I know, right? That poor guy. :tongue_smilie: We will be moving about the second week of July. Right now I wish it was sooner!

Well since I am in confession mode..... When I was 19yo I was dating a guy my mom did NOT approve of. She badgered me to death to break up with him. She finally said she would buy me a new car if I broke up with him (my car had died). I am embarrassed to admit that it worked. Gosh, I need to get my own life.....:tongue_smilie:

:D I certainly don't want to laugh at your expense but that redecorating your room story is SO something my mom would do!

Congrats on your degree! I am getting my second master's degree online and I love it (I would have done my first this way but they didn't offer online classes back then. I think it is great!).

Actually, we have done TONS of research on all these topics which is why her "terrorist" comment drove me crazy. I told her to look up how many people have died in Malaysia due to terrorist attacks and how many people have died here in the U.S. in terrorist attacks. Sheesh. The problem is nothing I say will make her approve of this idea. I know that. And it puts this big black cloud over what should be a shining moment. I was SOOOOO excited about this, then we had this big argument about it and now I feel like some of the wind has left my sails, ya know?

It is almost embarrassing to admit that my mom is one of those moms who has lived her life through me. I've known it pretty much all along and I have allowed it. I went to homecoming dances and proms with guys I didn't even like because my mom was very poor growing up and never got to go and she got so much pleasure from watching me go. So I put on a happy face, posed for the picture and made her happy. She has the pictures from all my dances and years of cheerelading, etc. set up like a shrine at her house. I am what she is too afraid to be but kind of secretly wants to be. So I think she is both proud and resentful if that makes sense? Part of me wants to say "This is MY life!" But the other part of me loves her and feels badly for her and the things she missed out on so I keep enabling her. Maybe I need therapy.:tongue_smilie: And this is something I am only going to admit once: part of me wants to go to Malaysia so I CAN live my life out from under her microscope. I can't believe I just admitted that. Now I feel guilty and awful.

mothers. PLEASE, someone tell me they can relate. Preface/disclaimer: I LOVE my mother. We are VERY close. She is not perfect but she did a pretty good job raising me and my brothers and we are all close because of it. But To put it simply, she has way more control over my life than I would like. We have a lot in common but we are also VERY different about certain things. Also, my family is more matriarchal than most because my grandfather died when my mom was only 17yo and there were 5 other siblings younger than her that my grandmother raised by herself. My dad was indifferent to our family most of my life and I have not seen or spoken to him in 10 years. So my mom was pretty much the boss and we all respect her as such. But My mom is also terrified of change. She will stay in a miserable situation as long as it is "familiar". Stability and sameness are more important than happiness. I, on the other hand, have wanderlust and long for new experiences, challenges, adventures. I change jobs every few years just to try something new (granted they have all been in the educational field but I have changed districts and jobs several times). But There have been several things I have missed out on because of my mom. I wanted to go to a college that was out of state but she would not allow it because it was too far and, in fact, I ended up going to a university that was close enough for me to commute from home. I had the opportunity to teach in Puerto Rico when I finished college but she had a fit then too and harrassed me into staying home. She had a fit when dh and I decided to adopt our youngest from Korea (she's not the most open-minded person). She had a fit when we moved to NC for a year and we ended up coming back due in large part to her disapproval. Those are just a few examples. I could go on and on and on...... So, my mom is having a FIT about this job opportunity in Malaysia. I know it is because she will miss me and it will be hard for me to be away from her. But instead of saying those things, she tells me all the reasons why this is a ridiculous idea and is trying to badger me out of going. She will try scare tactics ("Did you know there are TERRORISTS in Malaysia!" Give me a break. There are terrorists HERE). She will try guilt ("I just can't believe you would leave your mother to run off to some island!" Yeah, I'm just going to be laying on the beach all day and forget all about her). She is sending me emails with job opportunities here (I already have a job here...that is not the point). She tells me that she will be so worried it will make her sick (she is only 58yo and perfectly healthy). If it is her idea or something she would do it is OK, other than that, it is unacceptable. And it is not like I am doing something SINFUL for goodness sake. It's not like I am telling her I have decided to quit my job and become a stripper! I am going to be a principal at an international Christian school! Why can't she just be proud of me? What I am most angry about is WHY DO I HAVE THIS RIDICULOUS NEED FOR HER APPROVAL????? Seriously, I am a grown woman, 38yo, married, two kids, several college degrees, and yet I am instantly 10 years old when talking to my mom. It drives me crazy but it feels disrespectful to go against her wishes and respect and family loyalty has been drilled in my head my whole life. I will probably still go to Malaysia. I know I need to put on my big girl panties and just tell it like it is. But what I really want is for her to be happy for me. Even though she will miss me, even though the idea of it makes her nervous, be happy for me because it is a good opportunity and it is what I want. Just this once. And most of all I am terrifed I will do the same thing to my kids when they are older. I told my dh "Please don't let me do this to our kids. I want them to take chances, and be happy even if it means they are far from me." OK, rant over. I need chocolate. sigh....

Exactly! Here in Michigan, hockey is a very popular extra-curricular for the kids. My BFF is a hockey mom and both of her kids have played for YEARS. This season alone she has spent over $16,000 on fees, equipment, ice time, tournaments, travel, etc. etc. :svengo: Neither of her children are "great"...just average. Neither of them "live and breathe" hockey...but they do like it. Neither of them will get a scholarship and with what hockey costs the parents, they might not have much money for college either. Does my friend regret putting them in hockey? In some ways, yes. Looking back she wishes she would have set more boundaries for it...like, you can play on a local team but no travel teams, etc. But these things take on a life of their own, ya know? And she did not take the time to look farther down the road at where this all may lead and set the boundaries in advance. I figure if my kids are never in hockey or gymnastics or insert money/time-consuming hobby here, they will never miss it. But if I put them in something knowing full well that it has the POTENTIAL to be more time- and money-consuming than dh and I are willing to commit to, and then my kids really love it, and then I have to pull them out because it does not line up with our family's values regarding time and money...it is my fault. So we do things that the kids enjoy but are not overly expensive and do not consume all their free time but will benefit them in the future whether they become professionals at it or not. For the record, I do admire those who go full force into something like gymnastics and take it to the olympic level. I think they are amazing! It's just not for us.

I am so glad I read this thread. Our youngest ds shows signs of athletic ability and dh and I have been discussing what types of things to let him try. We discussed things like cost and time involved over the long haul and we eventually decided NOT to even try things like gymnastics, for instance, because of what I have learned here on the boards about the time involved. I was never in gymnastics but I learned so much from reading what some of you do and it really helped us focus on something else less time- and money-consuming. Not to say that it isn't "right" for someone else...each family has to decide that themselves...but it did save us from having to make a tough decision like this down the road. So thanks! (mental note: take competitive swimming off to-do list :D).

Awesome suggestions ladies!!!! Thanks!!!

I actually get it for free through the school district. :D

So far I have downloaded all the Magic School Bus I can find, Bill Nye and Dear America. Are there any other great video series I should be looking for?

I am another one who had it in my cart forever and I ordered it today. Thanks for the heads up!

Do they need a principal? :D Oh, wait, that's not in Malaysia is it? It sounds awesome! Is it considered a public school or private?

:lurk5: And just to add fuel to the fire..... If it IS a punishment then that has all kinds of implications for those who choose to undergo fertility treatments, IVF, etc. (adoption is sanctioned in the Bible, though). This is not my PERSONAL opinion but it does go along with this line of thinking.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:iagree: Reading Detective is a GREAT program.

I have not heard of that book but I will look it up! Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I am already trying to picture our family just "living" over there...you know...after the excitement wears off. I am trying very hard to be realistic (although it IS exciting!).

:D Sorry, that's what they are hiring my dh for!

I'll let you know! :D As the principal, I am sure I will have a say in hiring.

It is no more dangerous than the U.S. from my research. It is technically a Muslim country but other religions flourish there as well.

Here is a neat video from the school I am considering: For those of you who are following this journey and praying for our decision...thank you! Watch this short video and tell me what you think!

I looked up both Vonage and Skype. It appears that phone calls between skype users are free but if I call someone who isn't a skype user there is a fee. Vonage costs a little more than Skype but I'm hearing that the Vonage quality is better? So should I make sure my family and friends have downloaded Skype before I go so calls are free and just deal with the lower quality? Or should I pay the fees for Vonage and get the better quality?

So now I am wondering about communicating with family and friends here in the states if I am in Malaysia. Obviously we have the email option. But what else is there? I imagine that international phone calls are pricey. Are there reasonable cell phone plans? What is Skype? What is this I hear about "internet phone service"? Any other ideas?

I went to the website of the church and it DOES look normal but if you go to the blog about motherhood there is some WEIRD stuff going on. One of the entries talks about "training" their grandchildren not to say "no" and it mentions that it "only" took a few days to "train" them and now they don't do it any more. But it doesn't mention "how" they trained them. hmmmm.... The whole thing has a cultish feel to it.