We made the decision that our kids would have a "big" birthday every four years. Every year we would have cake, ice cream, and favorite meal plus gifts. If relatives wanted to stop by thats fine, but no invites would be sent. As they get older a friend or two for a special treat (movie or putt putt etc). For the every fourth we would do a big party, pick a theme, decorate, have games, and invite a smorgousboard of friends and family.