Editing to add that it looks like he will be fine. :) They think they have the right antibiotic and it's working. SFIL (step-father in law) was doing great when we visited last week. We last saw him on Sunday and he helped us load the car, cooked breakfast for us, etc. On Monday, he told MIL that he was feeling tired and went to bed early. She assumed he was just tired because we had been visiting. On Tuesday, he wouldn't get out of bed. MIL is a huge health nut but doesn't believe in doctors, etc. He has a diagnosis of early dementia and occasionally will see a neurologist. When he wouldn't get out of bed at lunchtime, she tried to get him to at least drink a smoothie. He mumbled but she couldn't wake him so she went to get her neighbors. Her neighbors took his temperature and it was over 104 so they called an ambulance. By the time he was in the ER, he had white foam coming from his mouth and MIL said he was "jerking around a bit". (MIL is NOT a medical person in the very slightest so I don't know if it was a seizure or something else). He's been in the hospital ever since. He recognized MIL briefly on Wed morning, but since then does not recognize her or his kids. He cannot (and does not want to) eat or drink. He has had trouble with incontinence and they cannot get the fever to go below 101 and it's mostly been around 103. They told MIL they had to do some cultures (and she didn't understand what that meant) and they thought it might be a urinary tract infection. Since MIL is not very medical, I have to wonder if it's possible that a UTI can do all of this? SFIL is 70 but (apart from the dementia and a previous stroke) is in excellent health. He still runs 2 miles a day and is very active. I asked her if they had checked to see if he'd had another stroke but she said that they said he hadn't. They can't get in touch with her neurologist until Monday and when I told her they could get another one, she indicated that they couldn't? (Or maybe they have and she didn't know?). We are stuck here since our oldest had her tonsils out on Wednesday and is having some trouble (due to being non-verbal). I'm just baffled about whether a UTI could do all of this? I may go ahead and send DH down to check on her (about 1 1/2 hours away). SFIL's other daughter is flying in tonight but he hasn't been able to recognize her from pictures they've shown him of his family. Editing to add an update - they still do not know for certain what is causing SFIL's problems. The cultures have not shown anything yet. They now suspect some type of meningitis and have done a spinal tap. The results from that should come in tomorrow. MIL is devastated. SFIL is basically in a stupor. They cannot get him to talk, move, walk, etc. Apparently he has occasionally "come to" but those seem to be getting shorter. I'm not sure if they still think it's a UTI or not. :(

My girls love Justice as well. :) Depending on how frequently you are out running errands, their prices are not too terrible if you can catch their clearance sales. They almost always have 40% off their merchandise (some stores require the coupon, but some don't - if you are on their mailing list you will get one with a catalog). When they mark things down, I have purchased shirts for about $5 apiece (I'm sure it's more than what you can find at goodwill, but all things considered, it's not a huge amount for a few special things). I try to stay on top of the girls clothing and figure out what they need before they decide they need it. Then I can find it on sale. (Granted, this probably won't work when they become teenagers but your dd is about the same age as mine). Our girls hang up just about everything so I can keep an eye on it (otherwise I get the "nothing to wear" excuse as well). To answer your original question, yes, I would make her re-pay for the leotards. I also think before your next trip, she should bring all of her clothes to you in a huge stack so you can see what she currently has available. Also, if you know someone who wears clothes your dd likes and is a size ahead of her, you may want to ask her if you can have (or buy) the clothes when her dd outgrows them. I have done this before and traded carpooling from school and making a few meals for outfits. Everyone was happy. (That doesn't help the entitlement but it can provide outfits that she will need and be happy with). Don't be afraid to stand her up on the "nothing to wear" complaint. We went through that with my daughter and she literally wore the same thing for a couple of months until we could afford to buy more.

I think that sometimes we all get overwhelmed with things that seem like they can never be accomplished. I know I feel that way at times and you certainly seem to have a lot on your plate(s) right now. I think you should prioritize first that you take care of yourself. I always tell myself that as long as I have enough sleep, I can do just about anything. Without sleep, everything falls apart. Then look at everything and go ahead and figure out where you can let things slide if you needed to do so. If possible, hire outside help (we have a housekeeper come in once a week - some weeks she's literally only doing maintenance stuff, other weeks she's shoveling paths through dirty laundry and scattered toys). The situation with your Mom is difficult because there's not a lot of guidance and you only have one shot to do the right thing. Is it possible for her to come visit you? (Honestly, if she's getting older, perhaps move near you?). Lots of :grouphug: . Make a list and organize it all. Good luck :)

When I take my girls in for ANY medical visit, I type out my questions in advance. If it's a new doctor, I tell them that I have some questions and to let me know when they would like me to ask them. (Usually, our conversation answers several before I ask them). (Our regular doctors know that I have "the list" lol). Prior to seeing my daughter's psychiatrist for the first time, we had to fill out all the questionnaires. I didn't feel like it appropriately covered my daughter's situation so I sent a one-page letter detailing my concerns. My letters to doctors typically start with the problem and then the resolution I am hoping they will bring. The most important thing to remember with lists and letters is to be concise or they get lost. Have someone else read the lists/letters at first to remove unnecessary things. Yes, sometimes I get funny looks for bringing in lists, but mostly I receive compliments. I don't have long visits because my list keeps things concise. Doctors can treat us and leave knowing they have addressed all of my concerns. I write down answers which assures them that I will follow treatment plans. I usually ask for a referral from our pediatrician's office, but sometimes I call friend and ask for the doctor they are using. Then I call the office and ask if they are accepting new patients. If I need a referral, they will tell me. I think you should find a very practical, down to earth friend who can help you sort out what might be problematic and what isn't. If I listed everything my kids have done, they might sound like psychopaths as well. Find a practical person you trust and ask them to help you with the list.

Thanks. I did wake her up in the middle of the night for medication last night and I'll do the same again tonight.

I do that, complete with notebooks and papers that are supposed to hold important papers and notes. I just end up with a pile of notebooks. If it's important, I put it on my computer. I have a running "to do" list and "maintenance" list. I also have a homeschool ideas type file that I save things in that is completely separate from my homeschool file of what I am currently doing. I still lose things, but I'm getting better.

bumping...anyone else? :bigear:

My oldest had her tonsils/adenoids removed yesterday and ear tubes put in. The ENT said the tonsils/adenoids were larger than anticipated and a bit difficult. He also said her ears were a mess and needed to be suctioned out. I did request extra pain medication for her but he said that he couldn't give her extra simply due to her diagnosis, he suggested contacting her psychiatrist for medication help if she became agitated. Yesterday was simply awful, by the way. We waited for four hours before surgery started and she was completely agitated. They said they couldn't give the medication my psychiatrist suggested (due to concerns of sleep apnea, which I do understand) and their only suggestion was Versed. I agreed to it since she was almost out of control at that point (again, no food for nearly 18 hours at that point) and she wasn't allowed her usual anxiety medication. When we came home, she was sticking her hands down her throat, throwing things, pinching herself and throwing herself against the walls. I gave her a full dose of pain medication and her anxiety medication (risperdol) and she calmed down significantly within 30 minutes and then fell asleep. I woke her up for more pain meds during the night and gave her another full dose this morning. Her actions indicate she is in pain (keeping in mind her idea of pain may not be what we consider pain - the extra loudness in her ears from the tubes and from being able to hear properly for the first time in possibly years may be painful for her, for example). She's very agitated but manageable today. However, my understanding was that today and tomorrow should be fairly tolerable with things getting worse and resolving on day 7 - 10 according to the ENT. I do have leftover lortab from when she had teeth removed a couple of months ago that I plan to use so I'm not overly worried about running out. My biggest question is: What was the general guideline for your kids when they had tonsils out? I've already decided to cut back a bit with the pain meds today because I've been told that she shouldn't need it as much today. I have ibuprofen and will be alternating it as much as I can and not giving a full dose. (Obviously if that doesn't work, I'll adjust). My daughter cannot talk and communicates through pictures and word. She can answer very, very few questions. Her comprehension is very limited although when she is distressed she is clearer than usual. She can tell us her mood and has consistently pointed to: I am mad. and I am hurt. except after her medication. Then we receive: I am happy. She is pointing to her mouth and touching her lips whenever I check on her. She isn't eating much and doesn't want to drink much (we're forcing it since she dehydrates easily). Should I call her psychiatrist and ask for stronger anxiety medication for the next week? This is really much worse than I anticipated and I didn't go into this lightly. Any suggestions appreciated. Her ENT isn't very sympathetic and I won't be seeing him again after this visit. I'm sure he's a nice person and a great doctor (he came highly recommended) but he's not the right fit for us.

Our kids are younger but we do allow occasional sodas (not daily but a couple of times a week). We do not allow Mountain Dew specifically as we have always heard that it was unusually harsh on teeth. If they decide to drink it after they leave our home, that is their choice.

Shocked and upset. He should have at least had the choice to be a father.

My daughter (soon to be 11) wants to learn how to scrapbook. Does anyone have any suggestions on books, guides, kits, or whatever to help her get started? I'm afraid to just turn her loose because she might go a bit nuts but I think she would do really well with a guide.

Thanks for all the replies. I feel much better about asking. At the very least, yes, something ahead of time might work. And thanks for the reminder about coming out of anesthesia. She is usually disoriented and always fights to sit up (again, she doesn't like laying down). She cannot be left alone whatsoever once she starts waking up. Oh, and I don't think I can get a new hospital. There are two other hospitals in that area, but my ENT is at Children's. The other two hospitals are not anywhere near as accomodating as Children's, although they have always been very nice. I can't put this off any longer and I have other things waiting on this to be finished for her. If it gets problematic, I'll ask for an advocate but I'm hopeful they will look at the situation and be kind.

My oldest is having tonsils/adenoids out on Wednesday and ear tubes put in. Due to her autism, she doesn't understand what will be happening. She doesn't understand that she has this coming up on Wednesday. She also has anxiety and we have seen that she gets agitated when we're separated in doctor's offices. I know we need to address this, but right now we're just happy that she's very cooperative when I am around. Last year, when she needed a MRI (Children's Hopital), she started pinching herself when they tried to take her to the room for the MRI (with sedation). They let me go back with her and hold her while she "fell asleep" (for lack of a better word, it was rather startling to see it happen). She refused to lay down so I held her and lowered her down to the table as she went under sedation. A couple of months ago, she needed teeth removed due to over-crowding. She had sedation (in-office at our oral surgeons) and again, wouldn't lay down so they let me stay with her and hold her (so she wouldn't fall) until she was under. She is going to have her upcoming procedure at the main Children's Hospital. My other girls have had minor procedures there and I know they do not allow parents in the back room (and I never asked). This daughter, however, will have problems with that and I hate thinking of her being restrained in order to be sedated when it could be done simply with my being with her. I was hoping they would call today for her pre-admission paperwork, but that particular dept didn't call. Is there anything I can ask for that might be a compromise? I know they don't want me in their surgical rooms. I know that this will become a mess if they take her straight back. Anyone have any suggestions?

When my middle daughter (who is 10, so younger than yours) meets someone new, there is a "honeymoon" phase where she wants to please them so the friendship will continue. I try to ignore it, since it usually only lasts a week or so, but for that week, we will hear about the new friend all day long. If there is a playdate, I try to be very aware of what they are doing since she will break a rule here or there if she feels awkward about saying "no". I'm thinking maybe your daughter has a great admiration for this friend and thought bending a few rules was okay. I would talk with her afterwards and tell her that rules are for a reason and ask what she was thinking when she broke them. (Not in a mean way, sometimes it may be that it's time to relax the rules because there is a good reason. For example, if the girl was crying and upset but wanted to make sure nobody walked in, would locking the door still make you so angry?) I agree with the others about the cereal. :) If you know a sleepover is coming, make a basket of food (popcorn, cereal, muffins, cookies, etc) and tell them that they can snack out of that basket but if they touch anything else you will chop off all ten fingers. :) I'd also allow food in rooms for sleepovers with the understanding that it's all cleaned up immediately the following morning. This girl may spend all of her time in her room at her own home. Her home life may not be great and if so, she'll be shy around adults. (I know this from experience). Take a deep breath and talk with your daughter. :grouphug:

We raised money for my daughter's IPAD by selling homemade candy at Christmastime. I specifically targeted parents looking to buy teacher's gifts. I bought cute Christmas packaging and made the chex candy recipe (muddy buddies or something?) but we added red/green m&m's and called it Christmas crunch. I also did the rolo candy (the one where you melt it on pretzels and top with a pecan). People are always short on time during December and needing hostess gifts, "extra person who shows up" gifts, teacher/Sunday school class gifts, etc. Unfortunately, December is also OUR busiest time, but it was one of those "suck it up" and "everyone helps" in our household so we could get it.

Oh dear, is reading/literature NOT in MCT? I have been going nuts trying to find a good reading program for both girls. Youngest DD hasn't finished ETC. I'll add in those workbooks she didn't finish last year and update my original post. Thanks :)

I have Writing Strands here, would that work to add in? I had decided that if I needed spelling, then I would probably use Rod & Staff. Thanks :)

Before I actually hit the order button on these items, would you all please look it over and tell me if I have it right, wrong or should look further? DD10 will be in 5th grade. She is classified gifted but has been in a poor district up until withdrawing her recently. I want to back up and review things, but she catches on very quickly. DD7 will be in 2nd grade. They both enjoy doing work independently. DD10: Math - Singapore Science - Noeo Biology 2 History - SOTW Art - private lessons Music - private lessons and Stories of great composers Bible - Positive Action Reading/English - MCT Level 1, Writing Strands, R&S Spelling DD7: Math - Singapore Science - Noeo Chemistry 1 History - SOTW Art - Private lessons, Meet the Masters, additional studies in local folk art Music - Stories of Great Composers Bible - Positive Action Reading/English - MCT Level 1, Writing Strands, ETC, R&S Spelling My biggest question is on MCT since I have never seen the program before. I'm hoping to use the same level for both girls but if my older dd moves rapidly through it, I can order the next level. I appreciate any input. Editing my post as we go! :)

DH and I talked last night. We decided that we would not see FIL and SMIL for the rest of the trip, although we will not actively avoid them. The girls might see them at VBS today (last day) and that's fine. Also, we have plans to see DH's grandmother and they may be there (probably not, but if so, that's fine). We're leaving early Sunday rather than late Monday. I've made a huge list on my "notes" I keep when scheduling events. So, I'm hopeful that it won't be this way in the future. One final interesting tidbit - FIL said that he never knew that SMIL told me the girls couldn't stay with them due to DD's diet. He thought I was being over-protective by not allowing them to stay with them.

The problem is mostly with SMIL. I'm not sure if FIL is aware of some of the things she does or says. Most of her phone calls to me are done when he's not around, especially if we're discussing money. Neither of them are familiar with my daughter's diet and I don't think they understand how hurtful that is to her. MIL wanted them a lot at first, but she became very ill right before we showed up and spent the first few days sleeping. She's still tired so she doesn't care if she doesn't see them a lot right now. (MIL absolutely gets the diet and such, so she's good there as well). They are mostly afraid of DH's temper and of causing hard feelings with him. When DH is mad, everyone knows it as everyone can hear it. It was my idea to discontinue things with his Dad's side of the family for the rest of the week, but I told him that it was his family and he would need to deliver the bad news. He is furious with them and completely backs my decision. My best friend tells me that I have a crazy long fuse, but she feels sorry for the person who lights it. That's fairly accurate. Most people know that I will give and give some more, but they also know that if they push too far I will put my foot down and down it stays. The people who know me say that I'm actually scarier than DH because I stay calm and quiet but I do exactly as I say. DH will usually calm down afterwards. I did tell him to let his Dad know that if they wish to visit the kids, they could talk to him about it, so I'll leave that to him to take them for a visit if he wants. I do not want to set the precedent that it will ever be okay to shout at me (from the street at that) especially in front of my kids. That's why I'm a bit scared to back down. And yes, they are step-cousins. They enjoy each other when they see each other, but we never plan visits together because we aren't that close.

I think I need one myself ....

Nope. The cousins (SMIL's grandchildren) are staying with FIL/SMIL for the week. We aren't close with them, but they have all enjoyed playing together. My girls couldn't stay with SMIL/FIL for the week because one of my girl's has Celiac Disease and SMIL told me it would be too difficult and expensive. Therefore, other DD (with autism who isn't doing VBS, I had her therapists travel here instead) and I had to come to town as well. SMIL/FIL don't have room for us at their house, but MIL had a guest house she lets us use that is next door to her house. And yes, the Hive predicted this, right down to the over-stressed child. :( However, it wasn't predicted that my daughter (who was having a reaction to risperdal but cleared to travel) would also receive a diagnosis of mono (they said she was at the end of it, so that was cleared for travel as well), or that we would get here and I would have one child throwing up the next day, another child throwing up the day after and my oldest throwing up this morning (all over blankets, one of which was wool and I shrunk in the washer, antiques, lampshades, etc). What a trip! :(

Yeah, I think we missed the boat on VBS. It sounded like a good idea at the time....We skipped today just to rest and go visit with DH's only living grandparent. They want to go tomorrow, but I'll be doing the driving. I really thought they would see their grandparents at VBS. The VBS my girls went to at a friend's church had 23 kids in it. Here, it's 900.

I had posted earlier about SMIL (Step MIL) changing plans around and getting annoyed with me because she felt she wasn't getting enough time with grandkids, etc. (For backstory, we are visiting my in-laws - all of them - and staying at my MIL's guest house. We are on day 6 of a 9 day visit). DH has been commuting back and forth since SMIL seems so annoyed. She won't say much in front of him as he's known for speaking his mind. Yesterday was really bad. He was at work and had decided to go home to check on our pets and house, not to return until tonight (Thurs night). We had spent Tuesday doing things with FIL and SMIL all day and then we had taken them out to a very nice restaurant (our treat) for FIL's b'day. So, we thought things had settled down. Wednesday, they took the two girls out to lunch after VBS but when dropping them off, DD10 came in crying. She was tired and exhausted and I sent her to take a nap. FIL was worried and I was talking to him when SMIL drove up to drop off other DD. As DD was walking over, she rolled down the window and yelled, "Is it going to be like this every day?!" (not questioning, she was mad). She yelled, "All we do is drive them around and feed them lunch". (This technically wasn't true, they were together for 8 hours on Sunday visiting and about 6 on Tuesday). The girls visited with MIL (again, who is next door since I'm at her guest house and we can't ignore her nor do I want to) on Monday afternoon. I didn't know what to say since really, I don't get involved in street shouting matches. Then she started yelling that she knew that MIL thought they had them all the time but she felt that MIL had them too much. (Again, not true, MIL is actually sick so she hasn't seen them much). I tried to explain, but to do that, I had to shout, so I just told her I would see what I could do about getting them more time. When I walked inside, the girls were simply wide-eyed because I try not to have "grown up conversation" around them. But, with all the yelling, not only did they hear, but so did MIL (who told me not to worry about it) and so did MIL's neighbors across the street. I was so embarrassed and completely stressed because there is no more time to give them. I called DH and he went ahead and drove into town and met with his Dad. He told him that I had decided that I was finished doing activities with them for this trip and perhaps the next one (ha!) would be better. While he was talking, SMIL called and left an apology on my voicemail. She blamed it all on MIL for "hogging the kids". FIL also called and apologized (voicemail, I was too tired to answer it). SMIL left a message letting me know that her brother and his wife had driven in (from two states away) just so they could play with all the grandkids and they would love to see us again before we left. The girls want to see them all including their cousins. I worry that if I give in and see them, it will just start up again or it will appear like I am having tantrums. Typically, I don't do anything dramatic like cutting off visits for the rest of the trip, but if I do something, it stays done. Thoughts? (We leave on Sunday)

I'm looking at BJU Reading for 3rd and 5th grades and the English/Writing/Grammar for 2nd and 5th. Can someone explain some pros and cons? How much time should it take daily for good readers? How hands on is it from teacher perspective? I don't mind Christian content but would get uncomfortable if it was too heavy and prevalent. Thanks :)