When my dh passed away suddenly last September we looked for a Catholic cemetery plot a little bit out of St. Louis. We found the perfect spot 30 minutes from our house. You go down a windy road (perfect because my dh loved these kind of roads) and get to this small Catholic cemetery. It has only 20-25 graves, though it has room for more. It is so peaceful out there, truly the perfect spot. Except for one thing. Almost one year later, it is still dirt. Or because of weeds, partly dirt, which actually bothers me more than when it was all dirt. I called the archdiocese cemetery office in June and told them it was still dirt. They sent someone out the next day and all they did was sprinkle grass seed over the hard dirt. Didn't do anything. At the same time they must of sprinkled grass seed over a freshly turned over grave site three sites down from my dh and it is plush grass now. So, I called again in July and again within a day they graded the dirt just a little bit and threw more grass seed down. At the same time, they saw other spots where there was dead grass and scraped off the dead grass and sprinkled grass seed. Nothing has happened at all. You can see the grass seed laying on top of the dirt. So you have all these dirt spots throughout the cemetery. It does not look good at all. If it would have looked like this last year, I doubt we would have chosen that cemetery. It is painful to go out there and still see dirt. When I called in July they told me if grass didn't grow because it was too hot and dry to call again at the end of September. I believe what happened is they should have put grass seed down in the spring and it was missed. I think since it is so small it gets forgotten. The St. Louis Archdiocese has a decoration removal policy that the second Wednesday of every month from February to November, the decorations get removed. I know for a fact that this has not happened since March. This doesn't really bother me, but it does show me that the cemetery is maybe overlooked. The director at the funeral home we used told us that the Catholic cemeteries in St. Louis are very well maintained. Sorry this has gotten so long. So, would this bother you. My dc tell me that it is really no big deal, but again it is painful to go out there and still see dirt.

For hardwood floors, Rejuvenate is absolutely wonderful!

I have had hearing loss all my life. I had ear operations to rebuild my eardrums when I was 6 and 8. Never had hearing aids, not quite sure why. My hearing loss has gotten worse over the past 5-10 years. There was always a dc that needed braces, so could never do the expense. At the strong recommendation of my primary care doctor, I went to a hearing specialist last month. Should be no surprise, I have severe hearing loss. The testing by the doctor showed that I would benefit more from a Cochlear Baha implant. They implant a small processor on the bone behind my ear and there is an external part also. I have a cat scan scheduled for tomorrow to make sure there is nothing else going on. Does anyone have any experience or know of anyone who has this type of implant?

I second the Still Waters Resort! We have stayed there twice and loved it. First time we had a two bedroom condo, the second time a three bedroom. Family owned and run. We booked through Expedia and got excellent rates.

Linda in Tx - I am so, so sorry for your loss. Scoutermom -- I am so sorry for your loss, for your friend and for the whole family. I can't imagine losing a child, no matter what age they are. One of the hardest things I had to do the day my dh passed away besides calling my dc and letting them know, was to go tell his 80 year old mother. I agree, hug and tell your children you love them, same for your spouse, and also let anyone close to you know what they mean to you. After my dh passed away so suddenly, I made sure those that he felt close to knew what they meant to him. He was a man that didn't have alot of close friends, but treasured the few ones he felt very close to. Ones he would do anything for. I made sure they knew what they meant to him. I have learned so much since then, not to let anything go unsaid.

Thank you so much, Chris, for posting this. I have spent the better part of the day worrying about this. My body does not respond to stress very well these days. Ever since the wedding, I have really start feeling better than I have for months and now this. I can't let it take me backwards, but I want to be diligent too. As it is, my doctor did not call the prescription in for the single dose of doxy. Not sure why, as I called this morning and then again late in the day after it was not at the pharmacy. Not happy about that. You are supposed to take the single dose within 72 hours of removal, which would be this evening. I have done alot of research this afternoon and I think the main worry would be ehrlichiosis, which usually appears 1-2 weeks after a bite. I The CDC does not recommend preventive antibiotics as sometimes it just delays the onset of the infection. I talked to my ds who took it off and he said it didn't appear engorged, so maybe it wasn't attached as long as I thought. I am going to try and not let this consume and worry me, but at the same time watch carefully for symptoms. I appreciate hearing everyone's stories as it has shown me how careful we must be in trying to prevent attachment and the importance of checking every day. I am so sorry so many of you have gone through this.

Thanks everyone for all you wisdom and advice. I'm still not sure if I am going to take the single dose. I will pick it up from the pharmacy and then decide. I would doubt very much if my doctor or any doctor in my area would prescribe 30 days of antibiotic as a preventative. I will watch very diligently the next few weeks for any symptoms that might possibly be tick related. I saw my chiropractor today and told him about it and he was very familiar with ticks and said he wouldn't take the doxy or worry about the tick bite.

So from what I'm gathering, most on here is suggesting I be treated for 30 days of doxycycline? But isn't it bad to take an antibiotic, and such a strong one, when you don't know if you even have an infection. From what I read, the diseases the adult female lone star tick (which is what kind of tick it was) transmits show flu like symptoms 1-3 weeks after infection.

Ok, I have read enough to be concerned. If one of these other tick related diseases show up, would I have flu type symtoms in 1-3 weeks that can be treated then? And isn't it possible that no infection was transmitted. A tick bite does not automatically result in an infection, right? I was not even in the woods. I believe it was brought in by my son, where there are alot of ticks.

Would you take the single dose if you were not concerned about Lyme disease? Again, from all the research I have done, the Lone Star tick does not carry Lyme disease. I am just concerned about the other tick diseases. I am just now starting to feel somewhat normal again after my dh passed away. I did not need anything else to worry about.

It was a lone star tick, which from what I researched does not transmit Lyme's. In fact, there is evidence their saliva kills the Lyme's bacteria. I believe the single dose helps ward off other tick related illnesses.

I had done research on this and it is a standard course of preventive treatment to prescribe one dose. I have a cousin who is a pharmacist. I have messaged her about this.

I found a tick on my back on Saturday. It was embedded and most likely on for 2-3 days. I messaged my doctor and she is suggesting a single prophylactic dose of doxycycline. Has anyone ever done this for a tick bite? I have read that it is sometimes prescribed. It was a lone star tick, not a deer tick.

I am buying a new vehicle. We have never purchased new, as my dh was a Dodge/Chrsyler mechanic before he did a complete career change years ago. We would always purchase nice minivans with lower miles knowing he could do repairs on it. I have a 2010 Chrysler Town and Country with a little over 100,000 miles on it. I have decided I need to trade it in while I can get something out of it and get something with a warranty. I have driven a minivan forever and can't seem to get out of the mindset of another minivan. I have test driven the new Chrysler Pacifica and loved it. But, I do not need another minivan. I am down to 2 or 3 kids that would ride with me. Another 2 or 3 years, I will be down to 1. I test drove a 2017 Honda Cr-V yesterday and did really like it. It gets much better gas mileage than the Pacifica and insurance would be cheaper. Does anyone have a CR-V and not like it?

Well, I made it through the wedding week and the wedding pretty calmly. I was able to get more sleep by taking one Zzquill every night. Whenever I would start to feel overly stressed, I truly felt my dh's presence and could hear him tell me, "you can do this, do it for our daughter." Definitely a busy, busy week. At one point my family room resembled a floral shop, as my dd did her own flowers. There were a few times during the wedding where there were a few tears, but tears at weddings are somewhat normal. The brother/daughter dance at the reception in honor of my dh was hard. My daughter did great, but the rest of us were in tears watching the slideshow of pictures with both of them in them. I took them to the airport this morning and they are off to a honeymoon in Hawaii. I have alot of cleaning up to do today and lesson plans to make for the rest of our school year. Keeping busy helps me. I have to learn how to handle stress, as my body goes into a fight or flight mode and physical symptoms start. I am going to start grief counseling. Thanks everyone for all your thoughts and prayers. I am going to try and attach a picture. I have never done this, so hope it works.

I was induced with dc #9 because of gestational diabetes. From the time they started the pitocin to the time he was born was 1 1/2 hours. It went so quick, I was not able to get an epidural. It was the most intense of my 10 labors!

Thank everyone so much for all the kind words, encouragement, and advice. I took ZZquill last night and slept for over 7 hours, so feel much better today. The grief is always there, and I know will be here for a long time. Most likely forever, I will just be able to handle it better as time moves on. My dh and I married at 18, almost 19, and were together for over 38 years. I try to focus on the blessings since his passing, as there has been many. Funeral expenses were completely covered by donations, including a very large one from the family of one of my son's friends. I was completely overwhelmed by the generosity of so many people. Not knowing what my health insurance would be, my dentist told me he would provide cleanings for my family (and there are 6 of us) for free. It turns out, my insurance will remain the same at least for 3 years. I have 10 kids, with 5 remaining still at home, 4 once my dd gets married next week. My two oldest sons moved back to St. Louis so they are around to help. I appreciate all the advice and am going to start grief counseling after the wedding. I am also going to make some changes in my sleep schedule to try and get more better sleep habits. It helps knowing I can get on here and vent when I need to. It is such a blessing.

Thanks everyone. I am feeling somewhat better. Still very tired, but better. Walked with a dear friend for an hour. You all have very good advice. No one is telling me I should be "over the worst", it is what I do to myself. Right now, its mainly the sleep issue. I did not have problems until the end of January, almost 5 months after his death. Things are alot worse when I have trouble sleeping. The crushing grief is always there, its just alot harder to handle when I can't sleep. After the wedding, I do plan on seeing a chiropractor who specializes in natural treatment of anxiety and insomnia. The dd who is getting married is actually a massage therapist for a chiropractor's office, she is setting me up with one of the chiropractors there who will test by vitamin and hormone levels. She has been giving me lots of massages, too. I do plan on seeing a grief counselor also. I know I am struggling with alot of emotions, especially guilt. My dh was working out of town when this happened. I had talked to him 2 hours before on the phone and everything was fine. The wedding is bittersweet for all of us. My dd is struggling with either walking down the aisle by herself or having one of her brothers walk her down. She wants to do a tribute to my dh at the reception. She will dance with her brothers in place of the father'daughter dance. A slide show will be playing with pictures of her with her dad at the same time. Someone who lost their mom a few months after my dh passed away told us to listen to "Jealous of the Angels" by Donna Taggert. The song fit perfect, so that will be played during the dance. It's hard to get through the song without tears, but it is also a comforting song. Thanks so much for letting me come on here and vent when I need to. It really does help.

My doctor did talk to me about medication for anxiety in January. I do not want to go this route. I seem to be super sensitive to medications, always getting the worst side effects. I am trying some natural supplements, but not on a regular basis. In March, we agreed I was doing better. And most of the time I am. I'm not sure what set off this latest bad spell. I am looking into counseling after the wedding. I have been using relaxation techniques from books I got from the library. Most of the time, they help. Thanks for all the prayers and hugs. I am tired, but trying to have a better attitude this morning. I have found this makes a big difference in my day.

I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm rambling, but I have been up since 2:00 after only 3 hours of sleep. I am tired, so very, very tired. It's been 7 1/2 months since my dh has passed. I should be past the worst. But I'm not. I feel like such a failure. And I can't be this way. I have kids still at home that need me. I will have really good periods, the past two or three weeks have been good. Saturday I felt the best I've felt in months. Then, Saturday night I took a nosedive and have been getting very little sleep. When my dh passed away so suddenly I decided I needed to get as healthy as possible. I have lost 32 lbs. I weigh less now than when I got married 38 years ago. When I saw my doctor in March, she told me she did not want me to lose any more weight, I've lost 2 lbs. since. I am pre-diabetic and saw a nutritionist in January. She put me on a 1400 calorie diet that she said would maintain my current weight. I am following that very strictly. I don't think its enough calories to maintain or gain a couple of pounds. Or it could be stress. Over the past 6 months, I have been convinced I have had various diseases, some very serious. Had blood work done in March and it was very good. The doctor said all my symptoms were a direct result of stress. Was I satisfied with that. Just very temporarily. By the time I got home, I was convinced the doctor missed something. I have been compulsive about monitoring my blood pressure (which surprisingly is very good), my heart rate, my oxygen level. And yes, when I am stressed my heart rate is elevated, which stress me more and raises it more. My kids got me a Fitbit Charge 2 for Christmas. It is great, but it gives me too much information. It now tells me how much sleep and quality of sleep, not sure this is helpful to me. Heart rate up, must be something wrong. Which raises it more. I can't even begin to count how many times I check to see what my heart rate is. Tells me how many hours and minutes my heart rate is in the fat burn zone, which is anything over 80. If the number is up, must be something wrong. My oxygen runs on average at 97%. If its 96, 95, there must be something wrong. I am constantly checking that too, maybe 50-100 times a day. Typing this all out, I can see it seems like I'm am losing my mind. Which I've wondered about too. I know this is just a bad spell, and I will come out of it. My dd is getting married in a week and a half. I can not do this to her, so I am trying very hard not to seem stressed around the kids. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My dh would tell me to get a grip, that I have to get past this worrying and being stressed all the time. I know that I need to just let it go, try and relax. When I do that, I am good. When I can't, not so much.

I have a 2010 Chrysler Town and Country minivan with a little over 100,000 miles on it. It is starting to have a few very minor problems. This would not have been a problem in the past, as my dh was a Dodge/Chrysler mechanic before he completely switched careers and he took care of all repairs, big and small. Since he passed away last fall, I am considering maybe buying a new vehicle with a warranty while I can still get a decent trade-in value on my current van. If I wait and drive it for 4 or 5 more years, I don't think I can get much for it, especially if something major goes out on it. Then I would need to replace it and probably spend about the same amount as I would now after my trade-in. So, I would really like to get the new Chrysler Pacifica minvan. I love the looks of them. BUT, I can hear my husband who always said you don't buy the first year a new model comes out. Technically, I'm not sure I need a minivan. I still have 4 dc at home. My ds and I went to the dealer today to look. I ended up test driving a Dodge Journey, which has a third row option. I liked it, but it seemed tight. Minivans are much roomier. Sorry this has gotten long. Does anyone have the new Pacifica minivan or the Dodge Journey and how do you like it? Like I said, we never, ever bought new. But my situation has changed now, and I need to be realistic and practical.

One thing that has helped us spread things around is about 5 years ago I bought everyone their own tube of toothpaste. It has made a big difference.

It has been six months since my dh suddenly passed away. We married at 18 and would have celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary in June. I have never experienced a pain so deep. If anything, it's deeper now than when it happened. I feel as if half of me is missing. I have experienced what stress and anxiety can do to you both physically and emotionally. I have struggled greatly at times. I am just now thinking I might actually make it through this. So much has changed. I still have 2 dc that I am homeschooling. This has been a rough school year and we are behind. My dd is getting married in May and it is very bittersweet for all of us. There have been times on this board that people ask how they can be of help for families where someone has passed. The number one thing I would say is to be there for the months that follow. That is so important. I know we all get busy, I have been guilty of that in the past, too. There have been few friends and family that keep in touch with me. It has been so meaningful to have someone call or message me saying they were thinking about me or how are things going, do you need anything. I have been surprised though how few those people are. So, please just keep in touch.

I will be praying. I lost my older brother to suicide 5 years ago and their is still a wide range of emotions. When I lost my dh suddenly last September, for the first time I felt anger that my brother chose to hurt his family like that when my dh didn't have a choice. If that makes sense. My SIL went through alot, but is doing good now.

Thanks, everyone, for all the advice. I took Zzquill last night and slept for 8 1/2 hours. I do have some anxiety and am working through that. I am going to my dd's house on Sunday and spending the week with my 5 grandchildren. I think the change of scenery will be good for me. I am looking for a grief counselor to see. Up until now, I have been able to sleep at least 4 hours, most of the time 6- hours. Not sure why all of a sudden I'm not sleeping well. I am hoping to avoid prescription meds, but I am not opposed to taking them if nothing else will work. This is definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through.