**Please don’t quote, will delete later for privacy.**

Can you tell me more about which of his issues you think are connected to a connective tissue disorder, and why? I had a PT tell me recently that she thinks I have a connective tissue disorder. If I have one then certainly some if not all of my kids do (two in particular have some signs) and there’s a connection between that and all these glitches my kids have...that would explain a lot.

This is something I really struggle with too. I started a thread on a similar topic not too long ago. I have low self-esteem issues anyway and rarely having anyone contact me first doesn’t help. All my life I’ve been the initiator. I’ve had one friend, ever, who initiated. Actually two but one actually badgered me to the point where I had to ask her to back off, and the friendship didn’t last too long after that. When my state shut down due to COVID, it was almost a month before anyone at my (small, fairly close-knit) church messaged me (about the time I thought, well nobody’s going to contact me so I guess I’ll start contacting people and asking how they’re doing). People tend to be happy when I contact them and happy to get together if I ask, but I don’t always want to be the asker. I’ve stopped putting as much effort into several friendships because of this. We’re still friends though. I do have one friend who always makes it clear that she’s really glad I asked her to get together, and though we rarely talk in between, I’m ok with it for this particular friendship.

Haven’t read all the responses. The book “Outliers” speaks to this topic and it’s a really interesting read. My personal opinion is that several things play into success. One is “luck” (though I’d probably call it opportunity...”Outliers” discusses this a lot). One is talent/ability. One is hard work. One is making good choices—someone can work hard but repeatedly make, say, poor financial decisions and not do well for themselves overall.

My hesitation about trying the school is DH wants it to be all or nothing--either they go to school and there they stay regardless of how they're doing, or they don't go. The school doesn't offer any accomodations other than splitting spelling tests in half. We've done extensive remediation, but I think they will still struggle with a number of things.

I could use ideas for both at home and away from home. Kids are 14, 11, 9, 7, 4, & 2. There's just not much that a 2 yo can do, and I don't really enjoy trying to entertain him while the others do an activity.

I really struggle with parenting burnout on an ongoing basis. One of the things that helps is finding things to do with my kids that they enjoy (meaning less whining and fighting) and I enjoy. When the weather's nice that mostly looks like going to parks and going for walks on the trails by the river. We're rapidly approaching the end of decent weather, and winters are looong here. They're also very windy, and it's just not fun going outside when the wind is blowing 20-30 mph and it's 24 degrees out. I need to come up with other things we can all enjoy doing. I'd prefer things that get us out of the house, but I really can't think of anything. Life is mostly normal here other than having to wear masks inside anywhere, so everything's open. There's not much in the way of museums. There is a children's museum, but I do NOT enjoy visiting it. At home we like playing games, but there's nothing everyone can play, and trying to play with the big kids means the little ones are running around getting into trouble, which ends up not being fun for me. What else could we do that would be fun/nice for all of us?

I am really burned out on homeschooling. On mothering in general, really. There's too many kids, too many needs, too little of me to go around. We've been considering sending the oldest three (DD14, DS11, DS9) to a small Christian school. I think DD for sure will go, but I'm not sure about the boys because they're dyslexic and I'm not sure they'll do well. But I can't keep homeschooling them. Public school isn't on the table. Today I was thinking, "What would it be like to unschool them for a year?" I have no idea...I am not an unschool-y person. What could this look like? We'd definitely continue with their math programs. Left to themselves, they'd fight a lot, build giant forts in the family room, play outside, and do as much game time as I allow (which isn't much).

Thanks! (Accidentally double quoted and couldn’t figure out how to delete the 2nd one.)

I moved stuff around and came up with this. It could probably use a little more organizing but it’s good enough for now. There’s still a lot of empty space at the back of the top and middle shelves, but the overall arrangement is more useful and less frustrating. I can reach everything at the front of all the shelves, and all the way back on the lowest shelf, without standing on anything. If I leave that gap between the almond milk and the black basket on the lowest shelf I can even get everything in the back there out without moving anything other than one of those two things.

My kitchen doesn’t have a pantry. It has a lot of cabinets, and this one seems to be intended to be used like a pantry. It’s deep, about 22”. The bottom half works ok because it has pull-out drawers. The top doesn’t, and it’s not very useful because it’s so deep (and tall). It’s a pain to have to haul a chair into the kitchen to stand on every time I want something that’s not right in front. It’s a pain to have to take the things in front out to reach what’s behind them. I don’t really have anything that’s infrequently used that can be put on the top shelf or in the back—all the cabinets are ceiling height, and there’s a lot of them, so everything in the “rarely used” category is already on top shelves elsewhere.

I have not dealt with that specific situation and my oldest isn’t that old, but these are some things I do or am considering for my difficult kids with adhd and dyslexia so maybe something in here will give you some ideas. Is hiring a tutor for him, either online or in person, a possibility? If he had a tutor even an hour a day, or 90 mins every other day, the tutor could be the one he’s accountable to instead of you. Or could he be accountable to his dad instead of you, even if you are the one doing the actual grading and instruction (maybe save that part for the evening or even he weekend if dad’s home then)? I’ve found an if-then approach to be useful in motivating my kids and reducing arguing. Game time is what motivates mine, and I can control whether they have it. So they have a list of things that need to be done, and they don’t get game time til it’s done. If they want game time, or argue about their list, I say something like, “If you want game time, the list needs to be done.” Or, “After your list is done, then you can have game time.” Repeat as necessary, and then I don’t engage in any other type of discussion about it. This approach was suggested by a parenting coach who specializes in very difficult kids/teens (the type who often have ODD diagnoses, full time behaviorists in public schools, been kicked out of schools, etc) and it’s worked well for us. The motivator has to be something that you can control and that they want. You could set up a system with multiple if-thens—after math is done, he gets X. After writing is turned in, he gets Y. Etc.

My 9th grader is doing CLE Algebra. She is probably mildly dyslexic and struggles with school in general. We’ve been considering putting her in a small Christian school which uses Saxon math, so I gave her the Saxon placement test today to see where she’d place. She didn’t pass the placement test for Saxon 8/7, so she’d be put into 6th grade math. I feel like either she doesn’t really understand math, or she’s not retaining what she learns well. She’s been struggling with math since about 6th grade. She used CLE for 5th and 6th, TT for 7th and part of 8th, then spent the second half of 8th grade going through Keys to...Fractions, Decimals, and Percents plus working through part of Khan academy pre-algebra. She often doesn’t understand concepts initially and takes a while to grasp them. She randomly forgets past concepts. When I spend extra time with her working her through whatever she doesn’t understand/remember, she does ok and is able to move through the material and get decent test scores (mid-80s). I don’t see it being realistic to put her in a school where she’d be placed three grades back in math, so I guess that’s off the table. I don’t know whether to keep her in CLE Algebra and just know that it’s going to take a lot of extra teaching time to get her through it, or if she should move back to CLE pre-algebra or a different pre-algebra (Lial’s?). She is not interested in anything math or science related for a career so she doesn’t need to get through more than 3 years of high school math (and I think one year may end up being consumer math).

Pics would help. I think you want either white or ivory/cream curtains, depending on what color is in your rug. Try holding a piece of plain white printer paper next to the rug and compare that to the off-white in the rug. Does the color in the rug look more gray or blue than the piece of paper, or is it more yellow/creamy? There can be other undertones for whites, but those are the most common so hopefully it will be one of those. If it leans blue or gray, get white curtains. If it leans yellow, get ivory/cream ones. Get sheers in the same color, and a double rod or rig up a faux double rod with a bungee cord. I have these curtains in a couple rooms, and they come in both colors. https://m.jcpenney.com/p/jcpenney-home-sullivan-blackout-grommet-top-single-curtain-panel/ppr5007312873?pTmplType=regular

This is definitely a concern of mine and one of the reasons why I’ve continued homeschooling. I don’t think DD will do any worse than she does here. My boys, especially the very adhd one...I don’t know. The school uses a pre-packaged curriculum (something like Christian Light Education but a different publisher) and any work not completed in school is expected to be done as homework (it’s a half day school). Kids can have 3-4 hrs a day of homework if they don’t get much done at school. I’m not willing to spend hours each day dragging them through homework after they spent all morning at school. A reasonable amount of time like an hour a day for DS11 and DS9, sure. DH thinks they need to do all their homework every day no matter how long it takes. My parents are planning on moving here in a few months and then my mom would come help with my littles while I do school with the others. Idk if I should try to hold out until then or not. It would help, but I’m not sure it would solve the problem of how draining school is for me, even with the littles out of the picture. I would definitely need to find some solution for getting DD’s work done other than me spending all day nagging/reminding her about it.

Honestly, I just don’t want to homeschool any more. It’s just too much trying to teach four dyslexic, adhd kids plus wrangle a toddler and a tornado 4 yo. Most of them aren’t particularly cooperative or obedient and I spend a lot of time trying to get compliance. DD is kind of avoidant of anything she doesn’t want to do and I’m tired of putting so much energy into trying to get her to actually do the parts of her schoolwork that she doesn’t want to do (which is quite a lot of it this year). By the time we’re done with school, I have nothing left to be mom. I am usually stressed out and depressed all week and then I recover on the weekend and start the cycle again on Monday. I want to put the older three in the Christian school that our church runs, at least for this year. DH doesn’t want them to go and his solution was for him to spend two hours each morning doing school with DD and DS11. Which is great and all, but they often only get math and maybe one other subject done because DH wants them to be able to explain every single step of everything and wants to explain anything they don’t understand in exhaustive detail. Also work is his real priority, and at least one day a week out of the four he agreed to help them he decides he needs to work instead. This week it was three days out of five. So I’m still the the one who ultimately has to make sure their school work gets done.

I’m considering switching my 2nd grader (currently doing Miquon) and possibly 4th grader (currently doing CLE) to McRuffy math. Miquon is really taking the 2nd grader a long time to do most days and I’d like to switch to something simpler. CLE is also taking the 4th grader a long time to do, although I can shorten the time by crossing off review problems in each lesson. I’d rather have a math program that takes less time for both, but I want to make sure I know what I’m getting into before switching. Has anyone used this math program with a dyslexic kid? Both boys are dyslexic. I’m mostly concerned about making sure there’s enough review for them to really learn the concepts. 4th grader isn’t mathy and is slower to understand concepts. 2nd grader grasps concepts more easily, but has more trouble retaining them. Also wondering how long it takes to teach the program each day, and if it can be taught without the teachers manual. I prefer to just explain new concepts myself, but with some programs the teacher’s manual is an essential part of the program. It sounds like there are games with McRuffy, so I’m guessing the teacher’s manual is needed.

I think the amount of thinking Miquon requires slows DS7 down. It just requires a lot more thinking/figuring things out than a more traditional math program, so I think a traditional program would go more quickly. CLE is just a lot of problems with four pages per lesson (one lesson needs to be done each day to finish a level in a school year). DS11 gets bogged down and discouraged because of the amount of time it takes. He also doesn’t grasp concepts easily—and I do teach them to him. Doing some problems orally would probably help, but it’s still a lot.

DS7 is doing Miquon. He’s slow in general and it’s taking a lot of time. I’m thinking about switching to something a little more straightforward, but I’m not sure what. He can’t really read which is one of the reasons I choose Miquon. I’ve used Abeka math 2 before and I think it would be a good fit for him this year, but I’ve heard that it jumps up quite a bit in difficulty in 3rd grade, and I don’t think he’d do well with that. I’d prefer a program he can stick with for a while. DS9 is using CLE 4. It’s his first year with CLE. He’s not a strong math student and it’s usually taking him an hour a day or more to complete lessons. I think that’s too much time for a fourth grader. I know I can cross off some problems, but I feel like a different math program might be a better fit for him also. I need something that is not teacher intensive for both kids, and not MUS. Doesn’t have to be the same program for both. Any suggestions? If it matters, they’re both dyslexic.

DH buys junk food just for the kids. Apparently he feels childhood isn’t complete with “real” food (he doesn’t like the foods I buy/make and tells me they aren’t real food/taste bad). I think part of the problem is that he complains about what I buy and says the kids don’t like it, and then they pick up on that and want different food. There’s not much I can do about that.

That’s the type I buy that he’s decided doesn’t taste good.

My aunt had it recently. She’s 75. It was/is basically like a long-lived flu for her. Still recovering, but no major issues.

My 11 yo has been absolutely awful lately. A lot of his meltdowns seem to happen shortly before meal time. I think he needs to eat more, and eat some filling snacks in between meals, but he’s pretty picky. He was NOT a picky eater when he was younger. We’ve always eaten a Whole Foods diet supplemented with whatever junk food DH brings home. DH has bought more and more junk food the last couple of years and DS11 has gotten pickier and pickier about anything that’s not junk food. He won’t eat any sort of granola bar (which includes Larabars, Nature Valley granola bars, and Kind-type bars). He won’t eat yogurt unless it’s a Gogurt. He won’t eat plain cheese. I don’t really have any snacks he will eat other than bananas (and he won’t eat them with peanut butter). He doesn’t like any “healthier” chips (ie only wants to eat Lays). He mostly wants to eat nachos and corn dogs for lunch. He throws a fit about any meal one of his siblings makes because he says it was overcooked, undercooked, or not made to his exact specifications. I buy gluten free bread because some of us have problems with gluten. He will no longer eat sandwiches made with gf bread. He doesn’t like the “natural” lunch meat I buy. The list goes on and on. I don’t know what to feed this kid. I’m not willing to buy a bunch of pre-packaged lunches for him to eat, because then I’d have to feed them to everybody. I’m not willing to cook him a separate meal. If I let him make his own lunch every day, I have to let everybody make their own lunch, which results in about 4x the mess that I then have to clean up or spend half the afternoon trying to get them to clean it up.

She wants to something with digital art and go to an art school. I don’t see this as being realistic. I don’t know how o tell her that. She’s not an exceptional artist. She spends a lot of time drawing, but she’s probably an average artist. The local community college basically offers medical-related degrees and general degrees. She’s not interested in anything medical. The only vo-tech programs they offer are welding and industrial systems. I don’t see her being at all interested in either. She doesn’t really want to put much effort into anything other than drawing and writing fan fiction. She doesn’t want to be a writer. Honestly, I just see her working in retail because I don’t see her being willing to put in the effort to do anything more. Maybe after several years of adulting she’ll be motivated to do more.

DD14 is in 9th grade. She is probably mildly dyslexic and we’ve done quite a bit of dyslexia remediation in the past. Her core subjects are Friendly Biology, CLE Algebra I, Beautiful Feet Ancient History, and IEW Following Narnia vol 2 for writing. She is not good at school, doesn’t like, and doesn’t put much effort into it. She’s doing ok with BF (though I'm having her do all the writing assignment orally as discussions). IEW...not so much. My goal with IEW is to get her to the point where she can do hs level writing. She has no clue how to do anything more than a single paragraph and I feel like IEW isn’t getting her past that. There are things I like about IEW and things I find really frustrating (like the story sequence chart). It’s supposed to be a good program for dyslexic kids so that's why we’re using it. She already did SWI-B and part of SICC-B. It didn’t seem to help her much to watch the IEW videos so I switched to one of their self-contained programs this year. She has no clue how to study for tests. On the first two tests in Friendly Biology (there’s one per lesson), she got a 67 and 60...and they’re all multiple choice questions. She also doesn’t understand Algebra. She’s struggling through the first workbook (out of 10) in CLE Algebra and it’s only getting harder from here. Last year she did all the Keys to...for Percents, Decimals, and Fractions and then worked through a lot of Khan Academy pre-algebra (after I realized she wasn’t understanding Teaching Textbooks pre-algebra). I don’t have hours every day to walk her through all this in teeny tiny steps. I don’t know how else to get her through this work.