Thanks :)

Thank you! :)

Thank you, I'll try that if she's still upset when she comes home or next time. Any other suggestions appreciated.

My daughter gets a horrible rash from grass after it's cut and she is sitting in it. It took a few days to go away but it looked like dozens of tiny ant bites almost.

My 10 yr old daughter has been having nightmares lately that she can't seem to shake. She dreams that she is younger and is killed. The part that horrifies her is that when she goes to heaven, I can't go with her because I'm not dead. I have tried to explain that heaven is a happy place and she wouldn't be upset. (The concept of relatives waiting to greet her isn't comforting to her because she hasn't been close to anyone who has passed). I also assured her that she would not die. I don't feel like I've been of much comfort. When she has this dream, it takes her a few hours to shake it and she'll burst into tears randomly. FWIW, she's classified as gifted so sometimes her brain can take her into deep thoughts. Any suggestions for either things to say or books that address death and heaven? I hate to cater to a nightmare but maybe if we address it openly, it will take away the nightmare's power to upset her.

I am trying to set up a wonderful art curriculum for our girls. My MIL is an artist (and her mother who passed away last year). She has been giving the girls lessons once a month since January. (She lives a couple hours away). We are visiting her now and she's doing extra projects with them currently. My husband's family has very strong artistic and musical talents. One of my girls is talented in both areas and my youngest has a complete passion (and talent) for art alone. For this reason, we will be heavily involved in art. MIL's main art is from sculptures, usually involving metal. She paints as well (commission and contests) but her passion is sculptures. Their (now deceased) great grandmother created sculptures of painted blocks and also painted. I'm trying to set up an art room with painting materials (which we already have) along with wooden blocks (not sure about the metal stuff honestly). They are currently learning about Jackson Pollock (sp?) method of paint flinging and they want to continue doing it at home. They are also starting wooden sculptures. I plan to continue with MIL's lessons, do Meet the Masters as well as studying specific artists (mostly local) to study their style. (Folk art - MoseT for example since we have some of his stuff). Is it going to be harmful to have them learning all different styles rather than sticking to one type? I hate to hem them in since there are so many styles that DH's family does. When I say they are really good, I'm not boasting - they appear to have natural talent and for my youngest, she would happily do nothing but art. Any suggestions?

I have an upcoming 2nd and 5th grader. They both love to read. I have been correcting them when they mis-spell something without formal instruction. What would be a good spelling program that is mostly hands-off from me? My energy and focus is on other topics and spelling just isn't that huge for me. I think they should do something, but 15 minutes a day is about what I'm looking for and easy for me to plan.

songsparrow - I think that's exactly what I'll do. It is almost a non-issue for the rest of the week since I've provided the food and am becoming a bit stricter about what we're doing. I'm about to go spend the afternoon with SMIL and all the kids so maybe we can try (again) to sort things out. SKL - That's what I'm worried about. I feel like they think i'm unreasonable and they are upset. So now, we are all upset. I did have my daughter at their house and after a few hours she just melted completely down. Nobody really understands the personal care stuff. Little things that people take for granted (brushing teeth or hair, lotion, ointments, meds, feeding, etc) are just incorporated into my day to do. The in-laws need too much education for this trip. I've made a list of things that I need to address or just take care of for them (like having snacks and food for dd. Honestly, they had in mind to serve pb&j for lunch and decided that she could just eat it with a spoon. Not only is that unacceptable, but if they have 'double dipped' the knife/spoon from bread to jar, it's contaminated.) Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm reading, just busy. :)

Yes, I can't remember if I mentioned my kids' needs in the other thread. I usually have my routines and schedules in place so it's still fairly smooth. Usually my time here IS relaxing. I love coming here. And as annoyed as I am over everything, I have still had some downtime, just not what I had planned. (Granted, I didn't plan on two kids with stomach viruses either). DH is going to commute to work this week (it's about 1 1/2 hours each way but he usually drives 1 hr so he said it wouldn't be a problem). He's going to talk to his Dad tonight. I think I'm just going to re-write my week and plan on taking them and bringing them back. But at this point it's dumb. I'm only doing it because the girls enjoyed it. They did VBS back home. I'll talk to our therapist today and try to adjust her schedule. They are late picking the girls up this morning, but last I heard, they WERE picking them up....unless it's changed. *sigh* I've also made a note (yes, I know I'm picky) and I'll remember to look at it before I plan anything with SMIL again. (And I'm definitely not doing Christmas like we did last year - another rant).

For those of you who read my other thread about how great my in-laws are, I suppose I jinxed myself by even typing it. :( MIL is still doing great, but Step-MIL (SMIL) and I are at odds. It all started back in November when she said how hurt they were that we didn't visit often (they visit us never except for holidays). It's hard for us to travel. Oldest is significantly disabled with autism/anxiety and her personal care (eye infections, eczema, teeth, etc) take about 1 - 1 1/2 hours a day. Middle daughter has Celiac. Youngest has anxiety and frequent 'tummy problems'. When we visit, we have a mountain of stuff to bring with us. Anyway, SMIL was upset so I told her I would plan a long visit during the summer. She asked if they could take the girls to their VBS and I told her sure. She called in February to give me the date. After a lot of struggle, we finally made it here (about 2 hours from where we live) and are settled into MIL's guest house. However, my oldest had a negative reaction to her medication and we discovered she was on the tail end of having mono so she isn't at her best. SMIL called Sat night to tell me that they wanted to take the girls to church (the two younger, not our oldest, she doesn't do well in new environments). I told her that was fine. Then she said that since she had invited "her" two grandkids to stay the week with them, she wasn't sure if she would be able to drive my girls unless I agreed to have them double-buckled. I told her that I didn't think that was a great idea and could they drive two cars to church. She was annoyed but finally agreed. She then asked if I could at least drive the girls over to their house. I told her that I couldn't (I get lost at the drop of a hat here) as our oldest was still having trouble (it takes a while to get her ready and mornings around here are a nightmare). She was a little more annoyed and said that she wasn't sure if FIL could drive over because they sometimes over-slept and they couldn't be late for church but she would call in the morning and let me know if I needed to figure out a way to get the kids to her house. She hung up. That night, my youngest started throwing up which worried me that it was a tummy virus so I called SMIL and told them that the girls were skipping church because of what happened. She told me that was fine but that I needed to figure out a way to drive the two girls to VBS this week since they didn't have room in their car and they didn't want to take two cars. My daughter receives therapy during the summer and I actually received permission for the therapist to continue therapy sessions here since we will be here for about 9 days. I explained the therapist situation and SMIL told me to just put a note on the door that I would be right back. I reminded her of the personal care time for oldest daughter and said that I simply couldn't drive the girls. (And it was never my responsibility to drive them). She said we would talk more after church. At 1:30, I finally called her and she said that she wasn't sure what their plans were but if I wanted to come over with the girls, I could. I drove them all over to their house to visit. The first thing they did was ask my girls if I had a gps. (We don't and I answered for them.) I tried to explain why I couldn't drive and how I use these trips to catch up on paperwork and relax, but they just kept looking annoyed. Around 4:00, middle daughter became hungry. SMIL told her that she might need to wait until after church. I didn't realize they were going to night church and had brought them over in flip-flops and shorts. I told them that daughter really needed to have a snack prior to leaving and they dug around and finally pulled out popcorn and spam (we don't like spam btw). They said they didn't really understand her diet and hadn't bought anything for her to eat. (This upset her as she always worries that her diet will interfere with people liking her.) She ate the popcorn and I quietly asked SMIL if it would be helpful if I sent over some snacks (I sent around $50 worth of snacks and microwavable meals). When they left for church, I asked when they would be home. The answer was that they would call if I needed to come get them or they would drop them off at some point. They said if they decided to have the girls spend the night they would call me. Fine. I went back to the guest house and was so tired I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at 9:30 pm and the girls weren't home. I tried to call SMIL but there was no answer. Finally she called and said the girls were on the way (10:00). She said that FIL would pick them up in the morning for VBS. She said that they would take them to VBS but I would have to pick them up, they had no other option since FIL would have to go to work after VBS. She again offered to double-buckle the girls but I told her no. (And to be clear, it would be MY two girls that would be double-buckled for the entire week, not the other grandkids - they would have their own belt). When FIL picked them up this morning, he didn't even speak to me. :( He wouldn't look at me and seemed upset with me. After he left, my oldest started throwing up. Since she doesn't understand things well, (such as get to the bathroom) it was quite a mess. I was in tears from being tired (and scared to fall asleep) and not sure how I was going to pick them up when MIL stopped by. She offered to go pick them up at VBS. I hated to have her do it (since MIL and SMIL aren't friends) but I was desperate. She asked if she needed to take them to SMIL's house but I had no idea what the plans were, so I told her if she picked them up, she could have them for the afternoon. I sent SMIL a text letting her know that my oldest was ill and MIL would be picking them up. (I sent this about 15 minutes before it let out). SMIL called a few minutes later to tell me that they must've forgot to tell me that they were going to be able to take them back to their house. I told her that MIL had already left and since I didn't know, to send them back with MIL. I haven't heard from her since so I'm guessing that FIL will pick them up but I don't know how they are getting home. (VBS has 900 kids, so picking them up is not as easy as it would seem. It took MIL 45 minutes). They aren't able to plan. And I feel like they're expecting me to be at their whim when I didn't come here to be a chauffeur. They invited us and had ample opportunity to work out seating arrangements. They waited until I arrived here to tell me that they weren't going to take two cars, that I would need to do it. I feel completely disrespected. But having tried to explain things, they are now upset with me and things are awkward, at best. I had given them a schedule (they had asked for one) but they won't follow it. Unfortunately, the girls loved VBS or I would just pull them out and not worry about it. Also, they both want to spend more time with this set of grandparents since they don't see them often. Help. Maybe it's part of my personality, but when I don't know what's going on or what's expected of me, it makes me feel unbalanced for the whole day. I'm scared to start projects because I'm worried that I'll lose track of time. I can't nap or watch movies for the same reason. I need to reclaim the situation. DH is fully supportive of whatever I do and said he would call his Dad tomorrow but it would probably be ugly. I now think the only reason they wanted the girls at VBS was to show them off (they are well known and active at church). Sorry it's so long :(

Does he breathe through his mouth by any chance? My oldest daughter has a lot of dental issues (though only one cavity so far).

:grouphug: praying

I had a whole reply typed out but my computer ate it. Problems with laptops I suppose.. Anyway, I wanted to make sure you read (at least I think I posted it) where I encouraged her to go back to her adoption agency and seek out post adoption counseling. Same thing, right? (Seriously asking, I know it reads kinda flippant). Is it true that if you've ever been diagnosed with anxiety/depression you can't adopt? That's sad. :( DH and I have thought about adopting special needs kids after our two younger are grown. My depression/anxiety was directly related to our daughter's diagnosis and stress of being pregnant again. I thought it was a good sign to go for help. I would think something like that would prevent people from seeking help.

Yes, my kids are biologically mine. :) It took about two years to conceive, but then it was easy. By the time DD turned 1 yr old, I was already pregnant with DD#2. However, I always attributed that to God. My firstborn was diagnosed when she was 13 months old with autism and she's severely impaired. There's a good chance we wouldn't have had more however we were already pregnant at the time of diagnosis. After our second daughter was born, we "rolled the dice" again for our third daughter. :) Our middle has Celiac Disease. Our youngest has some anxiety issues (we pulled her out of public school to homeschool). I wouldn't really say our life is easy, but I think it looks that way.

The ants were absolutely unbelievable. It was bad. The baby seemed okay, but my sister was absolutely traumatized. I know I've talked about my mistakes before but maybe I should direct them to her in an email or something. I try to laugh over my mistakes or find the bright side. There are a few mistakes I've made that I haven't told people about. Maybe I can share some in a heart to heart with her.

My sister left this morning. She had a horrible night. Ants came into the guest house and when she woke up, the baby had about 40 bites around her diaper area and even around her eyes. She had heard the baby cry during the night but didn't check on her. I went to check on her and she was just sitting, holding the baby and crying while my 3 yr old niece ran around naked (she had stripped worrying about ants). I'm actually quite good in an emergency (that's not my own that is) and was able to get her into a shower, my niece into ant-free clothing and medication onto the ant bites and a bit of tylenol. The bites do not look bad, but I did suggest she call her pediatrician, "just in case". It seemed like the right moment, so I told her about my housekeeper who adopted a child and had difficulty bonding. She started crying again and told me that's exactly what she felt like. She said that she was starting to see good things in 3 yo niece but it was slow coming. She felt like a failure. She thought her kids would be like my kids but they weren't. I was floundering a bit because I've not had her experiences and I felt like a fraud trying to counsel her about them. But, I told her to call the adoption agency and ask if they did post adoption counseling. I told her that having difficulty and depression after adoption was absolutely, perfectly normal. I told her that things would get better as they became older and she should take shortcuts where she could (order pizza rather than cooking, etc). She felt horrible for not checking on the baby, but I told her that if she had, in the dark, she would not have even seen the ants. I told her that it was a mistake and she needed to learn to forgive herself because every parent makes mistakes that affect our kids. If there are any websites or books that might be helpful, can you post or send them to me. Our relationship seemed to be a bit better. I think she gets upset with me because maybe I have or am what she wants? (That sounds boastful but I don't mean it to be).

This is it exactly. The guest house is located next door to MIL, so the kids walk back and forth. When I visit MIL, I tend to have about 6 - 8 hours a day where I do nothing, absolutely nothing. I take baths, I read books, watch movies and nap. I'm welcome to join them, but they know that I'm taking my vacation time while they have the kids. lol I mentioned in another post, they also usually give me lots of little gifts. Nothing major, but I usually get chocolate, little knick-knacks they picked up at a cute store, lots of fresh fruit and veggies from the farmers market and if they take the kids out to eat they bring me back anything I want (my favorite is blackened salmon with steamed asparagus and chocolate cheesecake). This is the first time they have both been vocal about time spent with kids which is why I was trying to sort out their time.

you're partially right. :) We don't regularly attend church although we do Bible study at home. I want my girls to be exposed to many different cultures and religions and to make their own choice. Basically, I want them to be good people who show kindness to others. I do plan on enrolling them in a church soon, but I don't like high-pressure churches. The schedule does sound exhausting, but if something has to give, then something WILL give. There will be down time worked in. If it turns out that it's not working, VBS will be the first to go. Also, in regards to your other post, nobody will be critical of me. DH's family knows that he will be furious if anyone says anything unkind towards me. Since I'm the one that plans get-togethers with in-laws, they know if it's up to DH they won't see much of the kids. They will be critical of each other, but typically I receive lots of chocolate and little gifts from everyone.

They will not see grandparents during VBS (which I didn't realize when I agreed). SMIL and FIL are heavily involved in church and will be involved with VBS. They are always welcome to visit us anytime, but SMIL and FIL are typically too busy. SMIL can't come do the artwork since that's MIL time. They are cordial to each other and chat when they see each other, but I wouldn't call them friends. ETA - I usually have a great time when I visit. Most of the time the kids are doing things so I spend my time reading, on the internet and snacking on things. It sounds like a lot of work to arrange it, but we all typically have a blast. This is the first time they have argued over kid-time.

We are going to visit our in-laws who live about two hours away. Because DH's parents are divorced I have a mother in law (MIL) and her husband; and step-mother in law (SMIL) and her husband (DH's father). MIL is an artist (and trust fund kid) and is erratic, eccentric and loads of fun. She maintains a pink stripe in her hair and is well-known in art circles in her area. Her artwork is very good (she does mostly sculptures). Her family is very artistically gifted and many are successful artists. She's very spontaneous. She considers herself an atheist but believes that spirits (not ghosts, just religion in general) reside in nature. SMIL works (and so does DH's Dad) and is very responsible. They are very active in a Southern Baptist church. They are stable and reliable. They take the girls to the zoo and museums, etc. They are as opposite of MIL as could possibly be. They ALL get along great with the girls and I get along well with all of them. (Possibly because I make all arrangements for visits lol). SMIL invited the girls to go to Vacation Bible School next week. I said sure and made arrangements to stay at MIL's guest house. My assumption was that SMIL would have the girls in the morning and MIL would have them for the second part of the day. Yesterday, SMIL told me that she didn't consider VBS to be part of "their" time with the kids since they wouldn't see them. She wanted more time with the kids so I have tried to arrange a schedule. She feels since they invited us, they get the most time. MIL feels that VBS should be part of their time since they want to spend it in church when they could do other things. Since we're staying in MIL's house, she feels she should get more time. Plus, she has already planned several art projects (which the girls will adore). (The girls do have talent in art). DH sides with MIL. Of course, everyone is leaving it up to me. I decided that the girls will get all day Sunday with SMIL and VBS time Mon-Fri. After VBS, we will go visit DH's grandmother (on his father's side) for a couple of hours. SMIL will also get the kids all day Tuesday for any trips they want to take. They will also get a couple of evenings. MIL gets tomorrow afternoon/evening (Saturday) and afternoons Mon-Fri. She will also get a couple of evenings and all day next Saturday. We are leaving tomorrow and I plan to come back home next Sat/Sun but could stay until Monday to make sure everyone is happy. We have the only kids in DH's family so it's a big deal. I'm trying to be a good daughter in law and make sure they are all happy. Does my schedule sound fair?

Yes, your math is right, she tried for 14 years to have a baby and yes, her husband left her for a woman he impregnated. When he left her, it was simply awful. That's one of our darkest memories for our family because she was devastated. I don't think my niece has any type of special needs (my oldest has autism so I meet a number of families with SN's and nothing has really jumped out at me). However, my sister has apparently talked to her doctor about it. She said that her pediatrician said that DNiece isn't ADD/ADHD but is "spirited". She's definitely "busy" :D but my own kids were the same at age 3, so her behavior doesn't seem unnatural. We have no info on the birth dad so anything is possible. Thanks for all the continuing comments. :)

My daughters (and I know girls are different than boys) get frequent "irritations" in sensitive areas. They are especially prone if that area gets hot (for example, if you were in a diaper all day outside at a bbq :D ). They always settle down with baking soda baths and motrin (or whatever) for comfort. I also do neosporin in the area that hurts. If you want to take him in, (and your doctor is not too far) ask if you can go by and pick up a few bags to do the urine sample yourself (which will save you lots of time). If you weren't going out of town, I'd tell you to wait a few hours and see if the bath/pain relief did the trick. Also, doctor's offices are busy today because many were closed yesterday. My daughter's psychiatrist told me today that I need to take my daughter in to her primary pediatrician for a check up as she has a low grade fever and they need to rule things out. The front desk said that we couldn't have an appointment and the nurse is reluctant to schedule one. (Even though I reminded her that I'm coming in at the request of the psychiatrist and this is fairly urgent). They're stressed and trying to keep things to a minimum. Be prepared to push and definitely try to get bags before going in to wait. Good luck :)

My sister is here and so far things are going fairly well. I've tried to listen more than I talk (always good advice, but I tend to talk more than I think lol). My 3 yr old niece is LOUD. She turns the tv loud, she talks loud, everything is loud. In fact, so loud I asked my sister if she had checked Dniece's hearing. She said that my niece gets lots of wax in her ears and needs them cleaned at the pediatrician's office frequently. I am going to suggest a hearing test because that might be part of it. My sister is a tad OCD on things. She's always been very particular about how things are kept. We (rest of the family) figured having kids would help her relax a bit, but it hasn't. (The OCD is tied in with her anxiety). My niece absolutely bonds with her daddy more than my sister. I thought it was very telling during their last visit she was a bit slow to warm up with me (in spite of toys, cookies, puzzles, etc) but when my husband came home (whom she's never really met), she went running to the door excitedly yelling, "Here I am! Here I am!" and when she saw him later she ran to him saying, "I came back!" I want to stress again that my sister loves them, but I admit, she's a bit clueless. They are beautifully and immaculately dressed and nearly every single item they own is monogrammed. They eat well and she faithfully goes to every doctor's visit. I don't want anyone to think she's a horrible person, because she's not. There's just a disconnect there somewhere. For example, last night she took 3 yo Dniece to see fireworks with my brother and his family. (My mother babysat the baby). The fireworks started at 7:30, but they didn't come home until nearly 11:00. They had stopped off to go "ghost hunting" in a graveyard and actually bumped into someone else (apparently doing the same) which scared ALL of the kids (my brother brought his 17 and 15 yr old also). My sister couldn't figure out why my niece didn't sleep well and ended up bringing her to my mom's house at 5:30 this morning so she (sister) could go back to sleep. My sister is too intelligent to do something this silly, so I don't know if she's clueless about being a parent or simply was tired of passing up fun things (ghost hunting) because she is now a parent. (I hope that made sense?). I plan to open up a discussion by telling her of a fictitious "friend" I know that had depression after adopting (not because she didn't love her child, but simply due to hormonal reasons and other emotions) and see if that will give her some encouragement to go talk to someone. Editing to add - The anxiety/depression and heart problems were around prior to her adoption of her two girls. And I'm not positive but I feel certain that she would have had fertility treatments of some type. I remember she told me that they had spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to become pregnant.

I happened to speak with a librarian a couple of years ago about graphic novels. She said that libraries are very enthusiastic about them as it encourages kids to read. Have you checked with them to see if they have suggestions? (Bone and Amulet at our house)

We have a border collie and when he came back from the groomer, I almost cried. He looked awful. (I'm sure the cut was great, but I wanted it shorter, not military style lol). Since I hadn't specified, i didn't complain (and I still tipped because I had asked them to do what they typically did for border collies in the summer). I have to say though, as much as I didn't like the look, I'm sure HE appreciates the cut. lol It has been H.O.T. hot this summer with the heat index hitting 111 where we live. (Yes, we do bring him in when it's scorching). He's also very active, so I'm sure he loves it. For his sake, I'll probably get it cut like that again next summer. It's already starting to grow out and I'm sure that by Fall it will be perfect. :) When it grows to the length you want, take a picture. :)