No one on this thread said that anyone is obligated to endure abuse. Who are you arguing with? I haven't seen anyone say that abuse should be endured because people can't help it.

I am assuming nothing. I am wondering. And one thing I hope raising awareness might accomplish is help people be more capable of recognizing and their own need and willing to seek help. Maybe people who grew up in a society where mental illness was as openly discussed and accepted as other physical ailments would be better prepared to deal with it when it crops up their life. Is that possible? I really don't know. I don't pretend to have answers, I just wanted to open discussion.

Depression or other mental illness is not an excuse, but it can be an explanation. Men in particular often exhibit more irritability and anger when depressed. This is from the Mayo Clinic site (women sometimes exhibits similar symptoms and behaviors): Like women, men with depression may feel blue, feel extremely tired, have difficulty sleeping and not get pleasure from activities they once enjoyed. But other behaviors in men that could be signs of depression — but not recognized as such — include: Escapist behavior, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports Alcohol or substance abuse Controlling, violent or abusive behavior Irritability or inappropriate anger Risky behavior, such as reckless driving

(I clipped the above post for brevity, but the whole thing was great) We're dealing with a similar issue with one of my children right now. I showed this post to my husband and he asked me to print it out and put it on the fridge. We're going to give this a try. Thanks!

Yes it does. I specified more than once in my original post that I was NOT arguing against getting out of a relationship that was harmful. I am very aware that the only thing we really have power over is our own choices, and sometimes the best choices is to leave or to stop interacting with someone. We have been fortunate--fortunate that my husband was willing to seek appropriate treatment and stick with it, fortunate that in his case the treatment has been straightforward and effective. Having compassion for someone does not require that we lay our own lives on the alter for them. But I wonder if we (collective, societal we) were more aware of mental illness as the primary problem in many situations and those who suffer from it as the primary victims--could we come up with attitudes and structures and programs that would help more individuals and families towards happy outcomes?

Bump

Want to talk through something with me? I read over and over on these forums where people talk about abusive and unhealthy relationships, and the advice is always to get out, dump the abuser, cut off the toxic person, and move on with life. I'm not going to argue with that advice, I realize that in many cases it is the only way to prevent recurring pain and long term damaging effects. But--it makes me sad. Profoundly sad. It seems that our society overall has a sense of callousness towards those whose lives and relationships are ruined by what is at root probably a mental illness, something with a physiological basis and possibly even a cure if the person could get the right kind of treatment. Instead we seem to be ready as a society to just leave these people to wallow in the broken scraps of their lives. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there are people out there who abuse others and destroy relationships in spite of perfect mental health because they just enjoy causing pain and anguish. Maybe. But that is not what I have seen in my own life. What I have seen are people who are suffering immensely, who don't know what to with their internal anguish, and who cause suffering to others in their bumbling attempts to negotiate life. I am married to a man who struggles with chronic depression. When he is in a depressive cycle he is miserable to live with--not affectionate, caustic in his interactions, demonstrating behaviors typical of verbal and emotional abuse. Fortunately he has been willing to seek treatment for the underlying mental illness and in his case the treatment has been remarkably effective. We have a solid, supportive marriage and family life in spite of occasional setbacks. I am aware of how different things could have been; without treatment for my husband's underlying mental illness, I see no way that our marriage could have survived--or at least survived in any healthy form. I guess I am just sad because I wonder how many lives and relationships have been destroyed/are being destroyed by the fall-out of untreated mental illness. I am sad that in many cases we seem to conflate the illness with the person--as if the person is no more than the symptoms they are manifesting. It bothers me when people are labeled as "toxic" or "abusers" with seemingly little thought for what it is that is causing the person to fail miserably in relations with other people. I realize that we often have few options to help such people, and that any healing must be dependent on their willingness to seek help. I saw this play out in a friend's life this past year--her husband was suffering from depression and becoming increasingly irritable and abusive, to the point where she eventually determined it was best to move out with the children. She continued to support him and tried to help him get treatment, but within a couple of months of their separation he committed suicide. So, so sad. Again, I am not arguing against withdrawing from a relationship that is causing harm to oneself or one's family. I am just--sad. And wondering what could be done to build a better support network, better understanding, provide more resources, and increase social awareness of mental illnesses and effective treatment strategies. It seems there is still significant stigma attached to illness that affects our minds and our behavior, as compared to illnesses that we perceive as purely physiological. It seems that all too often those who are suffering from such illnesses are treated with condemnation rather than compassion. Thoughts?

Looks like it is level one, but the complete level not just the "level 1 lite" that is usually free.

Got an email from HOE saying the $4.99 Ipad app will be free tomorrow. Now I just have to remember to grab it...

Unless there are particular Apple apps you want to use, I see no reason not to go with the Nexus.

For close family I expect a phone call (thinking immediate family or grandparent). For more extended family (such as a great-aunt) email or texts seems fine--it is the most efficient way to get the word out to everyone, and less emotionally challenging than making a phone call.

If a child is showing interest in learning I think you can start anytime. If the interest wains or they just don't seem to catch on you can always set the lessons aside for a time and try again in a few months. Whatever reading activities they do at that age should be enjoyable.

War and wore are homophones to me, but the "r" is pronounced--they are not homophones with Waugh. I actually prefer the British treatment of r's, I think the language sounds more fluid and melodic that way--but I can't pull it off myself :)

Carry on Mr. Bowditch

It does sound awkward doesn't it?

I think your plan sounds just fine. I understand your fear--I have also had a baby with a skull fracture (he slipped from my arms onto the bathroom floor) and never want to repeat that experience. I have mostly kept my babies in bed with me, but my bed is a king size mattress on the floor. Lots of people sleep on mats or rugs on the floor all over the world, I really don't think it is that strange.

We used to live a mile from one of the filthiest beaches in CA--I never let my kids near the water there. There were usually signs posted warning about bacteria contamination, but people went wading and swimming anyway. The whole thing made me sad.

Mostly me, because I'm the one running the household and because dh finds dealing with money stressful.

I agree with this.

I have heard and understand "Wednesday week", meaning Wednesday of next week. I actually think it works very well to clarify what could otherwise be ambiguous, but I think the usage is more common in the UK than in the US--doesn't clarify anything if people aren't familiar with the expression. I don't use it for that reason, but I wish I could.

I would say "this Wednesday" or "this coming Wednesday" for 3 days out, and "next Wednesday" or "the Wednesday after this" for 10 days out. If I wanted to be extra clear I would add the date.

No great stories, but two of my children nursed until they were 3 years old, old enough to discuss the taste of my milk. Both of them told me it tasted like ice cream. No wonder they were so hard to wean... My milk is really creamy, my babies gain about a pound a week when they're little.

Thanks for all the replies! I think it is fun to see the different pronunciations in different parts of the country/world. Gives you an idea why English spelling and pronunciation often don't seem to match at all, our oral language is still very much in flux while the written language is much more conservative in nature.

It came from this book, as far as I can tell the author is American. The way I say the word it sounds a lot like "four" or "roar".

I was reading through a list of homographs and came across this listing: drawer (2 syllables, sounds like draw er) someone who draws drawer (1 syllable, rhymes with paw) a sliding box in the bureau OK, the way I pronounce the second drawer doesn't rhyme with paw, it rhymes with door, soar, poor, store and core (I'm sure those words don't all rhyme for some of you but they do for me). I'm curious to know how other pronounce drawer.