it. When you grow up in that culture, it just doesn't seem pervy to you. I completely understand why others don't feel comfortable with it.
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Nuclear power!
We got out of the Navy early in '08, right before the economy really tanked. Dh served 10 years in the Navy working in nuclear power. He got a management operator job with his experience and a Nuclear Engineering degree. While our base salary is lower (he works for a public utility) than it would be if he had taken a job with a private company (like Exelon or Entergy), he gets overtime pay and excellent benefits. We get yearly COL raises (2.5%, but I won't complain-a raise is a raise). Yes, he works crazy hours-rotating shift work and mandatory overtime- but we get compensated for that, so again I really cannot complain. Since we live in the middle of nowhere, and it's hard to get people to come out here, every 3 years his company gives out a hefty (to me) retention bonus just for staying and maintaining your license. Now, we won't be taking any European trips, buying luxury cars (I consider my 2009 Pilot a fancy car), or buying a fancy house (our house cost $200,000 with 8+ acres of land), we live comfortably. We have always lived well within our means, have saved a bit of money, and we just don't care what the Joneses are buying.
So, if anyone here has a slightly techy/mechanically-inclined dh, you can easily find a job at a nuclear power plant. Starting salary for operators is about $70,000, plus real overtime pay.
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I think there's another reason, a deeper, darker one...not necc for you, Jen, but one I've found to be true in many of the ppl I talk to about childhood abuse, NPD or not.
We, the victims of the abusers, believe it to be OUR fault.
This seems to hold esp true when personality disorders, ie NPD are involved.
It seems a fairly common modus operandi when dealing w/a parent w/NPD for them to blame their victim for everything. It's not the parent's fault that the victim is stupid, fat, clumsy, ugly. If the victim was a better behaved child, the parent would love them, wouldn't get so angry, wouldn't have to be so abusive.
Esp in terms of dealing w/NPD, where gaslighting, lying and denial are standard, to parentify children, make young children responsible for the emotional (and indeed, sometimes physical health) of the parent, the child is taught that it is, indeed, all their responsibility/fault.
When you're programmed that way from your earliest memories, there's a sense of lingering shame for many, many ppl, in acknowledging the reality of their experiences.
Add in on top of that society's insistance on revering motherhood, that all mothers are supposed to be kind, loving, supportive, and saying that YOURS wasn't is enough to get yourself viewed w/suspicion. ALL mothers are to be wonderful, so then there's the suspicion that YOU are the ungrateful one, that YOU are being impossible, that YOU aren't being forgiving and holding a grudge, and don't forget the ever popular, "You only get ONE mother!"
To the last, I say, Thank God. I couldn't survive another.
:iagree: I've been quiet on this thread, but I just had to come in and agree 100% with what Imp said.
Victims just cannot talk about this crap IRL. No one believed my "cool" mom would ever do/say the things she did to me. She was such a "good Christian" at church. She put on a great public face. At home, she was just...nightmarish. She still is. I've shared a bit about her here, and so many stories on this thread are similar to my experiences, so I won't go into everything. Let's just cover the last couple of months.
She kicked my full-ride-scholarship getting, two-job-working, has-her-act-together sister out of the house, basically because this sister doesn't put up with her crap. Mother called her every name in the book, told sis she would never be as good of a mother as Mom was, called her a slut, told her she was as worthless as I was, etc.. However, when sis went back to school, mom posted on FB about how much she was going to miss my sis, crying and everything. Typical behavior.
My dad, a former alcoholic who never accepts responsibility for anything, had a bad reaction to Prednisone. Mom was ready to leave him (again) because she was tired of taking care of people. Umm, I raised my 2 sisters and myself. I was her parent.
She has what I like to call "martyr syndrome." Everything is worse for her. She is the most noble, self-sacrificing person EVER!!! So now that my dad is out of the hospital, she is acting like the devoted, long-suffering little wife. Yet to me, all she does is complain about how inconvenienced she is because she has to take care of him.
Everything this woman says and does is calculated. And the outright lies! To your face!!! She is hateful, abusive, manipulative, and downright destructive, but only to those who defy her. She claims to hate drama, yet she always seems to cause it.
Yet everything wrong in her life is somehow my fault:glare:. My dad getting sick? Because I didn't call him. She's poor? Because she got knocked up with me. She's overweight? My fault. My middle sister got pregnant for a loser? My fault. Youngest sister being "disrespectful"? Because of me. CPS being called because I showed up at school with a black eye and busted lip? I should have lied for them. At first I felt guilty, but then I thought "D@mn I'm awesome!" I can control things from hundreds of miles away!!!
So victims just don't talk about it. No one believes us. And we are lead to believe it's all our fault, especially when the NPD person is a parent.
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My kids are part turtle. Some days they zip through their seat work. Other days it takes them hours and hours and HOURS to complete an assignment. HOURS!!!! And shall we discuss how previously-STARVING!!! children can take eons to eat their dinner? Because that one drives me straight off the cliffs of insanity.
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You shouldn't judge people who bring their kids to the ER with fevers.
We live very rural. Like, unless you live in farm country rural, you shouldn't judge rural. The first time I took a kid to the ER with a fever, it was a Friday at 3:00pm. My <2yo woke up lethargic from a nap with a 104+ fever. I called the local clinic, which closed at 5:00pm, and tried to get her in. The local doctors were not available. The nearest urgent care clinic is over 65 miles away. They told me to take her to the ER since it was attached to the local clinic.
The second time I took the same child to the ER with a fever was the same thing. She was <3, had a fever that wouldn't go down, even when alternating Tylenol and Motrin. Her doctor told me to take her to the local ER since she was lethargic and not urinating. We have great insurance, FTR and TYVM.
So yep, I totally take my kids into the ER if they are running a high fever and are lethargic. Some of us aren't lucky enough to live anywhere near urgent care clinics or have pediatricians who don't leave to play golf after 3:00pm. And we have insurance, least you think only poor people bring their kids into ERs.
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Time to move! I almost convinced my dh to move when a baby rat snake fell out of my washer. I wanted to bomb my house. A rattlesnake would have me calling in the Air Force.
We are thinking of speaking to a military (army?) recruiter.........
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
The bolded part is so true. I was actually ticked in Navy bootcamp when we didn't get to shoot real guns! Yes, people yelled at us, but it wasn't all "Full Metal Jacket" yelling. The Navy and Air Force, while still maintaining that whole military vibe, are much, MUCH more relaxed than the Army and Marines. IMO, the Navy and Air Force have many more technical jobs/mos/rates than the Army and Marines (though the Marines have the best uniforms;)). The Army and Marines seem better for shaping up wayward young people. Now, those guys are hard-core, and they do most of the dirty work, but personally, I would steer my own ds towards either the Navy or Air Force if the military was a temporary thing.