This is so hard on my kids, I just don't know what to do anymore... Our favorite kitty disappeared about a year ago. He was a male and they do roam, (he wasn't fixed, we actually had his appt scheduled for the week he went missing) so I just chalked it up to "who knows". Then about 3 months ago, our other kitty was just gone one morning. We live in town, but on a very quiet street. There are other stray cats around that wander through our yard, they never disappear:glare: After a lot of consideration we agreed to get the kids two new kittens from some friends who needed to give them away. We've had them about a month. They sleep on the porch, the kids play with them all day. They never leave our property. And then suddenly last night, one of them is just gone. We've looked and called everywhere. It is so heartbreaking. Her sister is frantic, meowing and trying to get in the house if we aren't out there with her all the time. My kids are beyond sad. I hate this so much... thanks for listening

it is the top! I am 5'8'' 130 lbs. fairly thin. I wore one of those tops, empire waist kind of floaty in the belly area and my dh said, hey that reminds me of when you were pregnant... needless, to say, I changed right away.

Well since our high for the week is 75 and the beach is cloudy and windy, I guess I'll be enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee on my back porch :D lunch - leftovers and broccoli from the garden. school - we're still waiting for summer break.... seriously, I've been having the kids keep up on the basics for 2-3 days/wk., with a week off here and there for trips, relaxing, etc. challenges - no money, no car, nowhere to go...:tongue_smilie: blessings - I'm not spending money and I have a nice house to live in and a beautiful family to live with:001_smile:

Didn't read the replies, but two kittens is the way to go! We started out with one and she was driving us batty. Got another one later in the week and now they do all that crazy stuff with each other. it is sooooo cute watching them stalk and pounce on each other. I love kittens!:D

We've dealt with this twice. Both times I said, if you complain or cry about brushing we are cutting it -right then and there. No time to think about it. Life is just too short to spend all that time on hair. For little kids. Oldest daughter had to have this done. It was a little hard, but she ended up with a really cute bob that she got tons of compliments on and ended up loving. Now she is 13 and has very long hair that she takes care of herself. 2nd daughter sucked it up and quit complaining. She was adamant that she wanted to keep her long curls. Now she is 10 and wanted me to cut it short because she was tired of tangles. Never know how it will go. Detangler does help a lot! Braids are good, except if it's always braided what's the point?

Joanne, thanks for the explanation. That does make a lot of sense. I don't think that is our case, mainly because we've kept our opinions to ourselves beyond the occasional reminder that real weapons do kill people etc. We've been fairly supportive of them playing with their toy weapons, but we're questioning whether we've let something in to our family that is destructive ultimately and whether we should be rethinking it. It is complicated by the fact that the 11yo is a very obsessive personality in all areas of his life. So he takes everything further than seems good. And it's so all or nothing with him. Which makes it hard to make compromising decisions. Redirecting him is basically impossible at times. But I don't want to crack down too hard on something that is normal - its just not knowing what is normal, kwim? Thanks again for you input, everyone. It helps to know what other families do/think. Sometimes I feel like we're so on our own. Jen

Lots of interesting responses here. Thanks everyone. Joanne, what do you mean by the violent play being in response to parental environment or however you put it? And yes, lately, especially, it's pretty much ALL they want to play. Different games depending on the weapon, but centering around chasing, combat, ambush, bad/good guys, etc. I love that they are outside. Active. playing with each other. but.... I don't know.

Joanne, It's not that I'm not asking for a discussion. It's more that I know there must be families out there who have tried to limit weapon/violent play. And I'm wondering how it works or does it?

I know some would say this is just boys (although my 10yo girl does join just as much :glare:). But does it have to be? How normal is this amount of obsession with violence and fighting/killing? Is it healthy? Is it healthy to try to stem it? My 11yo draws fighter jets all the time. My 5yo draws pictures of all kinds of weapons, fills up pages of them. We don't allow much in the way of video games, etc. But we do have rise of the nations and that is all they play for their 30 min. Loves it. But it's all about war! I just don't know where to draw the line, or if we should. I mean, we are pretty much pacifists ourselves and now we have these violence obsessed kids.:tongue_smilie: We're having a hard time here.

How does it work out? Have you done it from the beginning? Did you change over at some point? Do your kids accept it or resent it? What do they play with instead? Do they just make weapons with sticks, etc? And do you allow that? We have 3 boys 11, 6 and 5 and that is ALL they want to play. Swords, guns, lightsabers, crossbows, daggers - you name it. We've actually made some of these weapons for them. Cut them out of wood etc. It's getting old. The violent play all the time. And someone is always getting hurt. We're curious about what other families have done. thanks Jen

get rid of all grains! if that is too hard at least try gluten-free

I joined this board so I could buy and sell:D I've had nothing but great experiences on both ends of the transaction. Bought an entire sonlight core last year. Received it priority mail! Everything neatly wrapped in plastic wrap. Books like new. That one stands out to me, but I haven't had one deal go bad. That being said, it hardly is worth it to package up, go to the post office and pay for shipping anymore. So I don't really sell stuff now. But its not because of bad experiences.

I always called myself the nap nazi. It was very important to me for my little ones to get the quality rest they needed - for their sake as well as mine. So I made it a priority and yes, that meant that I organized my days around nap times for about 10 years. I think it made for happier children and less chaotic days. We have still have plenty of years to run around like crazy people now that my youngest is 5 and my oldest is 13.

This is a joke right? Right?

Joanne thanks for your encouragement. I will try to make a list. It is really hard for me to write this stuff down. I feel like I am betraying my child somehow by writing down all the "bad" stuff he does. Like I'm gathering evidence against him. Even asking for help here feels hard. I know this is irrational sounding, but I think it's part of the reason I haven't tried to get help before.

you can use a LOT less yeast in those recipes. Just let it rise longer on the counter before refrigerating it. Alternately, get a bosch mixer and make regular bread. It kneads for you and does such a good job you only have to do one rise. Just mix, knead put in pans, rise and bake. Takes hardly any time at all.

Everyone- thank you for taking the time to reply. and thanks for the suggestions. I will make a list and figure out which one looks like the best place to start. I have read Danny Silk's book. I liked it a lot, but the issues we're dealing with have gone past my ability to just "make some changes". Really, I feel like I've explored and exhausted so many options that were within my "own" power. Read the books, done the diets, etc. Outside help is like a major last resort for me. Thanks for the hugs as well! Jen

We've done the feingold diet, and a gluten free diet, which is as hardcore as it gets I think as far as eliminating triggers. It helps a lot - getting out the dyes, etc. But we are still dealing with a very unhappy/obsessive child. So that's why I feel at the end of my rope. Like we've done what we can on our own. I'd prefer not to do medication. But something needs to change for sure.

we don't really have a primary physician - just a clinic he goes to yearly for his asthma checkup. We are sort of medical avoiders:D Would that be the place to start? Like, do I make an appt. and say I need to talk about behavioral/emotional issues? Also, this is not new behavior - ongoing since toddler. I feel like the issues are something we need better tools to deal with. Like what do we do when ______? Or how to handle ____________? Because yelling isn't working:D And he can't spend the next 8 years in his room. And our family is suffering because of all the emotional volatility and negativity. We live in OR.

I feel like maybe we need help. "professional" help. I don't know where to start. We don't have much money. We do have state health insurance. The child in question is 11. We just don't know what to do anymore and it doesn't seem to be getting better as he gets older. Maybe worse. We've never gotten any "diagnosis" for him, but he is clearly different than the other 4 kids. I never thought I'd be in this situation... Thanks for the help. Jen

We sharpen ours with our wall mount metal sharpener just fine. And yes, they are really worth it, especially for older kids. I tried them when the kids were little, and it wasn't worth the difference at all. But now, at 13, 11 and 9, they appreciate and comment on them all the time. They also are able to take care of them better. They color with them several times a week or more. It makes a big difference in coloring enjoyment around here.

ban yourself from the computer:D books suddenly become so attractive...

Oh man, you guys are too funny! vertebrates:D Yeah, fast forward would never really work - they always want to rewatch movies a zillion times and I can't always catch stuff. Plus, it would definitely draw more attention to the issue, not less. And yes, it makes sense that my kids in their semi-innocence will not attach a sexual meaning to the whole thing, but I KNOW that the implications have had a whole different take for a few generations of teenage boys at this point. Believe, me it doesn't go over THEIR heads.

OK, you guys are making me feel a lot better. Thanks for the feedback. I guess I have to try harder to remember that kids just don't notice things they way we do. Don't even get me started on all the songs I used to sing along with that when I hear them now, I think "I had NO IDEA what I was singing!" thank goodness. So I guess we'll just act like it's normal to be wearing a bikini chained to a giant slug in an underground lair on a desert planet in a galaxy far far away a long time ago. :D

well, Tatooine was sandy....I don't remember so much water.