But I can also ask: why in the world would I ever need access to my husband's phone? I understand why people might find it useful/convenient/comforting to have access to their spouse's phone/other passwords, even though I don't feel the same way myself. I don't think it's so hard to understand either point of view.

This is almost the recipe I use for 3-corn casserole. Mine has no crust, and adds an egg. Oh, the recipe calls for a cup of shredded cheese stirred in after 45 minutes baking; I don't always do that. I'm having a hard time imagining it with a sweet crust.

"I know I'm supposed to eat whole-grain breads without a lot of sugar and not refined flour. But the labels are so confusing! How do I choose a good bread?" "Don't worry about reading labels! Just buy bread that is brown and looks like it has nuts and seeds and stuff in it."

A little more detail... Short answers: no to the first question, yes to the second and third. The bride is a young woman with no mom and a dad who is paying for the wedding but declines to give advice (and wouldn't know how to advise on clothing anyway). So she is trying to figure things out on her own. She sees me as a sort of mother figure. But I am also pretty clueless (yeah, I know you all already picked up on that) and am of minimal help. Teasing some things out from her, she doesn't know just what she wants. Her wedding will be in a church and the reception at a catering hall with a nice outdoor area available. ETA:When I wrote my OP I didn't know she had chosen a venue. She asked me about dress codes because she has seen them on invitations and so she feels she needs to do so as well. Also she wants her guests to be comfortable; she's very concerned with making things easy for the guests. So I think that's why she started with the dress guidelines - because she's thinking first of the guests, then about what she wants in terms of atmosphere, level of formality based on that. Does that make sense? (I mean, does that make sense as far as what she is doing, not does that make sense in terms of smart wedding planning.) I'm encouraging her to ask some of her friends who got married recently what they did. To think about weddings she attended and felt comfortable at, and go from there. ETA: Around here, people do wear jeans to church, and shorts with flip flops, and nice dresses and suits, and everything in between. But if someone says "wear church clothes' people take that to mean a dress or nice trousers/skirt and blouse for women, slacks and sport coat or suit and tie for men. So for some people, it would be dressier than what they personally might wear to church on any given Sunday

I think the bride wants to put dress guidance because that's how people here seem to do it. All the invitations I've received in the past couple of years have included commentary about how to dress.

LOL, never been invited to one either, but sure have seen them evolve! I even remember going to a knitting group once, oh man did those ladies get right into ripping their husbands apart. It was so ugly. I couldn't go back. But I am veering way off topic now. :-)

I see what you are saying here. I'm thinking about books/articles I've read, speakers I've heard, etc., and it seems that this "boilerplate" advice generally comes with an acknowledgement of the exceptions. Or, maybe I've reached the point that I just insert it myself now in my own head. So when I see advice to "never complain about your husband to others" it's nearly always coupled with something like "if you need someone to confide in, choose..." a trusted friend or relative, older woman at church, basically some type of person who will help you. As opposed to getting into a big husband-bashing session at a mom's night out in the local pub. I can see it being very isolating and frustrating if a person feels there is literally no person they can speak to if something seems wrong.

Just to respond to a couple of posts at once: I am seeing the dress code information on the wedding website and/or the reception card that comes with the wedding invitation. And an aside: I just went and looked at my wedding pictures. There is a wide range of dress among the guests. We didn't specify anything for people and people wore what they wanted. I guess it didn't matter to me. Maybe that's why this is hard for me to answer and probably why I am not a good person for my friend to ask. And maybe that's why "dressy casual" works for me because... it seems to give a guideline of "dress neatly" and that's about it. Just musing there. Oh, and: dressy casual is easier for me as a guest because "cocktail attire" means I have to go buy a dress, shoes, a purse.... I just don't wear those sorts of clothes. Though I have 2 wedding invitations that already call for it, so regardless of what my friend does, I'm going shopping anyway. :-)

First, I'm sorry you went through that. Stories like this make me so sad and mad at the same time. Still, I think there is a difference between disagreeing in front of the kids, and disagreeing about the kids in front of the kids. Or maybe what I mean is, there is a difference between disagreeing and correcting one another, and we don't correct each other in front of the kids. My husband never saw his parents disagree, though he knew they did at times. Worse, I think: he never saw them resolve anything. So he has a hard time, still, after 20+ years, arguing constructively with me to reach a resolution. We don't disagree very often. But, if something comes up and the kids are there, fine, they will see how it works out. But if one of us sees the other handling something in a way we know is wrong, we will wait till we're alone (or we'll excuse ourselves from the kids) and talk it over, particularly if it's something to do with one or both of the kids. It might be a very subtle difference I can't explain. And, again, this has nothing to do with abusive relationships or excessive anger/punitive behavior. Just everyday disagreements that typical families face.

Huh. This is way more complicated than I thought. (Not complaining about your answers. I appreciate it.) And here I thought "dressy casual" and "cocktail" were pretty straightforward (and neither would include jeans). I do like the suggestion for "business/church attire" for a daytime wedding. Mostly I am getting that the best advice I can give her is to get her other details (venue, time of day, etc) settled and it will be clearer to her what will best fit.

A friend of mine is planning her wedding and asked me my opinion on something. I am a lot older than her, and kind of out of touch with current wedding etiquette/styles, so... I'm asking for opinions here. She was asking about a "dress code" or guidelines for the guests' attire, trying to decide between "cocktail attire" and "dressy casual." As a guest, I appreciate being given some guidance on what to wear and would always do my best to dress as the wedding couple requests. But also as a guest, I feel that "dressy casual" gives a broader range of options. But before I tell her that, I am wondering what others have to say. On the other hand, I think the venue also dictates the wedding attire to some degree, and I don't think they have their venue yet. I would not insert my opinion without being asked. But since she did ask, I want to be thoughtful about it and not necessarily tell her what I prefer for myself personally, but think more generally about all the wedding guests. Thoughts? This is not a JAWM, even though I gave my opinion. I'm not looking for backup.

Agreed. My husband never met my father. He died at 75, a respectable age. But I got married late. But I know many young people who lost their (young) parents. A mom of 30 leaving behind a 15-month-old. A mom who had her first at 20 died before he was 8, leaving him and a younger sister. Etc. etc. People die at all ages. Sure, odds are better for a younger person. But anything can happen to anyone, anytime. My mother died at 85. My kids were pretty young (she was 39 when I was born and I was 41 and 42 when mine were born). She was a much more fun grandma than my in-laws, who are pretty disinterested despite being much younger than my mom. Anecdotes, I know. Statistics, I don't have. Just a lot of observation.

Agreed. Advice like this is for typical situations, not abusive relationships or situations where one of the parents is angry and being unnecessarily punitive. I can think of one time I had to intervene with my husband in front of the kids; it was a time-sensitive situation involving misbehavior and his ill-considered decision to keep our kids home from a Halloween event at the last minute. All I had to say was "hey, let's hold up here" and he listened and apologized to the kids... and we went on our way. Even though it was years ago I remember it so well because it was uncharacteristic.

The meat-eaters in my family will love this! Thanks for posting!

There are lots of good chili recipes out there. Chili was a staple in my family growing up. I make it pretty often. My MIL doesn't cook well, but she makes good chili and I make the recipe she uses now too: Friday Night Chili (cooks.com). I also make a curry similar to this one (food network). I used to like Shepherd's Pie, which is traditionally made with lamb but can be made with beef. I don't make it anymore but it's another idea for you.

Good point; that's a better way of putting it. I was going to edit my post but I'll stick my additional thought here. My husband is a part-time pastor and his full-time job is with a Christian organization. He knows things about people that it is not appropriate for me to know. You might say he (along with other elders and pastor) keeps other people's secrets. But for that reason, he has a need for privacy because there may be discussion about confidential matters in his email. Even if I could access his email, I wouldn't, because there could be things in there that I don't want to know about. ETA: for some reason I hadn't seen Forty-two's post about being a pastor's wife before I typed this. I didn't need to say anything! She expressed it perfectly for me.

There's a lot of quotable stuff in this thread but I'm focusing on this because it made me laugh. True for my husband too. He just doesn't want or need to know everything I'm thinking about. There are OK secrets and there are bad secrets, right? My activities are not secret. I don't give my husband a minute-by-minute detail of my movements outside the house, but if, say, I go out to lunch with a friend, I would tell him. I probably wouldn't give him details of a conversation unless it was something I was meant to share with him or something innocent and of general interest. Likewise, my husband's activities are not secret. If he is going to do something after work, he tells me. Part of that is practical: I'm expecting him for dinner. So he might tell me he's going out for a beer with some of the guys from work, or whatever, and tell me what time to expect him. I don't check to see that he is really out with who he told me he was with; that's where trust comes in. But I also know all the people he knows, so it's not like if I got suspicious I couldn't check on him.

I talked about ACV with my docs (GI and primary care). They said to try it, and if it works, great, but if it doesn't, don't try it again. It doesn't work for me. If your body is producing too much acid, adding acid isn't going to help. It would help if the body isn't producing enough, which apparently can also cause heartburn - at least that's my understanding. If ACV helps the heartburn but is hard to get down, eat something pickled. (Not talking specifically to you, Sparkly, as I get that it doesn't help you.)

My kids were born when I was 41 and almost-43. So 46 doesn't seem out of the park to me. But as others have said, this is a very personal decision between you and your husband. What does he think?

I hope it goes well for you. My GI doc suggested Gaviscon for an antacid as it has something that protects the esophagus. Or something like that. Anyway, that was recommended to me instead of tums. But as Jean said, baking soda can be great too. If I have a flare (I've been off PPIs for a while now) and Gaviscon doesn't cut it, I do a little baking soda in water.

Are you tapering or just going off cold turkey?

Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel

I knew what you were talking about because I live near Philly and it's apparently a Big Deal here. :-) Glad I don't have to go downtown this week. Hoping for the best for your cousin's son!

I'm sorry. I have a sister like your BIL. Wants everything a certain way and woe to anyone who disagrees. And she will not care who she inconveniences.

Because they expect people will buy them. :-) And/or, they know people will talk about them, and link to their site, and maybe find something else to buy.